Might you have any suggestions for bridal shower ideas/activities for a pair of non-girly brides? I’m co-throwing a shower and having a planning session soon! Thanks!

Questions like this are always a little tough for me, because I don’t actually know these particular non-girly brides. Maybe my idea of a great non-girly bridal shower might not be how bride-to-be 1 and bride-to-be 2 would like to celebrate their upcoming nuptials. So my first piece of advice for you, E., is to go with your gut. You know these brides and how they like to party, you understand how they think and you care about them, and most importantly, you probably know what they don’t like. In other words, just because every ‘how to host a bridal shower‘ guide out there is telling you to do X, Y, and Z doesn’t mean you actually should.

Personally, I am a fan of the non-shower shower – the kind of bridal shower that doesn’t try too hard to be pink and frilly and nightmarishly silly with hats and games that make the whole thing feel more like a kid’s party than an event for grownup people. And planning a bridal shower like this means veering away from the generic bridal shower and instead, choosing a location, activities, food, and themes that will actually appeal to the guest of honor. That, of course, is where these non-girly brides’ personalities come in. I am definitely going to offer you some suggestions, but if none of them sound like they would appeal to your friends, then use them as a jumping off point. Think of my suggestions as templates and do with them what you will.

Party On Location
The default setting for a bridal shower tends to be either the host’s home or a rented banquet space, if the affair will be big and grand. But depending on the size of your bridal shower, there’s no rule stating guests have to gather in your tulle-draped living room. My own bridal shower was a late lunch at a Mexican restaurant (that happened to have a fully-stocked bar and lengthy cocktail menu). If the bride loves to bowl, why not plan a bowling shower? Or set up a private yoga class complete with organic refreshments afterward for the centered bride.
I’ve seen showers at skating rinks and spas, karaoke bars and cooking schools, arcades and amusement parks. The only thing to keep in mind when hosting a bridal shower on location is that some guests may not want to participate in the activity du jour, so have chairs and plenty of nibbles on hand for the spectators. Or have a post-party dinner that everyone can attend.

Skip the Games… Maybe
Some brides-to-be love love love bridal shower games, from the making of the toilet paper wedding dress to the round of questions designed to show off just how little the she knows about her intended. But we’re talking about non-girly brides here, which makes me think that if you’re going to play bridal shower games, you ought to skip the ones that are all about embarrassing the guest of honor – you know it’s secretly true – and go for board games instead. If you’re planning on serving adult beverages, maybe bust out some Apples to Apples once everyone has loosened up a bit. Or grab some quick games that shower guests can rotate through and have little prizes on hand for the winners at each table. Just remember that, like the on-location activities, there will be people who don’t want to play games, so make sure everyone present understands there is no pressure to participate.

Is the Bride-to-Be a Crafty Chick?
Some people get really jazzed about sharing their passions with others, and you can incorporate that into a bridal shower by giving guests a lesson in whatever the guest of honor is into. Does she knit like a master or make jewelry like a boss? Maybe pottery is her thing? Or it could be that the bride-to-be wants to start learning how to do something new. Either way, you have the inspiration for a super fun shower where everyone involved gets to learn something and possibly even make something to take home. An easy idea might be an afternoon of painting pottery – slightly more difficult to arrange (but not impossible) would be an afternoon with a pottery instructor who demonstrates the basics of hand-forming and then helps shower attendees create… something.

Taste That Wine
I don’t think I’m the only one out there who feels like the standard bridal shower can get a little juvenile – there’s not much to differentiate it from a baby shower in some cases. It’s like someone, somewhere decided that if a bunch of women were going to get together and party, why, there must be games and bows and things. Or maybe it’s just that once upon a time, people were getting married quite early, and they were basically still kids? I don’t really know. What I do know is that one easy way to adult up a bridal shower without much trouble is to turn it into a wine tasting event. Tying it into the whole marriage theme can be as easy as finding wines with names that relate to marriage or whatever the wedding theme with be. Or you can just say screw that, and get some totally rad wines for all the guests to try. Alternatives include scotch or vodka or whatever. Just don’t forget the fun non-alcoholic drinks for the non-drinkers.

Thinking Themey?
Keep in mind that a bridal shower doesn’t have to have a theme other than ‘party for a bride-to-be”. That said, bridal shower themes are a hot topic on wedding planning web sites so you may be contemplating a possible theme. Let’s stay away from shoes and purses, and stick to the bride-to-be’s hobbies or favorite things. If she loves to cook, try a cooking theme – but not rolling pins and aprons, rather top chef-y sorts of things. An Asian theme without the glittery glyphs spelling out who knows what can be nice and makes choosing suitable cuisine easy. A mod theme could be fun, especially if the guest of honor has a thing for vintage fashion (or vintage cocktails).

Inviting the Guys: Yes or No?
I’ll let you in on a little secret: I did not have enough close girlfriends to have a big bridal shower. So I would have adored a co-ed bridal shower. Me, I think that close guy friends should get invites to pre-wedding parties, even if those parties are traditionally for the ladies, but obviously that’s something that will depend on the brides in question. I just wanted to bring it up as a final consideration – some gals have best buds that are of the dude variety and it seems like a shame to leave them out of the fun.

Image: http://cheap-wedding-planning.blogspot.com/2009/10/bridal-shower-for-erica.html OMG BAGELS!

That means that brides-to-be get what they get when it comes to bridal showers if everyone follows the rules, so there are those who end up with quite restaurant lunches and those who end up with something a little more… like a wedding?

A practice wedding, perhaps? There’s a part of my brain that, when it sees pictures of luxurious and otherwise fabulously-appointed bridal showers or bachelorette parties shouts “Excess, excess, excess!” but it’s a small part, really. And probably a jealous part *wink* since if the hostess of said shower has the fundage to throw a huge do just for the fem folks, then more power to them.

There’s certainly no rule stating that a bridal shower can’t have a giant cake and and favors galore and amazing tablescapes, or even live music and things like that. A shower is, after all, just another kind of party. But there’s still that part of my mind that wonders if all the bridesmaids involved in the planning could really afford to chip in, and if guests possibly might have obligated to spring for a more expensive gift if they heard just how fancy a shower it would be.

I suppose I have to label myself conflicted when it comes to a certain sort of very upscale bridal shower – and, again, it’s probably got a lot to do with that nasty green-eyed monster, since I do love a fab party! What say you?

P.S. – Check out the giveaway I’m running at Manolo for the Home! It’s for a super cute Dabney Lee desk calendar that will really brighten your day!

(Photo via)

Tutto Luccica specializes in remote (or, as they call them, “In spirit“) showers meant to transcend geographical differences. It works like this: Tutto Luccica helps the hostess pick a date and provides invitations, shower favors, and an event web site with information about the guest of honor. They then mail said GoH a centerpiece gift package that she is barred from opening until the specified date. I won’t go into that, but I can safely say it’s something you could easily put together yourself.

Finally, the hostess is given instructions that outline how to make it all work…instructions, I might add, that aren’t explained on Tutto Luccica’s web site. I can only assume that invitees are encouraged to send a gift that will arrive on or around a specified date, at which time they can use their powers of imagination to envision the bride-to-be happily unwrapping her bounty alone, in her jim-jams. Maybe it’s like the time I played Hour of Power with The Beard over IRC when I lived in NYC and he lived in Boston…

Does this seem a little weird to anyone else? In essence, you’re getting invited in spirit to a party that is only taking place in spirit, but you’re being asked to send a real gift. I’d be much more apt to send a gift to the bride-to-be if I were to receive an invitation to an actual bridal shower that circumstance kept me from attending. Am I just a stick in the mud who is not hip and with it enough to recognize the future of bridal showers?

Goodness me, I hope not.

The gift-laden dude you see above is Brian Wigand, whose FFIL Jonathan Morris welcomed him into the family by throwing him a man shower as a warm up to, not a substitute for, the traditional bachelor party.

“It seemed like there was a lot of hoopla for the ladies and not too much for the guys,” said Morris of Maple Valley, Wash. “It was really fun, male bonding.”

The males of the Morris family played some football and some Rock Band, threw back some drinks, and generally chilled out. Wigand recently helped plan a man shower for another future groom, and attendees “ate from old license plates, participated in a nail pounding contest and were judged on how manly they wrapped their gifts.” Other dudes get gifty, too, like those of the Dekker family who shower the groom-to-be with tools “wrapped” in the store’s plastic bag.

Personally, I’m all for man showers, the same way I’m all for co-ed showers if that’s the sort of thing you’re into. Man showers are a way for guys to include older relatives like dads and grandpas in some of the pre-wedding festivities when they’re uncomfortable with the notion of inviting their FFIL to a bachelor party. Gifts or no gifts, there’s nothing cooler than getting all your friends and family together for a good time, right?

Need another reason to like man showers? Rush Limbaugh haaaaaates them.

In a truly pathetic news story, this is deeply troubling. We have been talking recently on this program about the chickification of American culture, the feminization of American universities, the chickification of the news business. From the Associated Press, this a story by Melissa Dutton, and this is about man showers.

This is what did it for me in this story: “‘Men also are recognizing that showers are a great way to acquire tools and other necessities needed to maintain a home,’ said Abby Buford,” another woman, “spokeswoman for Lowe’s Home Improvement stores, which launched an online wedding registry in 2006.” So the purpose of the man shower is to teach men how to do housecleaning.

I don’t know about you, but that’s not the impression I got at all. How Limbaugh could deem guys drinking, playing Rock Band, and giving the groom-to-be tools as girly is beyond me.

*Or not — The Beard’s man registry would likely have included a ton of fancy cooking implements and studio equipment.