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Media | Manolo for the Brides - Part 4
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Kardashian Marriage Krashes and Burns

It’s official. Just seventy-two days after the wedding, and long before the eternal loop of the encore presentations (remember when they were called ‘re-runs’ and only watched by sad, lost people too tragically unhip to make time for the first airing?) comes to an end, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from brand-spanking-new husband Kris Humphries.

As is to be expected in cases like this, rumors and blame are rife throughout the media. Kardashian responded with a flurry of tweets denying that she married for the publicity and money (she assures us all the money from her wedding gifts will be donated to the Dream Foundation… though I do believe Miss Manners would council her to consider returning them to the family members, friends and well-wishers who gave them if they are still in good condition, and the last time I checked, cash has a pretty significant shelf life) and assuring us she married truly for love.

“We filmed Kourtney giving birth, Khloe getting married, break ups, make ups, our best moments and our worst moments,” she writes. “These were all real moments. That’s what makes us who we are. We share, we give, we love and we are open!”

… and that’s kind of the thing, Kim. When you choose to live your life so very publicly, people will insist on having opinions about your life. It’s part of the contract. And some of those people will not think terribly highly of you, especially when you have a gigantic, public, media circus wedding followed by a marriage that lasts less than three months.

Kardashian insists that she just got ‘caught up with the hoopla and filming of the TV show’ to the point that she didn’t know how to break off the relationship. And I will say that Kim Kardashian is not the first bride to utter similar words of regret and confusion in the wake of a brief, disastrous marriage. I’ve heard more than one bride say that she really wasn’t sure when she was standing at the altar, but didn’t know how to stop the train at that point.

Look, what you or I think of Kim Kardashian as a person isn’t that important. Frankly, I prefer to think of her as little as her painfully public existence allows. But I think we can all take a moment to learn a Life Lesson from this sordid little tale: if you’re not really sure of the relationship, Don’t Get Married Anyway. A good friend of mine got married anyway. She’s now in the middle of a divorce and bemoaning the ten years she wasted on a marriage that never for one day made her truly happy.

If at any point along the way you find yourself seriously feeling trapped, unhappy, or fearful about being married to the person you said ‘yes’ to, slow things down. If you’re standing at the altar and the words ‘I do’ start to choke you, it’s still not too late. Don’t get married until you’re certain it’s what you want, and this is the person you want it with.

Your happiness matters.

I Do Over

We often say here at Manolo for the Brides that as long as you keep your wedding day in perspective, it’s nearly impossible to destroy. If you keep your eyes on the prize of the result rather than panicking over every tiny detail, chances are you’ll enjoy your wedding for what it is rather than resent it for what it isn’t.

But some wedding disasters are worse than others. While I would advise any bride to forget about a missing bouquet, a slightly embarrassing best man’s speech, or a brief technical malfunction with the sound system… there are some problems that are much more difficult to ignore.

And that’s where I Do Again steps up to make delayed wedding dreams come true. This is for the folks who really had serious disasters happen. This isn’t ‘we couldn’t afford a pretty party’ here. We’re talking weddings hit with hurricanes, venues destroyed by fire at the last minute, participants who had serious medical emergencies while standing at the altar, and seamstresses who make off with every gown for the entire bridal party. This is for serious disasters only.

Event designer Diann Valentine and 1-800-FLOWERS founder Dave McCann choose deserving couples and redo their I dos in grand style. In five days they organize everything to delight the couple and give them happier memories. The second season will be starting on WETV on November 13 at 10pm (9 Central).

So why watch another ‘celebrity planner makes it all soooo much better than a silly bride and groom could’ show?

Well, if nothing else, it’s a great perspective granter. After all, even if a lot of things did go wrong at your wedding, your groom probably didn’t have a heart attack.

Sometimes it’s useful to realize that things could have been a whole lot worse.

It’s All Happening At the Zoo

When it comes time to pick your wedding/reception venue, we all know the choices, right? Church, hotel, charming country inn, someone’s backyard, the beach at Aruba, the local VFW hall… yeah, same old, same old. But have you ever considered your local zoo?

On a recent episode of Four Brides, one of the couples in the competition held their wedding and reception at the zoo. I was struck immediately by how charming a spot it was for celebrating. When guests arrived, they got to play at the zoo for a while before heading to the ceremony location. Once the couple had been pronounced legally spliced, the guests took a scenic tram ride to the reception area, where a giraffe peered over the wall into the festivities as if to request its own slice of wedding cake. All in all, it looked like a fun time. In fact, that’s the couple that won the honeymoon prize. I feel sure it was in significant part because of their fabulous location.

Bridal Style?

This was the picture illustrating an article at Stuff.co.nz by one Paula Joye on the dearth of style to be found in brides.

I don’t know about you, but this picture doesn’t look like any wedding day I’ve seen. It looks more like a scene from a comedy film about wedding excess, or an ironic bridal anti-fashion show.

In the article itself, Joye provides just one illustration of the way she believes that nearly all brides completely eschew good taste and redo themselves horrifically. She felt the bride in question would wear something along the lines of what Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy wore on her wedding day, but the lady went for a hoopskirt and tiara, bridesmaids in red dresses with puffed sleeves and more makeup than she normally wears. Was it all the excessive horror that Joye describes? I don’t know. She apparently thought that photograph was an apt illustration of how the majority of brides choose to look at their weddings. It may well be that her description is similarly exaggerated for effect.

But in one thing I do agree with Joye: it’s best to be yourself on your wedding day. Whether your style is typically fresh-faced girl next door, Burlesque babe, goth til it hurts, or sleek elegant lady, be the best version of that you can accomplish. Be aware that the camera can wash you out, so do wear slightly more makeup than usual (unless your usual is already taking this into consideration), and don’t be afraid to try a somewhat more dramatic style of dress than you usually wear, since this isn’t a typical day. Just remember who you are at your heart, and try to express it well.

After all, your intended chose you. Be you when you walk down that aisle.

Quickie Question: What Would Make it Worthwhile to You?

When I’m watching bridal reality shows, I often wonder what the brides profiled are getting out of the experience. Okay, on Four Weddings, you get an chance at winning a fabulous all-expenses-paid honeymoon to a romantic location you probably couldn’t have afforded, plus free food, liquor, and dancing at three other weddings. Oh, and you don’t automatically get your reputation trashed on national television. On My Fair Wedding With David Tutera, you do get portrayed as a tasteless person who can’t plan her way out of a paper bag… but you do get a wedding you could never have afforded otherwise.

So yes, there are shows where I can see the payoff. It might not strike me as worth the downside, but I can see where someone else would consider it a reasonable price to pay.

But Bridezillas? The first few seasons there was a note at the end of the show that the couples featured got something like a three night stay at a honeymoon resort. I know I heard a rumor somewhere along the line that the couples get videotapes of their weddings, but I’ve never seen anything official that either confirms or denies said rumor. And these days the final credits say nothing about that honeymoon, either.

So I have to ask myself… what are these women getting out of the experience other than a chance to appear on national television as an object of derision and ritual scapegoat? After all, the point of the show is to behave as horribly as humanly possible for the amusement of others and the whitewashing of lesser bridal naughtiness on the parts of other brides. And they don’t appear to even be getting a honeymoon out of it anymore! Not that the honeymoon would have made it worthwhile to me in the first place.

In fact, I can’t think of anything that show could give me that would make up for being a national object of horror and disdain. Frankly, I stand firmly with Iago on this one: “But he that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.”

Okay, they aren’t filching anything. Women are lining up around city blocks for the chance to hurl their good names to the four winds and anyone with a basic cable package. I’m just not sure why.

But I’m going to ask here and now, what would be your price? Do you even have one? What do you think could tempt you to audition for Bridezillas?

So What to Actually Do About Those Wedding Photography Jitters

Pssst… it’s still Wedding Photography Week!

So let’s say, apropos of yesterday’s post about wedding photos making you nervous, you’re feeling a bit or maybe a lot squeamish about having a wedding photographer all up in your business during your ceremony and reception. Now besides the fact that you can specifically ask your wedding photographer not to be so in your face – which many aren’t to begin with – you can also take some of the pressure to look good off your mind by making wedding photography FUN.

Would you rather write a thousand vows than take one wedding photo?

How? By thinking up some fun action shots and other poses that you can suggest to your photographer or ask her or him to do.

If you read that and thought to yourself “I’m not that creative,” say hello to my best friend, the Internet. And if searching through thousands of wedding photos for some creative inspiration doesn’t sound like fun – !!! – then I let me recommend David Pearce’s Wedding Photography: A Guide to Posing. It’s a wee book meant primarily for wedding photographers, but it can be a great inspirational guide for couples, too. It has 525 full color images of brides and grooms being photographed in various ways to give you all kinds of cool and doable ideas about body positioning, location, lighting, and more.

Should you try to be in complete control of your wedding photos from the processional to the last dance? No way – you’re hiring a professional wedding photographer for a reason, so let them do what they do best. But by learning a bit about what works and what doesn’t when it comes to wedding photos, you’ll be more confident about being the star of your wedding album, and you’ll be much better able to communicate the kinds of wedding photos that you want to your photographer so you can relax and have fun with it.

Confidence? Knowing what you want? Fun? Sounds like you just conquered those wedding photo nerves!

STORIbook a Little Grimm

The bullets I take for you people.

Okay, okay, I admit it. I’ve always had a bit of a thing when it comes to Tori Spelling. Pretty much my favorite tacky pleasure (and I do have more than a couple) is watching Tori Spelling get gutted like a fish on Lifetime Movie channel. The best part is the impassioned speech at the end about how everyone – including the victim – is to blame in her death with one, lone exception: Kellie Martin who actually does the gutting. Love it!

So when I came to the conclusion that I could no longer put off checking out Tori & Dean: sTORIbook Weddings (Yes, they really do spell it with a lower case s, an i instead of a y, and her name all in caps. I did not make that up), I was prepared to spend the time longing for Kellie Martin to make an unscheduled appearance and not be guilty again… but maybe of slapping Tori in the face with a moldy mackerel rather than outright murder. What? I’m not a total monster! I’m not really in favor of murdering anyone at all.

All in all, it wasn’t quite that bad, though there were a couple moments when I had a lazy desire for a spork to consider using on myself.

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