There was a visible pseudotrend a while back that had moms and dads (and moms and moms and dads and dads) waiting to get married until their little one(s) were born. I call it a pseudotrend because I think plenty of people get married after having kids for a variety of reasons (health insurance, issues with school, circumstance, etc.), but the idea just kind of crawled into the public consciousness only fairly recently — thanks, celebrities! I’m kind of a traditional girl myself, but I figure that people get married when they want, why they want, and that’s okay by me.

The result of the pseudotrend in my social circle was the appearance of tiny, tiny flower girls and ring bearers. I’m talking about flower girls and ring bearers only just able to walk. You’d watch them sort of wander down the aisle and wonder if they’d make it. Would they lose their already shaky grip on the tools of their trade?

If you decided to reverse the usual order of things and got kids out of the way before tying the knot, think carefully before including your itty-bitty little guy or gal in the wedding party. Some very young tots find being stared at by rows and rows of grown-up people quite disconcerting — many a toddling flower girl and ring bearer has made tracks in the opposite direction rather than walk down the aisle unassisted. For those brides and grooms who simply must include a baby or toddler, I’d advise having someone familiar to the kid carry them down the aisle, perhaps one of the bridesmaids or groomsmen. Or not. The middle ground involves giving your son or daughter (or baby nieces, nephews, and such) a title and a symbolic role. You dress them up, include them in the photos, and parade them around, but they don’t actually have to do anything other than sit around and look cute… something I know from experience that babies are very, very good at!

Whether or not to include children in your wedding party and/or guest list is a purely personal decision. I want to make it very clear that if you choose not to include kids, I’m not going to make any sort of attempt to change your mind. Make your day adult, and have a great time with it.

If, however, you’ve decided to include children in your celebration, whether as guests or as participants, there are a few things you may want to consider in making your plans. After all, you want them to have a good time…and you want their parents to have a good time, too.

Don’t panic. It really isn’t that hard to do. If you follow a few simple tips, even your youngest guests and attendants will remember your day fondly.

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Some couples like their smallest wedding attendants to look like miniature versions of the bride, the groom, the bridesmaids, or the groomsmen. Other brides- and grooms-to-be want their flower girls and ring bearers to look like the little kids they actually are, and dress them accordingly. While both options fall within the bounds of tasteful wedding attire, if you fall into the latter camp and are planning to have a ring bearer, check out Me and Matilda. The proprietor of this Etsy shop creates matching made-to-order sets of 8″ x 8″ ring pillows and neckties in any of the washable cotton fabrics in her shop, so you can coordinate your ring bearer’s accessories with your wedding colors. Of course, if you’d like your ring bearer to wear what your grownup attendants are wearing, you can also find made-to-order ties for grownups at Me and Matilda.

Chances are that every wedding you’ve been to has included some sort of bridal party. Bridesmaids, groomsmen, a flower girl and/or ring bearer…these are common. In fact, I would bet good money that at least a hefty percentage of our readers have been in weddings where they were not the ones getting married. For my part, I’ve been a bridesmaid twice, maid of honor once, and once I got grabbed at the last minute to attend the bride at a spur-of-the-moment vow reaffirmation.

But now that you’re getting married, you need to decide whom to ask to attend you and in what capacity. That’s where things can get tricky. You may not really know what jobs there are, what sort of person is best suited to said job, or even whether you want these roles filled at all. The fact is that while you will need witnesses for legal purposes (anywhere from one to three people, depending on state law if you’re in the US), those people are not required to hold particular titles or wear matching clothes…but most of us do have those witnesses or other close friends and family members stand by our sides.

Fear not! Here’s a brief rundown of bridal attendants, common and un, in a typical western-style wedding. Read on to get a better idea of what your options are and how to best meet your needs in putting together a bridal party.

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Flower girl baskets and ring bearer pillows…baskets and ring pillows…when it comes right down to it, there aren’t that many options out there for the non-DIYer. It’s not that there aren’t cool crafters making awesome wedding accessories, rather it’s that the mass-produced generic ceremony accessories get so much more play than the one-of-a-kind stuff.

That just means you have to look a little harder if you want your wedding ceremony accessories to stand out. EasterYu is on Etsy and Muscari, fighting the good fight by creating unique flower girl baskets and ring cushions out of birch wood, seashells, artificial moss, miniature birds, and velvet.

Hint hint: She also makes fabulous boutonniéres and lovely hair pins created from beautiful feather flowers.

Prices for everything from baskets to boutonniéres range from $7 to $50, and you can’t beat that!

When our own delightful and wise NtB posted on the question of children at weddings the other day, it got a lot of response. Some people were pro-kids-at-weddings-no-matter-what. Some came across as definitely not caring for kiddies at the shindig. Most seemed firmly agreed (as are NtB and I) that it’s entirely up to the happy couple to make that decision based on their preferences and circumstances.

But as NtB pointed out in her article, part of the decision should be based on how kid-friendly a wedding you plan on having. There may, indeed, be those paragons of childish virtue who can sit still through a twelve-course formal dinner happily chowing down on fois gras and fanciful eggplant dishes while wearing perfectly unwrinkled tafetta gowns directly after a full nuptual mass and three hours of formal photographs…but let’s not kid ourselves that this is standard. I was a remarkably patient little one with an adventurous palate and a real fascination with weddings blessed with parents who would punish the hell out of me without hesitation if I misbehaved badly in public, and I couldn’t have done anything like that. Heck, it would still take some serious mental preparation for that and I haven’t been a child in a painfully long time.

If you do plan on inviting the little ones, you need to keep their needs in mind. Here are a couple thoughts on how to do that:

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Wondering how you can interest your ring bearer in his or her important role? Johanna from Quebec answers this conundrum on Frugalbride.com with a DIY idea that’s both inexpensive and easy. Take one stuffed toy of the sort that will most likely appeal to your RB, and create a custom collar that will keep your rings safe on their journey from the foot of the aisle to the base of the altar.

For a more formal affair, choose something classical from Steiff. If your nuptials will be casual in nature or you’re having a budget wedding, feel free to pick up something from the Dollar Store. Honestly, your RB probably won’t notice the difference.