Manolo for the Brides

A few days ago I found myself at the local mall over lunchtime entirely sans reading material or a companion. I have no problem eating alone, but if that’s what I’m going to do, I prefer to have a book or a magazine in my hand. Going home where all my books live wasn’t an option since I had more shopping to do (it takes fortitude and visits to several stores to find lightweight summer pants, sometimes), so I headed for the lovely brand-spanking-new Borders that had just replaced the anemic little Waldenbooks we used to have. Same corporate masters, much bigger store.

I marched in and what to my wondering eyes did appear? Dozens of bridal magazines smack dab in my face almost as soon as I was through the door. The one that really caught my eye, however, was a Real Simple special wedding publication. I rather liked the clean, fuss-free imagery on the cover of a bride (well, most of her, since we see her pretty much only from about mid-torso to toes) sitting holding a simple bouquet composed of several large, plump, purple hydrangeas and a few glossy green leaves tied with pale blue ribbon. Her shoes are ballet flats. The gown is unadorned. In short, it looked all about the simple, the stripped down, and yet the elegantly lovely.

Even the tag line at the bottom of the magazine cover looked like the sort of philosophy I have always liked best: ‘Your personalized plan for a stress-free, beautiful celebration.’ Who wouldn’t want that? I snapped up the magazine and proceeded to read it with growing gawk over lunch.

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Here’s a tip from me to you: If you just adore your future in-laws, you have been wonderfully blessed and perhaps M.I.L.D.E.W. isn’t for you. In fact, reading the tales of woe over at that impressively tragic blog might just frighten you so much that you simply cannot bring yourself to utter a peep in front of your SIL, causing her to forevermore think of you as stuck up, stupid, or worse.

Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to have great in-laws all around. Maybe your MIL is really the pits but your SIL has become your best friend. Or maybe you really feel a connection with your FIL that just isn’t there with the rest of the family. People are only human, and the likelihood of your liking every single one of your spouse-to-be’s relations is pretty darned slim.

Infer from this what you will, but I do enjoy stopping by M.I.L.D.E.W. to read through the new entries. If it happens that you fall into the second category of people (i.e., the “er, my in-laws are…okay, I guess” category) you may come to realize that you’re not alone after reading tales of horror like this one:

Right before my wedding, my MIL kept asking me if DH and I had had our blood tests. I kept patiently explaining to her that in California, you don’t need a blood test to get married. Finally she came out with her true worry, at SIL’s house and in front of Grandma.

She asked, ‘Have you had an AIDS test?’

She was certain that DH and I were ‘doing it’ and that I was giving DH all kinds of cooties. We weren’t and I wasn’t. DH had gone over that with her when we announced our engagement and she asked me (the second we were alone together, of course) if I was pregnant.

Now it warms my heart to see all of the pro in-law comments that come rolling in whenever I post about in-laws, but I know there is a whole contingent of people out there who reside on the other side of the MIL/FIL/SIL/BIL fence. I ask you…no, wait, I’m begging you to weigh in. Don’t worry, we’ll protect your privacy!