So… flower girl as miniature bride. On the upside, apparently if you’re six you can actually have sleeves. On the downside, I gotta go with ‘everything else’ from the tiny, fussy updo to the (I assume) matching veil and tiara to the bodice cut to enhance curves that aren’t there yet to that annoying handbag.

Yeah, I’m going with HATE here. In fact, I’m going with ‘hate that burns like a thousand fiery suns’ on this. Give the kid the handbag for playing dress up, and let her be a kid while she’s being a flower girl. They grow up too fast as it is.

Maybe that should be spinspiration! Terrible, I know. But aren’t pinwheels fun? And there are so many great ways to use them in weddings that it would be impossible to list them all. Favors of pretty paper pinwheels with your names and wedding date printed on them come to mind. And how about using them in place of flowers in reception table centerpieces? I can even make it simpler – get a punch of pinwheels that coordinate with your wedding color scheme and stick them in the ground! Easy-peasy!

Gorgeous pinwheels for your bridal bouquet by Rule 42

Pinwheel wedding cake seen on Real Etsy Weddings

Bride and groom with pinwheels as seen on The Wedding Chicks

Pinwheels on a dessert buffet created by April Foster Events and pinwheel aisle decorations as seen on Wedding Bee

Pinwheel table numbers from Crossroads Cottage

If there’s one wedding reality show I find myself really enjoying of late, it’s Four Weddings on TLC. For those unfamiliar, four brides getting married in the same area around the same time attend one anothers’ weddings and score them on the gown, the venue, the food, and the overall experience. The bride whose wedding gets the highest aggregate score wins a fabulous honeymoon to a surprise location, and the other three, well, they get to be on TV and attend three weddings without having to come up with a gift and being utterly free to snark or gush about whatever they please for the nation at large.

The two episodes I watched last night were particularly interesting to me, in that they included some really brilliant and some really, really questionable ideas. Take a look after the cut to see what I’m talking about.
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Most couples I know – including me and The Beard – have made at least some kind of effort to end up with a balanced bridal party or symmetrical bridal party. That might mean six bridesmaids and six groomsmen or, less commonly, six bridesmaids and four groomsmen (or groomsmaids and bridesmen) who divide themselves evenly among the “bride’s side” and the “groom’s side” of the altar. Even less commonly you’ll see a mixed bag of gentlemen and ladies arranged on either side of the happy couple, in no set male-female order, but still with the same number of people on either side.

What can we learn from this? First, I think we can safely assume that the trend toward balance and symmetry has more to do with wedding photography than it does with family or friends. Just because the bride has ten best girlfriends doesn’t mean the groom has ten best buds (or brothers or even close cousins or coworkers). And then there’s gender – I still see the same sex-segregated wedding parties even in now when us chicks have plenty of dude friends (and vice versa). Second, “tradition” plays a big part in this, with brides and grooms never considering that they might have a mixed, uneven, or alternative wedding party because no one suggested they could.

So this is me suggesting it. Before you rack your brains to find another friend you like enough to complete your half of the wedding party, think about why you’re even thinking in terms of halves. Once you’ve wrapped your mind around the idea that your wedding photos can still look awesome without having equal numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen, it’s time to start thinking outside of the box when it comes to wedding attendant orientation. See, the reason balance and symmetry work so well is that bridesmaids and groomsmen (and groomsmaids and bridesmen) usually stand lined up on either side of the bride and groom. And that, ladies and gents, is that I want to talk about!

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In my day, I’ve seen flower girls refuse to walk down the aisle and ring bearers burst into tears. I’ve watched them fidget in pictures, toss their baskets and ring pillows to the ground in irritation, and steal handfuls of wedding cake before the bride and groom had a chance to cut it. I would never suggest that children and weddings don’t mix, because I think the right kind of wedding can be a lot of fun for the wee ones. But when it comes to participating in the wedding? Then I’m a firm believer in age limits.

As cute as flower girls and ring bearers can be, many don’t have the patience or the stamina to handle certain matrimonial activities. Think dealing with an empty tummy while the wedding photographer takes posed shots or standing for an entire wedding ceremony. Even walking 50 feet alone in front of 100+ grownups can be a scary experience for shy kids. Not to mention the fact that weddings can be a little overwhelming for introverted children or (especially?) children kept up past their bedtimes.

But all that aside, there’s also the issue of age. Does the two-year-old flower girl understand what’s going on around her? Can you guarantee that the three-year-old ring bearer won’t be scared of the officiant in her black robe of the photographer with his bright flash? Will the infant attendant coo contentedly as she is carried down the aisle but scream bloody murder as soon as the ceremony begins? Tiny tots are by their very natures unpredictable. They may look like little gentlemen and little ladies in their ring bearer suits and flower girl dresses, but their minds are far from mature.

You tell me:

My vote: I’d recommend choosing flower girls and ring bearers who have at least some understanding of the role they’re being asked to play in your wedding *and* the confidence to play that role well (i.e., without tears or tantrums caused by anxiety or fear).

Remember that truly atrocious flower girl dress I posted about a while back? The one with the netting skirt filled with faux flower petals in a color that could be described as “sick” or perhaps “dead?”

I think this is what it’s supposed to look like:

Better, right?

There was a visible pseudotrend a while back that had moms and dads (and moms and moms and dads and dads) waiting to get married until their little one(s) were born. I call it a pseudotrend because I think plenty of people get married after having kids for a variety of reasons (health insurance, issues with school, circumstance, etc.), but the idea just kind of crawled into the public consciousness only fairly recently — thanks, celebrities! I’m kind of a traditional girl myself, but I figure that people get married when they want, why they want, and that’s okay by me.

The result of the pseudotrend in my social circle was the appearance of tiny, tiny flower girls and ring bearers. I’m talking about flower girls and ring bearers only just able to walk. You’d watch them sort of wander down the aisle and wonder if they’d make it. Would they lose their already shaky grip on the tools of their trade?

If you decided to reverse the usual order of things and got kids out of the way before tying the knot, think carefully before including your itty-bitty little guy or gal in the wedding party. Some very young tots find being stared at by rows and rows of grown-up people quite disconcerting — many a toddling flower girl and ring bearer has made tracks in the opposite direction rather than walk down the aisle unassisted. For those brides and grooms who simply must include a baby or toddler, I’d advise having someone familiar to the kid carry them down the aisle, perhaps one of the bridesmaids or groomsmen. Or not. The middle ground involves giving your son or daughter (or baby nieces, nephews, and such) a title and a symbolic role. You dress them up, include them in the photos, and parade them around, but they don’t actually have to do anything other than sit around and look cute… something I know from experience that babies are very, very good at!