Archive for the ‘Gifts’ Category

Register Without Complaints

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

No, you aren’t required to register anywhere for gifts. If you don’t see a need and don’t plan to register, then that’s fine.

On the other hand, there is the sad tale of my sister-in-law’s friend who didn’t register. Every single guest at her wedding gave her a casserole dish, because, hey, who can’t use another casserole dish? The woman who just received eighty-five of them, that’s who.

Registries are expected these days, and couples are getting more imaginative with them, as well. Still, there are a few rules in place, and some advice I can offer. If you’re thinking of setting up a gift registry, look behind the cut for more information.

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The Gift of Your Presence? What About the Presents?

Monday, July 27th, 2009

Depending on your age or the economic realities of your social circle, it may come to pass that you find yourself invited to a wedding where the couple is older, well-established, and successful. In other words, they have everything they want and can easily buy anything they want but don’t yet have. You may receive a wedding invitation with a note like “May your presence at our wedding be your only gift to us” or hear through the grapevine that the bride and groom have stated that they really, truly, for real this time do not want any gifts.

wedding-gifts

Now we all know by now that traditional etiquette frowns upon any mention of gifts in an invitation, because it’s simply not nice to tell people how they should spend or not spend their money and the guests of honor should be focusing on the presence of guests rather than the presence of presents. So let’s just say that our hypothetical bride and groom have let family members or the bridal party spread the word that they’d rather not get wedding gifts.

What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?!

You could abide by the bride and groom’s wishes, though we all know that’s not going to happen. Because, yeah, showing up for a wedding empty handed or knowing that you’ve bought nothing ahead of time (other than a snazzy new dress) to mark the occasion can feel a little weird. Guilt-inducing, even. My suggestion will always be skip the tea towels or the candle stand. In fact, skip anything that’s not either consumable or small enough to fit into the palm of your hand. Why? Because a lot of brides and grooms who specifically ask that their wedding guests not give them wedding gifts do so because they’d rather not deal with more stuff in their lives.

So think small or edible or drinkable if you simply must buy our hypothetical couple a gift… try a nice bottle of champagne or wine of some meaningful vintage or chocolates — but do be sure the recipients will enjoy consuming your gift — or an ornament marking the year they are marrying or gift certificates to local restaurants or hotspots so their honeymoon can last that much longer. It’s win-win this way. You can satisfy your overwhelming urge to give and the bride and groom won’t have to sift through that much more stuff.

(On the flip side, if you ARE the bride or the groom and don’t want wedding presents, spread the word in a mannerly way by asking your mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend, maid of honor, and bridesmaids to let everyone know that you’d prefer other guests not give gifts. And when the inevitable gifts do roll in, be a sweetie-pie and accept them graciously and with gratitude.)

Designer Dresses. Low Mileage.

Friday, March 20th, 2009

If you’re in the market for a secondhand… or shall we say pre-loved designer wedding gown, you should have a look at SmartBride, a site offering a simple and free means to buy and sell wedding dresses.

secondhand wedding dresses

What’s great about SmartBride is the interface, which allows brides to set and save search parameters for everything from sleeve styles to train lengths. What’s less great is that there aren’t currently that many wedding gowns for sale. Case in point: I set my search to include just about everything in sizes 10 to 15+ and only got 15 results. The good news is that the site’s creator is actively soliciting for gowns on her blog, so there will hopefully be more inventory in the near future.

The Myth of ‘Covering Your Plate’

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

I generally agree with Nina Callaway from About.com when it comes to issues of wedding etiquette, but I was surprised to see her promoting the old “cover your plate” myth. When it comes to buying wedding gifts, she writes: “The general rule of thumb is to try to estimate how much your meal will cost, or generally between $65 and $150 per person.”

wedding gifts

While that is a reasonable amount to budget for a wedding gift, associating how much you spend with the cost of the wedding strikes me as highly ridiculous. Putting aside the fact that it is perfectly polite (though not at all socially acceptable) to attend a wedding without sending a gift, when else would you consider basing the value of a gift on how much a host or hostess has spent? Do you select a bottle of wine only after estimating how much the dinner party will have cost? Or choose presents based on how big of a bash the birthday boy will throw? Probably not.

The cover your plate myth is likely an offshoot of the pernicious idea that brides and grooms will recoup the cost of the wedding in wedding gifts. For some couples, this may be true, but I wouldn’t recommend counting on it when you’re putting together your wedding budget… and if you’re choosing well-off wedding guests in the hopes of making back the cost of your wedding you have bigger issues than we here at Manolo for the Brides can fix.

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The Gift of Time

Wednesday, February 11th, 2009

Wedding stationery

Maids-of-honor and bridesmaids take note: If you’re absolutely stymied when it comes to a thoughtful shower gift for the bride-to-be, why not give your gal pal the gift of some free time? I recently read a tale about a very astute bridesmaid who, in lieu of (or perhaps in addition to) a physical bridal shower present for the guest of honor, gave the bride-to-be the gift of pretty thank you notecards with envelopes that were already addressed to all of the shower attendees. All the bride-to-be had to do was write out her thank you cards, affix some stamps to the already-addressed envelopes, and drop the whole works in the mail.

Sound like a great gift? Take it to the next level by including postage stamps on each addressed envelope so the bride-to-be doesn’t have to make a side trip to the post office.

In Spirit Showers?

Friday, October 31st, 2008

Bridal showers are subject to all sorts of factors, from friends spread out around the country to delays caused by a complicated postal system to bridesmaids’ budget woes. Can your best friend afford to travel across two states twice — once for the shower and once for the wedding? Your favorite cousin didn’t receive her invite until two days before the event, oops. And air travel is just too much of a pain these days. Long story short, it would seem that tricky logistical problems are not at all uncommon, if the existence of Tutto Liccica is any indication.

princess-bride-gift

Tutto Luccica specializes in remote (or, as they call them, “In spirit“) showers meant to transcend geographical differences. It works like this: Tutto Luccica helps the hostess pick a date and provides invitations, shower favors, and an event web site with information about the guest of honor. They then mail said GoH a centerpiece gift package that she is barred from opening until the specified date. I won’t go into that, but I can safely say it’s something you could easily put together yourself.

Finally, the hostess is given instructions that outline how to make it all work…instructions, I might add, that aren’t explained on Tutto Luccica’s web site. I can only assume that invitees are encouraged to send a gift that will arrive on or around a specified date, at which time they can use their powers of imagination to envision the bride-to-be happily unwrapping her bounty alone, in her jim-jams. Maybe it’s like the time I played Hour of Power with The Beard over IRC when I lived in NYC and he lived in Boston…

Does this seem a little weird to anyone else? In essence, you’re getting invited in spirit to a party that is only taking place in spirit, but you’re being asked to send a real gift. I’d be much more apt to send a gift to the bride-to-be if I were to receive an invitation to an actual bridal shower that circumstance kept me from attending. Am I just a stick in the mud who is not hip and with it enough to recognize the future of bridal showers?

Goodness me, I hope not.

Event designers branch out

Monday, July 21st, 2008

I was recently sent two freebies to review, both of which sprang from the minds of event designers. It’s a common phenomenon — when you live in the world of weddings, it’s not that difficult to envision yourself creating a product that will bring joy to brides-to-be. (Note to companies looking for new product lines: I’m available. Really available.)

First Impressions
The Wedding Book: The Big Book for Your Big Day is indeed BIG. With it’s sweet two-column, multi-color design, it rather reminds me of the many home hack books I was given when I first moved out of my mother’s house. Not a page goes by where some tip of Weiss’ is highlighted in cream or taupe — overall, it’s very dignified. Information is easy to find, and there’s plenty of it!

Deeper Deets
I’ll admit that I had high expectations for this book, because Mindy Weiss is a highly sought-after event planner and “lifestyle expert.” It’s the little details she slips in, like three ways to fold a handkerchief, sample reception menus (Weiss admits that Thousand Island is her favorite dressing), an illustrated gown guide, and multiple wedding timetables make this book stand out among its peers. For those brides who like to jot things down, there are plenty of fill-in tables and blank note pages in the back of the book.

The Verdict
Other than iDo (which still has no reviews on Amazon, hint hint), this is probably my favorite book dealing with mainstream modern-traditional weddings.

First Impressions
I really like the box that envelops the Zinke Design Going to the Chapel gift set because it’s substantial and complicated. You really have to work to get the garter, ring bag, and handkerchief out of that box — I was almost afraid I was going to rip something, but Arin Robinson’s products are auspiciously sturdy. The trio of accessories matches The Wedding Book, which is a little weird in light of this review!

Deeper Deets
The set is made of satin, linen, lace, and the garter is lovely. It combines a ribbon with elastic, which means I can make it as small as my wrist or wide enough to fit over my head. I’m actually wearing it on my head right now. The hanky and the ring bag unfortunately gain nothing from being made out of linen. Both are pretty, but the handkerchief would do little to dry a tearful eye and I don’t know that putting one’s rings in a bag is the best of ideas. This leads me to believe that these items are meant just for show, and I’m a stickler for design that’s lovely AND functional.

The Verdict
I personally would not buy this $92 set for a bride-to-be, but I could see an older female relative doing so. When, exactly, do the rings go in the bag, anyway? Is it meant to be used before the wedding or as an alternative to the ring bearer’s pillow? I’d much prefer to give my hypothetical engaged friend or sister a vintage hanky embroidered with her initials or a handmade ring pillow I sewed myself.