Consumers don’t always have a lot of options when it comes to righting wrongs perpetrated by scammy, shady shopkeeps and service providers, so the best thing a person can do is take steps to protect him or herself from fraud before it happens. That goes double for brides and grooms, who in addition to spending gobs of money, are often dealing with leads times and options unlike any they’ve encountered in the past. I’m not saying that brides and grooms are all widdle biddy babies who need hand holding, but let’s face facts here. It’s easy to get starry-eyed when it’s planning a wedding we’re talking about, and the bad guys typically prey on people who aren’t paying attention.

The good news is that it’s not that difficult to protect yourself from the sort of unscrupulous wedding vendors who want to get between you and your wedding budget while doing as little work as possible. Unsurprisingly, the Better Business Bureau has some tips for planning a wedding safely. Here’s a snippet of the BBB-endorsed wedding planning tips that can help brides and grooms keep from losing money before or after the wedding, ending up with a sucky ceremony or reception, and maybe most importantly, choosing the wrong wedding vendors.

Pay With Credit Cards: Credit cards offer consumers added protection in the event of a problem, because you can generally have your card issuer “pull back” the charge and investigate any problems within 60 days of receiving your statement, even if you have already paid the charge. In some cases, they may extend you a longer “dispute” period. Unfortunately, checks or cash offer no such protection.

Get Contracts in Writing: Remember that all written contracts should include specific dates, products, prices, name brands, and be signed by all parties involved. Cancellation policies should also be included in the contracts. This includes any refund policies and returns on deposits. If these are not already included in the contract, insist that they are added before you sign. New York state law allows businesses to set whatever refund or cancellation policy they desire. Do not assume that if you cancel a contract, you will receive a 100% refund. Be sure that you are aware of refund or cancellation policies before you sign a contract and that the terms are completely spelled out in the written contract. Also, try to keep deposits as small as possible as they are often non-refundable. Smaller deposits may mean less money lost if there is a change in plans.

Don’t Be Lured By the Lowest Price: Your wedding is a once in a lifetime event, so you want to do it right. Be careful not to hire unknown companies simply because they advertise the lowest prices. First, research the company’s quality and reliability record.

Research A Company Before Using It: There are three simple ways to find a good company: 1) Ask friends for the names of companies that they have used with good results. 2) Ask for references. Any legitimate company will be pleased to provide previously satisfied clients. However, do not stop there. Follow through and actually call the clients to find out it they were satisfied and if they may have some suggestions about doing business with that particular company. 3) Lastly, check companies with your local Better Business Bureau before doing business with them. In the event you do have a problem, you can also contact the BBB to file a complaint.

Smart stuff! But also stuff that’s easy to forget when you’ve emotionally invested yourself in wedding planning and have a little money to spend. So be careful out there, brides and grooms. Stay starry-eyed, but keep those eyes peeled for scams. The only thing I’d add to the BBB’s advice is beware of the upsell, for wedding vendors have a knack for it and you may not even realized you’re being talked into something you really don’t want until after you’ve signed a contract. The upsell may not technically be a scam, but it is another sleazy way to part a bride and her bucks.

(Photo by Fotographix)

The thing is, that’s pretty much an archaic set of rules. Who orders their flowers for the ceremony and the reception, and then expects the groom to go in at another time and choose the bride’s bouquet? Nobody, that’s who. Even the books and magazines will tell you that the rules have changed and this is just a starting place for figuring out what works for you and yours.

These days just about anyone can choose to pay for specific items or donate a wad of cash to a general budget for the happy couple to spend as they see fit. The rules for who pays went almost entirely out the window at least forty years ago. No new hard and fast set of rules has replaced the old ones.

So why do we continue to see these lists of ‘rules’ that were last likely to be followed when Donna Reed was America’s favorite TV mom? Do we even need the list as anything other than a quaint reminder of how it all used to work?

I have a radical notion: let’s ditch the list save as an historical oddity. Instead, let’s start giving real world practical advice on budgeting for a wedding. Let’s encourage happy couples to be pleasantly surprised when someone offers a donation to the funds rather than to imagine that Daddy will pay for everything because it’s his job.

If he wants to finance the whole shebang or give a gift of paying for the flowers or the reception hall or a band, that’s lovely. Accept or reject the offer based on your individual relationship and situation. Just don’t assume it’s coming until it’s offered.

There. I said it. I firmly believe that couples should expect to finance their own weddings out of their own pockets until someone else (ie:the potential donor) chooses to make the suggestion. And when that person holds out money, it is still up to the couple whether or not they choose to take it.

When Mr. Twistie and I were married, we paid for everything ourselves. We never asked for a dime. My father and his mother both donated food to the reception, but they chose to do so. In fact, my mother-in-law’s tray of home rolled sushi was a delightful wedding day surprise.

Was the budget ridiculously tight? Yes it was. Did we have to consider every penny spent carefully? Yes we did.

Would we have done it any other way? No we wouldn’t.

While the economy is looking up these days, the supposedly watertight wedding industry didn’t make it through the downturn unscathed. The average cost of a wedding in 2009 dropped 10.2% over the 2008 totals, according to The Wedding Report, and that means bride and grooms (and their parents) were spending about $6,000 less per affair. Cost of Wedding had this to say:

On average, US couples spend $20,398 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $15,299 and $25,498 while their wedding budget is typically 50% less than the amount spent. This does not include cost for a honeymoon or engagement ring.

So where did those couples cut back? The wedding guest list was one area that got a little trim, with the average number of guests totaling 145 in 2008 versus 128 in 2009. Even as wedding stationery gets more and more beautiful, it wasn’t exempt from the squeeze. Reception menus in particular were downsized, with brides and grooms spending about 36% less on them. Other areas that suffered include gifts for the parents of the happy couple and… anklets. (Quelle horreur!)

And yet, as articles shout that wedding vendors are suffering in this weak economy, there are some area of the wedding budget that have seen definite increases. The Wedding Report found that brides and grooms spent about 23% more on musicians for their ceremonies and receptions, 16% more on their wedding photographers, and 13% on the wedding dress.

You’ll hear no judgments from me in either direction. People will spend what they want to spend on their weddings, and I’ve been to backyard weddings and huge elaborate multi-event weddings that were equally awesome. What I will say, though, is that brides and grooms who are cutting back because they have to shouldn’t feel like they’re the only ones doing so! The stats show that plenty of couples are keeping a tighter reign on those wedding budgets so you’re in good company.

Need a bit of help in that regard? I recommend How to Have an Elegant Wedding for $5000 or Less, Celebrate Simply, How to Plan Your Wedding and Save Thousands, and of course, iDo by yours truly!

(Photo via Art Vision Studio)

According to a New York Times blog, the newest trend where parents and budgets are concerned is asking for money for big ticket items in lieu of a contribution to a wedding. A down payment on a home is one popular way to spend the spoils, though others might include a much-needed new car or a blowout six-month vacation.

if you’re thinking of asking your parents for cash instead of a wedding contribution, bringing up the subject if your parents haven’t offered first can be difficult. Ms. Martini Bratten [editor-in-chief of Brides] recommends that couples first find out if their parents plan to contribute to the wedding before broaching the subject and not to be shocked if parents are perplexed by the proposition. And if parents make the proposal themselves, choosing whether to take the money or not can be hard as well, though Ms. Martini Bratten said she expected many brides would probably still opt for their dream event.

Asking for money to put toward a wedding budget is difficult enough for many brides and grooms without having to find a way to tactfully say something like “On the assumption that you’re going to help us pay for our wedding, might we just have the cash instead?” I suppose it would get a little easier if your parents have already said they’ll give you such-and-such an amount, and slightly more easy if you want to spend that money on something responsible, like a graduate degree or a flat in the nice part of town.

It might be harder, on the other hand, to ask moms and dads for money when you are planning a biggish wedding and your spouse-to-be’s parents have already indicated that they’ll help pay for it. In that case, it might be awkward for both sets of parents, particularly if there is bad blood between the families and one thinks the other isn’t contributing enough to the happiness or survival of the kids. And I think that asking for cash would be especially difficult if you and your spouse-to-be are well-off enough to pay for a rather nice wedding on your own and plan to do just that, but would like some additional funds for big expenses.

In my case, The Beard and I approached all of our parents to ask (with no strings attached) if they were planning to help us pay for a wedding. At the time, it never occurred to us to use the money so graciously given to us for our wedding for something else, and the thought of asking whether it would be all right if money given for one purpose might be used for another makes me feel a little itchy. That’s why I’m wondering if any of our readers chose to use parent-gifted wedding budget funds for other purposes… if so, did you ask your moms and dads if they’d be willing to hand over cash instead of writing checks to vendors? Did proposing the idea feel weird?

The blog The Simple Dollar recently did a series that included posts on having a reasonable courtship, a reasonable engagement, and of course, a reasonable Wedding. Naturally, by reasonable, the author means “not costing an arm and a leg.” Nowadays I’m hearing conflicting reports about wedding spending these days, with articles like Brides on a Budget: 75% of Weddings Being Scaled Back and Wedding spend climbs 5.2 percent both appearing in my inbox. Still, there are a lot of budget brides out there, and all budget wedding advice is not created equal. I thought it would be fun to take a look at some of The Simple Dollar’s advice.

Start your planning as far in advance of the wedding as possible. Set a tentative date as quickly as possible and start planning as soon as you can, even if you’re planning something very simple.

Doing so may let you lock in prices on wedding venues, hotels, and entertainment costs, but there are no guarantees. Making reservations early is simply the best way to ensure you can reserve the wedding venues and vendors you really like. That said, don’t let your zest for making those early reservations keep you from researching wedding services before putting down deposits, because hasty decision making can blow your wedding budget in no time.

The best place to trim fat for the wedding is the guest list.

While this is totally and undeniably true, that doesn’t make it an easy solution. The Beard and I actually started with a guest list of maybe 30 people, but we ended up with a wedding attended by about 100 people. Sure, you can have a smaller wedding, and many people do, but it seems to me that between the bride, the groom, and any parents who are hosting, it’s easy to come up with a list of 100 people you care enough about to want them at your nuptials. If this sounds like you, you may want to trim the fat in other areas of your wedding.

Do as much of the work yourself as you possibly can. You don’t need a wedding planner. Plan it yourself.

This is great advice for those brides and grooms who don’t fall into categories like “people who work two jobs” or “people who are entirely disorganized by nature.” Personally, I think it’s easy to save money when planning a wedding by doing most of the planning yourself, but it’s also true that you can actually save money by hiring a wedding planner if that wedding planner has the kind of connections that get you sweet deals on wedding cake, your reception venue, or catering costs.

Provide as many supplies as you can yourself – go bargain shopping. Minimize the supplies that others are providing and find them yourself.

Yes. Yes yes yes. And don’t think that the first price you find will be the best price since so many wedding retailers carry the exact same products at wildly different prices.

Look among close friends and family for photographers, organists, florists, and other key roles. At our wedding, my sister-in-law (a florist) handled the flowers (at cost) and my wife’s aunt played the piano (for free), plus a close friend volunteered to be photographer (for free) and another friend volunteered to be the DJ (for free).

I usually don’t advise people to do this, unless they know for sure that their friends and relatives would be delighted to pitch in. If your aunt who has taken all those cake decorating courses offers to make your wedding cake, wonderful. She may, however, want to enjoy your wedding as a guest rather than as a service provider, so if you’re planning to ask her to make your wedding cake, be sure she understands that she is free to say no. My advice? Wait for volunteers because oftentimes your loved ones will feel obligated to say yes once asked to help out.

Hold the ceremony in your home, your parents’ home, or outdoors.

It worked for me! Then again, I had access to a gorgeous piece of property right on the water in sunny Florida.

Use a good stereo system for the reception music. Don’t hire a band – and don’t hire a DJ, either.

I agree with this, but with reservations. If your dream wedding includes the majority of your guests cutting a rug, having a wedding DJ preside over the music can be the key to making that happen. Conversely, if you don’t mind seeing guests conversing instead of dancing, then DIY wedding music might just be the way to go. That’s not to say you can’t create a boogie-worthy playlist, but it’s not always as easy as it, er, sounds.

All in all, The Simple Dollar’s budget wedding strategies are pretty much the same old tips and tricks. Personally, I’m more interested in the individual money saving strategies that real brides and grooms use to plan weddings that are as fabulous as they are frugal. If that sounds like you, what are some of the ways you plan to save (or saved) money on wedding costs?

Photo by rougerouge

It’s that time again, by which I mean the earth has circled the sun just enough times to make people think once again that asking strangers to pay for their weddings is an original and inspired idea. As I said back in 2006, “The idea is not new, of course. Michael Palmer and Kristi Laurita created the now defunct www.weddingbills.com. Someone named Cynthia created www.payforcynthiaswedding.com in an effort to raise $25,000. And CyberBeg and DonateMoney2Me remain as active as ever.”

Some of these sites offer advertising space in exchange for contributions to a wedding fund, while others — like the new Help Me Pay For My Wedding — merely make a grab for the cash necessary to pay for a larger or more luxurious wedding.

The nameless Broke Bride-to-Be has this to say on her relatively new blog:

I have almost no money saved for my wedding. Why do I have nothing saved? Well, because the proposal was a surprise for one thing. For another, I’ve spent the past year paying off all my debt – an accomplishment I’m quite proud of, thankyouverymuch. I admit it. I spent like a maniac on things I shouldn’t have. Which is why my hair is now my natural color and I’m in last season’s jeans. The itch to spend is coming back in a big way with these wedding plans, and that is why I’m planning ahead of time to stay OUT of debt. Hence, helpmepayformywedding. If you want.

Do I know that asking for money is a bit “tacky” as so many of have called it…. yes. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. And it’s not as if I’ll announce to my guests that I solicited donations to pay for their bacon wrapped scallops. Give me some credit, people.

I want to give Broke Bride-to-Be credit about as much as I want to give her a donation. My take is and always will be that asking for donations from strangers to pay for a wedding is tres skeevy. I don’t go up to strangers to ask for money to upgrade from drip coffee to lattes or to buy those cute shoes that are just out of my price range, so it stands to reason I wouldn’t call upon strangers to foot the bill for the wedding I want but simply cannot afford. But maybe I’m alone in thinking this way… maybe soliciting donations to pay for a wedding is the new normal in these tough economic times. You tell me:

(Note: WordPress decided to randomly delete a bunch of previously approved comments on multiple posts. If like Zette and others, you don’t see your recent comments, we’d appreciate it if you repost them so we can keep the conversation going. Sorry about that!)

That said, Gwen is still on a painfully tight budget and could probably use some help figuring out how to stretch it wisely. I thought it might be helpful if we all pitch in and offer up our best budget-stretching tips. Here are mine:

Just because it’s expected doesn’t make it necessary. Sure, everyone expects unity candles, bouquets, a decorated cake, and a formal white gown with a train. That doesn’t mean you have to have it. None of these things are required for legal or for spiritual reasons. In fact, more than 90% of wedding traditions are not legally or spiritually required. That means that if any of them fail to appeal to you or will break your budget, you’re perfectly free to simply ignore them or adapt them to something that fits better into your personal vision and budget.

Set your priorities, be ruthless with things you don’t care about. Most of us have a couple of things we care about deeply in planning our weddings. Perhaps it’s having a certain kind of flower, or live music, or the site where you want to hold it. Whatever your priority, it’s fine. Choose it, stand by it, and remember that if it’s something expensive, that means you’ll need to cut from other aspects. For instance, it was my priority to marry out of doors. Mr. Twistie was adamant that nobody was going home hungry (also a definite priority for me). We both wanted live music. We got all three on a half-shoestring budget. On the other hand, neither of us cares that much about flowers. I bought whatever was cheap, pretty, and long-stemmed at the open-to-the-public florist’s supply and itied my own bouquets and boutonnierres with the help of my bridesmaids. We spent a sum total of $35.00 on flowers and supplies related to flowers. If anyone thought we were low on florals, they didn’t mention it…and they probably appreciated the live music and the food more, anyway.

If you have to choose between priorities, choose the comfort of your guests. Deciding between a designer gown and a more expansive buffet? Trust me, guests will not be impressed with your gown if they go home hungry.

Just because it’s for your wedding doesn’t mean you have to get the thing labelled ‘bride.’ Toasting flutes, cake servers, unity candles, formalwear, guest books…if it says ‘bride’ or ‘wedding’ on it, chances are it costs a minimum of half again as much as something that doesn’t say anything about weddings on it. Use pretty glasses you already have, find a cake knife you’d like for the rest of your life, go to Macy’s for bridesmaid’s dresses, save some money.

Borrowed? Second hand? Garage sale find? Go for it! If you know someone who was married recently, don’t hesitate to ask if there’s something you can use left over from that wedding. If you find something perfect in a consignment or thrift store or in a garage sale, it’s fine to use it. Don’t dismiss the dollar store, either. Be thoughtful and choose carefully, but be open to the concept. It can save you a bundle.

Get in touch with your inner DIY diva. Okay, so I know not everyone is going to go to the extreme I did. I made my wedding lace, helped cook the food, tied the bouquets, wrote the ceremony…yeah, my fingerprints were all over that wedding. Chances are you aren’t quite as much of a DIYer as I am. Still, there are dozens of projects that can be done on a budget at home if you choose to. I’ve known couples who: grew their own flowers, designed and printed their own invitations, catered their own weddings from start to finish (cakes included), sewed their own clothes, made altar cloths and chuppot, created their own centerpieces, put together sound systems to play during the reception and recorded their own mixes of music…pretty much everything other than doing their own photography and performing the ceremony. If you’ve got an idea of something you’d like for your wedding, consider whether it’s something you can do yourself rather than hiring someone.

Not a DIY diva? Ask a crafty friend! Not everyone is able to do much DIY. There’s no shame in that. But chances are that even if you aren’t good at it, you know someone who is. Offer compensation of some sort, but if you know someone who’s really good with his/her hands, they may well offer their talents as a gift.

Remember that the most important things about a wedding don’t cost a cent. If the bride and groom smile a lot, make an effort to interact with their guests, and speak their vows from the heart, it’s usually a good wedding no matter whether it’s held in a magnificent cathedral or a VFW hall. All the designer clothes and caviar in the world can’t buy that joyful attitude and no lack of the same window dressing can dampen it. Long after your guests forget what food was served, what flowers were carried, or what music was played, they’ll remember whether you spoke graciously to them and if you smiled or not during the ceremony. Joy is infectious. Be a carrier.

So what about you, readers? What budget advice would you give Gwen, and all the other Gwens out there?

The gorgeous (and thrifty) Gwen wrote:

My fiancé and I are paying for our own wedding, end of story. For various reasons, we’re not getting any help from parents. We don’t have a lot of savings. And we’re not the kind of people you read about in wedding magazines whose idea of budgeting is choosing the California Estate Osetra over the Asetra caviar. I don’t feel comfortable saying how much we have to spend, but we’re looking for creative budget wedding ideas. Anyway, I read an article at Simple Dollar that suggested we put “vendor cards” on the reception tables in exchange for reduced rates. My fiancé thinks it’s a great idea. I’m not so sure.

I can see how at first glance this might seem like a solid money saving idea. I really can. Celebrities strut their stuff for the photogs at parties sponsored by everything from car companies to mouthwash manufacturers. We’re used to hearing that our favorite television special was brought to us by company X and product Y. More often than not nowadays, the coffee sleeves that protect us from the heat of our lattes are splashed with ads… and sometimes even free samples. Advertising is everywhere, and we are all, for the most part, somewhat desensitized to it.

But Gwen, your wedding is not a Nascar race.

I’m not suggesting that you’ll festoon your wedding gown with sponsor patches a la Danica Patrick’s jump suit, but putting vendor cards on each reception table is almost as bad. Trust me when I say that if someone is so enamored with your cake or your veil, they will ask you where it came from. If no one asks, you can be fairly sure that no one is particularly interested. Your guests may even find the presence of vendor cards (i.e., advertising) at your wedding intrusive and tasteless.

You may be surprised to hear that I have attended wedding receptions where vendors’ cards are placed prominently on tables and the favors have ad tags attached. These wedding receptions are more commonly known as wedding expos, and while they are great fun when one can score gratis tickets, they don’t exactly put me in a warm fuzzy mood. When I’m wolfing down plates of free finger foods and wondering when they’ll bring out the coffee, I’m also hyper aware that I’m being advertised at. There’s nothing wrong with advertising, of course, but I do like to keep it in context. Ads on a billboard in Times Square? Fine. Ads at my place setting at a wedding reception? No thank you.

At the end of the day, Gwen, the choice is yours. But ask yourself this question: Do I really want my wedding to look (or worse yet feel) more like a wedding expo? If your answer is “Absolutely not,” do everyone a favor and skip the sponsors. There are plenty of other real-world budget wedding tips you can use to cut costs when you’re planning a wedding.

Ohhhhkay…that’s great for brides-to-be who live in fairy land, but those of us living in the real world need real money saving tips. The following five are by no means the only practical and specific tips out there, but they’re a start and a heck of a lot better than the usual ‘opt for the buffet’ and ‘make your own favors’ drivel.

Ditch the wedding dress
This is a painful option, but a very good one for those who aren’t (ahem) married to the idea of walking down the aisle in a frock they bought at a bridal salon. A mere $300 — and sometimes a lot less than that — will buy you a gorgeous gown that you’ll be more likely to wear again. Now that’s economizing!

Here, for example, is a Vera Wang dress with a lace-up back in silver — still one of the current popular bridal colors — that can be yours for a mere $176.

Not bride-y enough for you? How about this golden Amsale gown for $210?

Skip the champagne
A toast is a toast is a toast, no matter what is in your glass. At my wedding, all the wine was sparkling and we had a buffet of specially selected beers…but I happen to adore champagne and The Beard is a beer drinker. Ask yourself how many of your loved ones actually like champagne. Heck, ask them! Have you ever noticed how many half-full glasses of champagne linger unloved on reception tables after the traditional champagne toast? You may be surprised to find out that most of the people in your life would rather drink something else…and if they’d rather drink something else, let them toast with that.

Avoid mall jewelry stores
As tempting as it is to go big on wedding bands, consider that you have the rest of your lives to upgrade. It wasn’t until my dad and stepmom had been married for ten years that he bought her what he called an engagement ring. Until then, they wore gold bands they bought at Wal*Mart’s jewelry counter. That’s one option, but if you have a couple hundred bucks to spend and want to avoid the inevitable upsell, look online.

This gold comfort fit band costs a reasonable $170. If you can wear silvertone jewelry, silver, titanium and steel rings are even less expensive.

Enlist amateur photojournalists
By amateur photojournalists I of course mean friends and family who are taking photos anyway. I do have a professional album full of artsy posed shots, but I honestly love the one I put together myself using photos taken by about ten people so much more. A few weeks after the wedding, ask everyone you know who took photos to send you a copy on a CD, post them to a photo sharing site, or give you copies of their prints. Then buy an inexpensive photo album that holds 100 to 300 pictures and start arranging. Here’s a hint: The best albums tell a story.

Haggle
For some of us — myself included — the thought of bargaining is enough to bring on the hives. Honestly, haggling is hard, especially if you have a bit of a shy streak. But remember that the worst thing the person on the other side of the bargaining table can say is “no,” and if they do deny you when you ask for a discount, you haven’t lost a thing! If you’re afraid that vendors will be offended or angry at your gall, remember that they’ve heard it all before and probably have a response at the ready. It’s worth a try!

Nothing wrong, that is, until you start making decisions driven by the peer pressure that seems to be omnipresent in the world of weddings. When you stop thinking in terms of “I WANT to do this” and start thinking in terms of “I HAVE to do this,” there may very well be heartbreak on your horizon. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to keep up with the Mr. and Mrs. Joneses or trying to appease pushy relatives — bowing to nuptial peer pressure often means having the wedding other people want instead of the wedding you want.

They didn’t give in and look how happy they are!

Where does the pressure usually come from? There’s media pressure, for one. Magazines, television shows, and the ladies who love them will all be quick to share these “facts” with you.

• Engagement rings should be worth two months of the giver’s salary
• All weddings cost $30,000
• Every bride wants to wear a pricey, poufy white gown
• Reception menus must include hors d’ oeuvres and multiple courses
• It’s not a wedding without a limo, a live band, engraved invitations, or top shelf liquor

The message is Do This And Buy This Or People Won’t Have Any Fun At Your Wedding, but that is a big load of you-know-what. I can say with confidence that no wedding in history has been deemed less fun or less meaningful because dinner was just dinner, not an endless array of carving stations and starters on silver trays.

Then there’s familial pressure, which can be so much more insidious because it’s all wrapped up in a hefty portion of guilt. A friend of mine used to say “When it comes to weddings, every mother is a Jewish mother.” Here are some “suggestions” with which you may be accosted.

• Your father will walk you down the aisle and give you away
• Siblings must be included in the wedding party
• You are obligated to invite your mother’s tennis partner, boss, and chiropractor
• Grandpa — the senile one — should be allowed to make a speech
• You have to wear your late grandmother’s pearls/dress/veil

I could expand both lists ad infinitum, but you get the idea. Why is it so easy to fall into the wedding pressure trap? As soon as you identify yourself as a bride-to-be, people start saying things like “It’s the most important day of your life…don’t you want the best flatware and linens?” and “Oh honey, Aunt Ida will just be so disappointed if you don’t have a proper first dance.”

From there it’s a crazy downward spiral until you suddenly you find yourself sparing no expense for things that will only see the light of day once and acquiescing to the most absurd familial requests. Let pervy Cousin Jed take photos in the bridal chamber? Sure, whatever! Let hated Hairlip Harry do a reading? Why not! ::rips wedding binder in half and eats it::

I did my best not to bow to media pressures, but I felt plenty of familial pressure when it came to the guest list, which is why my modest 25-person dream wedding became a 100-person affair that included, among others, The Beard’s fifth grade teacher. I’m sad to say that in most cases I simply bowed to the pressure coming from relatives. Ultimately, the wedding didn’t put anyone into debt, so the continually expanding guest list didn’t cause anyone any harm. It could have been a lot worse.

Now you tell us, are you feeling the pressure? Where is it coming from? And how are you dealing with it?