An individual going by the mysterious moniker of Again recently shared some nuptial gift-giving wisdoms over at Teeny Manolo.

If they registered only at Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s, well, sometimes I feel a bit touchy about that. Unless you (or their friends generally) are of more liberal means, this always strikes me as rather graceless (but what do I know?). If you can’t afford anything on the registry that is not a single fork or the like, buy them something they would have registered for if only they’d thought of it (a pretty vase, a picture frame in the style of those they did register for, a kitchen gadget which you have discovered and swear by).

Either their other acquaintance are all affluent and will buy the registry out, or nobody can afford it and they will be justly repaid for being inconsiderate to their guests. You are not required to sacrifice your groceries for the month for someone else’s occasion and it is NOT good breeding to imply the contrary. If you are invited to a wedding that will OBVIOUSLY be so expensive as to demand a present you could not afford, I personally think it would be better to find a polite reason to decline.

As tempting as it is to scale up without limits when creating your registry, do give a thought to both those people who may not be particularly well off and those people who are attending your wedding as guests of your guests or even guests invited by your parents.

Your tastes may be grand, and you may see the occasion of your marriage as the perfect opportunity to introduce a little more silver, crystal, and china into your kitchen. Nonetheless, courtesy demands that you append all that high-class swag with a few inexpensive wine stems or a pretty porcelain sugar bowl.

What it comes down to is that you’re vastly more likely to get gifts you want and like when you stock your registry with things from the high end of the spectrum, the low end of the spectrum, and everything in between. Some people–perhaps those who’ve hit a rough patch or those you don’t know terribly well–will spring for the sugar bowl. Others (usually moms and dads and grandparents) will present you with the professional grade deli meat slicer you’ve been salivating over.

Finally, for the love of all things matrimonial, please do not whine and carry on when certain guests give you gifts not on your registry. My stance may be a somewhat unpopular one, but the fact of the matter is that guests are under no obligation whatsoever to look at your wedding registry much less buy something off of it. People managed just fine before the Marshall Fields department store invented registries in 1924, and one would hope that those who know you well presumably have some notion of your taste in housewares.

A. wrote in to ask this titillating question:

I want to have a “Boudoir Bridal Shower,” where my close friends and family shower me with lovely lingerie. I’d like to register for the items that I know will fit and flatter–what’s with all the alliteration–but none of the online department store registries will let me! Once I sign into my registry, all it lets me search for and add are the home items like towels, forks, oven mitts and the like. What is a girl to do? Do you know of any stores that let one register for lingerie? Will it make a difference if I go to the store in person?

At my bridal shower, one of my friends told me that when she was in her 20s, almost every bride would be given a hideously ugly peignoir set by her mother or grandmother. The assumption was that these brides would wear them on their wedding nights, but my friend maintains that most of them ended up stowed away in attics and in basements in their original, unopened packaging. People are so into vintage nowadays…makes me wonder how much you could get for one of those sets on eBay.

Anyhow, I don’t think I’d have the constitution necessary to survive a lingerie shower without dying from embarrassment. I can just imagine the sorts of silly things my friends and relations would pick out for me…especially the more, er, open minded ones. Could I wear something sexy my grannie bought with any degree of seriousness? Would the influx of undies weird The Beard out? I think it would weird me out.

But lingerie showers are growing in popularity as people awaken to the notion that pretty underthings don’t necessarily have to be uncomfortable. To register for lingerie, go to an actual lingerie shop instead of trying to get around outdated department store regulations. Secrets in Lace has a gift registry, though their selection is relatively limited. Victoria’s Secret lets you make a wish list you can share. Then, of course, there is Frederick’s, if you’re looking for something saucier.

All you really need to do is search for “lingerie registry” using Google, as that will help you find scads of online shops that will hook you up. Or you could use an online registry like Felicite, which lets you register for almost anything.

EDIT: Some folks have commented that A. shouldn’t be dictating her own shower’s theme, and these folks are absolutely correct. The individual or individuals hosting the shower should always be in charge of the details…not the bride-to-be herself. However, I opted not to bring that up in my original answer because I simply don’t know if A. is trying to inappropriately take the reigns. Perhaps A.’s MOH asked her directly what sort of shower she’d like to have, which happens more often than you’d think.