Fans of TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress and/or its spinoff Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta, are about to get another dose of weekly bridal gown shopping reality in the form of another spinoff: Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss.

Yes, we’ll get the Kleinfeld’s drama as more bountifully built women experience it. Starting Oct. 1, you can tune in to TLC and see for yourself whether this turns out to be a sensitive portrait of gown shopping while large or whether it turns into another way of shaming and pathologizing women who wear sizes that carry double-digit tags.

Whichever the case, you can guarantee I’ll be checking out the drama and sharing my thoughts with all of you.

I’ve never been a big fan of plastic surgery for purely cosmetic reasons. Then again, I’ve always figured it was a decision up to the person considering it. I don’t think less of someone for having had breast implants or a nose job or a tummy tuck. As I said, it’s a personal decision.

And while it’s not something I would recommend, I’m certainly not going to rain on the parade of a bride who decides that before the wedding is the time to have her chin or cheekbones enhanced.

But now E! has ordered a new bridal reality show. What does this have to do with plastic surgery? Everything, as it turns out.

You see, Bridalplasty (yes, you read that correctly, Bridalplasty is the name of this horror) is a competition. Each week, the brides will compete in a new challenge. The winner of said challenge will win – wait for it! – her choice of plastic surgery from the ‘wish list’ she has submitted. She goes straight in for surgery and the audience will see the results the following week in the next episode.

Think about it. The average competitive reality show has somewhere between twelve and sixteen players. On each of these shows, there are always several competitors who never win a single challenge. On each of these shows, one or two competitors seem to wind up winning at least three or four challenges each. That means that at least a couple of these women are going home looking very, very different than they did when they left.

Each week the competing brides will vote off one of their rivals until just one bride is left standing. Said last bride standing will win a dream wedding at which, of course, she will wear a veil with full blusher so that the audience can enjoy that voyeuristic moment when the groom gets his first chance to see what his bride now looks like. That’s right, he doesn’t get to see her until she stands at the altar in a brand new face.

All of this is, of course, in the name of seeing a ‘perfect bride.’ Because, you know, a woman who hasn’t been touched up by a surgeon can’t be perfect.

My advice? Ignore this show. It’s just trying to sell us all more on the idea that we’re not good enough as we are, that we are automatically better if we change ourselves quite possibly to the point of being unrecognizable.

Even if you do decide you want to change something about yourself before the wedding photos, you still want your nearest and dearest to know who you are when you walk down the aisle. Trust me, you’re good enough as is that someone asked you to marry him or her. You don’t need to change a thing to be good enough to deserve a pretty wedding or a happily ever after.

Don’t fall for the hype. Be you on your wedding day.

And this show? Let’s all agree not to watch it. We don’t need the toxic messages or the sensationalism.

“You can totally wear it again!”

How many times have bridesmaids been told precisely that as they cringe internally? I was told it about a dusty rose acetate taffeta (with matching polyester lace, no less!) high-necked, long-sleeved, full-skirted, tea length number once.

At least it was cheap. It never saw the light of day again. Then again, nothing in dusty rose ever would from my closet. It’s one of the few colors in the world that I detest and I look as though I’m in the final stages of terminal jaundice in it. I did, however, have better luck with the next two bridesmaids dresses I wore.

This week on Project Runway, Season 8, a group of women who were all told The Lie showed up to have their unfortunate polyester and acetate monstrosities turned into clothes they actually would want to wear again (but wouldn’t be able to after the runway show, because all designs on the show become the property of the show and are auctioned off at the end of the season).
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Working the bridal reality show beat, you’ll notice that there are very few that I recommend as helpful, or even particularly entertaining. That’s because I find that most bridal reality shows are a) unrealistic, b) determined to reinforce negative stereotypes of the process, c) shaming to couples with tight budgets, and d) big on the generic over the imaginative.

Sure, there are exceptions. Sometimes there’s an episode of Rich Bride, Poor Bride that has someone with their head on straight, and I do find Don’t Tell the Bride both endearing and fairly rational. Up to now, that’s been the list.

Well, I’ve finally found another one I think has some real value to real-life brides planning their own weddings. Oddly enough, it’s a reality contest show. Seriously? It is. It’s called Four Weddings, it’s on TLC, and it still takes a tidge of digging to get to the good stuff, but it’s in there.
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Today I’d like to ask you a question, and that question is: How much do your wedding guests really need to know about your upcoming wedding? I’d suggest that at the very least they need to know when it’s taking place and where it’s taking place, and roughly how formal it will be so they know whether to wear bluejean overalls or a ball gown. There are others, however, for whom “need to know basis” is a phrase for other people. They are the brides- and grooms-to-be who send out weddung newsletters. I’m not talking about a one-time special edition mini magazine for the bridesmaids and moms, but rather a full-blown publishing production that appears in the mailboxes of all wedding guests.

Inside the pages of this still less-than-common publication, wedding guests can read about how the happy couple met, how they chose their wedding venue, why they felt it was important to choose locally-grown flowers, their engagement story, short bios (with headshots) of all the VIPs, a description of the wedding reception menu, and so on, all laid out professionally with pictures and captions and cutesy little swirlies.

I tell you truly, the very idea of the wedding newsletter brings out the curmudgeon in me and I am not even that cranky most of the time. Weddings are fun and I love being invited to them, but I don’t want to have to read a study guide to prepare. And before you say anything, of course I know that I don’t have to read the couple’s wedding newsletter, but as grumpy as receiving it makes me feel, I just can’t toss something into which two people put so much effort. Maybe it’s the writer in me – who knows. I think I’m in the hate camp for this one.

What say you? Wedding newsletters… sentimental keepsake or something akin to the dreaded “Christmas letter”?

Wedding reality shows, that is.

Last night I was watching an episode of Battle of the Wedding Designers over on TLC. For those of you lucky enough to be unfamiliar, this is a show where a couple gives an idea of how much money they have, how many guests they expect, and their general preferences for a wedding. Three wedding planners are then given said budget, size, and taste restraints. Each planner comes up with a plan for how to spend that money and presents said plan to the couple. The couple then pick one planner’s dream and hand over the bucks. The audience gets to see how it all turns out.

Fair enough.

Last night’s couple, Xenia and Ezra, had a serious budget crunch. Xenia lost her job right after Ezra proposed and hasn’t been able to find another yet. They’d managed to scrape up $5,000 and hoped to have a tropical themed wedding with 75 guests.

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It’s not often that I find a bridal reality show that I actually find fun and intriguing. Yesterday, though, I spent an afternoon watching Don’t Tell the Bride on BBCAmerica, and I’m pleased to say it was head and shoulders above most bridal infotainment on television.

So what’s the deal with this one? It’s pretty simple. A lovestruck – but broke – couple is chosen by the show. This couple is handed a cool 12,000 pounds to plan their wedding. The catch? They must live apart during the process and not speak to one another, and the groom does all the planning. He has four weeks to organize everything from the venue to the order of service to the wedding gown and accessories… everything for the wedding. He is allowed help from one friend, usually the Best Man, and he is allowed to add any funds to the budget that he can scrape up out of his own savings or donations from either family.
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