Manolo for the Brides

So I was looking over the Bon Appetite article on wedding foods they would like to see banned. Some of their choices I can agree with. See above one of my pet peeves: things served randomly in martini glasses. If I want a martini glass, I’ll order a martini. Just put the food in/on an appropriate dish and I’ll be happy. And a fake cake supplemented with sheet cake in the back has always struck me as lacking in imagination. If you can’t afford the fancy cake for everyone, serve a plainer cake or a different dessert. Perhaps even a bevy of tasty homemade treats.

There are some that while I don’t feel as strongly, I can at least see their point. Crab cakes for two hundred is so tricky that the quality almost necessarily suffers when it comes time to serve. And goodness knows that the average steamed vegetable medley served by many a caterer at many a wedding is a sad little blop of uninspired randomness. It needn’t be, but it usually is.

At the other end of the scale, there’s the slider and the crudite platter with dip. Are these the most brilliant of culinary efforts? No, they are not. Are they overdone? Frankly, most of the weddings I’ve been to haven’t featured either. Your mileage may vary, but I have yet to attend a wedding where sliders and fries are passed out shortly before the last dog is hung, and I’d kind of like to be there for one of these midnight treats before the trend quite goes away. And a platter or two of raw veggies and dip may not be the most adventurous dish, but it’s generally been popular at the weddings I’ve been to that had them. Somebody’s eating them. Those people are leaving the party fed and happy. I think that’s more important than whether the dish is precisely what every foodie longs to see.

And for the record? I am so a foodie it isn’t even funny. Dinner at Casa Twistie has been known to feature some pretty darn adventurous stuff. I DVR cooking shows all day long and I regularly watch movies to see the cool scenes of elegant banquets while ignoring the performances of famous actors… or at least considering them less important than the food. My cookbook collection is legendary. I have a recipe for pretty near every dish that’s ever been imagined, and I know which book(s) to find it in. It’s just that making sure there’s something non-threatening for the less-than-adventurous eater strikes me as more important than making certain every dish is the latest and greatest culinary experience.

So.

Martini glasses full of mashed potatoes and dummy cakes get my vote for foods to nix at weddings for all eternity. Bring on the mashed potatoes, absolutely, just don’t put them in a stemmed glass, please. They’re much more at home on a corner of the plate or in a bowl than barware.

What foods would you eliminate from weddings? What famous wedding food trends have entirely managed to pass you by? What’s something you’ve always thought should be served at weddings, but isn’t? Did something unusual you served make a big splash with your guests? Have you come up with something you expect your guests to talk about for a long time to come? Do you think my choices for foods to nix are utter codswallop? Talk to me about menus, folks.