Manolo for the Brides

Fish as gift? Yes, when it’s culturally relevent. No, when it involves dumping a slimy, stinky flounder wrapped in newspaper on my previously clean kitchen table. Personally, I’d be delighted to receive Yuinou if I was the mother of a newly engaged lady.

You’re looking at Yuinou, gifts that traditionally mark an agreed upon engagement in Japan. I first saw them at Wedded Bliss, The Marriage of Art and Ceremony, a traveling exhibit currently at the Peabody Essex Museum.

Yuinou is exchanged for the various purposes. First of all, people can confirm that the engagement is concluded. At the same time, they pray for the conclusion of marriage by doing the ceremony. The engagement will be official through Yuinou. Secondly, a bridegroom side does it to express their gratitude to a bride side, because a bride is considered to be a member of bridegroom side after a marriage. The gratitude is against marrying a girl whom their parents have brought up with tender care.

The contents of Yuinou are important in their ceremonial significance — cuttlefish signifies happiness, seaweed signifies fertility, a fan signifies good fortune, and animal art signifying all sorts of nice things — but the appeal in my eyes is the beautiful packaging.

The examples I saw at the PEM were gorgeous, made as they were of vividly hued bamboo, balsa wood, foil, glass, and braided paper cord. The packaging is so artistically rendered that some newlyweds display the Yuinou in their homes after the wedding.

However, the once widespread and varied Yuino ceremony is being toned down by couples who would rather their parents spent the money they might spend on Yuinou on monetary gifts or contributions to the price of the wedding. That makes a lot of sense to me, but I do hope that the practice sticks around. It seems like such a nice way to bring families together and commemorate the blending of two families.

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CONGRATS, JSTAR! Jstar, who suggested that I call my next book iDon’t: the 12,000,000 most common wedding planning mistakes has won a free autographed copy of iDo. Keep your eyes open for future minicontents because I plan to give away at least one copy of the book each month for a year!

A few days ago I found myself at the local mall over lunchtime entirely sans reading material or a companion. I have no problem eating alone, but if that’s what I’m going to do, I prefer to have a book or a magazine in my hand. Going home where all my books live wasn’t an option since I had more shopping to do (it takes fortitude and visits to several stores to find lightweight summer pants, sometimes), so I headed for the lovely brand-spanking-new Borders that had just replaced the anemic little Waldenbooks we used to have. Same corporate masters, much bigger store.

I marched in and what to my wondering eyes did appear? Dozens of bridal magazines smack dab in my face almost as soon as I was through the door. The one that really caught my eye, however, was a Real Simple special wedding publication. I rather liked the clean, fuss-free imagery on the cover of a bride (well, most of her, since we see her pretty much only from about mid-torso to toes) sitting holding a simple bouquet composed of several large, plump, purple hydrangeas and a few glossy green leaves tied with pale blue ribbon. Her shoes are ballet flats. The gown is unadorned. In short, it looked all about the simple, the stripped down, and yet the elegantly lovely.

Even the tag line at the bottom of the magazine cover looked like the sort of philosophy I have always liked best: ‘Your personalized plan for a stress-free, beautiful celebration.’ Who wouldn’t want that? I snapped up the magazine and proceeded to read it with growing gawk over lunch.

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Happy Mother’s Day, everyone, from Twistie and Never Teh Bride!

Speaking of mothers…

I have a couple questions about the role of the mother of the bride in modern weddings. I hope this will encourage a lively discussion.

What role did/do you expect your mother to play in your wedding planning? Is/was it her show? Yours with her input? None of her business?

What about mother of the bride outfits? Something you want(ed)? Something she want(ed)? Or something you both feel/felt is/was unimportant? Are/were the choices designed for the purpose too frumpy? Too sexy? Just right?

Any other thoughts on the subject?

The designers of a good portion of today’s MOB/MOG wear would have you believe that every proud momma is trim, toned, and ready to show off her dangerous curves. It’s a nice thought, but you guys have always been quick to tell me that your moms don’t quite fit that ambitious mold. I know from personal experience that my own MOG was rather nonplussed at the dresses my MOB was eying, as their body types couldn’t possibly be more different than they already are.

I’m not saying that moms of all shapes and sizes shouldn’t consider wearing something that’s a little more slinky than it is boxy, but there is definitely a contingent of moms out there who’d rather keep their assets to themselves, thankyouverymuch.

Sydney’s Closet is a pretty reliable dress source if you’re looking to “size up glamour,” though their selection definitely features a staggering number of what I like to call MILF dresses. If mom doesn’t see anything she likes in the MOB section, point her toward the straight up formal wear area.

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The question of whether one can have too many moms is a complex one. Some people are of the opinion that one is far more than any single person ought to need while others welcome the presence of matriarchal influences in all facets of their lives. It is an intensely personal conundrum that demands a great deal of introspective thought.

The question of whether one can have too many moms at a wedding…now that really depends on the moms. Gone are the days where we can assume that the bride has one mom and the groom has one mom. Perhaps the bride-to-be’s father has remarried, bringing a step-mother into the mix. Her mom has come out as a lesbian and has also taken a wife. The bride herself is close to each of the three moms and has dreams of including them all in her nuptials.

Then there’s the groom-to-be. His father, surprisingly, has come out as a homosexual, but his mate is currently living as a woman for whatever reasons. His mother has never remarried (though she kept her married name) and she lives right down the block from the marriage venue and has become very, very involved in the proceedings. Like his intended, the groom is close to all of these individuals. In fact, the whole family is quite tight!

Holy moly, that’s a lot of moms, all of whom may want to emulate the MOG by helping the bride-to-be choose her dress, criticizing the groom-to-be’s musical tastes, participating in the ceremony, making a speech at the reception, wearing a corsage, walking in the pre-processional, recessing, doing a reading, and so on. Yipes!

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