Manolo for the Brides

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard brides-to-be say things like “I’d do X if it weren’t for Y.” Usually, the X is something like “wear a wedding dress that shows off my killer tattoos” or “serve a gluten-free vegan reception dinner” or “hire a bouncy castle for my adults-only wedding.” The Y is most often “my family,” though it is occasionally “society’s expectations.”

Every bride-to-be and groom-to-be… okay, almost every bride and groom… pays tribute to the conventions laid out by culture and religion and familial traditions, even if they don’t realize it. Social expectations are like advertising — we’re exposed to them our entire lives, in the conversations we hear and the media we see and the stories we’re told. Unless one lives the extremely examined life, it can be difficult to know where societal conventions end and where one’s own desires begin.

There are two ways to get around this, however. The first is to ask yourself why you want what you want. Here’s the disclaimer: There’s nothing wrong with wanting the big white princess dress to your wedding ceremony any more than there’s anything wrong with wanting to wear a neon green sailor suit to your wedding ceremony. Whether you want to wear the gown or the suit, consider your motivations. Maybe you’re leaning toward the gown because you’ve been taught that brides wear wedding gowns. Maybe you’re leaning toward the suit because you want to show everyone how truly anti-establishment you truly are. White dresses or sailor suits might just be your thing, you may discover that your true tastes lie somewhere in between. Lime green wedding gown, anyone?

The second way to get around the influence of convention is to seriously consider the random ideas that pop into your head when planning your wedding. Let’s say your brain says “How about a groom’s ‘cake’ made of your fiancé’s favorite candy bars!” Before you write that idea off as silly, consider whether it might be a fun addition to your dessert table. Maybe your brain says something like “I want to do the hokey-pokey as my first dance!” Think about it — do you really? If you do, stop worrying that your wedding guests will think it’s weird. First dances can be pretty boring, honestly, and I’d love it if the bride and groom started shaking it all about on the dance floor.

Just recently, I’ve read about a Halo-themed wedding, an all-black pagan wedding, and musical underwear for brides-to-be from Syria. Manolo for the Brides has featured sushi wedding cake and cheese wedding cakes. I’ve seen blue-haired brides, seriously tattooed brides, and brides on bikes (motor and otherwise). I have to assume that these brides faced at least some opposition to their choices, whether in the form of outright disapproval or quiet tsks from well-meaning relatives thinking “But she’s so pretty, if only she would…”

Yeah, well, I hate the break it to the detractors, but she, i.e., the bride-to-be, is so pretty anyway, whether she decides to drive a tractor to the ceremony or dye her hair to match her shockingly pink bridesmaids’ dresses. Keep that in mind if you’re planning your wedding and you’ve found yourself thinking “I’d do X if it weren’t for Y.” Heck, keep it in mind for the rest of your life! Sometimes doing X just isn’t feasible, but sometimes the only thing keeping you from doing X is that pesky Y.

Want to keep more YOU in YOUR wedding? Remember that when it comes to choosing a wedding dress or ceremony accessories or vows or reception venue or transport or most of the other stuff associated with weddings, it’s more often than not perfectly appropriate to say “I respect your opinion Y, but I’m still going to do X.”

(Note: The pic above came from Allebach Photography in Philly. Call 610.539.6920 if you’re interested in wedding photography or a trash the dress session.)

The superbly lovely Kate wrote to ask:

I’m a regular reader of your blog and was wondering if you could help me out. I’m getting married at the end of September and want to wear a cream-colored “flower” in my hair, to match my dress. Problem is, what I find is either something from the WIC that’s eighty bucks, or a shoddy-looking fake “silk” blossom that is 1.99 at the craft store. Can you help me find a pretty off-white fake flower for my hair, for less than forty dollars? My hairdresser says it doesn’t have to have a barrette - if it has a stem, she can weave it in.

I feel Kate’s pain, even though I when I was getting married it wasn’t flowers but rather hair gems I sought. Everything truly elegant was way out of my price range, and everything in my price range looked like it had come from a girls bracelet making kit from the Toys ‘R’ Us. Eventually, I let my hair stand on its own, which was more than fine because my stylist was truly a wizard.

Now, anyone looking for faux blooms should learn a little background and a little lingo before hitting the shops. Today’s silk flowers typically aren’t actually made of silk…except when they are, in which case they may cost you a pretty penny. The reason so many fakies look so awful is that they’re made of cheap polyester. Even worse, they are sometimes embellished with things like rhinestones and plastic water droplets.

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Hubert de Givenchy said that in a 1985 issue of Vogue. The site linked through the picture above came to me through a recommendation from a lady of my acquaintance who used it to choose a snazzy new haircut. Since I don’t often talk about wedding locks — mainly because my relationship with my own “do” is so strained — I thought it might be time to put hair back on the program.

Makeover Solutions touts itself as “your best friend for all things beauty.” A free trial lets you try out hair and makeup options on a creepy, digitally rendered model that vaguely resembles you. If you sign up, you can upload an actual photo and give yourself 100 virtual makeovers in the course of ten minutes.

Is it useful? That depends on whether or not you are mega concerned about your wedding hairstyle. I did not follow the commonly outlined rules because I had neither the time nor the money to test run updoes in the weeks before my wedding. Besides, my stylist was in a different state, and he’s known for his major magazine spreads, so I figured it would all turn out all right. And it did, happily enough! I know, however, that not everyone is so lucky.

Do I know myself? I guess so. All I had to say was that I preferred a looser look to something more structured. No uber tight curls for me, thanks.

VERSUS

Ah, DIY. What a pain in the behind, right? I’m not going to lie to you and say that your decision to make your own favors, bouquets, and so forth isn’t going to seem like a huge mistake now and then. But if you gather the right materials and tutorials beforehand, DIY doesn’t have to be entirely painful.

I just picked up a copy of Beaded Weddings: 75+ Fabulous Ideas for Jewelry, Invitations, Reception Decor, Gifts and More and I tell you truthfully that even a klutzy dunce like me can complete the projects in this book. Author Jean Campbell no doubt had people like me in mind while compiling the directions for things like adding beadwork to a plain veil, creating beautiful beaded embellishments for candles and cake cutters, making comb headpieces from scratch, constructing wedding-ready jewelry out of simple components, and prettying-up your nuptial decor with…you guessed it…beads.

A lot of books of this ilk (I’m talking about the hundreds of craft books out there) are obviously meant for the experienced DIY’er. Beaded Weddings is one of the few exceptions, as it contains step-by-step instructions for making matrimonial schwag that beginners can easily follow. From cake toppers, to centerpieces, to invitations, to tiaras, every project outlined in the book is accompanied by directions so specific even I can follow them. The first sixteen or so pages are dedicated to the why’s and how’s of threading beads, stringing beads, materials, wire cutters, and more.

The illustrations and color photographs are a big help. You wouldn’t know it, but making a pair of earrings or a pearl headband is pretty darn simple when you can consult figure drawings that tell you exactly how to place the beads, which direction to twist the jewelry wire, what knots to use, and how to secure any loose ends. No more paying the big bucks for simple drop earrings!

Now, a while back someone suggested I create a tutorial explaining how to embellish the edging on a veil. And I’ve gotten plenty of e-mails from readers wanting advice regarding DIY projects. Well, let me tell you, you’d be way better off buying this book (or one like it) because I definitely have my limits where handicrafts are concerned.

The traditional image of the western bride has her decked out like a princess and topped with a long, flowing veil. But not every modern bride opts for a veil. It’s a choice like any other. Today’s women no longer feel the pressured to express their subordination to men through their choice of matrimonial headgear (as they would have in ancient Greece and Rome, where yellow and red were the hot bridal hues). In fact, veils only gained popularity in the U.S. in the 1700s, after a certain Miss Nelly Curtis donned one at her wedding to Major Lawrence Lewis, one of George Washington’s nephews.

So how can brides who choose to eschew veils top themselves off? With headbands, tiaras, and hair jewels, of course! I’m a fan of the Rosa Bella tiara from Isabelle Tiaras, which combines delicate silver-tone leaves with ivory freshwater pearl flowers. It’s less ‘in your face’ than a veil but still beautiful and feminine. And it’s great for brides with almost any length of hair!

What’s the best way for brides-to-be to find ideas? By exploring their options, of course. The always lovely Dataceptionist has requested that I find ya’ll some good sites to peruse wedding hairstyles. Now I know there are some informative hairstyle how-to’s out there, but frankly there are also a lot of people out there (like me) who can’t even manage to braid someone’s hair. I’m of the opinion that unless a bride has long, flowing gorgeous hair that simply dazzles when unstyled, the doing of hair is best left to the pros.

But brides can still walk into the salon armed with a picture of what they want. And while it’s important to be realistic, I’m convinced that good stylists are magicians in disguise. To illustrate, long ago, when prom time came around, my hair was long on top but shaved near to bald underneath - hey, it was the 90s, cut me some slack. My mom’s stylist gave me an updo that made it look like I had a full head of hair. Furthermore, he crafted a six-petaled flower on my head…out of hair. It was amazing.

Anyway, to find examples of the hottest in wedding hair, I first did a Google image search for wedding hairstyles. That netted me 3,360 of bridal heads of all descriptions. Change that to wedding hair or bridal hair and the image count goes up to 26,700. While not all of the images are inspirational and some are just plain silly (dogs in tiaras?!), there are a wide range of bridal styles displayed in the results.

A site called simply Beautiful Hairstyles includes a wedding style gallery divided into categories such as updos and retro hairdos. While the site itself is sort of goofy, the images were for the most part culled from actual weddings. So you can see how certain hair styles look on real people rather than models.

Hairfinder, the “International Hair Directory” (whatever that means), allows you to upload a photo of yourself and virtually try on different wedding styles. There is a free demo, but in order to access Hairfinder’s database of 3,500 hairstyles, you need to pay a small fee.

There is, of course, always WeddingHair, which sells styling kits for do-it-yourselfers. If you are a bride who has absolutely no idea how she wants her hair done on her wedding day, this can be a good starting off point since the dos tend to be fairly basic. And if you want a laugh, have a look at the teen hair category - those sure don’t look like any teens I know!

While there is software such as The Perfect Wedding Series: The Beautiful Bride - HAIR out there, in the end, I say Google it. There are too many sites with three grainy pics calling themselves wedding hair resources. You may as well go right to a giant image bank that’s going to grant you the variety you need to come up with a hairstyle that meets your demands.

By the way, the fabulous Kristin sent me a link to an article that proves that spontaneity doesn’t always equal romance. Yesterday, a stark naked would-be groom jumped out of his apartment window in an effort to convince his girlfriend that taking risks (risks like getting married) is an important part of life. He ended up running from a vigilante gunman! I smell a metaphor in there somewhere…

Hair seems to be one of those things we only think about when we have to. I know the only reason I’m thinking about it right now is because my fun and flirty hairstyle is quickly turning into a Monkees-esque horror. I really need to do something about that. But until I do, hair is going to be on my mind in a major way.

So how do those of us with busy lifestyles choose a do to compliment our overall wedding look? By not waiting until the last minute, of course! If you’ve never thought about your ultimate wedding hairstyle, you’re going to want to start mulling that over six months before the wedding. This can be a good time to meet with your stylist to discuss headpieces and hairdo options. If you’re absolutely stymied, make a list of your beauty icons and then ask your stylist for advice.

Guides like the The Perfect Wedding Series for Hair DVDs can help you learn the secrets of gorgeous wedding hair.

Browse the multitude of online wedding hair galleries and then consider: The mood of your wedding, the style of your dress, the length and type of your hair, the shape of your face, and your relative up-do comfort level. Some people don’t mind being stabbed with bobby pins. You may not want to have to worry about your elaborate twist coming undone. Personally, I get migraines when my hair is pulled back too tightly. These things matter. No matter how beautiful you look, discomfort will interfere with your nuptial joy.

Condition, condition, condition. But not right before your hair trial run, photo session, or ceremony. Deep condition all you like until a week before these events. Shampoo the day before, but don’t wash your hair on the day your locks are being styled. A little natural oil will help your hair stay in place. I would suggest that you also refrain from changing your base style or your haircolor before the wedding. You may not like the results and your hair will be immortalized in your wedding photos.

Above all, be realistic. If your everyday hair is a mass of tightly packed curls, work with that. If your hair is straight as a pin, find a style that will make the most of it. Use what you’ve got, ladies! You’ll feel more confident when the you walking down the aisle is the real you.

Above style by Ooh-La-La-Beaute

No, not those under five feet tall. Maybe I’ll tackle that some other time. I mean ladies sporting totally modern, super hip short locks. I was inspired to take on this topic a few days ago when I visited the salon in order to have my long ladylike tresses converted into an ultra-short, face-framing do. What can I say? I’m brave like that. And it’s only hair. Right?

Cut to shortly thereafter when The Beard hinted he might be inclined to pop the question one of these days (YAY!) and I realized I’d never even considered how someone with hair as short as mine might go about styling it for their wedding. Updo’s are almost the least complicated thing one can do because one typically leaves the doing of it to an accomplished stylist. And, with a longish updo, there are all manner of things one can pin into or onto it.

That leaves headbands, crowns and wreaths, little clips, and plain. Of course, that accomplished stylist I was thinking about will be able to think of something, but it’s best to have at least some idea of what you want. Here are three looks from WeddingHair.com that I like and that can be purchased in kit form:

If you’re a DIYer, you could check out Beautiful Bride - HAIR, The Perfect Wedding Series Volume 2, which gives a number of hints and tips on styling your own hair for your wedding day.

Of course, none of this has helped me determine whether wearing a veil is even a possibility with two-inch long hair.