Bridal showers… some people have them, some people don’t. The best thing I can say about my bridal shower is that people I love were there, quite a few of whom I hadn’t seen on a long, long while. The thing about bridal showers is that the bride is supposed to have nothing to do with the planning of it. She’s busy planning a wedding, first of all. And what with showers being a gift-focused event, etiquette says that the guest-of-honor isn’t to be involved in the details.

That means that brides-to-be get what they get when it comes to bridal showers if everyone follows the rules, so there are those who end up with quite restaurant lunches and those who end up with something a little more… like a wedding?

A practice wedding, perhaps? There’s a part of my brain that, when it sees pictures of luxurious and otherwise fabulously-appointed bridal showers or bachelorette parties shouts “Excess, excess, excess!” but it’s a small part, really. And probably a jealous part *wink* since if the hostess of said shower has the fundage to throw a huge do just for the fem folks, then more power to them.

There’s certainly no rule stating that a bridal shower can’t have a giant cake and and favors galore and amazing tablescapes, or even live music and things like that. A shower is, after all, just another kind of party. But there’s still that part of my mind that wonders if all the bridesmaids involved in the planning could really afford to chip in, and if guests possibly might have obligated to spring for a more expensive gift if they heard just how fancy a shower it would be.

I suppose I have to label myself conflicted when it comes to a certain sort of very upscale bridal shower – and, again, it’s probably got a lot to do with that nasty green-eyed monster, since I do love a fab party! What say you?

P.S. – Check out the giveaway I’m running at Manolo for the Home! It’s for a super cute Dabney Lee desk calendar that will really brighten your day!

(Photo via)

Among the many questions thrust upon brides-to-be by well-meaning and curious people is “Is your dad walking you down the aisle?” It used to be a given in the majority of U.S. Christian or Christian-flavored weddings, but nowadays there are definitely more options. A bride might walk with her dad or, like me, be escorted by both of her parents. She might walk with her spouse-to-be – and I rather think it’s nice to see a couple gliding up to until death do they part together.

Some brides walk in alone, and I know at least one who walked in a group with her bridesmaids. Others walk halfway to the altar with dad and the rest of the way with their spouses-to-be (or alone). And still others walk with uncles or aunts or friends or a pet. When it comes to breaking with tradition, anything goes, especially in this area.

The only problem? A lot of dads still assume that they’re going to do the walking. Mine definitely did, and was hurt when I told him that I wanted to be escorted in – not, I should add, be ‘given away’ – by both him and my mom. It just seemed so wrong to not include my mom, who did the bulk of work when it came to raising me.

Frankly, a corsage and a seat up front wasn’t going to cut it. So my dad was hurt, but he got over it or at least never brought it up again. Not all dads feel dissed, though, which is a good thing, seeing as that times they are a’changin’. Take Virginia Sole-Smith’s experience:

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When I polled all you lovely ladies back in February to ask whether you’d be tossing the bouquet, most of you chose “No way! I don’t want to embarrass the single ladies like that.” And more power to you – I would say that at the majority of weddings I attended in my 20s, it was common to see all the unmarried maids who dutifully trudged onto the dance floor for the bouquet toss back the truck up when that notable arrangement came flying at their heads. I’ve even seen a bouquet land on the floor!

But it’s telling that the second most popular poll response was “Yes, absolutely! It’s just harmless fun, so why not?” (followed closely by “No, but I’m not opposed to it. It’s just not something I feel inclined to include,” which is also somewhat telling). What it says to me is that plenty of brides are still tossing the bouquet. For their sakes, I hope that their single friends are as enthusiastic as this:

If there’s one thing pretty much everyone can agree on it’s that there are wedding traditions (not to mention ‘traditions’) that are better left unobserved. The problem is that so few of us agree on precisely which ones should be ditched and which kept.

There are just so many potential annoyances to choose from.

On person would forever ban throwing anything into a crowd of unmarried people, while another would outlaw the use of bells or clinking glasses to force the bridal couple to kiss on command, yet another would be in favor of a prolonged prison term for any couple who forces guests to wait around bored for two or three hours sans appetizers or entertainment while they get their pictures taken ad nauseum.

Most of these are pet peeves of mine, though I’m actually pretty neutral on bouquet and garter tossing. Do it, don’t do it, I’m down with your decision, whatever your reasons may be. But smash each other in the face with cake or have a cash bar and I’m Not a Happy Camper.

But I’m curious about the rest of you. If you could end forever just one bridal custom, ‘custom’, or faux pas, what would it be?

I’m all for a wee bit of good-natured roasting of brides and grooms at bachelorette parties and bachelor parties if the guest of honor is the sort of person who appreciates that sort of thing. One may even find that guests poke fun at the bride-to-be at her bridal shower, though the jabs are usually quite gentle and of the we-know-you’re-going-to-have-sex-tee-hee variety. I cannot, however, get behind a tradition I only recently learned of, namely the extremely hands-on Scottish blackening.

There seems to be some confusion over whether this is a properly Scottish tradition or something primarily done in Aberdeenshire, so I’d appreciate it if our Scottish readers or readers who are Scotland enthusiasts would weigh in to clarify matters. In any case, the blackening ritual involves the bride- or groom-to-be being first captured and abducted by his or her friends and then covered in various unpleasant substances such as golden syrup or molasses, mud, flour or flour paste, feathers, or soot. Finally, the victim may be tied to a tree or lamppost or paraded noisily around the local pubs, much to the delight of the evening’s patrons, no doubt.

Here’s a Scottish blackening in action:

Obviously it’s all done in fun, and after watching a number of blackening videos on YouTube I can conclude that the bride and/or groom never make much of an effort to run from those wielding the treacle. Still, can you imagine having to wash all that off after your own pre-wedding blackening? Yikes! I personally have never been one to enjoy the sort of humiliation that some people are made by loved ones to endure prior to some momentous event in their lives, but I suppose one might see it quite differently if they’ve grown up expecting to be (and watching others get) tarred and feathered as a lead up to the wedding day. Still, I think I’d spend a lot of time looking over my shoulder…

Sterlingspider, goddess of nearly all things crafty, recently sent along a link to a blog post over at Mary Cirbet’s Needle ‘N Thread that featured a beautifully embroidered wedding dress that is nearing its centennial anniversary. While there is unfortunately no full-length photograph of the wedding dress, there are plenty of images that illustrate just how well this garment seems to have stood the test of time… from the point of view of style, anyway.

Unfortunately it was not well-stored, and as a result “the tulle on the shoulders and sleeves has turned a dark brown, and although feeling somewhat brittle in some places, it can still be gently handled. The lining of the dress is decaying in shreds, but the silk crepe of the dress itself is still in lovely shape.” Shame, that. I think it must have been absolutely lovely in all its glory way back in the day, and I see similar patterns of embroidery (positively not hand embroidered) all the time on present-day wedding dresses.

We can learn a lot from this wedding dress with its embroidery that looks stunningly gorgeous after nearly 100 years. First, classic beauty never truly goes out of fashion. Styles may change, albeit very slowly in the land of brides, but there are some things that will plainly look just as good 50 years from now as they do today and other things that will look terribly dated a mere 10 years from now. Second, it pays to invest in quality if you’re planning on keeping your wedding dress to pass on to tomorrow’s bride. The silk crepe and silk thread is still looking good, and the detail looks like it was done yesterday. If you can afford not to, don’t scrimp.

And finally, if you’re going to preserve your wedding dress for whatever reason, do it correctly so we can all ooh and ahh over it decades and decades from now!

Being drawn to and from one’s wedding ceremony site isn’t a tradition grounded in religion or history, but I’d venture to call it an established tradition nonetheless (even if the romantic nature of the carriage ride is simply part of the idealized princess aesthetic that some brides like). The iconic horse drawn carriage, however, is one form of wedding transportation that the folks at PETA would like to see phased out, particularly in New York City.

Two members of the group felt so strongly about what they see as the plight of carriage horses that they staged a wedding and a protest at the same time. In full view of the line of carriages that wait for passengers in Central Park, they said their wedding vows, sliced their wedding cake, and drove off in an electric buggy festooned with a sign reading “JUST HITCHED and not to a Carriage!”

If [Paul Kercheval and Kelly Respess] have their way, a fleet of electric cars resembling vintage automobiles will replace the carriages – retaining, the couple says, Central Park’s old-world flavor while relieving the horses of their burden and being kind to the environment.

“We chose to get hitched. Those horses don’t have that choice,’” said Respess, who wore a fluffy, snow-white gown and carried a bouquet of red roses and white lilies.

Huh. Weddings paired with protests irk me more than a little, if only because you’ll have the rest of your lives to protest, but only one day to enjoy celebrating your newly created union with family and friends. Charitable wedding favors that contribute to an animal welfare organization are one thing; it seems a bit gauche to involve loved ones attending your wedding in a protest that they might not necessarily support or involve themselves in otherwise. One hopes that Kercheval and Respess at least warned their wedding guests that their PETA-endorsed ceremony would be held on a street corner.

That said, I have no doubt that some carriage drivers mistreat their horses, but I lived with two Central Park carriage drivers when I called New York home. They treated their horses like gold, even going so far as to buy a building in Manhattan and renovating it to create a state-of-the-art city stable. Besides the fact that their horses were an investment and their source of livelihood, they loved their animals like pets. They also trained their horses to feel comfortable with city life, e.g., honking cars, loud music, and pedestrians. The NY SPCA monitors the condition in which horses are kept by carriage drivers, and if there are signs of abuse, tighter regulations might be a better answer than banning the carriages altogether.

That’s my opinion… what do you think?