After all, minis are on trend right now, but – according to Peters – you will regret wearing one on your wedding day for the rest of your life the instant minis aren’t fashionable any more.

Me, well, I wouldn’t choose a wedding look purely because it’s fashionable, but to assume you’ll hate your own taste in five years because Vogue is now showing something very different is frankly insulting. I’m gearing up to celebrate my ninteenth anniversary with Mr. Twistie, and my wedding album makes me smile. Why? Because it’s an accurate and beautiful representation of an important day in our lives. Because it’s filled with pictures of people we love, some of whom are sadly gone from this world. Because no matter whether the clothes are dated or not, we all looked good.

Peters goes on to say we should all follow the ways of the British royal family in picking our wedding gowns. They, apparently, and with the painfully blatant exception of Princess Diana, ignore fashion completely and thus wear entirely timeless wedding gowns that they can be proud of. Well okay, then.

Is anyone here honestly going to tell me that Princess Anne’s 1973 wedding gown doesn’t look like a gown from 1973? It does. It’s absolutely fashionable for its day… and it’s still a beautiful gown. But it got some serious chuckles in the eighties and nineties.

In thirty years Kate Middleton’s gown is going to look dated, just as Anne’s does today. That doesn’t mean either woman should have chosen a different gown. It also doesn’t mean that a woman with great legs who loves showing them off should cover them up on her wedding day.

Fashions change. That’s the point of fashion. Next week, whatever is in your closet now is going to be out of style. So my take is that you should choose what truly speaks to you. That way no matter how dated it looks, you can still look at it fondly.

You know, sort of like how you should choose a spouse by how well you get along and what values you share in common rather than choosing someone based on whether they’ve got a cool job or not. Cool changes, shared values are less volatile.

My wedding gown is as dated as it can be. Frankly, it looks like it stepped out of a production of Pride and Prejudice. I still adore it… and Mr. Twistie. Was it fashionable in its day? No, it wasn’t. Is it fashionable now? No, it isn’t. Is it timeless? No, it isn’t. Is it a perfect garment for who I was then? Oh, yes it is. Would I choose the same dress today? Quite probably not… and yet I still adore it. I still look at those photos happily.

Oh, and before choosing a wedding gown, I would choose a date and venue. It’s far easier to decide what to wear when you know when and where you’re going to be wearing it than to fit the venue to the dress you happened to pick. Peters disagrees with me, believing that the gown should be your first decision. But then again, she also believes that choosing a dress that isn’t utterly timeless will ruin your wedding album, too.

Your wedding is a big day in your life, but it’s a particular day, in a particular year, in a particular place. Spending too much of your efforts on denying fashions you love is just as big a mistake as trying too hard to follow fashions you don’t care about or dislike.

I would never advise anyone to sublimate their own tastes to the whims of current fashion on a day that’s such an important expression of your individual tastes and beliefs. If you hate the currently fashionable halter necklines, be my guest and tell the consultant at the bridal salon that you don’t even want to look at them. If you loathe lace, buck the trend!

But if you are dreaming of a halter neckline, don’t let fear that it won’t be fashionable in a few years stop you from picking it. If you have dreamed for months of that cool detail you saw in Vera Wang’s latest collection, don’t worry that it won’t always be the latest thing. It won’t be. And that’s okay.

Don’t pressure yourself with adding being utterly timeless to the list of reasons to stress about picking your wedding gown. After all, you’ve got to worry about: budget, ordering schedule, fittings, payments, accessories, pleasing your intended and quite possibly your parents, making sure the gown fits your venue and general wedding concept… that one dress already has way too many pressures riding on it.

Relax. Pick what speaks to you. I do agree with Peters that worrying too much about being fashionable is not a good idea in picking a wedding gown. I just think she takes it too far the other way.

Your wedding is a day when you want to present yourself as utterly you. Whether that’s someone who’s always on trend, someone who bucks trends for breakfast, or – as is far more often the case – something in between, you should wear what makes you feel like you.

Maybe someday you’ll look at your wedding pictures and cringe a bit, but so what? Another day you’ll look at them again and smile. You’ll realize that the most important thing about those pictures isn’t whether your hairstyle turned out like you’d planned or whether you managed to make everything look ‘timeless’ but the fact that it’s a record of who you were and what you felt on that one day, in that one year, in that one place, with the people you loved best by your side.

That’s the part that’s timeless, even if one glance at your wedding album tells everyone precisely what year the pictures were taken.

So what do you do if you love DIY but don’t have the time or the space or the talent? Why you go to people who have those things and pay them to do it for you. And that’s where Etsy comes into play.


Your invitations will say a lot more than just the time and place you’re getting married. Whether you’re looking for something whimsical or elegant, modern or old fashioned, chances are someone is doing invites on Etsy that will appeal to you. Me? I’ve fallen madly in love with these hand calligraphed ones by PaperandCalligraphy. See? They’re even sealed with wax! At $4.00 apiece and frankly not very practical to send through normal mailing channels, they aren’t for everyone. Still, if you’re having a very small wedding and only inviting people close to home, it’s a charming option.

I’ve fallen madly in love with these pom-poms of dried flowers put together by EcoLectic Events. Styrofoam free and made of organically grown flowers, they’re completely eco-friendly. And at $19.50 each, they’re even pretty budget-friendly as bouquets or as general decoration in the room.

If you’re looking for a special veil on a budget, you might do a lot worse than this English netting bandeau veil with handmade flower decoration by Fascinating Creations. It’s a charming look, and at just $68.95 it won’t harm your wallet at all!

You can even get a custom wedding gown on Etsy!

How about this charming informal wedding dress by atelierTAMI? At just $530.00 (made to your measurements, corseted bodice and petticoat included!), it’s hard to beat for price or perkiness.

Even if you can’t DIY for love nor money, there’s no reason you can’t have a few custom, handmade touches to your wedding, if you want them. It’s all a matter of knowing where to look.

But if you aren’t getting married in white, that opens up every possible color in the rainbow to you. What to pick then? Well, right now a lot of brides are looking to shades of silver, steel, platinum, and just plain grey.

Grey? For a wedding gown??? Yep. I say don’t knock it until you take a look at it.

Take, for instance, this strapless Aria gown in platinum floral print on a cream colored background shown here with a narrow spring green sash (sold separately, which means you can do without, choose another color, go wider, or choose something with beading instead, if you prefer).

It’s simple, festive, and definitely not the standard wedding gown.

But shades of grey can go dramatic, too.


For instance, this steel tulle ballgown by Wtoo features metallic beading and embroidered lace embellishments. With all those ruffles, it’s definitely dramatic. And in that color, it would look spectacular with the currently popular pink and purple blooms.

Even the seriously budget-minded can get in on the trend with this steel blue Casrin strapless gown. In fact, it can be ordered for a mere $131.79, plus shipping. What’s more, just another $25.00 gets it in custom sizing.

Or you can go entirely custom, like this delicious gown made of vintage cream uchikaki with silver silk charmeuse trim:

White wedding gowns are great, as are ones in cream, ivory, blush pink, gold, emerald green and bright purple. But if shades of grey make a good frame for your face, seriously think about wearing one of them. It can look amazing.

And I know. My cream-colored wedding gown featured silver grey lace trim way back in 1993. Little did I know then I was a trend setter! I just thought it was pretty.

Most of the dresses are white, though a couple are blue or feature blue touches. I’m guessing that at least a couple of them will come in other colors when they get to salons… and most of the dresses inspired by them will probably be available in most of the popular colors for the season.

While de la Renta may feature price tags that most brides (and mothers of flower girls) can’t afford, the inspiration is certain to trickle down to more affordable designers and to pattern makers.

I’ve always preferred flower girl dresses that acknowledge that flower girls are generally very young girls, that are shaped for little girls’ bodies, and that can be worn at other events like parties… and in this case, the occasional First Communion.

Thumbs up for age-appropriate clothes for little girls!

This one from her spring 2013 collection, though, well… I have to say I’m HATING this one. I’m not sure if she’s standing in the middle of an attack of interstellar Charmin or if the entire world just dumped their used tissues on her, but either way she’s being swallowed whole with no escape.

Now excuse me while I go throw this poor waif a lifeline.

And then there’s that… sleevelet? That odd little blip hanging halfway down her left arm. Is that meant to be a sleeve? Is it meant to be there at all? Because it looks a little like someone told Ramona Kaveza that sleeves are in and she tucked a Kleenex around the model’s arm to see how it would look and forgot it there.

In short, I’m HATING this one, and I don’t think if it fit it would help very much.

What say you all?

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past couple weeks catching up with a bridal reality show I’d managed to miss for a long, long time. Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids is yet another spinoff of the original Say Yes about shopping for wedding gowns at Kleinfeld in New York City. This one, though, is a spinoff of a spinoff and takes place at Bridals By Lori, featured in Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta.

The series is on par both in production values and general sorts of message offered with the other shows in the franchise. The search for a dress is presented as a power struggle with a villain, a damsel in distress, and the heroic members of Lori’s team arriving to save the day… or at least the appointment. And most often, in the episodes I’ve seen, at least, one or more bridesmaids take on the role of villain.

This can happen. I have actually been in a wedding where one bridesmaid ran amok and tried to change the entire wedding to suit her rather than the bride.

But my experience has been that the vast majority of bridesmaids, like the vast majority of brides, mean well and honestly want everyone to be happy. It’s just that not everyone may have precisely the same priorities and needs. Taking a moment to really think about your bridesmaids’ needs and priorities might just avoid some awkward situations along the way.

You’re not the only one with a budget. You may have a lavish budget for your wedding (it happens!), but one or more of your closest friends may be seriously sweating paying for that dress… and shoes… and jewelry… and transportation… and two shower gifts… and a wedding gift… and anything else coming along. Every extra expense may actually make the difference between having your friend stand with you at the alter with her rent paid and a decent meal to eat the next day or not. So if you want something extra like matching manicures or updos, consider paying for it yourself. And do be sure to let any strapped bridesmaids know (privately, of course!) that their presence is present enough.

The cost of being a bridesmaid can add up quickly. Do your best not to add to any potential debt disaster for your friends. Lori may have been scandalized by two bridesmaids worrying about an extra six dollars for the dress, but she doesn’t know how high their student loan payments are or what kind of rent they’re paying. It really could be that an extra six dollars on an evening gown they would never wear again meant an extra three days of living on beans and rice.

Comfort does matter. If you’ve got bridesmaids who have never worn high heels, this might not be the time to go with five inch stilettos. If you have a maid of honor who last wore a dress to her first high school formal, try to take a moment to talk with her about how she would feel wearing an evening gown. If you have someone in your wedding party who has difficulty standing for long periods, make sure you arrange for ways for her to sit down during the ceremony, especially if you’re having a long one.

Taking a few minutes to think about someone else’s comfort will not only be of practical use to your bridesmaids, but it also takes some of the focus off yourself, which can reduce bridal stress, oddly enough.

Don’t ask for opinions or ideas if you aren’t going to listen to them. I’m not saying turn the wedding planning into a free-for-all. In fact, you’re perfectly free not to ask any opinions of your bridesmaids at all… though I wouldn’t personally recommend it. All I’m saying is that if you ask for opinions, be prepared to really listen and consider what’s being suggested. Think about their ideas before simply rejecting them.

You never know. Your junior bridesmaid might just come up with a fantastic idea that really makes the reception.

Please and thank you are your friends. Most people who care about you truly do want to help out, but a little consideration keeps them feeling that way.

If your bridesmaids are getting stroppy, ask yourself when you last said thanks for the things they’re doing for you. It may be time to let them know how much you appreciate them wearing a color they hate or running bridal errands for you… though it could also be you’ve got a generally annoyed bridesmaid just acting out. Speaking of which:

Communication is important. Sometimes it’s not something specific you’ve done that is making someone act out. Sometimes it’s a general sense of not being taken seriously, or fear that your marriage will change your relationship with your friend, or jealousy… or goodness alone knows what.

If that’s the case, take that woman aside for a heart-to-heart and see if you can get to the root of the problem.

Then again, there’s communication and there’s not knowing when to stop beating a dead horse. Which leads me to:

Remember the buck stops with you. There are times when a really strong-minded person – even with the best possible motives – becomes a pain by trying to take over. Make it clear that you appreciate input and intend to do your best to find solutions to issues, but that you are the one getting married and that means you get the final say. If you’ve got five women on the same page with you and one fighting, it’s time to put your foot down. Not only will the question be done with, five other innocent bystanders won’t wind up wasting time waiting for the argument to be over.

Make time to just be friends. Planning a wedding has a way of taking over lives. Remember to take time to do the sorts of things you’ve always done with your sister, your friend, your niece, your brother, or whomever is attending you. It makes the transition time easier emotionally for everyone, including you.

Ideally, the people standing next to you at the altar ought to be the people who will support you and your new marriage over time. With a little consideration and a little thought, you can make sure they’ll still be there when you get back from the honeymoon.

So. Dieting to fit into your wedding gown. Can we talk about this for a minute?

Since I write a wedding planning blog, I do see a lot of articles about how best to lose those unwanted pounds, because really, who wants to be fat on her wedding day? At least, the common assumption is that you want to lose weight for your wedding. In fact, I remember having several people tell me when I got engaged that there are two things every bride in the world does: grows her hair out and goes on a diet.

Funny, I did neither. Okay, my hair was already as long as it will grow, so there really wasn’t any way to grow it longer. But I had been thinner in my life, and I didn’t go on a diet, either.

But back to these articles.

A scary number of them promote some truly unhealthy practices. For instance, this morning I woke to an article about the trendy new K-E diet plan. As far as I can tell from a quick Google search, this one started popping up about december of last year. Most of the articles I can find on it seem more like advertorials, and I found a couple inquiries on wedding planning boards… but I’m not finding a lot of reliable information beyond that.

Still, the description that popped up on Yahoo Headlines this morning does include some rather frightening details. Apparently this ‘diet plan’ consists of having a feeding tube inserted nasally and carrying a feeding bag with you everywhere you go. That’s right! You don’t eat for ten days. You carry around a feeding bag that gives you a steady drip of nutrients (800 calories a day with 0 – that’s a whopping zero – carbohydrates) and don’t ingest anything orally for more than a week.

Putting aside the discomfort of the feeding tube, the general oddness of not being able to eat anything solid for no good medical reason, and the annoyance of both carrying that bag around and explaining to everyone why you have a feeding tube in your nose when you don’t have a medical condition that requires it, let’s look at the nutritional breakdown here, shall we?

The average, relatively sedentary, adult woman aged 19 – 30 requires roughly 2000 calories a day according to WebMD, which is not exactly a bastion of anti-diet rhetoric. In fact, I used up a lot of Sanity Watcher’s points just checking that statistic, because the page was festooned with diet plan ads and articles about how to diet more effectively. If you’re active or pregnant, your baseline caloric needs will be higher. Also, this is an average. Your specific needs may be somewhat higher or lower based simply on how your body uses and stores energy.

But let’s accept 2000 calories a day as what a relatively sedentary, adult woman needs to meet her energy requirements and stay fairly healthy. This diet plan requires her to carry a calorie deficit of 1200 calories a day for a week and a half.

For comparison, prisoners in the Auschwitz concentration camp were fed between 1300 and 1700 calories of food per day, depending on whether or not they were expected to do hard labor.

Admittedly, those prisoners were forced to continue this caloric deficit for months to years rather than less than two weeks, but it still gives us a baseline reason to worry about the health benefits of this ‘treatment.’ I think ‘less food than Auschwitz’ officially puts this concept into the extreme category.

And let’s take a look at nutrition, too, shall we? Because while carbs get a really bad rap in today’s food culture, the fact is we all need them. Contrary to what a lot of people think, carbohydrates aren’t a food group consisting entirely of refined sugar, white rice, potatoes, pasta, and Twinkies. Carbohydrate, along with protein and fat, is a macronutrient. All foods contain at least one of these macronutrients, and many contain at least two. There is a carbohydrate element in every fruit and vegetable you eat, as well as in all grains and pulses.

So what does carbohydrate give us? In a word, energy. There’s a reason distance runners and swimmers eat a lot of pasta: it’s an efficient way of getting a lot of energy to the muscles so they can do what is demanded of them.

In short, this diet places its followers on a starvation level of caloric intake combined with the removal of the element that allows us the energy to exercise. It does so to the detriment of social interaction using unnecessary medical interventions.

All to fit into a dress.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s the job of the dress to fit you, not your job to fit into the dress.

When choosing what to wear for your wedding, buy it to fit the body you already have, not the one you wish you had. If your body is prone to weight fluctuation, pick a style that is forgiving of a little variation. Don’t make a huge, drastic change to your diet or exercise routine close to the wedding. Just try to eat from a variety of foods, get enough rest, move your body in a way you enjoy, hydrate well for a healthy glow, and let your waistline be what it will.

After all, your intended chose you knowing what you look like. Love your body. Treat it well. It isn’t the enemy. Your body is you. Why spend your time fighting you?

No dress is worth putting your health in harm’s way.

The other day on the Huffington Post wedding page, in the Ask Amsale column, a bride asked what to do if she doesn’t look good in white.

Amsale tells the bride to look into a gown in ivory, blush, caffe, or champagne.

Those are all good suggestions… as far as they go. But there’s an important thing to keep in mind: what color you wear makes no difference to the legality or spiritual significance of your wedding, or the commitment you feel in your marriage. White or a neutral color is not required to be a bride.

So pick a color you like, look and feel good in. You are still a bride whether you wear white, pink, bright orange, ice blue, kelly green, or purple like the woman in the photo at top of this article. My own beloved mother wore scarlet from head to toe – including her stockings! – at her 1959 wedding to my father. When she died more than thirty years later, they were still in love.

That’s the part that matters. Not what color the dress is.

The gowns range from the messy (see above) to the merely expected:

to the frankly kind of tacky.

On the further downside, these gowns are available in sizes from 00 to 12. Yeah, that’s right, size 12. Just for reference, the average woman in America wears a size 14 when last I heard. The model shown in the gowns is – according to the text – 5’9″ and wears a size 6. I like the fact that there is a reference in that regard, but couldn’t they have shown something on a shorter or heavier model? Or one who isn’t white? Or something?

On the upside, the most expensive gown in the collection, the Kate Middleton homage, runs only $2,500, making it the most expensive gown in the collection. Designer gowns for under two grand are pretty rare. In this case, there are several under $1,000, and even a couple under $500.

All in all, I’m kind of disappointed. I didn’t expect Bebe to be much of a bastion for elegance or size acceptance, but I have really loved a lot of Kashou’s designs in the past and was hoping to be able to sit up and applaud a bit more. The designs are scattershot without a real point of view. The design work is some of the weakest I’ve seen from this designer.

Still, I’ll keep a weather eye on the experiment. Who knows? Perhaps if things go well the next collection will make more sense and look less random yet uninspired.

PS: There’s still time to enter the drawing for the gorgeous tiara from USABride. Get your entry in now to have a chance to win something sparkly for your wedding!