But because we’re human, we seem to have an innate need to complicate simple things. So let’s take a look at a couple myths about gifts that tend to complicate our lives and see what baggage we can unload right here and now to reduce bridal (and guestal!) stress.

Myth 1: Your Gift Should Cover Your Plate. This is probably the single most annoying myth going. It’s the kudzu of etiquette mythology. It’s a completely crap thing that nobody wants and is nearly impossible to eradicate. In fact, it’s the polar opposite of etiquette.

How the myth got started, I have no idea, but simply put this is the concept that you should spend at least as much on your gift to the happy couple as they spent on feeding and entertaining you. Because of this myth, many a person has missed the wedding of someone they love dearly or gone into debt to come up with a gift ‘grand’ enough to suit the purpose. This is horrible.

The reality is that etiquette requires no gift at all from wedding guests. A guest who arrives bearing nothing more than a heartfelt congratulatory note is being absolutely polite. What’s more, ‘cover your plate’ is an etiquette nightmare on more than one front. After all, it’s amazingly rude to try to sit down and calculate the precise amount of money someone spent on entertaining you! Miss Manners would have a very quiet fit about that, and rightly so.

Myth 2: It’s Rude To Put Expensive Things On Your Gift Registry. Funny, that, since one of the reasons gift registries got started in the first place was so that guests had a handy idea of what china and silver patterns the happy couple wanted. These things never came cheap.

Look, registries fall under the category of useful things etiquette turns a (mostly) blind eye toward so long as you don’t make a public spectacle of yourself about it. It’s along the lines of the letters to Santa you may have written as a child: it’s a wish list, not marching orders. And yes, it’s fine to put that big screen TV or professional grade stand mixer on your wish list… so long as you also remember that casserole dishes and washcloths and wooden spoons are good things to have, too. You know, sort of like how that letter to Santa included a box of new crayons as well as the pony you probably never got. But some kid out there did get a pony for Christmas, and you never know when several people will get together and chip in for that HD3-D TV!

Myth 3: It’s Rude To Give Things That Aren’t On the Registry. To this I can only say poppycock! With a side of balderdash! Remember where I said gift registries are like letters to Santa? Yeah, I bet you didn’t complain too badly when you got toys, games, and so on that you didn’t ask Santa to bring you. Sometimes the best gifts are the things you couldn’t have asked for because they weren’t in a catalogue or sitting on the shelf of a store.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the pots, pans, towels, sheets, and gadgets Mr. Twistie and I registered for and got. There are people I think of and thank silently every time I use the knife or pan they gave us. But I’m touched that there were also people who gave us their time and talents. One friend did a lovely counted cross stitch picture for us. She has since died, unfortunately, and it’s the only piece of her needlework I have. But because of it, she’s with me every day. Another good friend made us a fabulous original quilt with the story of our lives and our love on it. It’s absolutely unique and keeps us snuggly warm on winter nights. Yet another friend gave us one of his original paintings. You can’t register for stuff like that.

Myth 4: If You Don’t Want Gifts, Print a Note On Your Invitation. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Remember what I said in Myth 1 about how it’s perfectly polite to show up at a wedding with nothing but congratulations to offer? Yeah, that’s because wedding gifts – while popular and more than acceptable – are not required. Putting something in writing on your invitation tells everyone that you are expecting gifts, which is not terribly polite. Yes, I know you are expecting gifts, but this is one of those cases where it’s considered a little greedy looking to say so, even if what you’re saying is ‘look, I know you’re planning on giving me things, but I’d really rather you saved your money and forgot about it.’ Why? Because gifts are not actually required. They are an optional extra that the guest may choose to give. Saying ‘don’t give me one’ assumes that the optional is required until you release people from their obligation.

But what if you really don’t want gifts? Well, you get that word out the same way you do about where you’re registered: by word of mouth, sans a big announcement. Let everyone in your family and bridal party know that you really don’t need gifts, and let them quietly pass the word around your circle for you. This is also the proper way to let it be known that what you really want is cold, hard cash or donations to your favorite charity, too.

Myth 5: You Have a Year To Write Your Thank You Notes. Actually, the guests have a year to choose to give you a wedding gift… and that’s really not a terribly hard and fast rule, either. That quilt I mentioned earlier? Yeah, it didn’t actually wind up on our bed for about thirteen years. Long story, but we weren’t going to kick it out of bed for being a little late.

But thank you notes should be written as soon as possible. In fact, wedding gifts are most properly delivered to the bride’s home before the wedding. The old tradition was to display the wedding gifts at the wedding, though that has – thankfully! – fallen into disfavor and mostly disappeared over the last few decades. Still, since the idea behind wedding gifts is to help the couple set up their new home with everything they need, the idea is still also that they ought to arrive before the wedding day so that when the happy couple return from their honeymoon, they can go straight to their already stocked home.

That means that if anyone follows that aspect of wedding etiquette, you should stand at the ready with stationery, stamps, and your best penmanship to send out those thank you notes before the wedding day. Any gifts that arrive the day of the wedding or after your return from your honeymoon… do your best to get those thanks out within the first two or three months of your marriage. And always remember, two people got married, so unless your new spouse broke a dominant wrist while rock climbing… you can share that particular load freely.

I grew up around nesting dolls, so how could I not love Matryoshka wedding favors? It’s a wedding favor that guests will be much more likely to keep, I think. More so than an armless bride with fire for a head or towel cake. What’s not to like? Matryoshka are cute and fun and decorative in a way that doesn’t require color matching, so make, I think, ideal wedding favors.

Matryoshka!

How could you not love these?

What do you think… cute or too kitschy?

Edible button wedding favors from Sugar and Meringue, YUM

Button wedding cake by The Caketress: http://thecaketressblog.com

Vintage button bridal jewelry from http://www.charm-boutique.com

Easy=peasy button wedding invitations from http://nikkabelle.com

Can't beat this for an easy DIY table number! via The Knot

Great idea, in buttons, for the sweetheart table

Aren't these button napkin rings fab?

A sweet button bridal bouquet found on Tumblr... source?

Wedding buttons for the groom as photographed by Angelica Glass

A button wedding theme is a pretty sweet choice for the DIY bride who happens to have inherited her gram’s button collection… or is just one of those gals who can’t help snapping up big bags of buttons from junk shops and Amazon and elsewhere. You def. don’t have to be a seamstress to rock the button wedding theme. If you can thread a needle, you’re golden!

Totally DIYable, def

Just too cute - it's wedding thyme!

And if you love the idea but want to take it up a notch, you can always pair your spice wedding favors with a mini ceramic mortar and pestle, squee!

Yet another way to spice it up a little!

Omigosh. Madeleines on a wedding cake. It’s like two of my favorite things are rubbing up against each other in some sort of delicious dance. I can’t decide if I’d tried to get cake and cookie in a single bite, or if I’d eat the madeleines first. Donsuemor has five kinds of madeleine, so brides and grooms shouldn’t run into flavor fatigue.

Or a wee bag of different flavors of madeleines could make a delish wedding favor – one that’s definitely more likely to get taken by guests than, say, a recipe holder shaped like a country-style rolling pin or a swan basket.

A bride and groom might include madeleines in their dessert buffet or cookie buffet – either in a supporting position or in a starring roll. Madeleines are, if I do say so myself, an impressive cookie. Certainly more weddingish than humble chocolate chip rounds.

As an alternative dessert idea, skips the individual cakes on each table and serve chocolate, classic, lemon, and dipped madeleines from Donsuemor on pretty tiered plates like these. If you choose the individually wrapped variety, guests can even take them home as favors if they’re not in the mood for sweets just then. I love when wedding stuff does double duty!

HINT HINT: A box of about 50 Donsuemor madeleines will run brides and grooms about $21, making it a pretty nice budget option for those couples who aren’t all that fond of wedding cake!

Whatever they are, wedding favors are usually not the sort of thing one keeps forever (especially in the case of anything edible, I hope, or bits of paper saying “Thanks from the SSPCA!”) and they are usually one of the least expensive items on the wedding budget, relative to everything else. Sometimes the best wedding favor might just be a chill pill.

Me? I like candy wedding favors. Give me jelly beans or a single truffle or some weird vintage candy or Japanese candy. Just give it to me on the reception table where I can access it easily while I’m waiting for my meal since I always seem to end up at the last table to be served or called up to the buffet. Yes, even when I’m in the wedding! I especially like candy wedding favors that come in little boxes that I can re-use for things like stray earrings or small screws, and right now I am loving these:

Birch bark wedding favor boxes from New Hampshire Woods Creations –
a bit pricey, but certainly unique

Origami matchbook-style wedding favor boxes from Ordie & Chavalos –
I love the secret message

Recycled paper wedding favor boxes from Jardin de Papier -
accommodates two Hershey Kisses, so pretty tiny

Rawluxe wedding favor boxes by Wanda & Krystyna -
I’m a total fan of the plain brown wrapper

Elegant and polished wedding favor boxes from Simply Sarah’s -
Love this color combo and the layering

Flowery fem wedding favor boxes fromPetits Metier -
Just plain adorable

Buttoned up wedding favor boxes from Nuthatch Notes -
No, wait, these are the cutest!

The icebreakers are meant to make the process of getting acquainted easier on the guests and give them something to do when they’re not watching the first dance or watching the cake cutting or listening to speeches, etc. Some suggestions included putting out Fortune Telling Fish or having wedding guests play guess the Jelly Belly flavor.

It is certainly an interesting notion. And I do like Fortune Telling Fish!

But if reading old etiquette guides has taught me anything, it’s that the art of conversing with someone you’ve never met but have been seated next to at a dinner party or dance used to be a skill that everyone was supposed to possess. It was not at all unusual to be seated at the same table, but not next to your spouse, and you were expected to chat with the people flanking you. It’s not terribly difficult. I sometimes feel a little anxious about starting a conversation with someone I’ve never met, but I get over it.

There are, of course, unobtrusive icebreakers. A reception photobooth with props can be an icebreaker, as can a box of conversation starter cards at each table. The nice thing about icebreakers like these is that people can participate or not, as they like, and there is far less pressure to take part in something like that than there is in, say, a competition to “win” the centerpiece in front of you.

But the thing is, there are plenty of people who don’t associate attending a wedding with passing an orange back and forth without using their hands or playing a round of pub-style trivia madness. Some folks, for whatever reason, would prefer not to have to touch a relative stranger for the purposes of getting acquainted. And some of the wedding reception icebreaker ideas I’ve read feel an awful lot like lame corporate team building exercises.

I’d suggest that any bride- or groom-to-be who is considering including reception ice breakers in his or her wedding should think carefully about the people invited. You know your friends and relatives best, so you should have a good idea of whether the majority of people attending your wedding will want to participate in directed partner switching on the dance floor or a rousing game of buttocks balloon bursting. If you suspect that most of your guests would rather simply sit and converse or do a turn around the parquet, perhaps save the icebreakers for the rehearsal dinner.

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But in case you were wondering, the site informs us that:

It’s easy to make a fashion statement with these elegant wedding gown candle favors on your table.

Sure, if your statement is ‘I’d like you to decapitate and set fire to the bride.’

Not sure that’s really what I would want to say, but to each their own.

Me? I’d stick with chocolates.

I’m super happy to announce that the winner (as chosen via the trusty random number generator) of the $75 Beau-Coup Wedding Favors Gift Certificate is the lovely LeeLa, of A Bride and Her Dog, who liked the personalized Hershey’s Chocolate Favors! Congrats, LeeLa! I and someone from Beau-Coup will be in touch shortly!

So I’m totally tickled to be able to host a giveaway with Beau-Coup! One lucky Manolo for the Brides reader will win a gift code to put toward anything Beau-Coup sells – and since their prices are pretty reasonable, that gift code might just pay for most of your wedding favors.

Win it!

Beau-Coup wedding favors is offering Manolo for the Bride readers a chance to win a $75 gift certificate to that fabulous store. To enter, leave a comment on this post telling us which of Beau-Coup’s stylish wedding favors is your absolute favorite.

For additional entries, do any of the following (and leave a comment for each):

1. One additional entry when you add Manolo for the Brides to your blogroll or let us know we’re already on your blogroll so we can link back to you

2. One additional entry when you leave a comment on the latest post at Beau-Coup’s blog

3. One additional entry when you follow Manolo for the Brides and Beau-Coup on Twitter, and tweet about the giveaway

4. Three additional entries when you post about this giveaway on your own blog

This giveaway will end at 11:59 p.m. EST on Sunday, May 16, and the winner – chosen via the trusty random number generator – will be announced the next day. Good luck!