This, though, isn’t the interesting bit. That would be the fact that he managed to keep the carpet a secret from Samantha until they walked out their front door to head for the church, some 200 meters away.

Phil, who owns a carpet shop, had gone to elaborate lengths to fool his beautician daughter into thinking that she was going to make the bridal entrance on the back of his elaborately decorated quad bike.
The bizarre ruse worked as Sam braced herself to mount the unusual steed before it was revealed she had her very own magical red carpet for the fairy tale stroll to the church.

Clearly this isn’t an idea for everyone. Access to that much red carpet, and the ability to get streets cordoned off for the walk to the wedding venue make it impractical for most of us. And, of course, there are brides who would rather be swallowed whole by the Earth than walk a red carpet to church. In this case, however, it seems that the ability to get the practicalities dealt with, the personality of the bride in question, and the weather all cooperated to make Phil’s vision a happy reality.

Samantha and Adam are currently honeymooning in Egypt, and I hope that all of you will join with me in wishing them a long, happy marriage full of charming surprises.

For your wedding, do not force your mother to wear a shapeless, moldy tablecloth.

Do not attempt to dress her like she’s starring in a tribute to Cher.
(Yes, this was actually designed to be a mother of the bride dress)

Let her choose what she would like to wear. Let her find something that makes her feel happy and beautiful. Love the outfit or hate it, the expression on this lady’s face is what you want to aim for.

Love your mother. Worry more about her feelings than whether her outfit will clash with the bridesmaid’s dresses in the pictures.

According to a New York Times blog, the newest trend where parents and budgets are concerned is asking for money for big ticket items in lieu of a contribution to a wedding. A down payment on a home is one popular way to spend the spoils, though others might include a much-needed new car or a blowout six-month vacation.

if you’re thinking of asking your parents for cash instead of a wedding contribution, bringing up the subject if your parents haven’t offered first can be difficult. Ms. Martini Bratten [editor-in-chief of Brides] recommends that couples first find out if their parents plan to contribute to the wedding before broaching the subject and not to be shocked if parents are perplexed by the proposition. And if parents make the proposal themselves, choosing whether to take the money or not can be hard as well, though Ms. Martini Bratten said she expected many brides would probably still opt for their dream event.

Asking for money to put toward a wedding budget is difficult enough for many brides and grooms without having to find a way to tactfully say something like “On the assumption that you’re going to help us pay for our wedding, might we just have the cash instead?” I suppose it would get a little easier if your parents have already said they’ll give you such-and-such an amount, and slightly more easy if you want to spend that money on something responsible, like a graduate degree or a flat in the nice part of town.

It might be harder, on the other hand, to ask moms and dads for money when you are planning a biggish wedding and your spouse-to-be’s parents have already indicated that they’ll help pay for it. In that case, it might be awkward for both sets of parents, particularly if there is bad blood between the families and one thinks the other isn’t contributing enough to the happiness or survival of the kids. And I think that asking for cash would be especially difficult if you and your spouse-to-be are well-off enough to pay for a rather nice wedding on your own and plan to do just that, but would like some additional funds for big expenses.

In my case, The Beard and I approached all of our parents to ask (with no strings attached) if they were planning to help us pay for a wedding. At the time, it never occurred to us to use the money so graciously given to us for our wedding for something else, and the thought of asking whether it would be all right if money given for one purpose might be used for another makes me feel a little itchy. That’s why I’m wondering if any of our readers chose to use parent-gifted wedding budget funds for other purposes… if so, did you ask your moms and dads if they’d be willing to hand over cash instead of writing checks to vendors? Did proposing the idea feel weird?

Look at online bridal accessory shops long enough and you’ll see bedazzled tank tops for brides and bridesmaids, hats for the father of the bride, sweatpants whose rear ends proclaim one’s to-be married name, and even accessories for future flower girls and ring bearers. But I can honestly say I have never before seen anything like this:

That’s right — Tip Top Wedding Shop has Groom’s Uncle shirts. The best part? The lettering is done in rhinestones. As The Beard just noted, “Maybe it’s for the fabulous uncle?” Tip Top Wedding Shop also carried sparkly shirts for the groom’s niece, the groom’s grandpa, the mummy of the groom, and the nana of the groom. I can’t say that I love or hate all of the “X of the Y” clothing out there, but I can’t help but wonder how many uncles or grandpas would really enjoy wearing a rhinestone top proclaiming their relationship to the couple to be married.

What say you?

You see, mother-in-law jokes aside, the stories submitted to sites like I Hate My Inlaws are not just pieces of fiction created by some deranged mind. Sure, one’s biological parents can be a nightmare, too, but one usually has a few decades in which to learn to deal with the idiosyncrasies of one’s own family. Prior to and upon getting married, one is immediately expected to become fast friends with nonblood kin of every description. As if.

So what’s the problem? A reasonably sane adult should be able to cope with a few strained familial gatherings per year, right? Would that it were that easy. You see, it turns out that new research has found that avoiding your in-laws (even the icky ones) can actually harm your marriage.

A husband or wife’s satisfaction with their in-laws is a dominant factor in how happy they are in their marriage, University of Denver associate professor Mary Claire Morr Serewicz found after spending six years researching family issues.

In fact, Morr Serewicz found in-law relations can represent 43 percent of a couple’s satisfaction in their marriage.

Forty-three percent? Yowza! Maybe it’s time to send your future sister-in-law a holiday card or give in and let your future father-in-law fix your brakes. If good relations must be established, why not start establishing them ASAP with a little holiday cheer? Then again, I’m a big fan of setting strict boundaries. If you’re slated to be married or recently tied the knot, this might just be the time to say “I love visiting with you, but it throws off my schedule when you drop by unannounced” and “No, I’m sorry we cannot drive four hours each way to visit you for two hours on Christmas Eve.”

A six-year study might tell us that positive in-law relationships are integral to a good marriage, but I’d venture to guess that sometimes the best thing you can do to maintain good relations between people who mix about as well as oil and water is to avoid one another as much as possible.

You’re looking at Yuinou, gifts that traditionally mark an agreed upon engagement in Japan. I first saw them at Wedded Bliss, The Marriage of Art and Ceremony, a traveling exhibit currently at the Peabody Essex Museum.

Yuinou is exchanged for the various purposes. First of all, people can confirm that the engagement is concluded. At the same time, they pray for the conclusion of marriage by doing the ceremony. The engagement will be official through Yuinou. Secondly, a bridegroom side does it to express their gratitude to a bride side, because a bride is considered to be a member of bridegroom side after a marriage. The gratitude is against marrying a girl whom their parents have brought up with tender care.

The contents of Yuinou are important in their ceremonial significance — cuttlefish signifies happiness, seaweed signifies fertility, a fan signifies good fortune, and animal art signifying all sorts of nice things — but the appeal in my eyes is the beautiful packaging.

The examples I saw at the PEM were gorgeous, made as they were of vividly hued bamboo, balsa wood, foil, glass, and braided paper cord. The packaging is so artistically rendered that some newlyweds display the Yuinou in their homes after the wedding.

However, the once widespread and varied Yuino ceremony is being toned down by couples who would rather their parents spent the money they might spend on Yuinou on monetary gifts or contributions to the price of the wedding. That makes a lot of sense to me, but I do hope that the practice sticks around. It seems like such a nice way to bring families together and commemorate the blending of two families.

I marched in and what to my wondering eyes did appear? Dozens of bridal magazines smack dab in my face almost as soon as I was through the door. The one that really caught my eye, however, was a Real Simple special wedding publication. I rather liked the clean, fuss-free imagery on the cover of a bride (well, most of her, since we see her pretty much only from about mid-torso to toes) sitting holding a simple bouquet composed of several large, plump, purple hydrangeas and a few glossy green leaves tied with pale blue ribbon. Her shoes are ballet flats. The gown is unadorned. In short, it looked all about the simple, the stripped down, and yet the elegantly lovely.

Even the tag line at the bottom of the magazine cover looked like the sort of philosophy I have always liked best: ‘Your personalized plan for a stress-free, beautiful celebration.’ Who wouldn’t want that? I snapped up the magazine and proceeded to read it with growing gawk over lunch.

Most of what was in there was pretty much what you’d find in the pages of any glossy magazine filled with wedding porn: your twelve-month countdown to planning, ads for companies that want you to register for your gifts with them, an article about all the accessories you can buy to go with your gown, advice on choosing the right gown for your figure, etc. I think Crate & Barrel had an ad every three pages. Interestingly enough, there weren’t a lot of wedding gown ads, and this is clearly going for a more upscale market since there wasn’t a peep out of anyplace like, say, Target that caters specifically to people on tight budgets.

Did I say budget? Oh yes, I did. Most of the advice ranged from the bland (wedding gowns take months to get to the customer, so ordering early is a good idea) to actually thoughtful (advice on how to choose whether to write your own vows or use the standard form for your denomination), to the aspirational (here’s what Muffy and Chip did, and isn’t it quaintly charming?). Then I started reading the article entitled 10 Common Budget Questions. It was numbers 2 and 4 that really struck me as seriously bad advice. But let’s take a look at what the magazine said and what’s wrong with it:

Our relatives haven’t offered to help us pay for the wedding. Is it okay to ask them for money?
Certainly. Here’s how:
*Gather photos you’re using for inspiration and any vendor estimates you’ve received.
*With your fiance, sit down with your families separately and show them the type of wedding you are hoping to have.
*Broach the subject of finances: Explain how much you and your fiance can afford and the amount your dream wedding will cost. Then, in a gracious and non-threatening tone, ask whether your families would consider paying for a specific aspect of the wedding – such as the flowers or the cake – instead of purchasing a gift for the two of you.
*If they still don’t bite, consider showing them the average wedding costs in your area. Go to www.costofwedding.com and enter your ZIP code for a breakdown of expenses in all major categories.

So…if your parents don’t react to your good news with promises to lavish cold, hard cash for the event on you, you should show them pretty pictures and ask them – in a gracious, non-threatening way, of course – what they’re going to pony up for? It seems to me that if parents expect or want to pay for all or part of the wedding, they’ll find a way to volunteer that information without being informed that your dreams cannot come true if they don’t make with the checkbook.

Plus there’s that assumption that there’s a gracious and non-threatening way to share that message. Somehow all I could think of was Marlon Brando making an offer Mom and Dad can’t refuse.

If you really can’t cover what you want on what you have, I suggest looking into what can be scaled back. After all, even if you try to coax money out of your parents, you might not succeed…and considering the next question is what to do if the ‘rents promise money but then fail to come through with it, I’m guessing the author of the article got that, too.

For my money, though, it was question 4 that really looked like a can of worms waiting to be opened.

My in-laws can’t afford to contribute as much as my parents. How do we handle this situation?
Arrange a dinner with all of the parents together. Beforehand, speak with your families individually about whether they might underwrite parts of the wedding and the financial constraints, if any, of the other couple. At dinner, talk through who will contribute what. (Note that contributions don’t necessarily have to involve a price tag.)

Well, that certainly won’t be the most awkward dinner party anyone at the table has ever attended.

These people are actually suggesting discussing your in-law’s finances with your parents, and vice versa and then holding a party to make sure everyone knows who has more money to spend on the wedding. Trust me, even if price tags are never brought up at this dinner of the damned, everyone will know how the money played out. After all, if Mimsey’s parents are footing the bill for the open bar, the ice luges, the catering, Mimsey’s wedding gown and accessories, and all the flowers…everyone will know that there’s no way Brad’s parents are spending anything like the same amount of money on their generous offer of the wedding cake and a backyard barbeque after the rehearsal.

Do your parents, your in-laws, your fiance and yourself a favor: graciously accept offers of budgetary help from any family members (providing the strings attached are ones you can live with), but don’t wheedle for money with pretty princess fantasy pictures and don’t embarrass your parents or his by sharing their financial situation with people they may hardly know.

If you want money from your parents, ask up front and be prepared for the answer to be no. It’s what grown ups do.

Speaking of mothers…

I have a couple questions about the role of the mother of the bride in modern weddings. I hope this will encourage a lively discussion.

What role did/do you expect your mother to play in your wedding planning? Is/was it her show? Yours with her input? None of her business?

What about mother of the bride outfits? Something you want(ed)? Something she want(ed)? Or something you both feel/felt is/was unimportant? Are/were the choices designed for the purpose too frumpy? Too sexy? Just right?

Any other thoughts on the subject?

I’m not saying that moms of all shapes and sizes shouldn’t consider wearing something that’s a little more slinky than it is boxy, but there is definitely a contingent of moms out there who’d rather keep their assets to themselves, thankyouverymuch.

Sydney’s Closet is a pretty reliable dress source if you’re looking to “size up glamour,” though their selection definitely features a staggering number of what I like to call MILF dresses. If mom doesn’t see anything she likes in the MOB section, point her toward the straight up formal wear area.

Get the jackets off, and these Fiorisimo numbers are pretty darned racy — bustieres, anyone? But that can be a post-wedding treat for the FOB or the FOG!

Then there’s the plain suit, which is all Beautifully Modest seems to sell when it comes to MOB/MOG wear. Of course, for something like this, you may as well head over to your nearest department store.

And in case you were wondering what some of my many moms chose to wear at my wedding, here are the MOBs and the MOG presented for a side-by-side comparison.

Now here’s a question for you, gentle reader: Did you care what the MOBs and MOGs were going to wear? Did you suggest particular outfits? Or did you leave it up to them only to discover that they desperately wanted your input?

The question of whether one can have too many moms at a wedding…now that really depends on the moms. Gone are the days where we can assume that the bride has one mom and the groom has one mom. Perhaps the bride-to-be’s father has remarried, bringing a step-mother into the mix. Her mom has come out as a lesbian and has also taken a wife. The bride herself is close to each of the three moms and has dreams of including them all in her nuptials.

Then there’s the groom-to-be. His father, surprisingly, has come out as a homosexual, but his mate is currently living as a woman for whatever reasons. His mother has never remarried (though she kept her married name) and she lives right down the block from the marriage venue and has become very, very involved in the proceedings. Like his intended, the groom is close to all of these individuals. In fact, the whole family is quite tight!

Holy moly, that’s a lot of moms, all of whom may want to emulate the MOG by helping the bride-to-be choose her dress, criticizing the groom-to-be’s musical tastes, participating in the ceremony, making a speech at the reception, wearing a corsage, walking in the pre-processional, recessing, doing a reading, and so on. Yipes!

So how can this conscientious couple include their many moms and avoid offending anyone? The first step is to steer casual conversation toward the topic of expectations. The moms are going to have their own expectations that may or may not mesh with those of the bride- and groom-to-be. If everyone puts their hopes and dreams on the table before moving forward, the engaged couple has a chance to nix the ideas they absolutely hate and the moms have a chance to say, “I was really hoping you’d let me help with X, Y, and Z.”

From that point onward, it’s up to the future newlyweds to decide whether they’d like the moms to pick out their own duds and get themselves to the church on time or they are going to go bridal salon hopping with a gaggle of MOBs and MOGs in tow. Of course, they may opt for some compromise in between. As for what the invitations might look like, one option appears immediately below.

The sky is the limit here, because crafty brides- and grooms-to-be will have no trouble finding a way to include extra moms. I myself had my dad recess with his wife and my mom recess with her wife, and I furthermore did my best to keep everyone in the loop where my wedding planning progress was concerned. For those with lots and lots of moms, the best advice I can give you is this: Ask your many moms how they’d prefer to participate in the planning. You don’t necessarily have to acquiesce to their wishes…most moms will simply be happy that you were thoughtful enough to ask.