Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Wow. Bet That’ll Work.

Thursday, June 28th, 2012

Before I get to today’s post, I want to apologize for the lack of posts the past few days. I’ve been down and out with a nasty, potentially fatal virus from the depths of Hades, and it’s really difficult to type a legible sentence that makes any sort of sense whatsoever when one is running a high fever and unable to focus one’s eyes.

At long last I’m better, though, so without more ado, let’s get back to talking wedding stuff, okay? Fabulous!

Or possibly not so fabulous, as in this item currently for sale at The Cheeky:

See? It’s a wedding ring with the words ‘I’m Married’ negative engraved (and how appropriate is that method!) inside. The idea is that if a potential Lothario slips off his wedding band in order to have a little extra-marital hanky-panky, his finger will give him away as the cheating slime-sucker he is. All that in a titanium ring that will set you back just $550.00! Fashion, commitment, and peace of mind all rolled into one!

Except that you know what? It. Won’t. Work.

Either your intended is intending to save it up just for you or (s)he isn’t. Someone who goes in planning to cheat will quickly find ways of getting around a gag like this. Someone who didn’t really plan to cheat but finds themselves irresistibly drawn to another partner down the line and begins a serious affair is most likely going to start it with someone who knows there’s an aggrieved spouse sitting at home. There are people out there who actually prefer to have affairs/one-night stands/random booty calls with people they know to be married. And frankly, even though I have never for a nanosecond even fantasized about cheating on Mr. Twistie, you can bet your bottom dollar I would have walked before agreeing to wear something that assumes I cannot be trusted.

Here’s the thing: whether this is meant seriously or not – and I’m guessing it’s meant to be an expensive joke – the fact is that there are a lot of people out there who want something like this to be a magic bullet against the possibility of being cheated on. But there is no magic bullet. Sexual infidelity does happen in a lot of marriages. Not all, certainly. I don’t have the statistics, but I can tell you flat out there are plenty of couples out there with nothing at all to worry about on that score. But there’s no way to tell in advance and beyond a shadow of a doubt whether you’ll be in one of those lucky couples.

Ultimately all you can do is take a leap of faith, say ‘I do’ sincerely, keep the lines of communication open with your spouse, and hope for the best.

Oh, and don’t ever marry anyone you don’t feel you can trust.

Hey Nineteen

Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

Nineteen years ago today, something momentous happened in my life. That day I married the love of my life.

Things haven’t always been smooth, things haven’t always (or even very often) worked out the way we planned. But it’s been an adventure I wouldn’t have missed for all the world.

Happy anniversary, Mr. Twistie! May we share many, many more.

Body Blow to DOMA

Friday, June 1st, 2012

Yesterday the First Circuit Court in Boston dealt a major blow to the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). In a unanimous decision, the court ruled that the denial of federal benefits to legally married same sex couples is unconstitutional.

The benefits section was the only part the court ruled on, and the case is expected to go on to the Supreme Court. What’s more, the decision of the court will not go into effect until the decision is either ratified by the Supreme Court, or that body chooses to refuse to hear the case. If the Supreme Court passes, the ruling will go into effect for only the states covered by the First Circuit Court: Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Maine, and New Hampshire. Puerto Rico is also covered by the First.

The road to equal protection under the law has often been bumpy. It still is. But this is the second federal court to rule aspects of DOMA unconstitutional. It’s my considered opinion – as well as my fervent hope – that DOMA will one day soon (in legal terms, at any rate) go the way of the dodo bird.

Frankly, I’d rather have those birds.

Washington State Says Yea To Marriage Equality

Thursday, February 9th, 2012

Yesterday in a vote of 55 to 43, the Washington State House passed a bill to legalize same sex marriages. The Senate approved the measure last week, and Governor Chris Gregoire is expected to sign it into law as soon as it hits his desk.

In fact, Gregoire issued a statement after the vote that it is:

“a major step toward completing a long and important journey to end discrimination based on sexual orientation.”

It was passed without proposed amendments that would have allowed bakers and photographers a waiver from providing services to same sex couples due to religious belief, such as are granted to churches. Since the last time I heard, bakers weren’t churches, I think this is only right and fair. After all, in my bookselling days I had to sell books to people who were homophobic, racist, sexist, and all kinds of other things I find wildly offensive. As long as they weren’t breaking the law or strongly disrupting the business I was engaged in, I had to serve them to the best of my ability. I didn’t have to enjoy it, but I had to do it.

The new law is scheduled to go into effect ninety days after the end of the session next month, but opponents are already working to put a measure on the next ballot that would negate this vote.

Still, this signals a major turnaround in state marriage politics since the state legislature passed a Defense of Marriage Act in 1998. While the state Supreme Court upheld the act in 2006, it was overturned that same year by a gay civil rights measure. In 2007, a domestic partnership law was passed which the voters upheld.

Washington state legislature, I salute you! And may the voters of your state be more fair-minded and less paranoid than the ones in mine.

Breaking News: 9th Circuit Court Strikes Down Prop 8!

Tuesday, February 7th, 2012

In a 2 to 1 decision, the 9th Circuit Court has declared Proposition 8 a violation of the rights of gay Californians.

In his write up of the decision, Judge Reinhardt wrote:

“Proposition 8 serves no purpose, and has no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California, and to officially reclassify their relationships and families as inferior to those of opposite-sex couples.”

Reinhardt was quick to say that this decision is only about this issue in this state, but the court’s decision that denying same sex couples the right to marry violates their rights as human beings and as citizens could well add weight to the case for marriage equality when it comes before the Supreme Court.

Sometimes justice is slow, but I firmly believe it will come for all of us. Today, I got another proof that my faith is justified. It is my fond hope that California will rejoin the ranks of those who offer full rights to all its citizens soon.

‘Til the End of the Contract Do Us Part

Friday, September 30th, 2011

‘Til death do us part.

That’s the vow, right? That you’ll stay together until one or the other of you dies?

We all know couples who haven’t managed that one. Heck, I’m the second Mrs. Twistie! His first marriage didn’t end with a death, but with divorce. Some of you have talked in comments about previous marriages. Right now, I happen to be doing a lot of hand-holding for a very good friend who decided to call her marriage quits after ten years because she has never been happy in it.

I swore ’til death do us part, and I fully intend to honor that vow. But I completely get that not every relationship is going to work out that way. And so I was intrigued with the fact that Mexico City has a proposal currently on the table for temporary marriages.

The proposed temporary marriage would have a two-year minimum term, at the end of which couples would have the option to either extend the contract or dissolve the marriage without the legal hassles of a divorce. The marriage would simply end.

Our Marriage is Now Street Legal

Sunday, June 12th, 2011

Alarm Clock Apron available from Zazzle


Eighteen years.

Tomorrow marks the eighteenth anniversary of my marriage to Mr. Twistie.

Where the heck did all those years go? I don’t know. All I know is that I wouldn’t have spent them with anyone else on a bet.

The funny things is, I don’t even really remember meeting Mr. Twistie. I remember the day, and I remember that I did meet him. But the actual meeting… not so much. I know he was one of about a dozen people I was introduced to at the archery booth at Renaissance Faire that hot August afternoon, but the people? I didn’t pay that much attention. I was there to see a high school buddy, and I didn’t really figure on meeting these people again except, perhaps, in the course of Faire revelry.

Little did I know that these people would become some of the most important people in my life for decades to come. Little did I know that as I hung out trading Monty Python quotes with Michelle that the drunk leaning against a post was developing a little crush on me. If someone had told me that day that there leaned the man I would one day marry… I would never have stopped laughing.

Sometimes you just don’t have a clue.

After all, eighteen years ago tomorrow, I woke early, ate a good breakfast, put on my wedding gown and put together a last-nanosecond headpiece, got my picture taken a whole lot, and said ‘I do’ with joy, pride, and confidence. I spent the rest of the day laughing and dancing and talking with my friends.

The high school friend wasn’t there. She’d drifted out of my life several years earlier. I still miss her now and again, but our lives happened to diverge about the time I really noticed that guy who had been just another Faire drunk a few years earlier.

Michelle, I have no idea where you are now or what you’re up to, but I just want to thank you. Neither of us had any idea that day back in 1980 that you introduced me to the love of my life. You did.

Since the day we married, we’ve been tested in all sorts of ways, but our marriage remains strong. I know in my heart of hearts that if the clock suddenly turned back eighteen years and I woke up tomorrow to find it was my wedding day again, I would speak those same vows with every bit as much joy, pride, and confidence as I said them then.

Mr. Twistie, my beloved, thank you for all these years. Here’s to the next eighteen… and beyond.