Whether your wedding reception is held in a church hall, hotel, or a backyard, whether you toss the bouquet and cut the cake or not, whether you’re in formalwear or bathing suits, one tradition is bound to be followed: the best man’s speech.

Of course, not every best man is used to public speaking. Or best woman. We’re not fussy about the gender of the bridal party around here. But no matter who’s filling the role, there are a few tips that will make making that speech easier for the speaker and nicer for the listeners, too.
(more…)

‘Til death do us part.

That’s the vow, right? That you’ll stay together until one or the other of you dies?

We all know couples who haven’t managed that one. Heck, I’m the second Mrs. Twistie! His first marriage didn’t end with a death, but with divorce. Some of you have talked in comments about previous marriages. Right now, I happen to be doing a lot of hand-holding for a very good friend who decided to call her marriage quits after ten years because she has never been happy in it.

I swore ’til death do us part, and I fully intend to honor that vow. But I completely get that not every relationship is going to work out that way. And so I was intrigued with the fact that Mexico City has a proposal currently on the table for temporary marriages.

The proposed temporary marriage would have a two-year minimum term, at the end of which couples would have the option to either extend the contract or dissolve the marriage without the legal hassles of a divorce. The marriage would simply end.
(more…)

Grandma's gown turned into fabric roses for a bridal bouquet? Sentimentalicious!

Everyone is always saying blah blah it’s all about the bride blah blah. Almost everyone, anyway. And it’s not like the media is much help there when it comes to combating the idea that weddings turn women into self-absorbed harpies. But I know and you know that they don’t. In the six years I’ve been writing here, I have read many touching and beautiful comments from people planning weddings and thinking about just about everyone else before themselves. Which isn’t to say you can’t go too far in one direction or the other. Have the wedding you want, right, but keep in mind that weddings are typically family affairs. That way, everybody wins.

Some brides and grooms in thinking of others while planning weddings go above and beyond he’s vegan and she’ll need a wheelchair ramp and so on, and think of ways to incorporate the past into the weddings of the present. For some, that means a couple choosing a wedding theme based on the adventures they’ve had and the destinations they’ve visited. For other people, it might mean wearing mom’s wedding dress or carrying one’s late grandfather’s handkerchief during the ceremony. There are lots of sentimental touches that can make a wedding feel extra special, from memorial photo charms woven into a bouquet stem ribbon to having the groom’s initials embroidered into the lining of the bride’s dress to making a group vow renewal part of your wedding ceremony.

But that’s not all. There are probably an infinite number of sentimental touches that can be incorporated into a wedding. Me? I was the aforementioned handkerchief carrier. Now you tell us: What are YOU doing to make your wedding that much more special?

>

Bling bling!

Tell me ladies, do you have a big fat diamond engagement ring on your finger? Maybe a giant sapphire? I personally don’t, not for any particular bias against them (when they’re conflict free) but rather because I am a ring snagger so I do best with low-profile rings that aren’t going to rip out my hair and destroy my delicates. I do have a surprising number of friends sporting big bling, some of whom I think must still be paying it off after a few years.

No matter. Whether you’re partial to something like Twistie’s silver frog or the 10 carat estate ruby I do occasionally wear (snag snag) or a huge honkin’ diamond set in platinum, there’s one thing most most engagement rings have in common. And that’s that engagement rings are given to women by men. Which is fine and dandy – who doesn’t love presents? – but it does have this weird way of tipping the scales, making people feel inadequate, and switching on the materialism in nice people who aren’t typically prone to that sort of thing. Plus, according to Slate’s Dear Prudence writer Emily Yoffe:

It turns young women — otherwise independent, successful strivers — into passive recipients, waiting for their prince to rescue them from their single state. In what other aspect of their lives do young women so totally turn over their future to the decisions of others? I get letters from women who regularly scour their beloved’s sock drawer, hoping to see a ring box, evidence that marriage is in their future. The ritual of the engagement ring means he decides, he buys, he proposes. Throwing the ring out of the equation encourages the progression toward marriage to be more of a continuing discussion, a joint decision.

What do you think? Should engagement rings go the way of the dodo or should things get back into balance with the introduction of an engagement gift for men trend?

The groom’s speech – yes, yet another in the long line of wedding speeches – is your opportunity to thank your wedding guests for honoring you with their presence, to thank your new spouse for all her or his hard work, and to give a shout out to all the people who helped you foot the bills. Your speech, if you plan to give one, usually happens after the FOB has had his say but before the BM grabs for the mic. You can wing it if you have a talent for freestyling, but the groom’s speech is almost always more impressive if you prepare ahead of time by making a mental list of all the people you should be thanking.

Who deserves an honorable mention? Consider paying your respects to the moms and the dads, your attendants including the littlest ones, your officiant, extended family you’re close to, guests who traveled very far, and all those who were unable to make it due to circumstances outside of their control… but try to avoid reciting a laundry list of thank yous.

If you want to do more than express your gratitude, you should really prep your speech ahead of time and memorize it. There’s nothing wrong with reading off a crumpled up slip of paper – which is how I read my vows! – but connecting with a crowd means making eye contact. Even though Easyweddingtoasts.com suggests opening with a snappy one-liner, what you’re aiming for here is sincerity and originality. Don’t get too funny or too sentimental – your family may think your re-enactment of your first date is hilarious, but your spouse’s family may not be used to your brand of humor. Personal anecdotes are good, and you can win major brownie points with your new in-laws by telling everyone how lucky you are to be married to your new mate.

You could pay someone to write the ultimate groom’s speech for you… the Internet is overflowing with automatic speech generators like Speeches.com and professional speechwriters looking to make a buck. Your guests probably won’t care, however, whether you recite a good canned speech or give an okay speech that comes from the heart. They’re there to support you, not to judge you. You shouldn’t talk on and on in the interest of making your speech a certain length – a minute or two of chatter is sufficient if you’ve gotten your point across. End with a one-sentence toast like, “To my beautiful bride!” or “To the families that were joined today!” and pass the mic on.

Excerpt: iDo: Planning Your Wedding With Nothing But Net

Most brides-to-be are familiar with the more common alternatives to the bridal bouquet toss. For example, the practice of calling all of the married women (or couples) out onto the dance floor at the reception and giving the bouquet to the one who has been married the longest.

Another pseudo alternative to the traditional bouquet toss is the breakaway bouquet or fortune bouquet toss, where the bouquet breaks into pieces (with fortunes or charms attached) mid-flight and there’s enough for everyone. Then there’s the wish bouquet – the bride still sets up a bouquet toss, but she invites all the women at the wedding to come to the dance floor and make a wish. Whoever catches the bouquet will see their wish come true.

And some brides simply present the bouquet to an honored relative or, don’t do anything with the bouquet beyond carrying it. It’s all good, whatever route the bride takes.

But I really really really love this alternative to the bouquet toss photographed by Jagger Photography because it’s just so simple. You’re a single lady and you want the bridal bouquet? Hoping for luck in matrimonial love? Well, there it is – go ahead and grab it. Just be willing to endure some ribbing if your friends and family are anything like mine. And if you’re the bride, be prepared to take your bouquet home with you if it turns out that there are no willing bachelorettes at your wedding.

What are your bridal bouquet tossing plans?

Looking for an alternative to the traditional wedding veil? You could do like the ladies of Bourg en Bresse in France once did and, er, wear a lampshade on your head.

…I also think I see some wedding wear ideas for the groom who would describe himself as a “creative type.” (via)