The bride and groom leaving for...?

Delayed honeymoons are making the news these days, with people speaking out both in favor of and against them. I’m glad to see I’m riding the wave of what is apparently a trend, since four years after my own wedding we have yet to take a honeymoon (and no, family members, getting married in Florida does not make the wedding our de facto honeymoon). I feel like the queen of delayed honeymoons! Because if I delay it any longer, any honeymoon momentum we still have is going to fizzle out.

What is a delayed honeymoon? Just what it sounds like: the bride and groom (insert b/b or g/g as necessary) make their way to the exit of the reception venue, say their goodbyes, climb in to their wedding limo, and head… home? It’s more common than you may think! Plenty of couples are now going without a post-nuptial vacay for financial reasons. The destination wedding crowd often combine the ‘moon with the matrimony. And some folks are now advocating for NOT leaving for the honeymoon directly after the wedding rings are slipped on for practical reasons more than anything else.

The Pros of Delaying the Honeymoon:

• How about a chance to breathe? You’ve planned a wedding, executed a wedding, and now your next step immediately after is hopping in the car or on a jet plane? Slow down there! Why not go home, unwrap those wedding gifts, cash the checks, etc., and get your life in order before setting off?
• A delayed honeymoon can be a better, more glamorous honeymoon. Post-wedding trips may not be all they can be because couples who’ve just dropped a load of dough on a wedding may not have much to spend. When waiting means saving up, the world is your honeymoon oyster.
• When you a delay a honeymoon, you have a chance to come down off that wedding high that was at once glorious and hideously stressful. I’m not saying your wedding day isn’t beautiful, but my guess is that parts of it were anxiety-inducing, as well. A week or more of relaxation – or at least of basic everyday living – can do wonders for a person’s state of mind.

The Cons of Delaying the Honeymoon:

• Immediately after the wedding, brides and grooms tend to be in the half-lidded romance zone, and there’s something glorious about jetting off to an exotic location when there are still stars in your eyes. Going away immediately keeps things romantic that much longer.
• It’s easier to lobby for honeymoon discounts when you’re actually a very recent newlywed, and you still have that just-married look about you. Would my haggard working mama self be convincing as a starry-eyed bride? I think not.
• You may end up like me, with no honeymoon and little chance of ever taking one. After first, the assumption was we’d wait a year to go on our delayed honeymoon. My guess? Four years later, we’re no closer to honeymoon, and I’d feel pretty weird calling any trip The Beard and I took by that name.

What do you think about delayed honeymoons – are you in the pro camp or the con camp? If it wasn’t an absolute necessary would you (or did you) consider waiting to take the ‘moon?

Image: Lindsay Tan

It was when planning pissed me off most that I dreamt of eating those non-refundable deposits and ditching the whole works, dragging The Beard off to some romantic spot, and garbling some foreign language vows. But alas, that’s one dream that would have come with scads of social penalties. If any relatives of mine are reading this, see what I do for you? Had I reeeaaaally wanted to, I could have hole up (and gotten married) somewhere like this:

Luckily, destination weddings aren’t always all they’re cracked up to be. Sure, there’s the ease of it all — find yourself an all-inclusive wedding package at some chic resort and you’re all set. And then there’s the evil joy of knowing that all the people you have to invite but don’t really want to invite will probably not attend. On top of everything else, you get to enjoy a mini-vacation or start your honeymoon right out of the gate! Is there even a downside?

Well, yes. There are indeed a few “cons” that balance out all of the “pros.”

• It’s all about trust. If you’re marrying at a resort, someone you’ve probably never met is going to be handling all the details, from the cake to the flowers. Sure, their online portfolio is beautiful, but consider how many snapshots didn’t make the cut. Get as many references as you can before contracting with someone, and try to angle for a liberal refund policy when you’re working out your contract.
• The dollar is in the toilet right now. Once upon a time, an American citizen could amble about, let’s say, Greece for pennies a day, but those days will probably never come again. When you’re thinking about how you can save money by walking down the aisle somewhere exotic, don’t forget to take the current rate of currency exchange into account.
• Planning from afar can be a real pain in the butt. For those not marrying at a resort, finding everything from a functional setting to an official officiant can take ages…particularly if you don’t speak the language of your destination country. If you want to make sure everything unfolds smoothly, hire a coordinator to take care of the details.
• Can you really see yourself saying your vows without grandma sitting in the front pew? Old Uncle Ernie might not last much longer…could you bear knowing he never saw you in your wedding day finery? A lot of people think that eloping will be all that only to regret later on. Then again, a lot of people who elope would happily elope again if they were shot back in time a la Peggy Sue Got Married.
• You’ve signed on the dotted line, but may not actually be married! Not all of the marriage ceremonies conducted in your destination country may be recognized as legal in your home country. Overcome this con by double checking the various legal issues BEFORE you embark upon your journey into forever.
• Relaxation may not be on the agenda. Even though you’re surrounded by the white sand beaches and azure seas you’ve seen in your honeymoon dreams, the pre-wedding duties will probably get in the way of your tanning time. And don’t expect respite once you say “I do” if your family is staying anywhere within a 100-mile radius. They will want…nay, demand your attention!*

With that said, let me present a little poll I created to help us get to the bottom of the destination weddings issue once and for all.

If there’s an option you would have liked to have seen in the poll but it’s just not there, let me know in the comments. I can’t change the poll, but I’d love to hear your opinion!

*This happened to me — don’t let it happen to you!

All right, so the decisions isn’t quite as simple as the title of this post implies. The Beard and I spent what money we had on a wedding, with the knowledge that money for a fabulous Costa Rican vacation would appear later. We did not anticipate, however, that the house we planned to stay at would get leased out for two whole years. You could say that our honeymoon plans have been tabled in the long term, in part because we wanted to make sure that my huge family and his little one would be with us when we wed.

I was inspired to think about this after a friend suggested I check out an older post on his blog, Travel Plan Idea:

This is actually a homework assignment for students in my debate class, but regular readers are welcome to play. The topic is eloping and splurging on a honeymoon (this includes destination weddings) vs. spending a bunch of money on a traditional wedding and spending comparatively less money on the honeymoon. For example, I barely remember my wedding reception — it was fine but nothing special compared to my nine week honeymoon in Italy. However, my sister went for the big wedding reception because she wanted to share her wedding day with as many friends and family members as possible.

Considering that the average wedding takes about 200 hours to plan and can cost many thousands of dollars before travel is ever factored in, he may just have a point. I know a lot of brides and grooms who took minimoons because they just didn’t have a lot of money or time left over after planning their weddings. I’m still waiting on mine, and the way things are looking, the honeymoon we’ll eventually take will probably involve kids and big-headed cartoon characters and too little gin for my tastes. C’est la vie!

If you want a big wedding and a luxurious honeymoon but were not blessed with rich relatives, balance is key. However, cutting costs is hardest when you don’t want people to know you had to cut costs. For maximum impact on both fronts, splurge on the venue and the decor and trim fat in the edibles area (e.g., nix the sit down dinner and the circulating starters in favor of a hors d’oeuvres buffet), then choose a travel destination that’s centralized so you can see everything without having to hotel hop.

My friend received some interesting and varied responses when he asked this question of his readers, so I wanted to open it up to all of you. If you had a fixed pre- and post-wedding budget and you didn’t, for whatever reason, have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings, would you opt for a huge, opulent ceremony and reception or an uber-extravagant vacation? Think about the question hypothetically (and adopt me) if you had or have enough money to have the wedding and honeymoon of your dreams.