Keep the YOU in YOUR Wedding
Wednesday, December 17th, 2008By Never teh Bride

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard brides-to-be say things like “I’d do X if it weren’t for Y.” Usually, the X is something like “wear a wedding dress that shows off my killer tattoos” or “serve a gluten-free vegan reception dinner” or “hire a bouncy castle for my adults-only wedding.” The Y is most often “my family,” though it is occasionally “society’s expectations.”
Every bride-to-be and groom-to-be… okay, almost every bride and groom… pays tribute to the conventions laid out by culture and religion and familial traditions, even if they don’t realize it. Social expectations are like advertising — we’re exposed to them our entire lives, in the conversations we hear and the media we see and the stories we’re told. Unless one lives the extremely examined life, it can be difficult to know where societal conventions end and where one’s own desires begin.
There are two ways to get around this, however. The first is to ask yourself why you want what you want. Here’s the disclaimer: There’s nothing wrong with wanting the big white princess dress to your wedding ceremony any more than there’s anything wrong with wanting to wear a neon green sailor suit to your wedding ceremony. Whether you want to wear the gown or the suit, consider your motivations. Maybe you’re leaning toward the gown because you’ve been taught that brides wear wedding gowns. Maybe you’re leaning toward the suit because you want to show everyone how truly anti-establishment you truly are. White dresses or sailor suits might just be your thing, you may discover that your true tastes lie somewhere in between. Lime green wedding gown, anyone?
The second way to get around the influence of convention is to seriously consider the random ideas that pop into your head when planning your wedding. Let’s say your brain says “How about a groom’s ‘cake’ made of your fiancé’s favorite candy bars!” Before you write that idea off as silly, consider whether it might be a fun addition to your dessert table. Maybe your brain says something like “I want to do the hokey-pokey as my first dance!” Think about it — do you really? If you do, stop worrying that your wedding guests will think it’s weird. First dances can be pretty boring, honestly, and I’d love it if the bride and groom started shaking it all about on the dance floor.
Just recently, I’ve read about a Halo-themed wedding, an all-black pagan wedding, and musical underwear for brides-to-be from Syria. Manolo for the Brides has featured sushi wedding cake and cheese wedding cakes. I’ve seen blue-haired brides, seriously tattooed brides, and brides on bikes (motor and otherwise). I have to assume that these brides faced at least some opposition to their choices, whether in the form of outright disapproval or quiet tsks from well-meaning relatives thinking “But she’s so pretty, if only she would…”
Yeah, well, I hate the break it to the detractors, but she, i.e., the bride-to-be, is so pretty anyway, whether she decides to drive a tractor to the ceremony or dye her hair to match her shockingly pink bridesmaids’ dresses. Keep that in mind if you’re planning your wedding and you’ve found yourself thinking “I’d do X if it weren’t for Y.” Heck, keep it in mind for the rest of your life! Sometimes doing X just isn’t feasible, but sometimes the only thing keeping you from doing X is that pesky Y.
Want to keep more YOU in YOUR wedding? Remember that when it comes to choosing a wedding dress or ceremony accessories or vows or reception venue or transport or most of the other stuff associated with weddings, it’s more often than not perfectly appropriate to say “I respect your opinion Y, but I’m still going to do X.”
(Note: The pic above came from Allebach Photography in Philly. Call 610.539.6920 if you’re interested in wedding photography or a trash the dress session.)




















