Manolo for the Brides

If there’s one thing you can count on in a bridal salon, it’s that the gowns will be expensive. The styles may also be limited. Your gown will definitely take a very long time to get to you and require alterations after it arrives. When you’re on a tight budget, putting your wedding together quickly, or planning a fairly low-key celebration, the standard bridal salon experience may well not be for you.

I thought about that the other night when a friend sent me a link to an online store she’s fond of to tell me about a big sale they were having. As I browsed the pages, I kept coming across pretty clothes I thought would make good wedding regalia.

This dress, for instance, struck me as something appropriate for a wedding gown.

It’s machine washable poly/spandex velvet and comes in sizes from eight to eighteen. Oh, and if you think it would make a great bridesmaid’s dress, too, it also comes in purple and burgundy. All that for just $89.95.

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…it was her dress.

The Telegraph tells of a bride who inadvertently mooned her guests on her big day when her designer gown came apart at the seams.

The woman is claiming damages of £20,000 from the designer, who was not named but is based at Rapallo, twenty miles from Chiavari.

Everyone has a bad day — even clothing designers — but that’s no excuse when the gown in question cost £2,000. In a day and age where one can buy a $125 wedding day frock, you shouldn’t have to do a pre-wedding safety tug on the stitching holding together a four-thousand dollar dress!

What kind of recourse do you have if you suffer a similar fate? Demanding your money back is a must. If you’re looking for retribution, a lawsuit is pretty much the only option available to you unless you have five burly brothers who are scheduled to be re-admitted to prison so what’s one more offense? You could also ask the designer for some freebies…but you may not want to wear said clothing for fear it will once again leave you exposed.

Those are, of course, your long term options. In the short term, I’d recommend stopping the ceremony — which it appears the bride in question chose not to do — to fix things up as best you can. Sewing kits are an integral part of almost every wedding day emergency kit, which means you can ask someone handy with a needle and thread to sew you in. If necessary, make a joke about “wardrobe malfunctions” to let everyone know you’re not dying inside. Before the ceremony, make a mad dash to your house or the nearest department store to find a suitable something.

It’s not an optimal solution set, but it will keep you from baring your bottom to the world!

How do I miss the Cheap Chic Weddings TP dress contest every year? I’m actually rather surprised that I heard nothing about it, as it appears the event is becoming somewhat famous. This year’s competition was sponsored by Charmin and Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!, and the three finalists were flown to New York where they participated in a live judging event at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Museum in Times Square.

Want to see this year’s winner? No prob! Here’s the front:

And here’s the back:

The winner, Katrina Chalifoux of Rockford, Illinois, took home a $1,000 gift card for her sheath dress with a raised flower pattern crafted from molded toilet paper. I am astounded at the level of detail she achieved using TP — is it just me, or do the dresses get more elaborate each year?

The second place winner, Terri Glover of Marlin, Texas, took home $500 for her gown embellished with intricate “lace” and delicate “beads,” and Ann Kagawa Lee of Honolulu, Hawaii took home third place (and $250) for her elegant and princessy entry.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m tempted to enter next year’s contest!

Once upon a time, men (and women!!) in a country on the eve of its birth laid down their lives to cast off the yoke of tyranny. In the present day, those of us who live in the grand ol’ U.S. of A. celebrate their sacrifice by setting off Chinese fireworks, drinking too much, and laughing our butts off at people dressed in red, white, and blue.

Not that there’s anything wrong with dressing in red, white, and blue. In fact, a smart nautically-inspired suit that makes one think that one might like to travel back in time to the 30s can look chic and sharp! Generally, however, I think I’d prefer to wear my reds, whites, and blues separately or in groupings of two to avoid any erroneous implications. I say think because my everyday uniform is black on black with a little touch of black.

For those who can pull off color or the lack of it without looking like some crazed she-beast, here are three luscious frocks — two from Nicole Miller and one from Vera Wang — that could conceivable be used to send a message like “I love America” or “Why settle for something from David’s Bridal” or “Hey, I’m not afraid to grab two friends and make a spectacle of myself on a patriotic parade float.”

Looking at this gown lineup, I can even imagine some bride-to-be who loves her country very much dressing her bridesmaids in red and blue…hey, I said I could picture it in my head, not that I would actually suggest someone actually do that.

Happy Fourth!

Pnina Tornai is an Israeli designer with a flair for over-the-top bridal fashion. She eschews both convention and proofreaders — the best sentence on her site has to be “In the last to years Pnina has expended herself over seas.” Is there anything left? Let’s have a look!

I, too, would adopt a sullen expression if I were forced to walk a runway with a bouquet of dahlias affixed to my skull. A similar bunch of blooms appears to be sprouting from the model’s right shoulder.

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There are wedding favors, reception centerpieces, bridal jewelry sets, and wedding shoes for sale on Amazon, so I thought I’d poke around in their gown selection. Searching for ‘wedding gown’ net me plenty of results, but it appears that Amazon’s commitment to carrying everything under the sun does not yet extend to nuptial garb.

I know there are some perfectly serviceable gowns on Amazon, but looking at those is no fun. Plus, there are way more wacky wedding dresses for sale than there are the sort that most right-minded women would consider buying. Here’s a sample set for your amusement:

Home shredders are so convenient, right? Just be sure it’s nowhere nearby when you’re trying on your wedding gown, lest you end up with something that looks like this. But, hey, it’s no worse than this, right?

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It’s been said that the reason most people love to watch acrobatics soar through the air is that they’re hoping to see at least one tights-clad performer go splat. If that’s true, it would explain the glee I feel when looking at some of the dresses in Vera Wang’s spring 2009 collection.

Oh, some of the frocks are lovely — this one, for example, is beautiful but rather boring — but many are absolutely horrid. Most, however, would look right at home in an episode of classic Star Trek. I’m looking at this one, in particular.

Now this gown covers the midsection with a big ol’ scrunched up mess of fabric, and if there’s anything ladies like, it’s embellishments that emphasize (and add girth to) their midsections. Wait, I have that backward — that’s precisely what 99.9% of brides-to-be DON’T like. But maybe I’m being too hash… Is this dress in the process of spawning? Is that how new gowns come into the world? Ah, the miracle of life!

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The beautiful Francesca has been celebrating BBB — that would be “big beautiful brides” — over at Manolo for the Big Girl as of late, and I thought I’d hop on the bandwagon. Two posts, both inspired by reader questions, sparked the convo, and I thought I’d put in my two cents.

The first inquiry came from a bride-to-be who feels slighted by the salons she’s visited, but is afraid to buy her gown online because of the rigid no-return policies many online bridal shops have adopted.

She also wants to look like a princess while spending less than $500. I’d recommend this ivory chiffon gown from Torrid Bride. Mind you, the princess I’m picturing is the dignified Audrey Hepburn sort rather than the poufy Cinderella sort, which isn’t really what the reader had in mind. But it’s lovely, it looks comfortable, it costs a mere $220, there’s not a halter in sight, and as far as I can tell, it’s returnable as long as it’s sent back unworn before 45 days have passed.

Hey, there are all sorts of princesses out there! And I always tell my engaged galpals that they should try on all sorts of dresses because the most unexpected gown is sometimes the most beautiful one.

The second inquiry came from a bride-to-be planning a daytime courthouse wedding followed by a small reception. Unlike the first reader, she is “not given to froufrou” in her attire.

Is this frock froufrou? I have not a clue, but I do know that the defined waist and dipping neckline will emphasize what she wants emphasized while the full-ish skirt will hide what she would prefer remain hidden. I can imagine it paired with a large hat in black, pink, or white, and a small bouquet of loosely tied roses. The best part? It costs a mere $70!

PS — I was recently interviewed for an article about online wedding planning for Smartmoney.com and for an article all about iDo for the New York Daily News! Once the former hits the airwaves, I’ll link to it here, and I’ll do my best to scan the latter when it comes out.

What does £240,000 of wedding gown look like? A little something like this, apparently:

Some gals dedication a huge slice of the budget to their day-of frocks. This is a dress for brides-to-be for whom money is no object! It was designed by Mauro Adami, who — according to the Daily Mail – once made Keith Richards a platinum jacket.

Wait, wait, wait. Is that an impressive credential? No matter. The gown, which I personally do not find particularly attractive, was crafted from fabric spun from threads of silk and platinum. That may sound pricey, but it’s actually not actually the MOST expensive wedding gown in the WORLD. Take, for example, the diamond-encrusted $12 million gown created by jeweler Martin Katz and dressmaker Renee Strauss!

What is it with blah (or even bleah) wedding gowns that cost more than my house? Personally, I’d much rather have Jerry Hall’s white lace Anthony Price wedding dress:

The former model put a whole mess of her clothing up on the auction block to benefit Emmaus . Sure, this frock a little dated, but all-in-all still serviceable. The best part? It was only expected to fetch around £400. How’s that for reasonable!