Manolo for the Brides

Somewhere close to half of all the people getting married at any one time are men. There are women marrying other women (so no dudes in those weddings) but there are also guys marrying other guys, which means it may more or less even out along straight and gay lines.

And yet, weddings are very often uber feminine affairs. There are big bunches of flowers, sometimes oodles and oodles of them. Wedding color palettes are trending toward gender-neutral hues, but there are still plenty of weddings with color schemes dominated by pinks and purples and pastels. Plus, so much of the wedding hype actively focuses on the bride — her experience, her wedding dress, the engagement ring, etc. — that the groom can seem like just another minor detail.

My take on it is that society frames weddings as being for women. Dads tell their sons and future sons-in-law to “stand back and shut up” while the wife-to-be goes on a tulle-fueled buying binge. Advertisers address the bride-to-be’s experience. Have you ever seen a commercial or print ad that featured a groom-to-be waxing poetic about wedding planning? I haven’t. We grow up thinking of the guys as secondary players in the wedding, so maybe it’s easy for some people to forget that the guy standing in the corner holding the Tiffany & Co. box might have some opinions about what his wedding ought to look like. At best, grooms-to-be are given one area to oversee… they handle the music or the menswear, while the bride-to-be has the final say over everything else.

I realize, of course, that there are some men who honestly do not care about their own weddings. They’re more than pleased to be tasked with showing up at the ceremony wearing whatever their sweethearts have picked out. And there have got to be grooms who think a feminine wedding is the only kind of wedding! But I also wonder how many guys are “standing back and shutting up” because that’s what they’ve been taught to do, just as us ladies have been subtly trained to do it all. Maybe the groom-to-be secretly hates the pink wedding invitations or the wedding cake that looks like a castle or the elaborate floral arrangements, but is hesitant to say anything because he thinks he shouldn’t care or that caring will seem unmanly or some such thing.

To brides (or grooms) who are dismayed, offended, or irritated by their groom’s lack of interest in the wedding, I say give him another chance. Before you put down a deposit on a venue or vendor, ask his opinion. Try once more to include him when you’re shopping around. Give him something to do, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed by all your wedding planning to-dos. The flip side is, of course, that once you include him, you have to respect his opinions and choices just like you expect him to respect yours. Compromise will no doubt be necessary. But won’t it be awesome to have a wedding that you created together and that reflects aspects of both of your personalities?

(Images via)

Once common only in the South, groom’s cakes have become more and more popular over time. And why wouldn’t they? More cake is pretty much never a bad thing at a wedding. It’s an opportunity to provide another flavor, and the look is usually less formal and more whimsical than the main wedding cake.

If you decide to have a groom’s cake, there are a lot of different directions you can go. You can celebrate the groom’s hobbies:
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What’s the best piece of advice I ever received when I was a bride-to-be? That’s easy. I can’t remember who it was that shared it with me, but I can say that theirs was a wedding tip that should be passed around with greater frequency. Briefly, the advice they shared was “Enjoy the wedding.” Simple as that. I think brides-to-be too often hear advice that boils down to “Enjoy your wedding by including X in your ceremony and doing Y at your reception” and “You’ll never enjoy your wedding if you can’t Z!” Humph.

On this rather dreary Monday, I’d like to remind all the brides-to-be out there not to be afraid of doing whatever it takes to enjoy the wedding. Want a bounce house? Rent one. Think pinball machines would entertain your guests? You can probably rent those, too. You want to change into a white wetsuit and have a first heat instead of a first dance? Do it. You say you need inspiration? The six brides below obviously had a great time at their weddings, and their guests probably did, too.

This bride and her groom both took a turn in the horseshoe pit at their outdoor reception. It was a bit muddy, but so what? (via)

Giant Jenga? Awesome. While looking for pictures for this post, I also came across snaps of a bride playing giant chess. Think big! (via)

Football fans have it easy when it comes to enjoying the wedding. Just mix one open space with one football and a matched set of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Sneakers optional, but probably a good idea. (via)

Brides and grooms who play an instrument or two can get up and jam with the band, though I don’t recommend spending the entire time on stage, as tempting as that might be. (via)

Playgrounds make for great post-ceremony photo opportunities, but they’re also a lot of fun to romp around in… especially after a solemn wedding! It’s even more fun with the bridal party, if they’re game. (via)

Shooting isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if it’s yours, why not have a skeet break between the ceremony and reception? It could be a great way to blow off some wedding day steam. (via)

Embroidered and bedazzled bridal sneakers… with heels. Bridal Chucks. And then there’s wellies, Uggs, and cowboy boots. I don’t think anyone can deny that footwear for the bride is a divisive issue when you move away from satin slippers and ivory pumps. All you have to do is look at comments like “Bridal shoes with personality are one thing. Completely tacky bedazzled canvas bridal shoes are another. Yuck!”

Photographer Mark Wallace snapped this pic of bride and groom sneakers from Adidas somewhere in New York — no surprise there — and I’m wondering what the readership thinks.

My take: At least they’re not covered in hot glued lace and glitter, like some bridal sneakers I’ve seen. What should we call their companions, groomal sneakers? You could wear them for a long time, since Adidas sneakers tend to last. And if you’re the kind of gal or guy who has spent practically your whole life in a pair of three stripes, then why not? I don’t love ‘em, but I sure as hell don’t hate them as much as I hate most bridal sneakers.

What say you?

The classic tuxedo for grooms can be described many ways. Subdued, serious, masculine, black, perhaps white… or not. Tuxedos come in many colors, from purple to red to green to blue. The colored tuxedo is an unusual choice and perhaps not the best one.

Note that the tuxedo pictured above — from Band Of Outsiders, Inc. — is not representative of all colored tuxedos. And of course, as in this photo, a too-short jacket and too-short pants will make you look like an ass no matter what color your tuxedo is. Oh, and if you do go for a colored tux, choose your cut and hue very carefully lest you end up looking like a pimp or a waiter or a member of a barber shop quartet or one of those fellows who wear fezzes and drive around in tiny little cars.

I’m leaning toward hate on this one, except in the case of the quirkiest, most outrageous weddings. To put it another way, a colored tuxedo could be amazing at the right wedding. A wedding that goes all the way and then some, maybe. But at a traditional wedding? No, thanks!

What say you?

It’s that time of year again, by which I mean that very special time of year in which I, Never teh Bride, clears out my e-mail inbox. As you can probably imagine, it can get pretty clogged, what with letters from readers (which I can never, ever get enough of), pitches from PR people, and owners of blogs writing to request link exchanges. Sometimes good stuff can get lost in the fray — if I don’t respond to a letter or get to a pitch right away, it doesn’t mean I don’t love ya — which is why once or twice a year I gather my inspiration at Never.teh.Bride@gmail.com.

One interesting PR pitch I received a long while back comes from AreYouRomantic.com. Caesars Pocono Resorts commissioned the site’s creators to conduct a survey all about, you guessed it, honeymoons. Specifically how brides and grooms approach the honeymoon. Basically, AreYouRomantic.com found that more couples are paying for the honeymoon themselves, yet they still want to incorporate tradition into their weddings. Boooooring!

What got my attention, though, was the part of the survey dealing with the wedding night. The poll found that almost 20 percent of newly married couples don’t actually consummate their marriage on their wedding night. Frankly, I’m not surprised. Indeed I am more surprised that 80 percent actually do! I’ll just come right out with the TMI and say that The Beard and I were way too tired to do anything other than fall asleep since my mom hosted an after-the-wedding dinner at a nearby restaurant and we made the mistake of attending. Then I think we went swimming in the hotel pool with a bunch of our friends. When we got upstairs, consummation was just about the last thing on our minds.

And we’re not alone. Of the 20 percent who didn’t do the deed on the wedding night, 32 percent said that they (or their partner) were too tired. Another 14 percent said that they (or their partner) had too much to drink. Apparently women chose this answer more than men, but I’m not sure if they meant they drank too much or their partner drank too much. Roughly 11 percent said that family and friends were still around. More men chose that option. Finally, 10 percent said that it wasn’t important to them.

In the interest of finding out if the AreYouRomantic.com people got it right, I thought I’d conduct my own poll right here on Manolo for the Brides. Brides-to-be and former brides (as well as their grooms) are welcome to answer. If you’re married and open to sharing, tell us what you did or didn’t do. And if you’re going to be married soon, tell us what you plan to do or think you’ll do. Feel free to elaborate — though, please, not too much! — in the comments.

At a wedding I recently attended the clinking of utensils against glasses was repeatedly heard during the reception. In other words, there was a subset of guests who were trying valiantly to induce the bride and groom to kiss on cue. The newlyweds did not, however, give their loved ones the satisfaction, much to my delight. I’ve always rather disliked the tradition of peer pressuring the couple into PDAs for the amusement of those in attendance at the wedding reception. Some people just aren’t that demonstrative (in public or otherwise) when it comes to affection. Others don’t like being the center of attention any more than they have to be.

I know some people actually enjoy being cajoled into kissing and, yes, it’s just a bit of harmless fun. No one was harmed in the making of this liplock! But if you, like me, aren’t a big fan of this tradition, there are plenty of ways to have a little fun with it. The aforementioned couple would pucker up, go in for the kill, then swerve away at the last possible moment. The groom even planted one on the best man at one point. After a while, their guests got the hint and gave up.

On the other hand, maybe you don’t mind kissing on cue, but you want to make your guests work for the privilege of seeing you buss. I came across the following ideas in the comments at Darren Barefoot’s blog:

• my wife attended a wedding once where the centrepieces on each table were fishbowls with several goldfish swmming around in them. To get the couple to kiss you had to actually swallow a goldfish. Full points for originality, but not for taste (aesthetic nor culinary) Once the rowdies got drunk it was a full on bride/groom make out fest.
• I’ve been to 2 weddings where you had to compose and recite a poem – both started out well, but devolved into dirty limericks by the end of the night. Most were pretty funny, though, so the entertainment value is high.
• Most of the weddings I’ve been too lately have had trivia challenges. That is, there’s a list of questions on each table and to get the couple to kiss, you have to answer the question correctly.
• I emcee’d a wedding two weeks ago and with the Bride & Groom’s permission, enacted my own little wedding rule: Want to clink glasses? Then I get to pick the person you get to kiss.
• I believe I witnessed one where you actually had to pay to see the couple kiss (perhaps my inner capitalist may have created this memory for my future wedding). The show wasn’t worth the cash to me, however, and I was content to see six inches between the couple rather than shell out cash on top of a gift.
• The last wedding I went to, if you wanted the bride and groom to kiss, you had to demonstrate a kiss first, and then they would copy it.
• Some young newlyweds-to-be who fancy themselves wine connoisseurs said they were doing the following at their reception: a big container full of corks, some with red wine on the ends (used), some new, one or two marked black. The bucket goes around the room to whomever dares: pick a red cork, bride and groom kiss, pick an unused cork, kiss your own date, get the black cork, EVERYBODY kiss (their date, I hope, but maybe they are more fun than that). The bride and groom could stack the odds as they wish if they are in charge of the corks. Could be pretty funny.

Goldfish? Quiz bowl? I’ll admit I have never been to a wedding where I encountered anything like that… or, I should add, anything as tacky as asking guests to pay to see the newlyweds kiss, which is apparently fairly common in some areas. Have you?

You have to love a groom who can banish General Zod from the reception!

I think you also have to love a bride and groom who have a sense of humor. As much as I love a good solemn wedding ceremony, I believe wholeheartedly that there is plenty of room for horseplay and general merriment at wedding receptions… and even in ceremonies. I cracked up during mine, for example, because I couldn’t read part of the wedding vows I’d so carefully written down. Oops! When I paused and squinted at my sheet of college ruled, you could hear guests shifting uncomfortably in their seats. But when I lost my you-know-what, everyone else had a good laugh, too. My advice to brides and grooms everywhere? Don’t be afraid to have fun!