You see, Cotter and his wife got divorced last year and she left her wedding dress behind. She apparently didn’t feel the need to get it back and Cotter was at a loss at first what to do with it. According to the interview he did last month with The Man Registry, he brought the question up at a family dinner and asked for suggestions.

Luckily, he rejected the first entirely crass suggestion from his brother… but he did get inspired to play with the idea of all the ways he could use the dress in non-traditional ways. Thus the blog My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress was born.

So far the uses have included things like: place mat (hmmm… looks more like a tablecloth), draft stopper, kite, Darth Vader scarecrow, and my personal favorite, Christmas tree skirt. Cotter even wore it as his Halloween costume last year. That’s the picture at the top, incidentally.

What do I think of all this? Well, it would seem Mr. Cotter has found a creative way of exorcising his personal demons. It’s juvenile and a bit ridiculous, but sometimes that’s what it takes to get over a sad end to a hopeful beginning. I think if his ex-wife had wanted to keep the dress safe, she would have done well to take it with her when she left. I think some people are getting a cheap thrill out of the fact that someone else is doing something they wish they could do or had done.

And I think if Mr. Cotter ever remarries, his new lady ought to think carefully before leaving a wedding gown to his tender mercies if things don’t work out.

Oh, and I’m thankful that Mr. Twistie and I remain ridiculously contented with one another.

The last couple of months have been a frustrating, distressing time at Casa Twistie and a true test of that vow ‘in sickness and in health.’ We’ve faced this kind of challenge before, and met it handily. So no, it didn’t strain the marriage one iota. It did, however, stress us both out horrifically as individuals.

You see, Mr. Twistie was facing another round of cardiac problems. Yes, another. He had a triple bypass about ten years ago. We were told at the time that somewhere around the ten year mark he would probably need more heart help.

A few months ago, it became clear to us that the time was drawing near. He was having chest pains, difficulty breathing, and his color was going distressingly grey. The joy of trying to convince the doctors on his insurance that he seriously needed help began. Yeah, they have a tendency to tell him to just quit smoking… which would be great advice if he smoked, and send him on his way.

But this is not meant to be a diatribe about the state of health care in the USA, so I’ll restrain myself a little about the dog and pony show. Suffice it to say that Mr. Twistie had to change doctors to get someone to pay attention to his chart, but he found such a doctor at last. Said doctor immediately sent Mr. Twistie on to the cardiologist.

One month, two hospital stays, and one aborted stenting procedure, one aborted consultation for a bypass, and finally a successful triple stenting later, Mr. Twistie came home yesterday with the color back in his cheeks, no longer clutching his chest when it pains him. He’s breathing better, too. My heart feels a million times better, too.

Marriage is a wonderful thing. There are times, though, that test our strength, our faith in one another, and our ability to cope with stress. I wish every one of you as few of those times as possible, because frankly they suck right out loud.

But those of you who face such trials and come out the other side as strong as ever – or even stronger – are truly lucky. It’s in the testing that you discover what your spouse means to you.

Mr. Twistie is my heart. It’s wonderful to have him better again.

One interesting PR pitch I received a long while back comes from AreYouRomantic.com. Caesars Pocono Resorts commissioned the site’s creators to conduct a survey all about, you guessed it, honeymoons. Specifically how brides and grooms approach the honeymoon. Basically, AreYouRomantic.com found that more couples are paying for the honeymoon themselves, yet they still want to incorporate tradition into their weddings. Boooooring!

What got my attention, though, was the part of the survey dealing with the wedding night. The poll found that almost 20 percent of newly married couples don’t actually consummate their marriage on their wedding night. Frankly, I’m not surprised. Indeed I am more surprised that 80 percent actually do! I’ll just come right out with the TMI and say that The Beard and I were way too tired to do anything other than fall asleep since my mom hosted an after-the-wedding dinner at a nearby restaurant and we made the mistake of attending. Then I think we went swimming in the hotel pool with a bunch of our friends. When we got upstairs, consummation was just about the last thing on our minds.

And we’re not alone. Of the 20 percent who didn’t do the deed on the wedding night, 32 percent said that they (or their partner) were too tired. Another 14 percent said that they (or their partner) had too much to drink. Apparently women chose this answer more than men, but I’m not sure if they meant they drank too much or their partner drank too much. Roughly 11 percent said that family and friends were still around. More men chose that option. Finally, 10 percent said that it wasn’t important to them.

In the interest of finding out if the AreYouRomantic.com people got it right, I thought I’d conduct my own poll right here on Manolo for the Brides. Brides-to-be and former brides (as well as their grooms) are welcome to answer. If you’re married and open to sharing, tell us what you did or didn’t do. And if you’re going to be married soon, tell us what you plan to do or think you’ll do. Feel free to elaborate — though, please, not too much! — in the comments.

I have to ask: Have you seen The Plunge? Yet another wedding planning site for grooms has emerged, and this one is pretty flashy compared to its peers. Unlike most wedding sites geared toward dudes, this one has actual written content that goes beyond a hundred incarnations of “Stand back, and shut up.” Then again, a lot of that content reads like this:

There’s a new piece of furniture in your bedroom: a stack of magazines, books, and articles that could double as a side-table. It’s your fiancée’s “wedding porn.” And unlike actual porn, this isn’t harmless. It’s putting ideas in her head. Poisonous ideas. Thoughts about how you, as a groom, should be “behaving.” This is where it gets dangerous.

A few things irk me about this snippet from one of The Plunge’s intro pages. First, I don’t buy into the idea that the WIC can turn regular chicks into screaming harpies. A true bridezilla was probably already kind of a bitch, and no magazine or book is going to turn a regular chick into a bitch. Second, it stands to reason that there are behavioral (and dress and etiquette) guidelines for weddings, the same way there are behavior guidelines for any party. It’s a formal function, jeez. If it’s mantime to complain about wedding planning, can we at least get some fresh and original complaints?

The Plunge seems to feature two kinds of articles — the usual ‘this is what grooms need to do or not to do to help brides plan weddings’ and ‘this is how you can manipulate your fiancee/future in-laws to get what you want.’ Need examples of the latter? Here are three of the pearls of wisdom one can find on The Plunge:

Is getting a lapdance cheating? Let’s look at it from your fiancée’s perspective. A hot, skinny, naked, slutty woman is grinding her crotch against your erection, making you pant with lust, and rubbing her nipples all over your body. If this was some random girl at a bar, she’d have every right to dump you right then and there. The counter-argument: this is not some random girl in a bar. It’s a controlled act in a controlled environment—and the stripper doesn’t want to screw you, she just wants to screw you out of another $100.

[Admit you cheated?] Are you out of your goddamn mind? This is the happiest day of your fiancée’s life, and you want to slaughter it with a Truth Bomb? Never drop the T-Bomb. It’s selfish; it unburdens your guilt and it hurts her forever. Your grim duty is to carry this secret to your grave. Telling her would be like telling a four-year old on Christmas morning that there’s no Santa. Or telling a nun, on her deathbed, that there’s no God. What’s done is done.

Tell her you’ll be happy to [change your last name to hers] as soon as you-the groom-gets pregnant and squirts out the first baby. Look. Gender roles exist. This isn’t your fault and it isn’t her fault. If you adopt her name, not only will you be the laughingstock of all your buddies for the rest of your life, but even her friends will think it’s weird. Have some backbone.”

Ugh. I was pretty psyched to see that a new site for grooms was up and running since they seem to go under so quickly (and one wonders how long The Plunge will last), but yeah, ugh. As for the lapdance thing, whatever. Some people are cool with it. But the decision to change a name reduced to whether or not your buddies will snicker? Lame. Robbing your fiancee of the choice to call off the wedding because you’re a cheater? Super uncool.

I’ll leave it up to you whether you want to send your intended a link to The Plunge. Had it existed in 2007, I would have shown it to The Beard and we would have had a good laugh about it. Heck, I’ll show it to him now and we can have a good laugh about it. Is it a good wedding planning site? Maybe I’ll leave it at “Kind of?” It could go a long way toward teaching nuptial novices about weddings, but it’s awfully mean spirited.

When putting together a wedding reception timeline — i.e., a simple schedule that lets the major players in the wedding and the emcee know when the first dance will go down and the cake will be cut — many brides- and grooms-to-be neglect one important detail. Namely, for all the time spent thinking about when they’ll get to the reception, they never consider when they’ll leave the reception. Whoops! Look at enough wedding photos, and you’ll see that the big exit makes for some great snapshots of the newlyweds. That is, of course, if the newlyweds take steps to plan that big exit ahead of time. Here are six tips that will ensure your grand exit lives up to its name:

Don’t tarry
You can always have an after-party if you’re not going directly from the wedding reception to your honeymoon destination. Unless you actually have to stick around to clean up — and some brides and grooms do — don’t feel obligated to wait around until your last wedding guest has said goodnight. People will actually expect you to cut out before the last dance, so you won’t be offending anyone.

Do be sure your wheels have arrived
Standing on the curb in your wedding day finery waiting for your limo (or whatever) to pull ’round or for the valet to bring your car only gets weirder as the clock ticks. You don’t need to suffer in the cold or get stuck talking to your new spouse’s creepy uncle… the one who’s always popping out for stinky cigars. Before you wave your final farewell, have someone check on the status of your transportation.

Don’t sneak out
I’ll admit that the whole couple-sneaking-away thing is kind of romantic — in fact, it’s how my maternal grandparents first got together! He threw her a birthday bash, and an hour into it, asked her if she wanted to ditch the party. Long story short, they left and fell in love. Cute, right? But if you have wedding guests who have traveled far to see you and your new spouse or guests whose only chance to speak to you is at the reception, be kind and say goodbye at the end of the evening instead of leaving your loved ones hanging.

Do keep it low key
If you want to, that is. Some brides love the idea of being sent off in a photo-worthy shower of cheers, camera flashes, and grains of rice. Other brides cringe at the very idea. Those who fall into the latter camp should know that there’s nothing wrong with saying goodbye to wedding guests quietly and individually before slipping away without fanfare.

Don’t forget anything
But don’t try to handle everything! You’ve had a long day… probably even a long week. A long month? Be sure you grab your clutch, your cash, and your wrap before heading out the door, but when it comes to wedding gifts, the top tier of your cake, your bridal bouquet, and anything else you want to keep, designate a helper (e.g., a bridesmaid, your maid-of-honor, or your mom) to grab that stuff for you. This is especially important if you’re leaving directly for your honeymoon.

Do keep the photog around
Again, this is one of those “if you want to” kind of things. Those brides who want to make their exits truly grand should remember to coordinate a fixed timeline with their wedding photographers. For example, if you know you’ll be leaving at 10 p.m., be sure that your photog knows you want to book her through then so she doesn’t hit the road at nine.

Everything else will depend on your preferences. You want to change into special bridal suit for traveling prior to leaving the reception? Fab! You’d like to fly away with your new spouse in a hot air balloon rented specifically to impress his relatives? Okay, then. You want your wedding guests to pelt you with ribbons as you head out the door. No prob. Just make sure you’re having fun!

Not being overly moneyed myself, the only comparable thing I could have said to The Beard would have been, “We’ll be together forever, of course, BUUUUT just in case we’re not, I’m going to want my William Shatner records and that $4,000 I brought into the marriage back.” Sounds silly, right?

It’s not the silliest idea for a pre-nup out there, however. LegalZoom published a short list of crazy clauses that brides- and grooms-to-be agreed were fair. Pool boys and pets play a larger role in pre-nuptial agreements than you might have imagined. Yes, sometimes it’s not enough to divide assets…domestic help gets shuffled around in the fray. The “no diaper” clause is apparently popular among those looking to avoid children, and some couples even stipulate how (and how often) they’ll have sex.

Not weird enough for you? Check these out:

One wife’s prenuptial agreement limited her weight to 120 lbs. Penalty for being over the fighting weight: she gives up $100,000 of her separate property. Another prenuptial agreement included a $500 fine for each excess pound the wife gained.

One prenuptial agreement contained a requirement for random drug testing. Positive results result in fines.

One client’s prenuptial agreement limited her husband to watching one Sunday football game with friends. No word on if there was a clause about watching the first half of one game and then the second half of another.

Now I’m all for health, getting high on life, and avoiding televised sports, but 120 pounds? Drug tests? Designated sports time? Can I say right now that I hope that these people’s partners laughed them right out of the lawyer’s office because I don’t see how anyone required to shell out $500 per pound gained is going to last in a lifelong marriage.