I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard brides-to-be say things like “I’d do X if it weren’t for Y.” Usually, the X is something like “wear a wedding dress that shows off my killer tattoos” or “serve a gluten-free vegan reception dinner” or “hire a bouncy castle for my adults-only wedding.” The Y is most often “my family,” though it is occasionally “society’s expectations.”

Every bride-to-be and groom-to-be… okay, almost every bride and groom… pays tribute to the conventions laid out by culture and religion and familial traditions, even if they don’t realize it. Social expectations are like advertising — we’re exposed to them our entire lives, in the conversations we hear and the media we see and the stories we’re told. Unless one lives the extremely examined life, it can be difficult to know where societal conventions end and where one’s own desires begin.

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The superbly lovely Kate wrote to ask:

I’m a regular reader of your blog and was wondering if you could help me out. I’m getting married at the end of September and want to wear a cream-colored “flower” in my hair, to match my dress. Problem is, what I find is either something from the WIC that’s eighty bucks, or a shoddy-looking fake “silk” blossom that is 1.99 at the craft store. Can you help me find a pretty off-white fake flower for my hair, for less than forty dollars? My hairdresser says it doesn’t have to have a barrette – if it has a stem, she can weave it in.

I feel Kate’s pain, even though I when I was getting married it wasn’t flowers but rather hair gems I sought. Everything truly elegant was way out of my price range, and everything in my price range looked like it had come from a girls bracelet making kit from the Toys ‘R’ Us. Eventually, I let my hair stand on its own, which was more than fine because my stylist was truly a wizard.

Now, anyone looking for faux blooms should learn a little background and a little lingo before hitting the shops. Today’s silk flowers typically aren’t actually made of silk…except when they are, in which case they may cost you a pretty penny. The reason so many fakies look so awful is that they’re made of cheap polyester. Even worse, they are sometimes embellished with things like rhinestones and plastic water droplets.

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Once upon a time, men (and women!!) in a country on the eve of its birth laid down their lives to cast off the yoke of tyranny. In the present day, those of us who live in the grand ol’ U.S. of A. celebrate their sacrifice by setting off Chinese fireworks, drinking too much, and laughing our butts off at people dressed in red, white, and blue.

Not that there’s anything wrong with dressing in red, white, and blue. In fact, a smart nautically-inspired suit that makes one think that one might like to travel back in time to the 30s can look chic and sharp! Generally, however, I think I’d prefer to wear my reds, whites, and blues separately or in groupings of two to avoid any erroneous implications. I say think because my everyday uniform is black on black with a little touch of black.

For those who can pull off color or the lack of it without looking like some crazed she-beast, here are three luscious frocks — two from Nicole Miller and one from Vera Wang — that could conceivable be used to send a message like “I love America” or “Why settle for something from David’s Bridal” or “Hey, I’m not afraid to grab two friends and make a spectacle of myself on a patriotic parade float.”

Looking at this gown lineup, I can even imagine some bride-to-be who loves her country very much dressing her bridesmaids in red and blue…hey, I said I could picture it in my head, not that I would actually suggest someone actually do that.

Happy Fourth!

Hubert de Givenchy said that in a 1985 issue of Vogue. The site linked through the picture above came to me through a recommendation from a lady of my acquaintance who used it to choose a snazzy new haircut. Since I don’t often talk about wedding locks — mainly because my relationship with my own “do” is so strained — I thought it might be time to put hair back on the program.

Makeover Solutions touts itself as “your best friend for all things beauty.” A free trial lets you try out hair and makeup options on a creepy, digitally rendered model that vaguely resembles you. If you sign up, you can upload an actual photo and give yourself 100 virtual makeovers in the course of ten minutes.

Is it useful? That depends on whether or not you are mega concerned about your wedding hairstyle. I did not follow the commonly outlined rules because I had neither the time nor the money to test run updoes in the weeks before my wedding. Besides, my stylist was in a different state, and he’s known for his major magazine spreads, so I figured it would all turn out all right. And it did, happily enough! I know, however, that not everyone is so lucky.

Do I know myself? I guess so. All I had to say was that I preferred a looser look to something more structured. No uber tight curls for me, thanks.

VERSUS

Ah, DIY. What a pain in the behind, right? I’m not going to lie to you and say that your decision to make your own favors, bouquets, and so forth isn’t going to seem like a huge mistake now and then. But if you gather the right materials and tutorials beforehand, DIY doesn’t have to be entirely painful.

I just picked up a copy of Beaded Weddings: 75+ Fabulous Ideas for Jewelry, Invitations, Reception Decor, Gifts and More and I tell you truthfully that even a klutzy dunce like me can complete the projects in this book. Author Jean Campbell no doubt had people like me in mind while compiling the directions for things like adding beadwork to a plain veil, creating beautiful beaded embellishments for candles and cake cutters, making comb headpieces from scratch, constructing wedding-ready jewelry out of simple components, and prettying-up your nuptial decor with…you guessed it…beads.

A lot of books of this ilk (I’m talking about the hundreds of craft books out there) are obviously meant for the experienced DIY’er. Beaded Weddings is one of the few exceptions, as it contains step-by-step instructions for making matrimonial schwag that beginners can easily follow. From cake toppers, to centerpieces, to invitations, to tiaras, every project outlined in the book is accompanied by directions so specific even I can follow them. The first sixteen or so pages are dedicated to the why’s and how’s of threading beads, stringing beads, materials, wire cutters, and more.

The illustrations and color photographs are a big help. You wouldn’t know it, but making a pair of earrings or a pearl headband is pretty darn simple when you can consult figure drawings that tell you exactly how to place the beads, which direction to twist the jewelry wire, what knots to use, and how to secure any loose ends. No more paying the big bucks for simple drop earrings!

Now, a while back someone suggested I create a tutorial explaining how to embellish the edging on a veil. And I’ve gotten plenty of e-mails from readers wanting advice regarding DIY projects. Well, let me tell you, you’d be way better off buying this book (or one like it) because I definitely have my limits where handicrafts are concerned.

The traditional image of the western bride has her decked out like a princess and topped with a long, flowing veil. But not every modern bride opts for a veil. It’s a choice like any other. Today’s women no longer feel the pressured to express their subordination to men through their choice of matrimonial headgear (as they would have in ancient Greece and Rome, where yellow and red were the hot bridal hues). In fact, veils only gained popularity in the U.S. in the 1700s, after a certain Miss Nelly Curtis donned one at her wedding to Major Lawrence Lewis, one of George Washington’s nephews.

So how can brides who choose to eschew veils top themselves off? With headbands, tiaras, and hair jewels, of course! I’m a fan of the Rosa Bella tiara from Isabelle Tiaras, which combines delicate silver-tone leaves with ivory freshwater pearl flowers. It’s less ‘in your face’ than a veil but still beautiful and feminine. And it’s great for brides with almost any length of hair!

What’s the best way for brides-to-be to find ideas? By exploring their options, of course. The always lovely Dataceptionist has requested that I find ya’ll some good sites to peruse wedding hairstyles. Now I know there are some informative hairstyle how-to’s out there, but frankly there are also a lot of people out there (like me) who can’t even manage to braid someone’s hair. I’m of the opinion that unless a bride has long, flowing gorgeous hair that simply dazzles when unstyled, the doing of hair is best left to the pros.

But brides can still walk into the salon armed with a picture of what they want. And while it’s important to be realistic, I’m convinced that good stylists are magicians in disguise. To illustrate, long ago, when prom time came around, my hair was long on top but shaved near to bald underneath – hey, it was the 90s, cut me some slack. My mom’s stylist gave me an updo that made it look like I had a full head of hair. Furthermore, he crafted a six-petaled flower on my head…out of hair. It was amazing.

Anyway, to find examples of the hottest in wedding hair, I first did a Google image search for wedding hairstyles. That netted me 3,360 of bridal heads of all descriptions. Change that to wedding hair or bridal hair and the image count goes up to 26,700. While not all of the images are inspirational and some are just plain silly (dogs in tiaras?!), there are a wide range of bridal styles displayed in the results.

A site called simply Beautiful Hairstyles includes a wedding style gallery divided into categories such as updos and retro hairdos. While the site itself is sort of goofy, the images were for the most part culled from actual weddings. So you can see how certain hair styles look on real people rather than models.

Hairfinder, the “International Hair Directory” (whatever that means), allows you to upload a photo of yourself and virtually try on different wedding styles. There is a free demo, but in order to access Hairfinder’s database of 3,500 hairstyles, you need to pay a small fee.

There is, of course, always WeddingHair, which sells styling kits for do-it-yourselfers. If you are a bride who has absolutely no idea how she wants her hair done on her wedding day, this can be a good starting off point since the dos tend to be fairly basic. And if you want a laugh, have a look at the teen hair category – those sure don’t look like any teens I know!

While there is software such as The Perfect Wedding Series: The Beautiful Bride – HAIR out there, in the end, I say Google it. There are too many sites with three grainy pics calling themselves wedding hair resources. You may as well go right to a giant image bank that’s going to grant you the variety you need to come up with a hairstyle that meets your demands.

By the way, the fabulous Kristin sent me a link to an article that proves that spontaneity doesn’t always equal romance. Yesterday, a stark naked would-be groom jumped out of his apartment window in an effort to convince his girlfriend that taking risks (risks like getting married) is an important part of life. He ended up running from a vigilante gunman! I smell a metaphor in there somewhere…