By now, most of you have probably heard that Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg married longtime lady love Priscilla Chan yesterday. As always, I hope you will join with me in wishing them a long, happy marriage.

But there’s one aspect of this wedding you might not have heard about yet: it was a surprise to the entire guest list.

Chan had graduated from medical school during the week, and she and Zuckerberg sent out invitations to a graduation party. But when guests arrived, well, Chan was wearing a white gown and veil and the next thing guests knew, they were witnessing the start of a new marriage.

While this approach certainly isn’t for everybody, I have to say I like the concept. It’s low key, so it’s easier to avoid jitters. Nobody is expecting a wedding, so they don’t worry about shelling out money they can’t afford on new clothes and gifts. You don’t have to corral your nearest girlfriends into the bridal salon to argue over which available dress they hate least as a group. Nobody can accuse you of boring them to death with wedding details. Nobody has a chance to object to the aspect of the wedding that means the most to you.

In short, all you need to do is organize a party in a place you like, invite the people you’re closest to, nab yourself an officiant, get a license, and give everyone there the surprise of their lives! It’s up to you whether to plan for months or do it on a couple days’ notice, whether to include traditional trappings or drop every wedding convention except the vows.

I took a long time to plan my wedding to Mr. Twistie. I enjoyed the entire process. I loved sharing my plans with others. But there’s definitely something to be said for keeping an exciting secret, too.

So how about you? Would you ever consider a surprise wedding?

I’m guessing it’s not every bridal blog where you would expect to see a picture of Edgar Allan Poe looking all creepy at you.

The funny thing is, if I could have invited any famous person – dead or alive – to my wedding, Mr. Poe would definitely have made the short list, along with Oscar Wilde and Vincent Price. Mr. Twistie probably would have voted for Eddie Cantor.

Why these men? Because, in a word, they all knew how to have a good time. Oh, and Vincent Price was also known for his fabulous cooking. Had his arm been properly twisted, he might have brought along something tempting to eat.

Hmmm… maybe Vincent should win, after all.

What about you? If you could invite any famous person from any point in history to your wedding, who would it be? Why?

Nearly every couple getting married sends out at least one or two invitations to people they’re pretty sure won’t attend, for one reason or another. Every once in a while, they show up anyway. One good friend of mine was absolutely gobsmacked when her uncle came all the way from New Zealand for her wedding. But I think John and Frances Canning may have been even more amazed at who turned out for their big day.

The happy couple had booked the Manchester Town Hall for their event, and about four weeks before the wedding, they were contacted and told that a VIP would be in the building that day: no less a personage than Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. The queen and Prince Philip were going to be attending a banquet in honor of the queen’s Diamond Jubilee.

Being fans of the royals, John and Frances decided to send an invitation, more as a bit of light-hearted fun to share with friends than out of any belief that anything would come of it.

But when the ceremony was over, the staff asked the wedding party to wait a minute in the corridor, and who should come by but the Queen and Prince Consort offering congratulations!

I offer up mine, as well, but that probably isn’t as exciting as actually meeting the Queen of England.

PS: Don’t forget to enter the contest! You have a couple days left.

If you’ve never had to decide on the wording of a wedding invitation before, it can be a confusing task. Pleasure of your company or honor of your presence? Whose parents’ names come first? How about divorce or dead parents? Two grooms or two brides? Who gets listed first then? Can’t I just send out a viral evite?

Don’t panic. It’s really not as complicated as all that. You just need to know what the rules are and how they affect your choices. Also? Nobody ever died of an ill-worded wedding invitation, so it’s okay to lighten up a bit.
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If they didn't want you there, one hopes they wouldn't have invited you.

Though we mainly address our wisdoms to brides-to-be, we don’t like to neglect the needs of wedding guests and prospective wedding guests. How to respond to a wedding invitation can be just as tricky as writing one, and that goes double when someone who’s been invited to a wedding is unsure whether she or he should happily accept or decline with regrets. Here’s a question we received a few years back – I felt like this post needed to see the light of day again in case other invited wedding guests out there were on the fence as to whether yes or no is the right response. That said, here’s the question posed by a prospective guest:

I was recently sent a “save the date” card by a friend who is, well, no longer really a friend. Not that we had a falling out, but we don’t really travel in the same social circles anymore. However, I was in the couple’s life when they became a couple, and I’m so happy for the two of them. I’m not sure what to do. I wonder if she invited me because she felt she should because I knew about the wedding? I wonder if I’ll just feel terribly socially awkward the whole time? I wonder if people will think I accepted just to get a free meal, rather than to celebrate the union of these two people? Would the bride be happier if I accepted or if I declined?

To anyone,anywhere contemplating an invitation to an event they’d rather not attend, I say this: Not replying at all is a dis of the highest order. While it might seem that dragging one’s feet until it’s far to late to reply is the easiest option, there are some things polite people simply do not do. That’s not to say I was suggesting that either party who wrote to me would do such a thing. Far from it! It’s simply a gem of truth that bears repeating now and again.

If you feel uncomfortable accepting an invitation to a bridal tea, bridal shower, or wedding, then by all means decline. There is nothing discourteous or ungracious about saying, “No.” When it comes to the invites to the main event, it’s usually as easy as pie…at least I’ve never seen a response card that reads “______ declines with regrets, now tell us why in 500 words or less _________.” If you’re asked to RSVP via phone or the individual doing the inviting just has to know why you can’t attend, things get stickier.

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Wedding guests, be good!

The Bride-to-Be Is the Point Person for Wedding Info
The bride-to-be is busy. Ever heard of wedding stress? Family is the number one reason for wedding stress, but simple busyness comes in at a close second. Sure, there’s plenty of downtime in the wedding planning process, but there is also plenty for the bride-to-be to do. Especially as the wedding date looms ever closer. Now there are those wedding guests who literally know no one other than the bride (old middle school chums, for instance) and so can’t exactly dial up the MOH out of the blue, but most other guests will know someone, like the MOB for instance, who can answer questions like “Will there be a vegetarian option at the reception” or “Would a summer suit be appropriate attire?”

There Is an Implied +1 or ‘and Guest’ On Your Wedding Invitation
This is one of those areas where weddings bring out the worst in people. It would never occur to me, were I invited to a conference or luncheon or going away party, to RSVP or worse yet, to just bring an “and guest” out of the blue. Then again, I take invitations at face value and there are apparently a whole lot of people who don’t. To avoid confusion, experts like myself recommend that everyone who is invited to a wedding be listed by name on the wedding invitation. That way, no one can claim ignorance.

The Couple Must Provide Free Booze/Cake/Hors d’œuvres/Etc.
What the couple is responsible for is serving some form of refreshments at the reception. Things the couple is not responsible for include helping you get your crunk on, making sure what is served is your favorite ever food, or having so much on hand to eat that wedding guests actually have to remove their pants after dinner. The wedding reception meal is one brunch or lunch or dinner out of a guest’s life, yet some guests get really cranky about it. And they shouldn’t. It would be entirely impossible for brides and grooms to take every single dietary particularity into account when planning the reception menu. Don’t like it? Don’t eat it, and don’t complain.

You Should Bring a Gift to the Wedding
Gifts for the bride and groom are an expected courtesy, and one made extra simply by the existence of online wedding registries that let you choose presents in your pajamas and have them sent along to the happy couple’s home. These days, no one other than the UPS man has to lug wedding gifts around. While I do see wedding gift tables set up at most receptions, bringing a gift to the wedding means that someone will be responsible for bringing said gift home from the wedding. And don’t brides and grooms and their families have enough to do post-reception without adding lugging gifts to the mix? Even if you don’t buy off the wedding registry – and you don’t have to – have your wedding gift sent along to the happy couple in advance of the big day.

What are your wedding guest pet peeves?

She looks happy enough!

Children at weddings is one of those topics that’s been debated half to death, here and elsewhere, among couples and families and wedding guests. Some people maintain that children simply do not belong at weddings, while others counter that weddings ought to be family affairs where children are absolutely welcome. The simplest solution, of course, is to defer to the wishes of brides and grooms. If children are invited, then they’re welcome at that particular wedding. If children are not invited, then that particular wedding is an adults-only affair. Simple, no?

The same goes for infants. When La Paloma was very young, The Beard and I were invited to a wedding – our invitation said ‘The Terrys’ – and I made a point of getting in touch with the bride to ask if babies were invited. Because I was not going to inflict an unpredictable 8-month-old on someone’s special day unless she was definitely going to be welcome. She was, we went, and there were no difficulties with the exception of my trying and failing to nurse in the confines of my automobile.

Which brings me to the topic of this post, the concessions brides and grooms can make for their littlest wedding guests. I don’t mean the toddler+ set that can amuse themselves by sticking their fingers in the backside of the wedding cake and crawling under tables, but rather those wedding guests confined to strollers or bucket car seats, the guests who sup from breasts and bottles, and yes, the guests who may not only cry during your ceremony, but actually scream. Babies at weddings aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, that’s for sure. But if they’re yours, then here are 5 things you can do to make your littlest guests (and their mamas and papas) more comfortable in an unfamiliar situation.

1. Make sure that parents of infants know that the infants are invited. Not every invitee with a wee one is going to take the initiative like I did, which means that some may decline simply because childcare isn’t an option. The easiest way to ensure that babies’ mamas and papas know that the whole family will be welcome at your ceremony and reception is to include the little one’s name on their invitation. That doesn’t leave much room for confusion – though don’t be surprised if people are still confused since wedding invitation etiquette is not something taught in school these days.

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