Manolo for the Brides

This is one of the most contentious questions in wedding planning, for some reason. I’m really not quite sure why it makes so many otherwise perfectly reasonable people froth at the mouth and arm themselves with the verbal equivalent of thermonuclear devices. It’s just a question and there honestly is no universally right or wrong answer to it. Even Miss Manners et al agree that it is perfectly proper to make either decision.

And yet one side claims that allowing children in the door is tantamount to turning your wedding into Romper Room, leading to social disgrace and a miserable married life while the other side claims that anyone who wants a kid-free celebration hates all children and therefore has no business getting married.

Both sides have blown the thing entirely out of proportion. That’s right, I said it and I stand by it. I’ve been to a metric buttload of weddings in my day, and you know what didn’t determine whether or not it was a nice wedding? Whether or not children were invited. On this question, I am Switzerland… and a Switzerland that feels way too many other countries are being entirely too overwrought to make much sense.

The fact is, there are plenty of reasons to make either choice that do not include failing to take your wedding seriously or hating children. Even if you do have a preference for the less adult things in life or really do think children should be put into stasis from birth to age 21, it’s really your decision. You get to make it, and it’s okay.

But what if you’re not sure which way to go on this one? How do you decide? Take a look after the cut and see.
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I’m always on the lookout for alternatives to the traditional wedding guestbook, like kiosk guestbooks and the washline guestbook. Here’s another fun idea, this time from Cut the Cake Designs though I imagine you could DIY it fairly easily with a pretty recipe card box from a cooking supply shop and the right sort of printer.

The wooden address card boxes hold twenty-six elegantly designed custom dividers and 200 address card inserts for guests to fill out with their names, addresses, and note for the newlyweds.

Many of the divider designs can be customized with different colors or some alternate text, though a small fee may be added to the basic price ($35) as a result.

I don’t know about you, but I like these recipe box guestbooks and think they’d make a darling addition to a rustic wedding or a wedding with a cookery theme. The added benefit of having guests include their mailing addresses when filling out the wedding guestbook cards doesn’t hurt, either.

Many’s the time I’ve seen a nervous soon-to-be wedding guest panic over what to wear to the big event. It’s a question that comes up again and again in advice columns and Yahoo questions, and around water coolers at multinational corporate offices. Really, though, it’s not that difficult. It’s mostly a matter of common sense combined with a touch of information.

So what are the rules? How to approach the question? Read on and learn, my friends.

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Depending on your age or the economic realities of your social circle, it may come to pass that you find yourself invited to a wedding where the couple is older, well-established, and successful. In other words, they have everything they want and can easily buy anything they want but don’t yet have. You may receive a wedding invitation with a note like “May your presence at our wedding be your only gift to us” or hear through the grapevine that the bride and groom have stated that they really, truly, for real this time do not want any gifts.

Now we all know by now that traditional etiquette frowns upon any mention of gifts in an invitation, because it’s simply not nice to tell people how they should spend or not spend their money and the guests of honor should be focusing on the presence of guests rather than the presence of presents. So let’s just say that our hypothetical bride and groom have let family members or the bridal party spread the word that they’d rather not get wedding gifts.

What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?!

You could abide by the bride and groom’s wishes, though we all know that’s not going to happen. Because, yeah, showing up for a wedding empty handed or knowing that you’ve bought nothing ahead of time (other than a snazzy new dress) to mark the occasion can feel a little weird. Guilt-inducing, even. My suggestion will always be skip the tea towels or the candle stand. In fact, skip anything that’s not either consumable or small enough to fit into the palm of your hand. Why? Because a lot of brides and grooms who specifically ask that their wedding guests not give them wedding gifts do so because they’d rather not deal with more stuff in their lives.

So think small or edible or drinkable if you simply must buy our hypothetical couple a gift… try a nice bottle of champagne or wine of some meaningful vintage or chocolates — but do be sure the recipients will enjoy consuming your gift — or an ornament marking the year they are marrying or gift certificates to local restaurants or hotspots so their honeymoon can last that much longer. It’s win-win this way. You can satisfy your overwhelming urge to give and the bride and groom won’t have to sift through that much more stuff.

(On the flip side, if you ARE the bride or the groom and don’t want wedding presents, spread the word in a mannerly way by asking your mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend, maid of honor, and bridesmaids to let everyone know that you’d prefer other guests not give gifts. And when the inevitable gifts do roll in, be a sweetie-pie and accept them graciously and with gratitude.)

A long while back I bookmarked a People Magazine poll that asked whether it was ever okay to wear white as a wedding guest. If I recall correctly, something along the lines of 73% of people said “No way, Jose.” I tend to agree with the majority, not because I imagine that wedding guests would wear anything resembling a wedding gown (though some of the nastier ones might), but because all of the other wedding guests will make assumptions based on one’s fashion choices.

Summery cotton or linen dresses in white can be wedding appropriate — especially when paired with bright and colorful scarves, sashes, stockings, or other accessories — but why risk being incorrectly regarded as a jealous ex-lover or peevish in-law? That’s my take, anyway. What say you?

When I got married, I’m only just a little ashamed to say that I bought myself an embroidered sweatshirt that read “N.t.B” on the front pocket and “Mrs. The Beard says ‘Screw Etiquette’” on the back. Seriously, I kid you not — I still wear it today. Now I say I’m only a little ashamed because at the time I felt that my particular sweatshirt was a step above those reading “The Future Mrs. Smith.” No offense to those brides-to-be who absolutely adore those sorts of blinged out tops, but they just aren’t my thing. I did, however, make sure to buy my mom a mother of the bride t-shirt because I knew she’d dig it.

Look at online bridal accessory shops long enough and you’ll see bedazzled tank tops for brides and bridesmaids, hats for the father of the bride, sweatpants whose rear ends proclaim one’s to-be married name, and even accessories for future flower girls and ring bearers. But I can honestly say I have never before seen anything like this:

That’s right — Tip Top Wedding Shop has Groom’s Uncle shirts. The best part? The lettering is done in rhinestones. As The Beard just noted, “Maybe it’s for the fabulous uncle?” Tip Top Wedding Shop also carried sparkly shirts for the groom’s niece, the groom’s grandpa, the mummy of the groom, and the nana of the groom. I can’t say that I love or hate all of the “X of the Y” clothing out there, but I can’t help but wonder how many uncles or grandpas would really enjoy wearing a rhinestone top proclaiming their relationship to the couple to be married.

What say you?

It’s simply a fact that some people don’t like having their picture taken. Whether it’s because they think they come out looking ridiculous or that they want to be able to control every shot they appear in, there are men and women who just cannot stand appearing in candid photographs. At weddings, as you might imagine, this becomes a touch problematic.

At almost every wedding there comes a time — usually during the reception — when the photographer is making the rounds, snapping shots of wedding guests eating, drinking, dancing, and otherwise enjoying themselves. If the bride and groom happen to know a lot of photophobic individuals, what they end up with is a lot of pictures of hands covering faces or well-dressed people ducking out of the frame. It doesn’t exactly make for a great wedding album.

An acquaintance of mine who is planning to wed her girlfriend in the near future anticipated this problem and created a series of photographic rules for wedding guests. The main rule is as follows:

If you are at the wedding or reception, you are NOT ALLOWED to cover, duck, or otherwise hide your face when you think someone is trying to take a picture of you because you think you take such horrible pictures. I am freaking serious I will KICK YOU OUT. You will be playing on the swingset all alone with a piece of cake.

That seems entirely reasonable and understandable to me… well, except for the kicking out bit, which I take to be facetious. Really, who wants a bunch of shots of panicky-looking wedding guests waving their hands at the camera lens? But in case that seems less than reasonable to photophobes, my acquaintance drew up a number of sub-rules that clarify the main rule. Here are some of them:

1. Covering your face or, in some dramatic cases, hurling yourself under the table, is what makes a hideous photograph. Holy Batman almighty, there is nothing worse.

6. You won’t even be SEEING the pictures.

8. In fact, if you pull this Photos-of-me-are-so-hideous crap, we might blow your photo up to poster size and show it to everyone you know.

10. I mean, these are PROFESSIONAL photographers. Who only take good pictures. This is not your Uncle Joe with a disposable camera and the sun behind him so you have to squint and he shoots everyone from the top down so they look weirdly foreshortened and then you think that’s just how you looked because everyone says that the camera never lies.

What do you think? Is this an entirely reasonable thing for a bride and bride (or groom and groom or bride and groom or whatever you’re into) to ask of their wedding guests? While I wouldn’t suggest that soon-to-be newlyweds give their wedding guests specific instructions, I do think it’s a courtesy that guests should extend to their hosts automatically. After all, the snapshots the wedding photographer is taking will be some of the most precious keepsakes a couple will have, so it seems rather impolite to compromise them.

Don’t like having your photo taken? I have an easy solution for wedding guests! Simply avoid the photographer. Hint: That’s the person with the largish professional-looking camera equipment. Problem solved.

Photo credit: Make Pictures

Whether or not to include children in your wedding party and/or guest list is a purely personal decision. I want to make it very clear that if you choose not to include kids, I’m not going to make any sort of attempt to change your mind. Make your day adult, and have a great time with it.

If, however, you’ve decided to include children in your celebration, whether as guests or as participants, there are a few things you may want to consider in making your plans. After all, you want them to have a good time…and you want their parents to have a good time, too.

Don’t panic. It really isn’t that hard to do. If you follow a few simple tips, even your youngest guests and attendants will remember your day fondly.

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