As the wife of a musician, I tend to be very aware of music at weddings. As a long-time theater/opera buff with a penchant for listening to lyrics, I tend to be extra-aware of the messages given by music, whether intended or not. For instance, I had to turn a burst of highly inapropriate laughter into a coughing fit when I saw one groom and his attendants approach the altar to the strains of Send In the Clowns played at a dirgelike tempo. It’s a pretty tune, yes, but knowing the title would make me cross it off the list of potential songs to play at a wedding, even if I didn’t know the lyrics and dramatic context.

That same potential fit of hysteria hits me every time I hear someone use Greensleeves as a processional or to denote mutual romantic love. Really, the lyrics are a laundry list of all the money he spent on a woman who isn’t in love with him, along with assurances that the fact she’s treated him like a dog only make him more ardent. Clearly masochism was alive and well in the Sixteenth century.

So yes, Virginia, sometimes the words really do matter.

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K. wrote in to ask about wedding music, which is a topic I should probably get around to addressing more. Thus, I must be grateful to K. for providing me with an opportunity to do so. On to her question!

I’ve got a wedding question for you that’s equal parts opinion and experience. The question is this: For my wedding that’s coming up in three weeks, I want to walk down the aisle to Jerusalem by Hubert Parry. If you’re unfamiliar with it, a rather slow video of it being played on the piano can be found here. The problem is that my fiancé is from England and associates the song with (a) rugby matches and (b) Yorkshire coal miners. I wish I was making this up. He’s concerned that his family (all three of them who are attending, out of 100 guests) will think I’ve gone round the bend if I walk down the aisle to a “coal miner’s anthem.” My rebuttal is that the rest of the guests, being American, are utterly unfamiliar with Jerusalem in the first place and therefore won’t associate it with rugby or coal or anything else except “Ooh, pretty song!”

He’s agreed–albeit very reluctantly–to the song, but I need to know if I’m being a lunatic for wanting to have this song played at the wedding. I don’t want to make a total fool out of myself. You must have heard crazier songs for bridal entrances than an old English hymn, right? Your thoughts?

Well, K., if I was one of your guests, my reaction would indeed be “Ooh, pretty song,” because it is a pretty song and because I am an American wholly unfamiliar with Jerusalem. And as entrance songs are concerned, I have indeed heard of far crazier choices…the Pink Panther theme, for example. Heck, even the old standby “Dah-dum-da-dah” is a pretty crazy choice when you consider that the opera it hails from is more tragic than romantic.

The short answer is that you should walk down the aisle to the strains of whatever music you like best. I’d recommend shying away from dirty or profane songs, of course. And unless you’re having a kooky Halloween wedding, it’s probably best to steer clear of anything particular dark or unpleasant sounding.

But I would never suggest that you don’t play the music you like because three people at your wedding may decide you have a thing for coal miners. It’s a hymn, for cryin’ out loud. If you get any odd looks from your intended’s family, just tell them that you love a good rugby match. Pick a team before hand, and impress everyone by telling them how much you love an open scrum.

Every so often I stop by Wedding Wire to see what’s new. Of course, every so often isn’t exactly ‘often,’ which means I tend to come across new functionalities late in the game. But whatever–it’s not like I’m in urgent need of bridal entrance music. For those who aren’t yet hitched and need a little prompting where music is concerned, Wedding Wire has created a handy page where brides-to-be can preview popular ceremony and reception music.

Even if you never actually placate your antsy guests with Greensleeves pre-ceremony or dance to Andy Williams’ Hawaiian Wedding Song at the start of your reception, the wedding songs database will at least give you some ideas to roll with when you’re feeling blocked. The best part is that you can preview the songs right there on Wedding Wire, watch videos of each song being performed, and check to make sure that the lyrics are in accordance with your worldview.

The database is relatively small right now, and other sites, like WedAlert(clips) and Our Wedding Songs (lyrics), offer a similar service, but nothing I’ve found so far is as streamlined and easy to use as the Wedding Wire music guide. Here’s hoping that the site’s creators add to it sometime in the near future before some other site comes along and renders it obsolete. Teh Internets…they move fast.

(Just for fun: See a dress trashed in this older CNN spot. Or read about why no one really needs a “perfect” wedding.)

When I was planning my wedding, the thought of hiring a DJ never entered my mind. And bands? I take ‘em or leave ‘em, depending. I love big band, swingy stuff, but renting a full-on ensemble for the day can get kind of pricey.

At a wedding I attended in September, the bride and groom set up a laptop, hooked it up to some pumpin’ speakers, and had the best man work the playlist for all he was worth. I liked it…it was unobtrusive. There was no worrying about whether the DJ would have the songs the couple wanted. There were no sombreros or novelty sunglasses. In short, it was a great way to get people on the dance floor without running the risk of having someone hijack your sound. Don’t smirk — it actually happened to some friends of mine whose ‘no play’ list went completely unregarded by a bad, bad DJ!

One reason I think a lot of couples don’t explore the laptop/mp3 player option is that they don’t want to have to designate someone to stop and start the music, find the various dance songs, and make sure the aforementioned tunes don’t play before it’s time. The Beard and I overcame these issues by making mini playlists on iTunes. Our playlists (here YMMV) looked a little something like this:

1. Pre first dance
2. First dance
3. Father-daughter
4. Mother-son
5. Lunchtime
6. Pre cake cut slow songs
7. Upbeat post cake songs

Sections one, five, six, and seven were quite long because we wanted to make sure the music only stopped when someone stopped it. All told, we had more wedding-appropriate music at our disposal than we would ever actually use. When necessary, the best man would fade out whatever was playing using some sort of audio thingamajig The Beard brought along so that a toast could be made or a dance could be announced over the mic. When cued, this same individual announced the scheduled dances, queued up the appropriate one-song playlist, and hit play.

No music-free interludes. No Cotton Eyed Joe. No Free Bird. It all went off smashingly with the exception of the fact that some songs were repeated on multiple playlists, so people got to listen to certain Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros numbers more than once. But that was the fault of yours truly, not the music and sound setup itself.

The fabulous Sara shared a most ingenious littel tip regarding vendors with me recently. I can’t remember now whether she used this tip while planning her own wedding or only thought about it after the fact. Either way, it’s a real gem.

She recommends that brides-to-be program their vendor telephone numbers into their cell phones by category rather than vendor name or company name. That way, when the pressure is on and they need to consult their florist, DJ, caterer, or cake artisan, all they have to do is scroll through their contacts until they hit upon the appropriate keyword. Want even easier access? Program your vendor numbers into your cell phone’s voice dialing system! That way, you can just shout “TENT!” when you realize that your contract says you’ve reserved at 40-person tent for a 200-person wedding.

But why not take it one step further? Make sure you can reach your vendors with nary more than a mouse click by adding their info to your e-mail address book by category. Because, hey, what’s easier to remember? The simple keyword ‘florist’? Or MaryJsBloom.O.Rama@yahoo.com?

I know I spaced and never dished on the wedding I attended in September. So look upon this as my attempt to make up for that. Yes, I attended a wedding this weekend. Two of my best friends, Chris and Jenny, tied the old knot in scenic Hamilton Square, New Jersey. It was a good shindig, particularly because, unlike many weddings, it reflected the tastes of the bride and groom. Plus, they did an absolutely fabulous job with DIY details like tulle-wrapped tea lights, pretty centerpieces, and pre-wedding gift bags (left for us at the hotel) featuring, among other things, cute bride and groom rubber duckies.

Furthermore, Jenny’s mock two-piece dress was beautiful and her choice of matching bolero jackets for bridesmaids (decked out in red strapless dresses, rawr) meant there were no frostbite causalities. And Chris made their wedding guestbook from scratch out of his family’s tartan. Super rad!

Highlights: In a word? FOOD. I love to eat and I love options. Their choosing brunch meant that guests could choose between breakfast foods like crispy French toast and lunch foods like marinated portobello mushrooms. Or they could have both, like I did. Though Chris and Jenny did cut a cake (their caterer practically forced them to have one), their desert buffet was defined by pumpkin, cherry, blueberry, and coconut cream PIE. Even though Jenny’s idea of using an elegant cake or dessert stand to display them didn’t work out, the pies still rocked. I probably gained ten pounds on Saturday.

Lowlights: During the latter half of the reception, the DJ, who was given a list of specific songs he was not to play, played almost every song on the “do not play list.” Think Paradise By the Dashboard Light, a song that does not belong at any wedding ever, and the Electric Slide. A word to the wise: Be sure you can trust your DJ not to futz with your music choices! Grill them beforehand using this handy DJ guide from Chicago Wedding Services.

Weirdlights: Sure, this isn’t a word, but what better way to describe actor Michael C. Maronna (of The Adventures of Pete& Pete fame) making naughty sausage sculptures for us?

Congrats, Chris and Jenny! You’re the best!

Put off by the expense of a sixteen-piece orchestra? Hate the way those goofy DJs push the Chicken Dance like it’s crack? Don’t feel like listening to live covers of lame 70s love songs? In other words, are you stymied as to how to handle the reception music question?

Doug Gordon, author of The Engaged Groom: You’re Getting Married. Read this Book., suggests busting out the iPod. And I agree with him. Many people, in considering their nuptial tunage, forget that they have 10,000 songs on their hard drives – none of which are the Electric Slide or Saturday Night Fever.

Why not create your own perfect playlist and hook your handheld digital listening devices to some tricked out speakers? Likewise, a laptop equipped with iTunes or what-have-you can get the rump shakin’ started. Even a boombox like the Sony ZSSN10PS (which plays MP3s and other audio formats) can inspire your guests to bust a move.

FACT: When you take charge of your own music – or have a good friend oversee the aural stimulation – you never ever ever have to worry about inappropriate songs (I Will Survive, anyone?), sexed-out mustachioed crooners, or the dreaded conga line.

Now, if it were only this easy to decide on a song list…