On a recent episode of Four Brides, one of the couples in the competition held their wedding and reception at the zoo. I was struck immediately by how charming a spot it was for celebrating. When guests arrived, they got to play at the zoo for a while before heading to the ceremony location. Once the couple had been pronounced legally spliced, the guests took a scenic tram ride to the reception area, where a giraffe peered over the wall into the festivities as if to request its own slice of wedding cake. All in all, it looked like a fun time. In fact, that’s the couple that won the honeymoon prize. I feel sure it was in significant part because of their fabulous location.

Some zoos have great entertainment and photo ops on their facilities that don’t directly involve animals, too. For instance, this is the Endangered Species carousel at the Lincoln Park Zoo:

I don’t know about you, but I think that looks like a lot of fun!

Of course not every zoo is set up for weddings. And not every zoo that is will have a package that you can afford and will be happy with. But if you’re looking for a slightly different venue, call or visit the website for your local zoo, wild animal park, or aquarium. You might just be surprised what they can do for you.

You see, Cotter and his wife got divorced last year and she left her wedding dress behind. She apparently didn’t feel the need to get it back and Cotter was at a loss at first what to do with it. According to the interview he did last month with The Man Registry, he brought the question up at a family dinner and asked for suggestions.

Luckily, he rejected the first entirely crass suggestion from his brother… but he did get inspired to play with the idea of all the ways he could use the dress in non-traditional ways. Thus the blog My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress was born.

So far the uses have included things like: place mat (hmmm… looks more like a tablecloth), draft stopper, kite, Darth Vader scarecrow, and my personal favorite, Christmas tree skirt. Cotter even wore it as his Halloween costume last year. That’s the picture at the top, incidentally.

What do I think of all this? Well, it would seem Mr. Cotter has found a creative way of exorcising his personal demons. It’s juvenile and a bit ridiculous, but sometimes that’s what it takes to get over a sad end to a hopeful beginning. I think if his ex-wife had wanted to keep the dress safe, she would have done well to take it with her when she left. I think some people are getting a cheap thrill out of the fact that someone else is doing something they wish they could do or had done.

And I think if Mr. Cotter ever remarries, his new lady ought to think carefully before leaving a wedding gown to his tender mercies if things don’t work out.

Oh, and I’m thankful that Mr. Twistie and I remain ridiculously contented with one another.

The two episodes I watched last night were particularly interesting to me, in that they included some really brilliant and some really, really questionable ideas. Take a look after the cut to see what I’m talking about.

Good idea #1: The milk and cookie bar. One of the couples last night featured a bride of nineteen summers and her groom who was only eighteen. I’m not getting into whether it’s a good or a bad idea to marry that young. It’s legal and everyone around them seemed down with the idea. The thing is, they were both too young to drink alcohol. Most of their friends were too young to drink. They were also holding their reception in the church hall, where alcohol may not have been permitted no matter what the age of the couple involved. So these wacky kids on a half a shoestring budget got creative and put together a milk and cookies bar.

Friends and family baked chocolate chip, snickerdoodles, and at least half a dozen other kinds of cookies. These were put in glass jars and stacked on platters with prettily lettered labels to identify them for everyone. Then there were big glass bottles of milk nestled in ice in large metal pails. And then there were the flavorings. Guests could have chocolate or strawberry flavored powder or they could take it straight. The bride and groom even toasted with milk.

If you’re having a dry reception and want to remember those innocent milk and cookies days, or if you’re having a lot of kids at your wedding and want an attractive way of keeping them away from the champagne, this is a fun, festive, relatively inexpensive way of handling the situation.

Bad Idea #1: Don’t have your groom do a striptease at the reception… not even if he used to be a star dancer for Chippendale’s. No, really, this happened. I know it was his fourth wedding, and I know that even at 53 the dude’s still got a smokin’ body (really, I would have felt pretty certain of that even if he hadn’t started tearing his clothes off and grinding his package two inches from the bride’s face), but this is one of the very few things that get a flat-out No Freaking Way In Hades! from me. Save the private dancer routine for the bridal suite, folks.

Good Idea #2: Combine colorful touches from your backgrounds… and don’t be afraid to use ideas from both sides if your backgrounds are different. One of last night’s brides was of an Indian heritage and her groom was Latino. It was an event combining saris and sombreros. She was decked out in full Hindu glory. In the Indian tradition, the groom usually arrives at the ceremony at the head of a parade of family and friends and mounted on a white pony. This gentleman headed the parade on his beloved motorcycle. The reception featured tortillas and goat curry on the menu. There was a mariachi band and men doing rope tricks. All in all, it was a party I wanted to be enjoying up close and personal.

Bad Idea #2: One bride had food stations at her reception. Unfortunately, she had just two and she placed them right next to one another so that getting food wound up requiring getting in one huge line. Food stations are a great idea if you’re doing buffet-style service, but do make sure they’re spread out so the lines aren’t too long.

Good idea #3: One bride provided a double-decker bus tour between the ceremony and reception. If your ceremony venue and reception venue are a significant distance apart, consider providing some form of fun transportation if it will fit into your budget. This one also took care of the dreaded question of what to do with guests while the bride and groom are being photographed from every conceivable angle.

Good Idea #4: If you’ve got kids, include them in the proceedings. Two of the brides last night had children – one had three daughters from a previous marriage while the other had a toddler son with her groom – and both brides included their kids. The one with the three daughters made the oldest her MOH and the younger two her flower girls. The one with the little boy made him her ring bearer. The little ring bearer did go running in the wrong direction at one point, but once shown where Daddy was standing raced his little legs off down the aisle until his dad could scoop him up in his arms and hold him through the ceremony. It doesn’t get more personal than this, folks.

And a Cautionary Tale. One bride had a lovely outdoor ceremony on a waterfront, followed immediately by an outdoor cocktail hour at dusk. Unfortunately, it seems that nobody had checked out the insect situation. The champagne was set up directly behind a nest of fire ants, and as the sun set the gnats came out in droves. That single detail is no doubt why she wound up in fourth place out of four.

I love an outdoor wedding, heck I had one myself! But do be sure to investigate what kinds of bugs gather where you’re having your big event and proceed thoughtfully.

How many times have bridesmaids been told precisely that as they cringe internally? I was told it about a dusty rose acetate taffeta (with matching polyester lace, no less!) high-necked, long-sleeved, full-skirted, tea length number once.

At least it was cheap. It never saw the light of day again. Then again, nothing in dusty rose ever would from my closet. It’s one of the few colors in the world that I detest and I look as though I’m in the final stages of terminal jaundice in it. I did, however, have better luck with the next two bridesmaids dresses I wore.

This week on Project Runway, Season 8, a group of women who were all told The Lie showed up to have their unfortunate polyester and acetate monstrosities turned into clothes they actually would want to wear again (but wouldn’t be able to after the runway show, because all designs on the show become the property of the show and are auctioned off at the end of the season).

This is what the designers started with:
via

Just look at that parade of fugly.

Anyway, there’s a pile of backstage drama. Judges fall in love with and hate on the conversions following the tortured labyrinths of their own minds. My beloved Peach was sent (deservedly, alas!) home for creating something Michael Kors declared to feature ‘avocado goiters.’ And Michael Costello won a second time with a look that left me scratching my head.

At least they didn’t all look like they did when they started out!

If you want more backstage drama or just pics of what the designers did to all of these awful dresses, take a peek over at Lifetime.

And if you watched the episode and have any thoughts on it (including the Ivy vs Michael C. controversy) feel free to dish in comments. Just keep in mind that no matter what you think of anyone or anything else on that show, Tim Gunn is totally my imaginary gay celebrity boyfriend and anyone who hates on him will earn my eternal wrath.

And yet one side claims that allowing children in the door is tantamount to turning your wedding into Romper Room, leading to social disgrace and a miserable married life while the other side claims that anyone who wants a kid-free celebration hates all children and therefore has no business getting married.

Both sides have blown the thing entirely out of proportion. That’s right, I said it and I stand by it. I’ve been to a metric buttload of weddings in my day, and you know what didn’t determine whether or not it was a nice wedding? Whether or not children were invited. On this question, I am Switzerland… and a Switzerland that feels way too many other countries are being entirely too overwrought to make much sense.

The fact is, there are plenty of reasons to make either choice that do not include failing to take your wedding seriously or hating children. Even if you do have a preference for the less adult things in life or really do think children should be put into stasis from birth to age 21, it’s really your decision. You get to make it, and it’s okay.

But what if you’re not sure which way to go on this one? How do you decide? Take a look after the cut and see.

What is your budget like? Inviting more bodies is going to cost more money. Yes, even little bodies do add up to extra expenses. If you happen to be on a very tight budget, this is something to consider.

Do you plan to have children in your wedding party? Imagine, if you will, what will happen if you have a flower girl and then invite nobody else under the age of 25. Do you really want to do that to a small child? Do you really want the disruption of one lone child who has no playmate at a party not set up for a child’s needs?

Do either of you have a child or children already? What about close relatives on either side? It wouldn’t be terribly nice for them to be left out, but if they’re invited the parents of children who weren’t invited may become resentful.

If you’ve already picked your venue(s), are there kid-friendly facilities? Does the church have a crying room? Does the reception hall provide pint-sized chairs or booster seats? Do the bathrooms have changing tables? Are there things in place that will entertain children if they become bored with the wedding? Are there restrictions that would make having children on site more challenging than it’s worth?

Do you honestly enjoy the company of children? Kids tend to know pretty quickly who really likes them and who’s faking it. Do you really want to spend the day play-acting at an audience who won’t be fooled? On the other hand, if you really like being around kids and genuinely enjoy them, why not have the pleasure of their company at your party?

What’s the timeline of your wedding? If you’re having a late-night wedding with a reception ’til dawn, please don’t invite children. You’ll wind up with some very cranky guests who can easily disrupt the entire event. On the other hand, if you’re having a more typical daytime or early evening event, chances are children can do just fine. Young ones also tend to have more fun and do better at keeping still if the ceremony isn’t too long.

How well-behaved are the children in your circle? Look, I’m not going to sit here in judgment of people’s parenting skills or assume that you don’t have any. I’m just saying there are kids who do well at big events, and some who just plain don’t. If you think about the children you know and fear that left to their own devices for a nanosecond they will set fire (accidentally, I would hope!) to the building, you might prefer they be left at home. If you are surrounded by little ones who are able to keep quietly to their seats at the ballet, you will certainly suffer no major disruptions by inviting them.

How many people on your guest list will consign you to the bowels of Etiquette(ish) Hell for your decision? Whose feelings do you care about most? Whose wrath do you most fear? As I said, people on both sides of this insanely overheated debate assume etiquette is on their side. It isn’t. It never has been. Etiquette is resolutely neutral on this topic. Etiquette has opinions on the niceties of following the decision you make, but stands firm that the primary question is one of individual choice. That said, it is nearly impossible to convince a surprising number of people that this is true. Chances are there’s someone on your guest list who feels very, very, very strongly on this subject and may well decide whether or not to attend based on your decision. You need to decide whether or not it is worth it to you to incur their eternal wrath. Hint: if it’s one of the moms, it’s probably better to just go with it unless you never intend to speak to her again, anyway.

I had a lot of children on my guest list. I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing otherwise, because they were people I genuinely liked, because I enjoy spending time with children, because the site was kid-friendly, and because several people who were – and are – extremely important to me might not have come had they needed to hire a sitter.

I have also attended plenty of weddings where children were not invited. I had a great time at all of them, too.

When I was a child, I adored going to weddings (I still do!). But when my parents got an invitation to a wedding that didn’t include me, I stayed home with my brothers and the babysitter and wasn’t psychically damaged at all.

You should make the decision that works for you as a couple in your specific circumstances. It really is okay.

So.

We’re two weeks into a new series of Bridezillas over on WETV. So far the horror entertainment has included a bride choosing to believe that the groom’s concerns about people not wanting to wander from table to table searching for clues in the reception game of Clue meant that his family was far to stupid to follow the directions; a bride who demanded that all her bridesmaids weigh a minimum of 200 pounds in hopes that this would make her (the bride) the only pretty woman in the wedding party (no hope there, because mean is the ugliest thing on any person); and a psychobunny from the depths of perdition who crashed the bachelor party, socked a woman outside the club in the head because she just felt like hitting someone, is willing to change lanes into one going the wrong direction in order to avoid a) traffic and b) a bridesmaid trying to have a serious conversation with her, and will tomorrow night throw a hissey fit about chocolate cake that may put last season’s veil-ripping drama junkie to shame. Seriously, she’s going into her third week on the show while the other brides profiled thus far have only lasted one ep each. The standard is two episodes. I’m beginning to think Valerie may wind up being in every episode this season.

These people are making my hair itch.

There is, however, one WETV wedding-related show that I’m seriously enjoying. Amazing Wedding Cakes is a fun look behind the scenes at several different wedding cake designers/bakers across the US. Each week the viewer gets taken through the steps from initial client consultation to delivery of the finished product.

The fun is what happens in between. You get to see how the design is developed, how many hands get involved in creating each cake masterpiece, and sometimes even the fun of getting a multi-tier cake to the venue on time in a taxicab.

As a longtime cake junkie who makes ‘em tasty, but not that pretty, I’m fascinated by this show. I love watching the cakes come together, the in-jokes, the meltdowns in both buttercream and emotion, the pride taken in a job well done, and the frustrations when things don’t work out as planned.

Also, seriously, if you’ve hired someone to make an elaborate wedding cake for you, don’t try to change the design a couple days before the event. One bride called the bakery two days before her wedding just as the head designer was smoothing that gorgeous terra cotta colored fondant over the second tier of her cake to say she’d decided she wanted white instead.

Don’t do that to your baker. It’s Just Not Nice.

If you haven’t watched Amazing Wedding Cakes, be sure to check it out. It’s a lot of fun! (WETV Sunday, 10pm/9 Central). As they say: No guts, no ganache!

I don’t have a problem with the tradition at all. I’m not about abolishing it outright, though I do think it’s up to couples and the parents involved whether they really want to have these particular dances. They make no difference in the legality of the ceremony, and etiquette more or less shrugs its shoulders and says it’s up to you whether or not you’d care to dance with your parents under these particular circumstances.

No, it’s not that they happen, it’s more the fact that so many people think the only possible choices for the dance are things like Thank Heaven for Little Girls, Daddy’s Little Girl, Butterfly Kisses, and other such sentimental, oh so expected classics. It isn’t even the fact that I detest each one of these songs with a purple panting passion. I wouldn’t mind yet another mother/son dance to Wonderful World as long as I knew they both had a soft spot for Satchmo, or that she wanted to dance to that because it’s the song she used to croon him to sleep in his crib days.

It’s the fact that I know in my heart that there are plenty of moms and dads out there who have serious twinkletoes. It’s the fact that so many people use the expected songs instead of choosing something with personal meaning for them.

There’s absolutely no need to limit your choices to half a dozen songs that may or may not mean anything to either party. You don’t have to do an awkward high school slow dance with your dad if he has a couple dancing chops.

The proof? I found a couple of fun videos of unexpected daddy/daughter dances over at YouTube, and I share one of them with you now.

This pair with their tongue-in-cheek scan of every popular dance in the bride’s lifetime (and a few clearly before her time!) made me smile even though I’m usually not so huge a fan of the Very Obviously Choreographed Wedding Dance. The bride, however, does highlight the importance of bustling up that train before attempting to bust a move! I’m amazed she didn’t land on her nose at any point in the proceedings.

Okay, WordPress won’t let me embed the video for some reason, so I’ll just have to give you the URL. Here it is:

If mom and dad can dance, if there’s a non-traditional song that means something to both partners, if there’s a style of dance you’re both reasonably competent at, don’t be afraid to go for broke.

Traditions can be great…but sometimes you need to know how to adapt them to you.

To make sure we don’t have any massively jarring gaps here at Manolo for the Brides, I’m going to excerpt some of iDo, since I spend a number of pages in Chapter 14 discussing DIY wedding music and it’s Friday and I don’t feel like reinventing the wheel. Note: More and more people are calling this the iPod wedding, though you can DIY your wedding music with any mp3 player or a laptop.

Search for “iPod wedding” and you’ll come across hundreds of DJs on the warpath. The moment a bride-to-be brings up her choice to ditch the traditional disk jockey in favor of some digital alternative, pro DJs start weighing in. It’s a bad idea, they say. You can’t anticipate what people will want to listen to or read the energy of the room like a real live DJ. Guests will mess around with your playlist when you’re not looking, and the rented sound system will fall over and injure someone who will then slap you with a hefty lawsuit. Your wedding will be an colossal failure!

But there’s really no reason for professional entertainers to get so defensive, because no one is trying to permanently replace DJs and bands with iTunes playlists. The fact is that some people can’t afford either or would rather budget money elsewhere, some people have tastes that are way too eclectic, and some people just don’t care overmuch for the two standard options.

If you’re sold on the idea of an iPod wedding, read some how-tos and learn the basics of live sound so you understand what the challenges are before you rush out and buy or rent anything. Search for “sound reinforcement” or “sound system basics” to find plain English tutorials that will give you a handle on the equipment you’re going to need. You can’t just hook your computer speakers up to some music source and call it a day. First, you need to find out what kind of sound system (i.e. mixer, amp, crossover, EQ, speakers, mics, and cables) your reception venue has. You need to be sure you can go from a headphone jack to whatever kind of sound system is available. Some venues may not even have a PA. And do not neglect to go over your setup with the venue manager ahead of time to make sure the equipment you’re planning to use will work in your reception space so you don’t end up having to send the best man to the local music store for cables on your wedding day. I’d also recommend having back-up mp3 players loaded with your playlists!

When your MP3 or your laptop will be standing in for a wedding disk jockey, it helps to have hundreds of CDs in every possible genre from acid rock to hip hop to new country to reggaeton to zydeco. Those CDs—or folders full of MP3s—will be the raw materials with which you will build your ultimate wedding playlist from the ground up. You may need to borrow some music from friends and download some fresh albums… um, legally, of course. If you’re worried about the dead space between songs, the latest versions of iTunes offer gapless playback and crossfade options so one song will blend into the next. To keep it seamless, try to match tempos so you have slow songs grouped together and fast songs grouped together.

It’s easy to do this using iTunes because you can set up multiple playlists and give them names that will help your music coordinator do their job. What’s that? You don’t have a music coordinator? This’ll probably be your MC—you’re going to have to designate someone to introduce people and announce things like the first dance. The best man is often the most natural choice for this job as he’ll be up on the mic anyway, but your mileage may vary.

The beauty of the iTunes organizational system is that the music coordinator only really has to mess with the music just before or just after they make announcements. Musical categories can include Cocktail Hour, First Dance, Father-Daughter Dance, Mother-Son dance, Meal Music, Pre-Cake Slow Songs, Cake Cutting Song, and Post-Cake Party Songs. Your MC will already be on the mic—and thus close to the sound system—while letting guests know that it’s time to eat or dance or whatever. They can click over to the appropriate playlist while they’re close to the laptop without missing too much of the action. Just make sure to pad the playlists and that you have more than enough music in each category so you don’t accidentally run out of sweet tunes just when guests are starting to boogie.

Now that would be a tragedy of epic proportions.

Why choose Yvette’s for your wedding gown, bridesmaids dress, and tuxedo needs? The web site says it all. Specifically, it says “Yvette’s is OPEN SUNDAYS !!!! Yvette’s will be open all holidays !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay !! Judy !!” and “why do we have hair in our armpits??…………what possible idiosyncrasy could posses a deity to create something with hair in its armpits??…………….I seriously want to know why we have hair in our armpits??”

That is some seriously persuasive sales copy, am I right? But for reals, I don’t know why this site cracks me up so much, especially seeing as that the real Yvette’s web site likely died some time in 2006. It was a legit bridal shop once upon a time, but who knows what happened to it in the interim. Kudos to whoever took it over, as the site offers a few minutes of amusement for those super sick of looking at badly-designed bridal salon web sites that are supposed to be elegant (instead of painfully ironic).

Before you actually visit the chaos that is Yvette’s, please heed these warnings:

Warning I: Music will play. Loudly. On the front page, a piece commemorating the Battle of Flodden Field plays. Different music plays on every single page.

Warning II: Looking at Yvette’s site too long may cause blindness and/or deafness. Possibly also insanity.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, have a look at the map, the poetry, the artwork, and the bizarre ramblings of what must be a junior grade conspiracy theorist. Oh, and this… Popeye and peeping? Wind me up!

That’s when I realize that people don’t completely understand what a reception is, or how it does and doesn’t differ from any other party.

So what makes it a reception?

One little thing: the purpose.

The purpose of a reception is to hold a party so that someone of some sort of importance may be ‘received’ or greeted by a group or community of people.

That’s it.

No matter whether you have a quiet restaurant meal for five people, a huge blowout with all the trimmings and every single tradition for five hundred, or something in between, your post-wedding celebration is a reception.

So what does that mean for your celebration? Does it mean you are required to have the groom remove the bride’s garter with his teeth while stripper music plays? No. Does it mean you have to serve rubber chicken and champagne no matter what you and your guests would rather eat? No. Does it mean you can’t say a word as bride while the groom, best man, and father of the bride all have to make speeches? No.

What it means, quite simply, is that you will wish to hold a party that you and your guests will enjoy, and you will need to find some way to interact with your guests at some point in the proceedings. After all, the greeting is the point of the party in this case.

It means that since more and more of us are paying for our own weddings, we are taking on the socially strange role of being both host and guest of honor at the same time. But this is not completely unworkable. It just means we have to juggle the responsibilities of each role as gracefully as we can.

So what are the responsibilities of each role?

The hosts are responsible for:

- Issuing invitations in good time.

- Providing some form of refreshment to everyone attending. It doesn’t matter whether the chosen refreshment is cake and coffee, a five-course gourmet meal, a delivery from your favorite Chinese restaurant down the street, homemade picnic foods, or some bags of chips and soda. What does matter is that the hosts offer something in keeping with the level of formality of the celebration.

- Offering some form of entertainment. This entertainment may take the form of a band to listen or dance to; jugglers and a dog act; speeches and hurling vaguely fetishistic objects into the crowd for good luck; a rousing game of duck, duck, goose; a belly dancing troupe; or simple conversation. Let your tastes and imagination guide you, as well as expected traditions.

- Interacting with your guests. Whether you choose to do a formal receiving line, go around to all the tables during dinner, or set out to dance with everyone there, it’s your duty to say hello to everyone. And since these are your friends and family, that shouldn’t be too much of a burden, even if there are a lot of them. If there aren’t many, then that just makes it easier. There were some eighty-five or so guests at my wedding to Mr. Twistie. The receiving line took maybe fifteen or twenty minutes.

- Thanking your guests. This is easy to combine with both the responsibility to interact and with any thank you notes you write for gifts given or services volunteered. People have taken time out of their busy lives to celebrate with you, and that’s certainly something to be grateful for.

The guests of honor are responsible for:

- Allowing each guest to greet them. That’s the point of the party. You are being accepted into your community in a new role. Again, whether you have a formal receiving line, go around to tables, etc. you just have to make sure you speak to everyone and to be gracious in receiving their congratulations and good wishes.

- Express your thanks for the good wishes you receive. You can thank them one by one, and should, but it’s also a nice gesture to give your thanks in a toast to friendship and family. And of course, there are those thank you notes you’ll be writing for gifts, help with the wedding, etc.

- Interact with the guests. Dance with them, talk to them, share a drink with them…just be sure to be a part of the party. Don’t spend the whole time with eyes for nobody but your new spouse. That’s what the honeymoon is for.

In other words, the responsibilities of the host are precisely the same as they are for any other party, and the responsibilities of the guests of honor are also more or less the same as they would be for a birthday party, celebration of a promotion, graduation party, or farewell party for someone who is moving. In fact, those parties are receptions, too. We just don’t usually call them that.