Put off by the expense of a sixteen-piece orchestra? Hate the way those goofy DJs push the Chicken Dance like it’s crack? Don’t feel like listening to live covers of lame 70s love songs? In other words, are you stymied as to how to handle the reception music question?

Doug Gordon, author of The Engaged Groom: You’re Getting Married. Read this Book., suggests busting out the iPod. And I agree with him. Many people, in considering their nuptial tunage, forget that they have 10,000 songs on their hard drives – none of which are the Electric Slide or Saturday Night Fever.

Why not create your own perfect playlist and hook your handheld digital listening devices to some tricked out speakers? Likewise, a laptop equipped with iTunes or what-have-you can get the rump shakin’ started. Even a boombox like the Sony ZSSN10PS (which plays MP3s and other audio formats) can inspire your guests to bust a move.

FACT: When you take charge of your own music – or have a good friend oversee the aural stimulation – you never ever ever have to worry about inappropriate songs (I Will Survive, anyone?), sexed-out mustachioed crooners, or the dreaded conga line.

Now, if it were only this easy to decide on a song list…

What do you do when your veil explodes? I mean, what DO you DO? Judging by the model’s befuddled expression, she doesn’t know either.

This fantasy wedding dress by Montreal designer, Rya Soleil (for Fairy Fashion), is just a little busy. But I bet my kid sisters would love it.

Finally, a wedding dress that covers the bride during the ceremony and reception, then covers the groom during the honeymoon.

While you’re digesting these dresses, go take a look at this lengthy list of inappropriate wedding songs. Then come back and tell me what *you* think the most tasteless wedding song ever is.

If you’ve always felt the usual first dance songs are totally played out, it may be time to get personal. Lorraine (that’s her above) and Shaowen of Wedding Harmony will pen you and your fiancé an original tune based on the details of your relationship. For a mere $1,200, they will write you a song and perform it (provided you are within traveling distance) or write a song that you can sing to your new spouse while all your guests look on. A brief explanation of the service they offer reads:

We will meet up with you, get to know you better, understand how you would like your love story to be expressed in music, and write your wedding song.

It’s an interesting question. How would I, Never teh Bride, like my love story to be expressed in music? Perhaps something with an undercurrent of intense longing? How about you, dear reader? What existing song do you feel best expresses your personal love story?

I know my dear old dad is looking forward to the day he gets to dance with me at my wedding. In fact, he’s looking forward to it so much that he constantly asks when I’m getting married. I can only assume it’s because he wants to be prepared. Put father daughter wedding dance into Google and you get 7,580,000 results. That’s because everyone knows that weddings traditionally were, to some degree, about the father turning over authority to the new husband. And some traditions never die. The top ten songs (according to About.com), as you could have probably guessed, are:

1) Butterfly Kisses
2) My Father’s Eyes
3) My Girl
4) Through the Years
5) Sunrise Sunset
6) How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You)
7) The Way You Look Tonight
Unforgettable
9) Lullabye (Goodnight my Angel)
10) Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?

Now, I can remember visiting the home of a male friend raised primarily by his mother and listening to her lament the curious lack of mother son wedding dance songs out there. The Beard’s mom may want to dance with him at his nuptials (and boy, are she and my pop going to be surprised when I announce ‘no dancefloor’). So, I’ve picked ten suggestions that might do nicely:

1) A Song for Mama – Boyz II Men
2) A Song for My Son – Mikki Viereck
3) A Wedding Day Wish – T.J. Loughran
4) The First Lady In My Life – Paul Todd
5) I Am Your Child – Barry Manilow
6) Baby Mine – Bette Midler
7) The Man You’ve Become – Molly Pasutti
You’re the Inspiration – Chicago
9) Wishing Tree – Sonia Dada
10)The Perfect Fan – Backstreet Boys

Compiling this list is enough to make you teary eyed!