As more couples pay for all or part of their own weddings, changes are happening in the way ceremonies and receptions are planned. My favorite change? The emergence of the involved, helpful groom who has an opinion about his upcoming wedding and is exciting to shoulder his share of the wedding planning work. In my dad’s day – as I’ve been led to believe – grooms mainly tried to stay out of the way of brides who had the final say when it came to just about everything. But now that grooms are footing some of the bill? They’re folding invitations that they helped pick out, assembling favors that they actually like, and more.

Let's hear it for those helpful grooms!

Some of these involved grooms-to-be are even blogging, though admittedly they tend to give it up after they tie the knot unlike some people – hello! – who just keep on going on about wedding planning like nothing happened. There are even wedding planning guides for grooms! Unfortunately, some parts of the wedding industry have yet to catch up to the trend of the helpful groom and continue to focus only on brides-to-be and their desires. I’ve even heard stories of wedding vendors who, when meeting hetero couples, talked only to the bride and all but ignored the presence of a groom. Uncool, vendors, uncool. Was The Beard as involved as he could have been? I plead the fifth on that one and state for the record that I can be a a force of nature when it comes to party planning.

How about you? Is your other half – if your other half happens to be a groom – pulling his weight? If not, and you want him to (some brides don’t), then TELL HIM THAT. Don’t just stew in a sauce of resentment until you explode. Your groom, like many, may have been told by a well-meaning male relative that he shouldn’t participate in wedding planning. Inside many an uninvolved groom is a helpful groom waiting to come out.

Image: Peacock Photography

A Jewish wedding tradition with a growing following

Am I the only one who likes seeing wedding traditions from one faith or heritage embraced by people from other backgrounds? I know that there are some people who don’t like the co-opting of wedding traditions by “outsiders” but I my take is that wedding traditions wouldn’t have become traditions if brides and grooms didn’t find value in them. It’s not for me to say that so-and-so can’t do X, Y, and Z because those practices belong to another culture. Take the ketubah, a traditional and beautiful element of the Jewish wedding and marriage. According to a recent New York Times piece, more non-religious and Christian couples are embracing the ketubah in their own weddings.

“We wanted a permanent reminder of the covenant we made with God,” Mrs. Austin said. “We see this document superseding the marriage license of a state or a court.”

Such sentiments have been reshaping the market for ketubot (the plural in Hebrew) in the past decade. Michael Shapiro, an observant Jew from Toronto who sells artistic ketubot through the Web site ketubah.com, said he had seen the non-Jewish share of his customers rise from zero to about 10 percent. He is forming a spinoff site, artvows.com, that concentrates on non-Jewish consumers.

The decade of non-Jews discovering the ketubah coincides with three relevant social trends: the rise of Christian Zionism, the growth of interfaith marriage, and the mainstreaming of the New Age movement with its search for spirituality in multiple faith traditions. As a result, an increasing number of gentiles have taken up Judaic practices: holding a Passover Seder, eating kosher food and studying kabbalah, the Jewish mystical movement.

What began as way to protect the bride’s interests in the event of a divorce and morphed into a beautiful and artful representation of specific contractural provisions for marriage had a resurgence of popularity in the 1960s Jewish counterculture. Suddenly the ketubah was back and once again something to display rather than something to be hidden away. And, like I said, the ketubah is now finding its way into non-Jewish weddings and onto non-Jewish walls. I’m cool with that – in fact, I think it’s very cool, especially for those Christians who want to give a nod to their religion’s Jewish roots.

How does it strike you, this flow of wedding traditions from one faith or background to another? Do you think it’s cool, or kind of weird and inauthentic?

Not too long ago, the awesome Boston wedding photography firm KLC Photography sent me a selection of engagement photos taken in different locations around the city and MA – and I think they constitute a perfect illustration of the fact that there’s no one right or wrong way to do an engagement portrait session. Locations? Be as serious or as silly as you want to! Indoors or outdoors, your choice. Close ups… action shots… it’s all up to you and the photographer you’ve chosen to work with. (Hint: Share your ideas, but don’t be afraid to take your photog’s recommendations!)

Not everyone has engagement photos taken, of course. But if it’s something you’re planning on checking off your pre-wedding to-do list, have some fun with it like these couples did!

Here’s a future bride and groom at deCordova Sculpture Park, posing on some of the art. It would be tons of fun to run around 35 acres with a photographer. Maybe even a great way to relieve some wedding planning stress!

Here’s a couple kissing on the Charles River esplanade – this is my absolutely favorite of the bunch! I’m sure you and your sweetie could think of *plenty* of places to get your smooch on, no?

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I thought of this edition of LOVE/HATE after reading this post over at Encore Bride – she talks about and includes pictures of getting ready with her groom. Are those gasps, I’m hearing? I know some people will gasp at the notion of a bride and groom (or bride and bride or groom and groom) getting ready for the wedding in the same room. That means no big reveal of the wedding dress or whatever the marrying parties have chosen to wear and no sweet ‘first glimpse’ reaction shots at the beginning of the wedding ceremony. “It’s tradition!” some people will say. But come on… so many of today’s couple’s live together before getting hitched, or at least have intimate knowledge of one another. At this point, so much of tradition is just play acting.

The big reveal? Should be entirely optional. If a couple wants to keep what they’re wearing secret until the wedding ceremony and sleep apart and so on, fab. And if a couple wants to share a bed before the big day and dress in the same space, also fab. I LOVE the idea of a couple who’s comfortable with the idea sharing tie tying and dress zipping duties! Frankly, it sounds like a lot of fun, and maybe even less nerve-wracking than being in a room full of friends with a photographer, not knowing what your other half is up to. What do you think? Would you get dressed with your sweetie on your wedding day?

Image: Cholmondelly

More often than not, wedding photos are shot in staging areas – like a bridal chamber – and in ceremony and reception venues. That might be inside or outside, in a formal location or somewhere more casual, but it’s still usually some place that’s in some way sequestered from the real world. Maybe a church or a function hall, or a public space that’s been rented out for the day.

Sometimes, though, a wedding photographer and his or her clients will take a field trip at some point during the wedding day. Not sure what I mean? Take a look at these snaps from wedding photographer Luca Ragogna:

Full disclosure – this is a model, not an actual bride. But the theory is the same, and I think it would be tons of fun to go to a carnival in a wedding dress and just play games and eat fried whatever all day. IMO, pictures from the little field trips that some couples take turn out awesome, and I think, a lot more fun to look at years later than yet another straight up and down shot in front of a staircase. So I LOVE it.

What do YOU think about the wedding photos that some couples take out-and-about. Did you take a photographic field trip, or are you planning on taking one?

In the movies, groomsmen are usually irresponsible, party-loving dudes who fear settling down and do everything they can to talk the groom out of getting hitched.

Thankfully, real life is nowhere near as dramatic. You may have heard these guys referred to as ushers, but not all ushers are groomsmen and not all groomsmen are ushers. Most of the time, these two roles are treated as one, but some couples use the naming disparity as a pretext for including more family and friends in their wedding. Whatever honorific they receive, these guys have it pretty easy, as evidenced by the extremely short list of groomsmen duties

On the big day, your groomsmen can hand out programs, direct people to their seats, and keep an eye on the gift table. It’s not uncommon for a groomsman to become the unofficial answer man unwittingly, as guests tend to direct their questions toward anyone wearing a tux. Anticipate this by making sure your groomsmen know where the bathroom is. Some people even ask their male attendants to dance with any single females at the reception – but this practice is not as common as it once was because being a woman without a dance partner is no longer considered a fate worse than death. When your ushers are not your groomsmen, you can ensure they don’t feel left out by mentioning their names in the wedding program, announcing them at the reception, and seating them with the other members of the wedding party.

How many groomsmen do you need? Like bridesmaids, these guys are, in fact, a nonessential element of weddings. But they look great in photographs and may even prove helpful, so plan on having two or three groomsmen per fifty guests for a formal wedding or less for an informal affair.

Excerpt: iDo: Planning Your Wedding With Nothing But Net

The groom’s speech – yes, yet another in the long line of wedding speeches – is your opportunity to thank your wedding guests for honoring you with their presence, to thank your new spouse for all her or his hard work, and to give a shout out to all the people who helped you foot the bills. Your speech, if you plan to give one, usually happens after the FOB has had his say but before the BM grabs for the mic. You can wing it if you have a talent for freestyling, but the groom’s speech is almost always more impressive if you prepare ahead of time by making a mental list of all the people you should be thanking.

Who deserves an honorable mention? Consider paying your respects to the moms and the dads, your attendants including the littlest ones, your officiant, extended family you’re close to, guests who traveled very far, and all those who were unable to make it due to circumstances outside of their control… but try to avoid reciting a laundry list of thank yous.

If you want to do more than express your gratitude, you should really prep your speech ahead of time and memorize it. There’s nothing wrong with reading off a crumpled up slip of paper – which is how I read my vows! – but connecting with a crowd means making eye contact. Even though Easyweddingtoasts.com suggests opening with a snappy one-liner, what you’re aiming for here is sincerity and originality. Don’t get too funny or too sentimental – your family may think your re-enactment of your first date is hilarious, but your spouse’s family may not be used to your brand of humor. Personal anecdotes are good, and you can win major brownie points with your new in-laws by telling everyone how lucky you are to be married to your new mate.

You could pay someone to write the ultimate groom’s speech for you… the Internet is overflowing with automatic speech generators like Speeches.com and professional speechwriters looking to make a buck. Your guests probably won’t care, however, whether you recite a good canned speech or give an okay speech that comes from the heart. They’re there to support you, not to judge you. You shouldn’t talk on and on in the interest of making your speech a certain length – a minute or two of chatter is sufficient if you’ve gotten your point across. End with a one-sentence toast like, “To my beautiful bride!” or “To the families that were joined today!” and pass the mic on.

Excerpt: iDo: Planning Your Wedding With Nothing But Net