If you’re having your rings carried up to the altar by a ring bearer, chances are you expect that tad to carry some sort of lacy, white pillow. After all, that’s what the kid does, traditionally.

But what if you’re not married to the pillow idea? There are other ways of having the ring make it up front and center.

You could put it in a bird’s nest:

What could be better for a rustic wedding of two ornithologists? Or, you know, two people who just have a thing for bird’s nests.

And that’s not the only alternative idea going for ring pillows.
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Captured by Edward Olive Fotógrafo de boda Madrid Barcelona

Aren’t kids in weddings just too cute? Admit it. They are, but they’re especially cute when they aren’t pitching a fit at the foot of the aisle because they’ve suddenly found themselves staring out into a sea of strangers. How often does that actually happen? Enough to make it a worthwhile topic to touch on, I think. And with that in mind, here are my very own five tips for dealing with a reluctant ring bearer of your own:

1. Avoid reluctant ring bearers altogether by choosing one that is outgoing yet polite, and old enough to understand what he’s being asked to do. Books like 10 Cool Things About Being a Ring Bearer and The Best Ever Ring Bearer can help you give your prospective ring bearer a taste of the roll. Does he seem interested? Enthusiastic? Unsure? Make sure he knows he can opt out.

2. Don’t expect the moon from any ring bearer – especially if you’ve chosen a really young ring bearer or a shy one or one who’s normally outgoing but hasn’t yet been tested for confidence in a room full of strangers. Walking down an aisle with lots of strangers on either side? Easy for most adults. Utterly terrifying for some children. If your reluctant ring bearer makes it from point A to point B without bawling, flopping down on the aisle runner, or making a break for the door, consider it a job well done.

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If there’s one wedding reality show I find myself really enjoying of late, it’s Four Weddings on TLC. For those unfamiliar, four brides getting married in the same area around the same time attend one anothers’ weddings and score them on the gown, the venue, the food, and the overall experience. The bride whose wedding gets the highest aggregate score wins a fabulous honeymoon to a surprise location, and the other three, well, they get to be on TV and attend three weddings without having to come up with a gift and being utterly free to snark or gush about whatever they please for the nation at large.

The two episodes I watched last night were particularly interesting to me, in that they included some really brilliant and some really, really questionable ideas. Take a look after the cut to see what I’m talking about.
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Pets as wedding attendants is nothing new, but I have to share this video of a four-footed ring bearer who executes her roll with great skill and dignity. Well, except for tongue kissing the groom!

The awesome Ann wrote with this simple request:

How can I find a ring bearer pillow that has a matching neck tie for the ring bearer?

Oh, you’d think it would be so easy, wouldn’t you. What could be cuter than a sweet petit ring bearer with a little ring pillow that coordinates perfectly with his itty-bitty necktie? Unfortunately, it seems that most people are more concerned with matching the ring pillow and the flower girl basket or the bride’s wedding dress or some other accessory associated with the ceremony. Ah, well… all that means is that your options aren’t as limitless as they are in most areas of wedding planning.

Luckily, Tonia Allen of Me and Matilda is out there filling the gap where ring pillows with matching ties are concerned! She creates unique, well-made, and affordable accessories for ladies and gents using durable, washable cotton (along with silk, satin, linen, microfiber, and more) in awesome prints, and her specialties include matching sets for ring bearers! Allen will even work with fabric of your choosing to make a custom set, but here’s a sampling of what’s currently for sale:

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Most couples I know – including me and The Beard – have made at least some kind of effort to end up with a balanced bridal party or symmetrical bridal party. That might mean six bridesmaids and six groomsmen or, less commonly, six bridesmaids and four groomsmen (or groomsmaids and bridesmen) who divide themselves evenly among the “bride’s side” and the “groom’s side” of the altar. Even less commonly you’ll see a mixed bag of gentlemen and ladies arranged on either side of the happy couple, in no set male-female order, but still with the same number of people on either side.

What can we learn from this? First, I think we can safely assume that the trend toward balance and symmetry has more to do with wedding photography than it does with family or friends. Just because the bride has ten best girlfriends doesn’t mean the groom has ten best buds (or brothers or even close cousins or coworkers). And then there’s gender – I still see the same sex-segregated wedding parties even in now when us chicks have plenty of dude friends (and vice versa). Second, “tradition” plays a big part in this, with brides and grooms never considering that they might have a mixed, uneven, or alternative wedding party because no one suggested they could.

So this is me suggesting it. Before you rack your brains to find another friend you like enough to complete your half of the wedding party, think about why you’re even thinking in terms of halves. Once you’ve wrapped your mind around the idea that your wedding photos can still look awesome without having equal numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen, it’s time to start thinking outside of the box when it comes to wedding attendant orientation. See, the reason balance and symmetry work so well is that bridesmaids and groomsmen (and groomsmaids and bridesmen) usually stand lined up on either side of the bride and groom. And that, ladies and gents, is that I want to talk about!

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In my day, I’ve seen flower girls refuse to walk down the aisle and ring bearers burst into tears. I’ve watched them fidget in pictures, toss their baskets and ring pillows to the ground in irritation, and steal handfuls of wedding cake before the bride and groom had a chance to cut it. I would never suggest that children and weddings don’t mix, because I think the right kind of wedding can be a lot of fun for the wee ones. But when it comes to participating in the wedding? Then I’m a firm believer in age limits.

As cute as flower girls and ring bearers can be, many don’t have the patience or the stamina to handle certain matrimonial activities. Think dealing with an empty tummy while the wedding photographer takes posed shots or standing for an entire wedding ceremony. Even walking 50 feet alone in front of 100+ grownups can be a scary experience for shy kids. Not to mention the fact that weddings can be a little overwhelming for introverted children or (especially?) children kept up past their bedtimes.

But all that aside, there’s also the issue of age. Does the two-year-old flower girl understand what’s going on around her? Can you guarantee that the three-year-old ring bearer won’t be scared of the officiant in her black robe of the photographer with his bright flash? Will the infant attendant coo contentedly as she is carried down the aisle but scream bloody murder as soon as the ceremony begins? Tiny tots are by their very natures unpredictable. They may look like little gentlemen and little ladies in their ring bearer suits and flower girl dresses, but their minds are far from mature.

You tell me:

My vote: I’d recommend choosing flower girls and ring bearers who have at least some understanding of the role they’re being asked to play in your wedding *and* the confidence to play that role well (i.e., without tears or tantrums caused by anxiety or fear).