Manolo for the Brides

Every now and then, I (or Twistie or a commenter) will suggest some alternative bridal accessory or wedding venue, and one or two people will chime in to express the opinion that tradition ought to be kept in the traditional wedding for tradition’s sake. Or to ensure that no one is offended or confused. Or because that is simply how things are done ’round here… wherever here may be.

When it comes to tradition for tradition’s sake, I can no more argue that there’s anything wrong with wanting a traditional wedding than I can argue that there’s anything wrong with untraditional weddings. And when it comes to “how things are done,” I can’t argue that, either.

What I can dispute is that straying from the traditional wedding format or wearing alternative bridal garb or serving a macrobiotic reception dinner is less than etiquette friendly because it will potentially offend or confuse someone, somewhere.

(more…)

What do you get when a bunch of boisterous boys pop out of your wedding reception with car markers, silly string, and sticky notes? You get this:

According to the blurb written by the anonymous bride or groom, most of the sticky notes survived the drive home and it took more than an hour to remove them all from the getaway car.

Is this funny or cause to be furious? I suppose it depends on how easily sticky note adhesive washes off of a car’s exterior. The Beard and I did not get to experience the “pleasure” of driving back to our hotel post-wedding in a humiliatingly decorated vehicle because the vehicle we were using was my dad’s and he would have given anyone who dared to sticky it up the serious beat down.

Now I’m all for being the center of attention… I love standing in the spotlight, in fact! But the tradition of decorating the wedding day transportation the bride and groom will use to get home, to a hotel, or to the airport has always struck me as a little bit less than thoughtful. If it’s a hired car, the newlyweds may have to pay a cleaning fee when returning it. If it’s their own car, they’ll have to clean it themselves or pay someone else to do it. My guess is that new brides and grooms have better things to do and better things on which to spend their money.

Me? I hate this silly tradition. Still, I know that it’s all in good fun and that many newlyweds (and their wedding attendants) view decorating the getaway car as an integral part of the wedding day. What say you?

The huppah (or chuppah) is probably the most distinctive element of the Jewish wedding. The huppah is made of a tallis or beautiful cloth held aloft over the bride and groom by four poles. Holding the poles is a special honor, given to family or friends that the bride and groom wish to honor. The chuppa creates a beautiful focal point for the wedding. The huppah represents he Jewish home that the bride and groom will make together. It is open on all sides, symbolizing that guests will always be welcome in their home.

We don’t discuss the religious aspect of marriage here at Manolo for the Brides very often. It’s not that we have a problem with it, but rather, I think, because we consider it a matter between our readers and their various visions of God…or lack thereof. If you have a religious tradition, then you know whom to turn to for advice: the spiritual leader of your faith community. NtB and I are here to help you with fashion, etiquette, pretty or tasty things, and the emotional aspects of your wedding journey. Frankly, that’s quite enough to have on two plates. And while I can’t speak for NtB on this, I know that any spiritual advice you got from me would be highly suspect to any organized religion going.

But there are a few places where the spiritual and the fashionable meet and there’s one I’m a bit surprised I’ve never tackled or seen tackled in this space before: the chuppah.

(more…)

Over and over again on bridal fora, wedding reality shows, and in private conversation with soon-to-be-brides I’ve heard women talk about how they won’t be ‘doing all that etiquette stuff’ or they won’t allow etiquette to force them into doing things that make them uncomfortable. What boggles my mind most of the time is that the things they’re talking about aren’t in any way required by etiquette. In fact, they are often the antithesis of proper etiquette.

In a recent article at MSN.com discussing weddings, Judith Martin (aka: Miss Manners) had this to say about the subject:

I did a wedding book some years ago and I am revising it because there have been all kinds of horrible new ideas that have sprung up since I first wrote it. And people have come to believe a lot of misinformation that they are getting from those who have a financial interest in the situation, to the point where they’re pressured to do things that are, again, vulgar and greedy.

Miss Manners, I look forward to seeing your new volume on the subject. In the meantime, here are a few pernicious wedding ‘etiquette’ myths along with the real skinny.

(more…)

While researching nuptial facts for a possible second book, I came across one sorry tired old piece of washroom wisdom. The myth in question? That sweet little birdies will gorge themselves on tossed rice, which then expands in their tummies, killing them in a variety of ghastly ways.

Could someone tell that to all of the birds that live near rice paddies and rice processing plants because they don’t seem to have gotten the message. From Truth or Fiction: “The folks at Birder’s magazine, Birdwatcher Digest, The Cornell Lab of Ornithology, and the USA Rice Federation all agree: Rice causes no harm to birds. There are varieties of birds that routinely eat rice in the wild and with no harm. As one observer put it, if rice caused birds to explode, there would be bird parts all over Asia.”

That doesn’t mean rice rules. It’s outlawed in many venues because it makes for slippery sidewalks and is a real pain to clean up. Plus, it gets EVERYWHERE (as does birdseed, by the way). For those who think a wedding is no wedding at all unless people are allowed to chuck stuff at the newlyweds, there’s always biodegradable confetti, rose petals, designer wedding “rice”, lavender, and non-staining bubbles

Better yet, don’t toss anything at all. Wave a handkerchief at the departing couple or blow them a kiss. A brief search reveals blogs and forum posts by former brides who had a dickens of a time picking the rice out of their updos and the lavender bits out of their bodices.

And some of those bell-shaped bubble blowers? I don’t want to alarm you, but be careful where you source them. Most wedding bubbles are made of so-called dry soap that won’t leave any wetness behind, but that’s most, not all. Before you invite your guests to pelt you and your sweetie with a barrage of bubbles, test your batch by blowing a few onto a tissue or piece of scrap cloth.

…as an aside, if you’re feeling charitable, I received an e-mail from a certain Amena and Chris, who are endeavoring to win a wedding giveaway by attracting enough votes. Should you feel so inclined, follow the link and give them your vote. Normally I wouldn’t link to something like this — I don’t know them from Adam, after all — but I rather admired the spunk they displayed by e-mailing to ask for help from the blogging world.

I stumbled upon an old article in the Boston Globe that talked about the revival of the old “man basking the bride’s dad’s consent” tradition, and it made me think of The Beard’s proposal. He did in fact call my dad to ask his blessing, mostly because I’d told him a number of times that my dad would really like that. My dad, as you might guess, is an old fashioned dude. For the record, I would have married The Beard even if my father had told him to buzz off–he was asking for my dad’s blessing, not his permission.

What interested me more than the article itself was the range of responses I found in the comments section.

If a young man wanted to come talk to me about marrying my daughter BEFORE he had talked to her, I would have serious reservations about the man. I think it would show a lack of respect for the woman he wanted to marry. This is something I would expect my daughters to figure out on their own (like grown women) and then come tell me once they had decided. For most of us women, it is a reminder of a time when we were excluded from a lot of the decision making about our lives. Completely creepy.

If you’re going to discuss getting married as a couple, then why even propose or ask?! What’s the point if you’ve already discussed the subject? Sorry but with how important my family is to me, I would want my parents consent before a guy asked me to marry him. Maybe I’m old fashioned or maybe I am lucky to have a supportive family that knows who I am.

(more…)