Manolo for the Brides

Writer and filmmaker Elise Mac Adam certainly knows her stuff, if her essays on Indiebride are any indication. Those quirky columns were my introduction to her sharp, spot-on way of schooling brides-to-be — and everyone else — in the fine art of etiquette. I remember looking through the site’s archives (Dear Indiebride, Update your site more often, Kthnxbye) and being tickled by these words:

“Bridezilla” is a special kind of insult — too cute to mean anything serious, yet devastatingly demeaning. To call a woman “Bridezilla,” even if her prima donna antics put Diana Ross to shame, categorizes her bad behavior as a comic “syndrome.”

So when I was offered an opportunity to check out Mac Adam’s new book, Something New: Wedding Etiquette for Rule Breakers, Traditionalists, and Everyone in Between, I naturally said, “Heck yeah! Send it over!” Then, of course, life intervened and I had no time at all to read, which is why the book has been sitting on my coffee table for the last month.

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Ever dreamed of a Hollywood wedding? Ever dreamed of walking the red carpet? Ever dreamed of being married on the red carpet in Hollywood? Well, here’s your chance.

In honor of Patrick Dempsey’s new film Made of Honor in which McDreamy (and I really, really thought that name was made up as a joke on Television Without Pity for a very long time) discovers he’s fallen in love with a longtime platonic female friend just as she’s being swept off her feet by the man of her dreams in Scotland and asks Dempsey to be her MOH, The Knot and Sony Pictures are teaming up to hold a contest. The winning couple will get married on the red carpet at the premiere of Made of Honor. Runners up will win shopping sprees and Made of Honor gift packs (contents unspecified). If you’re interested, you can get the details here.

Other than that, I was giggling at a couple wedding-related articles at The Onion, and thought I’d pass on the links so others can enjoy a laugh.

Mommy’s Wedding More Fun Than Daddy’s

Peasant Wedding Gets Out of Hand

And in conclusion, I give you the Peeps Bachelor Party:

All right, so I’m just a little bit proud of myself, which means I do things like tell the mailman that, hey, I wrote a book! Now that the cover image for iDo is basically finalized, I’m pretty sure that my mom has already e-mailed it around to everyone she’s ever known. Moms are like that! But for some reason the cover image hasn’t hit Amazon yet, so I figured I’d give y’all a sneak peak.

Not everyone has the cash on hand to buy themselves the ultimate matrimonial outfit. I was reminded of this truism while reading Genevieve Antoine Dariaux’s A Guide to Elegance, a book originally published in 1964. I have the 2003 edition, but it doesn’t seem to have changed much, being that Dariaux advocates the constant wearing of suits and warns against soiled kid gloves.

I wasn’t sure how to take the advice she gives brides-to-be whose dreams outstrip their budgets.

A bride-to-be never dreams of getting married in her everyday clothes, even for the most informal ceremony. If circumstances or her financial means do not permit her to wear the traditional white wedding gown, she wishes at least to appear in something new on that happy occasion. Her best solution in this case is to buy a smart suit and a very pretty hat, which can be of any style at all except for a flowered or white feather headdress with a veil.

Nothing strikes me as more pathetic than to see on Saturday morning at the doors of a church some young bride who could only afford half of a wedding ensemble, when it would have been much more charming and easier on her budget too if she had simply selected a normal city outfit. The same is true of the wedding party, who also have every interest in avoiding cho-chis and pastel shades which will be of no use to them later on.

It’s nice to know that the bridesmaids of yesteryear were as concerned about blah pastels as we are today–the most memorable part of 27 Dresses was how each and every bride told her maids that they’d be able to wear their hideous novelty dresses again–but Dariaux’s advice sounds rather condescending to me. While there’s nothing wrong with going with a nice “city outfit,” there’s a whole world of options in between the giant marshmallow gowns and the plain white suit. Especially now!

For example, this midweight silk dress from the J. Crew Wedding Shop costs a mere $225, which is a steal where wedding wear is concerned. Pair it with a silk and cashmere wrap, some gold (or gold-like) filigree jewelry, and a pair of pretty white heels for a wonderfully elegant and put-together look.

I’m of the opinion that everyone ought to know how to cook, even if all they can do is whip up a bit of pasta or fry an omelet. What it comes down to is this: Everyone who is old enough to be capable of operating a stove without burning down the house should be able to feed themselves in a pinch. This is essentially why I’m always a little suspicious of cookbooks that are geared specifically toward the bride and groom set.

That said, I am currently holed up with a friend of mine who had a bit of surgery. As it happens, she and her hubby are foodies and have eight hundred bazillion cookbooks stacked willy-nilly throughout their house. While lying in bed yesterday morning contemplating what I’d opine about today, my eye auspiciously settled upon The Bride & Groom Cookbook: Recipes for Cooking Together from Williams-Sonoma.

From what I read, the book seems to be a good primer for those who can feed themselves in a most basic sense but want to learn to navigate their kitchens more competently. It covers kitchen organization, the art of cooking side-by-side, entertaining for beginners, cooking for two, ingredient assumptions, and a whole lot more. Plus, unlike certain cookbooks, it does not assume that the groom will be off watching Monday Night Football while the bride is slaving away over a hot stove. Plus, some of the recipes are just to die for. Pear and vanilla muffins, anyone?

Williams-Sonoma isn’t the only one to try to capitalize on this genre of apparently egalitarian cookbook. There are a great many more, both in print and out of print. Observe…

• The Bride & Groom First and Forever Cookbook
• The Bride and Groom’s First Cookbook
• The I Do Cookbook for the Bride and Groom
• The Bride & Groom’s Menu Cookbook

So there you have it — there is no shortage of cookbooks that claim to have the best interest of brides and grooms in mind. I cannot vouch for those on the list, but I do rather like The Bride & Groom Cookbook: Recipes for Cooking Together from Williams-Sonoma because it’s nice to look at and has down to earth tips everyone can understand. That said, if I was buying a cookbook for a soon to be married couple, I’d probably gift them with The Joy of Cooking…preferably the oldest copy I could find. It has been my kitchen bible for as long as I can remember!

From faithful reader mkb comes this little gem about a bride and a groom who tied the ol’ knot sans costume.

These unusual nuptials came about because Melbourne, Australia’s FOX 109.1 radio station wanted to set up a publicity stunt in cooperation with the Australian Diamond Company. The station chose Shelley and Josh over a number of other couples to get hitched in the buff…by which they really meant the pseudo-buff.

What do I mean by pseudo-buff?

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I’m the first one to say that marriage isn’t always about ZOMG PASSION. First kisses, those are about passion. Romantic weddings? Passion-o-rama. Post break-up youknowwhatsie? Whoa Nelly! But marriage…marriage is occasionally antipassion, a substance that has a lot in common with antimatter. But, hey, there’s gotta be some passion, because that little spark that makes you feel all googlywoogly in your stomach when you look at your mate should never die out completely.

Unless, that is, you are one Lori Gottlieb, a woman who has apparently made a career out of airing her complexities (read: issues) in the public eye. In a recent article entitled Marry Him! she asserts that every single woman everywhere, no matter how satisfied, no matter how independent, wants a man, any man, as in “oh please for the love of God send a man so I can get married because there is no greater fulfillment for a woman!”

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go.

To Gottlieb, marriage and by extension men (there’s no mention of what lesbians want) are nothing more than a means to an end. If you want security and a permanent live-in partner, then you need to start looking past his lack of wit, his lack of culture, and his lack of personality so you can start looking at what he does have, namely a pulse and a job.

I’m actually pro-settling to a certain extent. One line in the article, “I would say even if he’s not the love of your life, make sure he’s someone you respect intellectually, makes you laugh, appreciates you … I bet there are plenty of these men in the older, overweight, and bald category” really resonated with me. I happen to believe that there are tons of great guys who fall into the doesn’t-have-cool-hair-laughs-at-inappropriate-times-a-little-pudgy-can’t-dance-worth-a-damn category.

The point, however, is not that you settle for these rare and wonderful creatures. Rather, it’s that you give them a chance, find out that in addition to playing a mean game of WoW they’re secret sex machines, and then thank the Lord that some other lucky lady didn’t snap them up first. You don’t say, oh, ho hum, I’m just shy of forty so I better snare the first set of XY chromosomes who happens along so I don’t turn into a lonely old hag.

Unless, like I said, you’re Lori Gottlieb, in which case you’re probably going to spend your life sighing over romantic comedies while a husband who bores the crap out of you is off puttering around his workshop. Or not. As a friend of mine put it, “What, exactly, is she bringing to the table? Naked desperation and a ton of to-be-delegated responsibility? I, for one, am SHOCKED she hasn’t found a guy willing to “settle” for that.”

Heh.

I know, I know, the actual slogan is ‘WE go bridal’, but I think mine is more appropriate.

Tomorrow, WE TV kicks off a week of intense bridal programming to program us all for Valentine’s Day, when successful girls get diamond rings and live happily ever after…once they finish with all the stress and insanity of plotting…er…planning a wedding, which cannot be done without the help of a wedding planner and now a boot camp instructor.

Yes, a new and yet more degrading show has been added to the lineup by the folks that brought you such gems as Bridezillas, that ode to bridal misbehavior, and Rich Bride, Poor Bride which seems to mainly be about how it’s impossible to stick to a wedding budget and why your marriage will always be improved by spending twice what you thought you were going to on the wedding. This one is the revoltingly-titled ‘Bulging Brides.’

Yes, at long last we have a show dedicated to informing brides to be that their lives will be ruined if they don’t lose those extra five or ten pounds before they march down the aisle in their cookie-cutter-inspired strapless gowns. From the previews I’ve seen, most of the women featured are not heavy by any stretch of the imagination…they just either bought their gowns a bit too small or managed to gain a couple pounds since they bought. Eek. How horrible!

Don’t worry, though! Help is on the way! Trainer Tommy Europe and nutritionist Nadeen Bowman are ready to publicly humiliate you and whip you into shape. I’ve asked this before, but why oh why do women sign up for these shows? What are they getting that’s a worthy recompense for their dignity?

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Ever since Polka Dot Bride won the first ever Wedding Blog Awards, um, award, I’ve been keeping an eye on the site. Every now and again a certain Abby chooses a new blog or photog to highlight in categories like “Best New Wedding Blog” and “Best Use of Photos.” Long story short, the site has introduced me to some fab blogs.

Now it seems that we’re this month’s “Most Dedicated” blog! Go us! I’ll tell you, though, it’s easy to be dedicated when you absolutely, positively love what you’re doing. I mean, I’m humble…but I’m not that humble. For example I’m not so humble that I won’t use this webbish award as an opportunity to suggest that you ready yourself for the eventual release of iDo, which can now be pre-ordered on Amazon and elsewhere!