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‘Reality’ Becomes a Reality


Brides.com has an overview of wedding gown designer Austin Scarlett’s latest collection for 2013… and I was struck by how familiar this gown looked.

In fact, I knew precisely where I had seen it before.
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How (and Why) to Chill Out for Your Wedding


See Natalie Nunn. See Natalie Nunn throw things – hissey fits in particular – at her wedding. See what a bad idea that is.

I had – blessedly – never heard of Natalie Nunn before she showed up on Bridezillas. For two weeks now she’s been screaming on my television about how she shouldn’t have to pay for her wedding because she’s rich and famous and has people pay her to show up at parties… and there’s another week with the actual wedding to go.

She also, apparently, doesn’t have a clue what a wedding reception is.

She’s actually not the worst person on the show this season. It’s true. There was the woman on the Bridezillas staff who threw her dog (and real soulmate!) into the wedding cake because she was honked off that her groom had bought a birthday cake from a grocery store bakery section, scraped off the Happy Birthday, and written an apology on it.

Yeah, tell me that wasn’t scripted… which only makes it worse.

But this article really isn’t about Bridezillas or trying to figure out who was the worst of the worst of the season. It’s about the thing that makes so many of these women entirely lose their minds (well, in the actual spontaneous moments of the show) and make other brides and grooms all over the world lose their collective marbles whilst planning their weddings: stress.
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Lessons Learned


I learned a few interesting lessons watching last night’s Bridezillas that I thought I would pass on to all of you.

1: If a bridesmaid calls two days before the wedding to drop out of the wedding party because she has just broken her foot and will be unable to walk… it’s because she hates the bride and is determined to sabotage the wedding.

2: If a guest chokes on inedible cake bling… it’s their own damn fault for failing to imagine that you would put inedible real rhinestones on your otherwise edible cake. And that includes the small children attending the affair.

3: People will insist on blowing things out of proportion… like that time you nearly ran them down with your car.

4: If you audition for a show, are tapped to appear on said show, and sign a contract to have your entire life filmed in order to ridicule you on national television, it’s mean of them to hold you to your contract when you decide it isn’t all that fun anymore… like when they won’t stop asking you about the time you nearly ran down the cameraman with your car.

Oh, and bonus lesson #5 which I think I could have guessed going in:

Never ever honk off your tattoo artist in the middle of getting a new tattoo.

Compared to all those other things, that’s just stupid.

A Public Service Announcement From Manolo for the Brides


If you are asking two time Top Chef Master Art Smith to bake your wedding cake, please give him more than 24-hours notice.

I don’t ever want to see him look like this:

again.

You may now resume your regularly scheduled wedding planning.

Quickie Question: Do You Consider It Cheating?


As many of you know, I’m a fan of the bridal reality show Four Weddings. And now TLC has added Four Weddings Canada to the mix, too.

Again, I like it. It’s real couples having real weddings, without a lot of the staged nightmares of Bridezillas and similar shows, let alone their histrionics.

But I did have a bit of a thought about the episode aired last night. See the lady second from the right? That’s Jessica. She won the episode. I’m down with that, because I did feel she had the nicest wedding of the lot.

Still, I have this one niggling concern. You see, Jessica is a professional wedding planner. Not only was she allowed to participate in the show, her fellow contestants were not informed of this fact. She only revealed the truth as the winner’s limo was pulling up with her husband in it.

The thing is, I can’t think of another episode of either version of the show that has featured anyone who used a wedding planner, let alone was one. And I know that simply being in a profession isn’t proof positive that someone is good at it. After all, there was at least one professional wedding planner featured on Bridezillas who not only needed subtitles because she mumbled so horribly nobody could understand her, but seemed to have no clue at all how a wedding is organized.

All the same, it could be perceived as an unfair advantage. I kind of perceived it that way, and I know how little it takes to set up shop as a wedding planner.

What do you think? Should Jessica have been allowed to play the game? Should she have had to reveal her professional status before her wedding was rated? Am I being over sensitive about something that’s all in good fun?

Tell me what you think!

Gypsies Getting Married

On sunday night, TLC will bring us the latest in their string of bridal reality programming, My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding.

Based on the UK hit version of the story, MBFAGW will feature real brides and real families among the American Gypsy and Traveller communities. It’s a window into a world most of us would never see, otherwise.

In some ways, it’s a throwback to a world that a lot more people lived in not too long ago where a woman’s wedding really was the One Special Day she had to shine for the world. It’s a world where girls are left ignorant about the facts of life, kept from dating, taught mostly to cook, clean, and take care of children, and then married very, very young. And then she will mostly cook, clean, have and tend children, and plan huge weddings for her daughters. The gender roles are strict and unforgiving for both men and women.

But the weddings are certainly colorful, if nothing else. Oh, and if you go over to Huffpo right now, you can read an interview with Sondra Celli, bridal designer to American Gypsies, whose work is featured on the show.

Will I watch the show? At least an episode or two. But I don’t think I’ll take to the road. I’m a Gorger, and happy that way.

Things I Would Love to See… But Don’t Expect


Sometimes when I’m watching bridal reality TV, my brain isn’t sitting with me on the sofa listening to yet another woman whine about her controlling/uncaring parents/fiance/bridesmaids or concentrating too hard on what precise gown details will make or break her wedding. It’s off on its own dreaming dreamy dreams in fields of flowers about the things it would be so very refreshing to see on those same shows.

You see, after a while it’s easy to get terribly jaded about bridal reality, and then it becomes easy to get terribly jaded about weddings in general. The same tired tropes get trotted out in episode after episode as if they were brand new and shiny and oh so true… even when they bear no resemblance to any reality I’ve ever seen.

Here are a few things I’ve witnessed (or even done myself!) in real weddings that I would love to see on bridal reality… but I’m not holding my breath.
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