I thought of this edition of LOVE/HATE after reading this post over at Encore Bride – she talks about and includes pictures of getting ready with her groom. Are those gasps, I’m hearing? I know some people will gasp at the notion of a bride and groom (or bride and bride or groom and groom) getting ready for the wedding in the same room. That means no big reveal of the wedding dress or whatever the marrying parties have chosen to wear and no sweet ‘first glimpse’ reaction shots at the beginning of the wedding ceremony. “It’s tradition!” some people will say. But come on… so many of today’s couple’s live together before getting hitched, or at least have intimate knowledge of one another. At this point, so much of tradition is just play acting.

The big reveal? Should be entirely optional. If a couple wants to keep what they’re wearing secret until the wedding ceremony and sleep apart and so on, fab. And if a couple wants to share a bed before the big day and dress in the same space, also fab. I LOVE the idea of a couple who’s comfortable with the idea sharing tie tying and dress zipping duties! Frankly, it sounds like a lot of fun, and maybe even less nerve-wracking than being in a room full of friends with a photographer, not knowing what your other half is up to. What do you think? Would you get dressed with your sweetie on your wedding day?

Image: Cholmondelly

More often than not, wedding photos are shot in staging areas – like a bridal chamber – and in ceremony and reception venues. That might be inside or outside, in a formal location or somewhere more casual, but it’s still usually some place that’s in some way sequestered from the real world. Maybe a church or a function hall, or a public space that’s been rented out for the day.

Sometimes, though, a wedding photographer and his or her clients will take a field trip at some point during the wedding day. Not sure what I mean? Take a look at these snaps from wedding photographer Luca Ragogna:

Full disclosure – this is a model, not an actual bride. But the theory is the same, and I think it would be tons of fun to go to a carnival in a wedding dress and just play games and eat fried whatever all day. IMO, pictures from the little field trips that some couples take turn out awesome, and I think, a lot more fun to look at years later than yet another straight up and down shot in front of a staircase. So I LOVE it.

What do YOU think about the wedding photos that some couples take out-and-about. Did you take a photographic field trip, or are you planning on taking one?

In the movies, groomsmen are usually irresponsible, party-loving dudes who fear settling down and do everything they can to talk the groom out of getting hitched.

Thankfully, real life is nowhere near as dramatic. You may have heard these guys referred to as ushers, but not all ushers are groomsmen and not all groomsmen are ushers. Most of the time, these two roles are treated as one, but some couples use the naming disparity as a pretext for including more family and friends in their wedding. Whatever honorific they receive, these guys have it pretty easy, as evidenced by the extremely short list of groomsmen duties

On the big day, your groomsmen can hand out programs, direct people to their seats, and keep an eye on the gift table. It’s not uncommon for a groomsman to become the unofficial answer man unwittingly, as guests tend to direct their questions toward anyone wearing a tux. Anticipate this by making sure your groomsmen know where the bathroom is. Some people even ask their male attendants to dance with any single females at the reception – but this practice is not as common as it once was because being a woman without a dance partner is no longer considered a fate worse than death. When your ushers are not your groomsmen, you can ensure they don’t feel left out by mentioning their names in the wedding program, announcing them at the reception, and seating them with the other members of the wedding party.

How many groomsmen do you need? Like bridesmaids, these guys are, in fact, a nonessential element of weddings. But they look great in photographs and may even prove helpful, so plan on having two or three groomsmen per fifty guests for a formal wedding or less for an informal affair.

Excerpt: iDo: Planning Your Wedding With Nothing But Net

The groom’s speech – yes, yet another in the long line of wedding speeches – is your opportunity to thank your wedding guests for honoring you with their presence, to thank your new spouse for all her or his hard work, and to give a shout out to all the people who helped you foot the bills. Your speech, if you plan to give one, usually happens after the FOB has had his say but before the BM grabs for the mic. You can wing it if you have a talent for freestyling, but the groom’s speech is almost always more impressive if you prepare ahead of time by making a mental list of all the people you should be thanking.

Who deserves an honorable mention? Consider paying your respects to the moms and the dads, your attendants including the littlest ones, your officiant, extended family you’re close to, guests who traveled very far, and all those who were unable to make it due to circumstances outside of their control… but try to avoid reciting a laundry list of thank yous.

If you want to do more than express your gratitude, you should really prep your speech ahead of time and memorize it. There’s nothing wrong with reading off a crumpled up slip of paper – which is how I read my vows! – but connecting with a crowd means making eye contact. Even though Easyweddingtoasts.com suggests opening with a snappy one-liner, what you’re aiming for here is sincerity and originality. Don’t get too funny or too sentimental – your family may think your re-enactment of your first date is hilarious, but your spouse’s family may not be used to your brand of humor. Personal anecdotes are good, and you can win major brownie points with your new in-laws by telling everyone how lucky you are to be married to your new mate.

You could pay someone to write the ultimate groom’s speech for you… the Internet is overflowing with automatic speech generators like Speeches.com and professional speechwriters looking to make a buck. Your guests probably won’t care, however, whether you recite a good canned speech or give an okay speech that comes from the heart. They’re there to support you, not to judge you. You shouldn’t talk on and on in the interest of making your speech a certain length – a minute or two of chatter is sufficient if you’ve gotten your point across. End with a one-sentence toast like, “To my beautiful bride!” or “To the families that were joined today!” and pass the mic on.

Excerpt: iDo: Planning Your Wedding With Nothing But Net

Before I get to the meat of today’s post, I wanted to take a sec to tell you that all of the posts this week are going to focus on the groom and his concerns. Too many people still say that weddings are all about the bride and what the bride wants, but I think the groom should get to enjoy his wedding day just as much! Also, this week’s posts are going to include a lot of excerpts from my book iDo: Planning Your Wedding With Nothing But Net, which is a great resource for the busy bride who doesn’t have a lot of time to browse the shops.

Hey grooms, have you considered accessorizing your wedding day duds with a classic bow tie? They’re not just for waiters, magicians, and nerds, you know. But I understand that a lot of grooms (and groomsmen) find bow ties intimidating because, hey, how many guys know how to tie one?

If you’re a novice, you should know that bow ties come in two varieties, the bat wing and the thistle. The former model has parallel edges while the latter bulges twice at the ends, but the dissimilarities end there. You can use the same set of instructions to tie both varieties unless you happen to be tying the more unusual and much rarer single-ended variety of bow tie. Note: There are only handful of online shops that sell single-ended bow ties and no tying tutorials whatsoever that I could find in a quickie search. Should you accidentally buy this sort of bow tie, you may be able to solicit help from an older relative who remembers what to do with them.

If your rented tux happens to come with a clip-on bow tie – ewwwww – do yourself a favor and spring for a nice classic bow tie of your very own. Few people are capable of tying a bow tie these days, and your wedding day getup will be regarded as all the more impressive because you decided to put so much thought and effort into your attire.

Image: Unkommon Kolor, Excerpt: iDo: Planning Your Wedding With Nothing But Net

Weddings should be fun, and for a lot of brides and grooms, fun means play! There’s nothing wrong with planning a wedding that is grownup and elegant, and similarly, there’s nothing wrong with planning a wedding that’s full of crazy silly things for wedding guests to do. Like, for example, bowling. Yep, I said bowling. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but if it’s yours, consider renting out a bowling alley for your wedding reception and switching out your bridal pumps for a pair of rented shoes.

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Wedding themes? Love ‘em. But I’ll admit that they don’t always work, and I can’t say that it’s necessarily the fault of the brides and grooms. Weaving some element basically unrelated to weddings into a ceremony and reception (not to mention things like wedding stationery or a wedding web site) can be pretty difficult. Too little, and your themey stuff can look out of place. Too much, and your wedding might not feel like a wedding anymore. I’m not talking about color themes – or season themes or holiday themes, both of which are pretty easy – but rather the themes that might already be a little confusing to your loved ones. Steampunk, for example. 1940s cinema. Drag racing. Anything that could be considered well outside the wedding box.

The images below of a wedding that subtly integrated a Superman and superhero theme into a wedding themed wedding were taken by the talented team at Philadelphia wedding photographer Hoffer Photography. I think it’s a great example of how to weave something special to you into your wedding without sacrificing the modern-traditional wedding aesthetic.

Not that there’s anything wrong with a big crazy overt wedding theme if that’s what you want! Personally, I like wedding themed weddings and weddings where guests are invited to come in costume and weddings that take place in unusually themed venues and pretty much every other kind of wedding, as long as the food is good. I think the key to making a wedding theme work is either keeping it simple and subtle or taking it all the way. In each case, some of your wedding guests will get it and some won’t, so make your planning focus creating a ceremony and reception that’s special to you, not necessarily a ceremony and reception every one of your loved ones will understand.