For instance, that photo at the top of this entry? That’s Len Kendall. When he decided to pop the big question, he went to Buzzfeed and posted this meme of himself asking Katie the Big Question… and invited his friends to create images in a similar vein to support him. The images include everything from Tim Tebow to Angelina Jolie’s right leg to… stuff I don’t recognize, but still find amusing. About the only one I didn’t see was Princess Beatrice’s hat from last spring’s royal wedding. Then again, I’m guessing the images at Huff Po don’t include every single effort.

BTW, the lady said yes.

Ira Weissman has an article to help you navigate the potential minefield of buying your engagement diamond online. It’s a simple guide to avoiding one or two popular scams. Could be helpful if there’s a diamond in your future.

Confused about tipping wedding vendors and their staff? Danielle Elder has shared her personal list of whom to tip and by how much. I would say it’s a good place to start, but recommend consulting with a good etiquette guide and/or savvy folks in your area before simply taking it at face value.

Then there’s an article from Stephanie Hallet on the history of Leap Day proposals. Yeah, turns out virtually every legend about how it got started has no verifiable basis in historical records, but that’s no surprise. My advice? If you’re the one who wants to propose, do it on your schedule. Oh, and best of all possible luck to you!

Me? I wasn’t like that. I’ve known a lot of other brides who were more like me. They spent their wedding days really at their weddings and remember them clearly years later.

You may simply be the sort of person who gets caught up in emotions and forgets the details. It happens. But if your fog or forgetfulness springs from another source, there are ways to get more in touch with the moment and truly enjoy yourself at your wedding.

Plan the day in a way that makes you comfortable. It’s easy to get caught up in what’s expected or listen to someone else tell you what makes them relax. For instance, a lot of guides will tell you to make sure you have nothing whatsoever to do on your wedding day other than get married. For some, that’s great advice. For others, it’s a one-way ticket to nerves and stress. I helped make salads and set up the site on my wedding day, and I wouldn’t do it any other way. I’d have gone bonkers with nothing to do with my hands.

So think about whether doing something practical that day will relax or stress you. Think about whether having someone do your hair and make up for you will make you feel confident or drive you up a tree. Will having the photographer there while you’re dressing make you uncomfortable? Nix it if it will!

You’re an individual. Your stressors may be very different from another person’s. Work around who you really are. Don’t make yourself more stressed than you need to be.

Consider doing formal portraits before the ceremony or after the honeymoon. Mr. Twistie and I had all our formal photos taken before we went to the altar, and I would do it that way again. In China, some couples have their wedding portraits taken up to a year in advance. Still other couples have found it practical to hire a photographer to do candids at the wedding itself, but save up the formal portraits for after the honeymoon. Yet others will take all the formal shots that don’t require both the bride and groom in the shot before the ceremony, and the few remaining ones afterwards.

Any of these scenarios means less of a gap between the time the couple ties the knot and the time they arrive at their own shindig. That means earlier access to food, fun, and your guests.

Have a receiving line. I know a lot of people think this is stuffy, old fashioned, and for the birds, but I still think it’s worth doing. Why? Because it means you don’t miss greeting anyone, and you don’t spend the dinner hour missing the food because you’re hopping from table to table and then tracking down stragglers. If you’re having more than fifty people at your wedding, a receiving line just makes things easier.

Then once the line is done with, you can relax and concentrate on interacting with your guests rather than calculating who you’ve missed saying hello to. You can get the meal you paid for instead of getting two bites before you have to race off and talk to someone you missed. And eating your meal? Helps you keep from getting light headed from hunger. It also helps you keep the alcohol from hitting extra hard on an empty stomach. All these things help keep you in the moment.

Ditch any traditions you don’t care about. Reading over a typical wedding reception timeline can leave you thinking you’ll spend the day running from one photo op to the next with no chance to catch your breath. Funnily enough, most of those traditions and photo ops are entirely optional. If any of them make you uncomfortable, annoy you, or just seem like too much trouble, you are perfectly free to not do them. If there’s something you’d rather do, like hire some belly dancers or a magician to perform, there’s no law against having them. Do what seems like fun to you.

Organize as much as you can in advance, and then put it into someone else’s hands on the day. One of the things that relaxed me the most in the days leading up to my wedding was the fact that I’d crossed my i’s and dotted my t’s and had all the paperwork at my fingertips. When you know you’ve done what you can to make things smooth, it’s easier to believe that it will go reasonably smoothly.

Of course, something will go wrong. It’s the nature of life. So on the big day, have someone deputized to handle all crises and make sure everyone knows who that is. Don’t try to handle every little detail that goes wonky yourself. Go play with your guests and let your assigned deputy – whether that’s a bridesmaid, a relative, or a hired day-of coordinator – deal with missing flowers, the ring bearer’s stage fright, and Great Aunt Beatrice’s dislike of the choice of processional music. You don’t need to deal with those things in the middle of your wedding.

Speaking of things going wrong, remind yourself regularly that perfect isn’t going to happen. If you’re comfortable with the fact that something will go wrong, chances are you’ll deal with it more rationally when something does go wrong.

Whether it’s something small like a bridesmaid in sudden need of an aspirin, or something big like finding the bakery delivered the wrong cake (That actually happened to a friend of mine! But since she was ready for something to go wrong, she decided that the gold frosting fit her color scheme and that the fact it was a fiftieth anniversary cake that would feed her entire guest list was a good omen), if you’re aware it’s coming, you can roll with the punches better. So keep your head and your sense of humor. It will relax you and help you stay in the moment.

While planning things, make sure you take time out to do non-wedding-related things, too. It’s easy to get so focused on menus and seating arrangements and choosing just the right readings for the ceremony that you forget to live your life in the meantime. But if you take time to see movies, go bowling, take night classes, and just hang out with friends, it’s a lot harder to get so completely obsessed that you lose sight of the bigger picture. Sure, your wedding is important. It’s a major life-changing event. It deserves its due importance… but it isn’t everything.

Remember to make time for the other things in your life. It helps keep things in perspective.

When you’re at your wedding, be at your wedding. You’ll have a better time and remember things the photographer didn’t happen to catch with the camera.

Of course, not every best man is used to public speaking. Or best woman. We’re not fussy about the gender of the bridal party around here. But no matter who’s filling the role, there are a few tips that will make making that speech easier for the speaker and nicer for the listeners, too.

Speak from the heart. I don’t care whether you memorize your speech or read it off. That’s between you and the butterflies in your stomach. Find the approach that will get you through the speech and don’t apologize to anyone for it. What I’m talking about here is finding something to say that really matters to you, and saying it. Even if your speech is mostly light-hearted and funny, let your friends know how happy you are for them, and don’t be afraid to express your love for them sincerely.

Know your audience. There are two wedding speeches I heard many years ago that still make me cringe. At one wedding, the bridesmaids were gently roasting the bride about her tendency to speak in malaprops when they mentioned the time she meant to talk about an Italian bread, but inadvertently used a technical term for a popular sex act. Yeah, that went over like nobody’s business with the bride’s very, very, VERY staid and proper grandmother. The other was the best man whose speech consisted of a fifteen-minute version of the moose turd pie joke. Not. Funny.

Look, some audiences are good with bawdy – or even completely tasteless – jokes, and some are not. When in doubt, err on the side of caution. Make the most tasteless jokes and references at the bachelor’s party or at your next guy’s night out.

Practice, practice, practice. Unless you are the king of the off-the-cuff tear-jerker speech, chances are you’ll want to give your speech several dry runs before you take the microphone at the banquet table. You’ll want your speech to sound as natural as possible, and that’s easier if you know exactly what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. If an audience makes you nervous, ask a few friends to help you work up your nerve.

If you’re using a microphone, be sure you know how to speak into it. Most of us don’t use microphones on a daily basis. There’s a technique to it. Don’t panic, because it’s not that hard. Mostly, you have to make certain you’re speaking into it. Hold it several inches from your mouth, direct it toward your lips, and speak normally. If your mouth changes direction, you need to move the mic in the same direction. Otherwise, it won’t pick up what you’re saying. Also, make sure you know where the off switch is.

Oh, and remember the most important thing: treat every microphone as a live microphone. Don’t say anything into or around it that you don’t want others to hear.

Make sure you talk about both the bride and the groom. Even if you’ve decided to go ahead and be best man despite thinking the groom is making a mistake, the wedding reception is not the time to make a big deal of it. Even if you dislike your friend’s choice of life partner, find something nice to say about her or him. If you’re happy about who he chose, obviously that makes it much, much easier.

Think about how long you’re going to talk. Time is a balancing act with wedding speeches. Make it too short and there’s no point. Make it too long and most of your audience will resent their inability to get at the bubbly while you’re babbling. While the moose turd pie joke was utterly tasteless, the fact that it took the guy fifteen minutes to tell it was at least as bad as the joke itself. Aim for somewhere between thirty seconds and two minutes. Less and people wonder why you got up at all. More makes people itchy. This is, after all, a toast, not a Victorian political speech.

Speak clearly. I know that nerves can make it very difficult to do this, but if nobody can hear what you’re saying… there’s not much point in a speech. Enunciate to the best of your ability, make certain you know the correct pronunciation of all the words in your speech, and don’t speak too quickly. You want everyone to hear the thoughtful and moving things you’re saying to your friends.

Keep it in perspective. Look, even if you miss the mic, make an unfortunate reference, go over or under time, inadvertently insult the bride, or drop your notes and lose your place… it’s not the end of the world. While I remember those two wedding speeches with shudders, most of what I remember from both weddings is happy couples surrounded by loving friends and families, plenty of good food, great music, dancing, and two terrific parties. No matter how badly you flub, it’s only one tiny aspect of the day, and chances are most people will forget it pretty quickly. Besides, if you give yourself permission to screw up, chances are you’ll do better than you would if you build it into a matter of life or death.

Chances are you were chosen because of the friendship you share with the groom, not your reputation as a public speaker. Everyone in the room will probably be in a good mood and willing to cut you slack if you need it. Do the same for yourself.

Most of all, take a deep breath right before you go on. It helps.

That’s the vow, right? That you’ll stay together until one or the other of you dies?

We all know couples who haven’t managed that one. Heck, I’m the second Mrs. Twistie! His first marriage didn’t end with a death, but with divorce. Some of you have talked in comments about previous marriages. Right now, I happen to be doing a lot of hand-holding for a very good friend who decided to call her marriage quits after ten years because she has never been happy in it.

I swore ’til death do us part, and I fully intend to honor that vow. But I completely get that not every relationship is going to work out that way. And so I was intrigued with the fact that Mexico City has a proposal currently on the table for temporary marriages.

The proposed temporary marriage would have a two-year minimum term, at the end of which couples would have the option to either extend the contract or dissolve the marriage without the legal hassles of a divorce. The marriage would simply end.

I’m sure a lot of people will consider this a brand new plot to end the world. But the funny thing is, this sort of temporary marriage has been around for hundreds of years in a variety of cultures. Whether it has value is another question entirely, of course. Just because something has been around a long time doesn’t mean it’s either useful or healthy. Whalebone corsets did little for the health of either women or whales, but they were around for a long, long time.

In Iran, temporary marriage has been practiced for a very long time… but virtually all of the marbles are in the man’s pocket. The woman must be unmarried to enter into the contract, but a man doesn’t have to be. The contract may be broken early, but only if the man decides to do it. If the contract is broken before the temporary marriage is consummated, the woman gets only half the bride price promised… even if the reason is the man’s inability to carry out his end of the bargain.

On the other hand, there has been a version that was beneficial to both partners. In the fifteenth century in the Indonesian Archipelago, women were heavily involved in the thriving business of trading in the ports. Seamen from across the globe came to buy and sell goods in these ports. The men were often lonely and in need of someone to help them understand the cultural requirements of trade – not to mention the language. Local women wanted access to choice foreign goods and no doubt enjoyed the companionship as well. Temporary marriages flourished. When the sailors got back on their ships, the marriages ended with no negative social consequences to the women who had married them. Oh, and any children from these marriages stayed with their mothers.

Temporary marriage was also practiced in Scotland – particularly in the Hebrides where my ancestors hailed from – once upon a time in the form of handfasting. In that tradition, the couple would marry for a year and a day, at the end of which time the husband had the option to make the contract permanent and legitimize any children already born or to send his temporary wife right back to her parents.

So what do I think of all of this? Well, it’s not something I would choose, even if the option was readily available to me. When I make a decision, I usually like to stick with it. I think that depending on how the law is written and how society views it will make a huge difference in whether or not it’s exploitive to women.

But if it’s written carefully so that both partners can gain and neither will hold all the power, then it might well be a viable option for someone who isn’t me.

Grandma's gown turned into fabric roses for a bridal bouquet? Sentimentalicious!

Everyone is always saying blah blah it’s all about the bride blah blah. Almost everyone, anyway. And it’s not like the media is much help there when it comes to combating the idea that weddings turn women into self-absorbed harpies. But I know and you know that they don’t. In the six years I’ve been writing here, I have read many touching and beautiful comments from people planning weddings and thinking about just about everyone else before themselves. Which isn’t to say you can’t go too far in one direction or the other. Have the wedding you want, right, but keep in mind that weddings are typically family affairs. That way, everybody wins.

Some brides and grooms in thinking of others while planning weddings go above and beyond he’s vegan and she’ll need a wheelchair ramp and so on, and think of ways to incorporate the past into the weddings of the present. For some, that means a couple choosing a wedding theme based on the adventures they’ve had and the destinations they’ve visited. For other people, it might mean wearing mom’s wedding dress or carrying one’s late grandfather’s handkerchief during the ceremony. There are lots of sentimental touches that can make a wedding feel extra special, from memorial photo charms woven into a bouquet stem ribbon to having the groom’s initials embroidered into the lining of the bride’s dress to making a group vow renewal part of your wedding ceremony.

But that’s not all. There are probably an infinite number of sentimental touches that can be incorporated into a wedding. Me? I was the aforementioned handkerchief carrier. Now you tell us: What are YOU doing to make your wedding that much more special?

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Bling bling!

Tell me ladies, do you have a big fat diamond engagement ring on your finger? Maybe a giant sapphire? I personally don’t, not for any particular bias against them (when they’re conflict free) but rather because I am a ring snagger so I do best with low-profile rings that aren’t going to rip out my hair and destroy my delicates. I do have a surprising number of friends sporting big bling, some of whom I think must still be paying it off after a few years.

No matter. Whether you’re partial to something like Twistie’s silver frog or the 10 carat estate ruby I do occasionally wear (snag snag) or a huge honkin’ diamond set in platinum, there’s one thing most most engagement rings have in common. And that’s that engagement rings are given to women by men. Which is fine and dandy – who doesn’t love presents? – but it does have this weird way of tipping the scales, making people feel inadequate, and switching on the materialism in nice people who aren’t typically prone to that sort of thing. Plus, according to Slate’s Dear Prudence writer Emily Yoffe:

It turns young women — otherwise independent, successful strivers — into passive recipients, waiting for their prince to rescue them from their single state. In what other aspect of their lives do young women so totally turn over their future to the decisions of others? I get letters from women who regularly scour their beloved’s sock drawer, hoping to see a ring box, evidence that marriage is in their future. The ritual of the engagement ring means he decides, he buys, he proposes. Throwing the ring out of the equation encourages the progression toward marriage to be more of a continuing discussion, a joint decision.

What do you think? Should engagement rings go the way of the dodo or should things get back into balance with the introduction of an engagement gift for men trend?

The groom’s speech – yes, yet another in the long line of wedding speeches – is your opportunity to thank your wedding guests for honoring you with their presence, to thank your new spouse for all her or his hard work, and to give a shout out to all the people who helped you foot the bills. Your speech, if you plan to give one, usually happens after the FOB has had his say but before the BM grabs for the mic. You can wing it if you have a talent for freestyling, but the groom’s speech is almost always more impressive if you prepare ahead of time by making a mental list of all the people you should be thanking.

Who deserves an honorable mention? Consider paying your respects to the moms and the dads, your attendants including the littlest ones, your officiant, extended family you’re close to, guests who traveled very far, and all those who were unable to make it due to circumstances outside of their control… but try to avoid reciting a laundry list of thank yous.

If you want to do more than express your gratitude, you should really prep your speech ahead of time and memorize it. There’s nothing wrong with reading off a crumpled up slip of paper – which is how I read my vows! – but connecting with a crowd means making eye contact. Even though Easyweddingtoasts.com suggests opening with a snappy one-liner, what you’re aiming for here is sincerity and originality. Don’t get too funny or too sentimental – your family may think your re-enactment of your first date is hilarious, but your spouse’s family may not be used to your brand of humor. Personal anecdotes are good, and you can win major brownie points with your new in-laws by telling everyone how lucky you are to be married to your new mate.

You could pay someone to write the ultimate groom’s speech for you… the Internet is overflowing with automatic speech generators like Speeches.com and professional speechwriters looking to make a buck. Your guests probably won’t care, however, whether you recite a good canned speech or give an okay speech that comes from the heart. They’re there to support you, not to judge you. You shouldn’t talk on and on in the interest of making your speech a certain length – a minute or two of chatter is sufficient if you’ve gotten your point across. End with a one-sentence toast like, “To my beautiful bride!” or “To the families that were joined today!” and pass the mic on.

Excerpt: iDo: Planning Your Wedding With Nothing But Net

Another pseudo alternative to the traditional bouquet toss is the breakaway bouquet or fortune bouquet toss, where the bouquet breaks into pieces (with fortunes or charms attached) mid-flight and there’s enough for everyone. Then there’s the wish bouquet – the bride still sets up a bouquet toss, but she invites all the women at the wedding to come to the dance floor and make a wish. Whoever catches the bouquet will see their wish come true.

And some brides simply present the bouquet to an honored relative or, don’t do anything with the bouquet beyond carrying it. It’s all good, whatever route the bride takes.

But I really really really love this alternative to the bouquet toss photographed by Jagger Photography because it’s just so simple. You’re a single lady and you want the bridal bouquet? Hoping for luck in matrimonial love? Well, there it is – go ahead and grab it. Just be willing to endure some ribbing if your friends and family are anything like mine. And if you’re the bride, be prepared to take your bouquet home with you if it turns out that there are no willing bachelorettes at your wedding.

What are your bridal bouquet tossing plans?

…I also think I see some wedding wear ideas for the groom who would describe himself as a “creative type.” (via)

That means that brides-to-be get what they get when it comes to bridal showers if everyone follows the rules, so there are those who end up with quite restaurant lunches and those who end up with something a little more… like a wedding?

A practice wedding, perhaps? There’s a part of my brain that, when it sees pictures of luxurious and otherwise fabulously-appointed bridal showers or bachelorette parties shouts “Excess, excess, excess!” but it’s a small part, really. And probably a jealous part *wink* since if the hostess of said shower has the fundage to throw a huge do just for the fem folks, then more power to them.

There’s certainly no rule stating that a bridal shower can’t have a giant cake and and favors galore and amazing tablescapes, or even live music and things like that. A shower is, after all, just another kind of party. But there’s still that part of my mind that wonders if all the bridesmaids involved in the planning could really afford to chip in, and if guests possibly might have obligated to spring for a more expensive gift if they heard just how fancy a shower it would be.

I suppose I have to label myself conflicted when it comes to a certain sort of very upscale bridal shower – and, again, it’s probably got a lot to do with that nasty green-eyed monster, since I do love a fab party! What say you?

P.S. – Check out the giveaway I’m running at Manolo for the Home! It’s for a super cute Dabney Lee desk calendar that will really brighten your day!

(Photo via)