The wedding veil.

Of all the bride’s possible accessories, this one is probably the single most controversial. To some, a woman is simply not a bride without one. To others it’s a symbol of virginity, lost to those who have sowed a wild oat or two before settling down and getting married. To yet others it’s a vicious reminder of the legal inequalities that for centuries kept women second-class citizens with no rights to their own property – or even their own children – until enough rabble rousers of both sexes managed to get women the vote and other legal protections.

Me? I just never liked wearing one. I had to in a couple plays I was in over the years, and I found the experience annoying. When I was planning my wedding, I knew from day one that there was no way in a million years of llama stampedes that I was putting one on my head again, if the choice was up to me.

Historically, the veil did start out as a specific requirement of all brides. In ancient Rome, it didn’t matter whether or not you were a virgin: if you were getting married, you wore a flame-colored veil. Period. First marriage or fifteenth, you wore it. Like another color better? Tough. It was flame-colored.

Over the centuries, though, this changed. Bridal headgear tended to be either a festive ring of flowers or else a version of whatever the currently accepted headgear of women in that area during that time. Brides wore hennins, gabled hoods, strands of jewels, or hats depending on when and where they were getting married.

And then at the very end of the eighteenth century, a world-wide mania for classical Greek and Roman styles hit everything from Architecture to women’s fashions. The veil was back for everyday wear. Soon it began being used for brides – in particular first time brides – again. And this is where things get odd.

Eventually fashions morphed into less and less classical styles and into the start of the Victorian sillhouette with the nipped in waist and very full skirt. The veil was replaced by fussy bonnets… but many first-time brides continued to wear veils. The bridal veil is the fashion version, in many ways, of an insect trapped in amber.

Whatever your personal feelings about the veil, it’s okay. Wear it. Don’t wear it. It doesn’t determine whether or not you’re a virgin or a tool of the patriarchy. You’re just as married whether or not you put a piece of lace and tulle on your head. The only way it really matters is whether you choose what makes you happy.

But wait, there are other great accessories at Lo Boheme!


Then again, there’s no denying the delicate beauty of the Frankie Bridal Halo. It’s an ivory satin wrapped wire strung with delicate strands of swarovski crystals and adorned with a combination of vintage (1930s and 1940s) and new millinery leaves in shades of champagne and gold. To get a better idea, here’s a detail photo:

They also have flowers, shoe clips, ring pillows, and a variety of other rather gorgeous details to make a wedding just a little more spectacular. Oh, and rush orders are often available with a small extra fee.

I’m having the hardest time finding a veil for my wedding. I like the one that they had me try on with my dress but I don’t want anything covering my face, and I think I might want something smidge softer. In other words, maybe made out of regular tulle, not that netting, though that might be too tricky to find. I would want some sort of flower or decorative doohicky on one side. I simply can’t wrap my head around paying $50+ for $1 worth of tulle.

Yes, I suppose I could make my own, and I am a crafty person, but I have yet to find a decent crafts store up here in Arlington (I used to live right next to a Jo-Ann’s SuperStore, sob!) and plus my life is crazy right now. (3-month engagement to wedding timeline, fiance’s kids are moving in with us for the summer starting this weekend, and I am in charge of a big event at work that’s happening the week after the wedding.) That said, if you know of an easy step-by-step tutorial, I might be willing to give it a try.

I did try to cut up my waist-length veil from my first wedding, but that didn’t work so well. Oh, and I know the “not covering my face” part has more to do with how I wear the veil than the veil itself. Basically, I just want a hint of tulle referencing a veil without actually being a VEIL or all up in my face. So, in a nutshell…

1. Should I be searching for any terms other than “birdcage veil?”
2. Do they exist at a reasonable price? Or should I just suck it up and spend the $50?
3. Should I just make it myself?

Well, Toni (and everyone else reading this), I have also balked at the notion of spending umteenbajillianty dollars on what adds up to a dollars’ worth of netting. There are artful and interesting bridal veils out there that I believe are absolutely worth the money, but I also believe that there are plenty more that can be replicated at home by anyone with even the smallest aptitude for the crafty arts. And since you’re open to the idea of DIYing a veil – and a naturally talented soul – let’s take a look at that option first.

The simplest possible DIY bridal veil?

I found a great DIY bridal veil tutorial at CraftStylish that will walk you through making a very simple, custom-length veil. I’d wager you could easily modify the tutorial to be quite short, so you’re only, as you put it, referencing the veil. And the simplicity of the design makes it easy to add the sort of embellishments that seem most appropriate. The comb ensures you can place your DIY bridal veil and have it very much NOT hanging down in front of your face. Only drawback? The tutorial suggests rolling the hem with a serger. Satin bias tape to the rescue?

Jane from Sara Gabriel veils

I’m picturing something like the Jane veil, except a bit shorter and with a little something more going on in the embellishment department. And heck, it has raw edges so you don’t need the bias tape or the serger!

For more embellishment, try this!

As for what kind of “flower or decorative doohicky” you’re thinking about, the sky is the limit. CraftStylish also has a pretty easy DIY veil tutorial – this time a fascinator – that features feathers, buttons, and some little wirey beady things that you could take or leave depending on your preference. Too much? Only you can say, but it certainly offers a satisfying amount of decorating in the doohicky department! Find the tutorial here.

But three months is one helluva short engagement, so maybe you don’t want to be futzing around making DIY bridal veils but you also don’t want to spend the above mentioned figure of umteenbajillianty on a veil, which is why in the end I suggest looking at Etsy for a seller who has something close to what you’re looking for and is willing to do a relatively fast custom order. In high quality bridal tulle, of course.

As to your specific questions, here are my answers: 1. I’d try short veils, simple veils, tulle veils, etc. in Google image search just to see what comes
up. 2. Like I said, Etsy! So many veils cost way too much – I’d try DIYing it before spending $50 if you’re not OMG VEILS VEILS like some brides
are. Not that there’s anything wrong with loving them or hating them. 3. Doesn’t hurt to try!

And perhaps, now that this is posted here, my fantastic readership can weigh in. Know any uber fab sources for short and sweet bridal veils that are reasonably priced for the bride who wants a veil, but would rather put those extra few hundred dollars into the cake budget? How about excellent DIY bridal veil tutorials?

Why you shouldn't put seeds in your ears?

And the view from behind...

Is it me? No. Is it the bridal veil alternative for every bride who wants something different? No. But I still love it. I think it’s fabulous. Wacky and strange and fabulous, just right for the bride who’s looking for a bridal headpiece that is going to stun and wow her guests. Would you dare to wear something this outrageous? If so, I want to give you a bridal high five!

Admittedly, it is elegant!

From the sale page description: “Melt hearts in this exquisite art deco inspired veiled headdress. Veils are 26″ in length and hand beaded along the bottom edge with silver lined glass seed beads and Victorian cut steel beads. The frame is built over milliners wire to support the fluid tulle and frame the face.” And the price? $285

Could you pull it off?

I don’t know if I could pull off the look, frankly. When I try to picture myself in a bridal hood, the image that forms in my mind is very costumey. But at the same time, isn’t the wedding ensemble by its very nature a costume? So maybe it wouldn’t look so out of place after all!

Because, oh goodness, I cannot stand it! While it may indeed be offbeat and thus perfect for the unbride, it looks to me too much like something worn by those old timey cartoon characters. You know, the dumpy fellow with the big head and the tiny hat? Plus, as miniature top hats go, this one is booooring. Plus, the attached veil is just a little awkward. The bride who wants to wear the tiny top hat should look instead at Bubbles & Frown, purveyor of totally sweet mini hats that go for about $100… compared to $645 for the Uffie, which I hate.

What say you?

At anywhere from 108″ to 120″ or longer, long veils play a starring role in the bridal ensemble. While a bride can wear a cathedral length veil with almost any wedding dress other than a very short gown or a ballgown, the longest veils are properly worn with wedding dresses with extremely long trains. In fact, the end of the bridal veil should extend six inches or more past the end of the train. Cathedral veils pair well with wedding dresses that are embellished simply, but if you decide to pair an ornate gown with a long veil, be careful of hiding a beautiful dress behind one or more layers of lace or netting.

While I wouldn’t suggest a bride try for a world record, part of the fun of wearing a cathedral length veil is letting it trail gracefully behind one’s wedding dress as one glides down the aisle. That means that the bride considering the cathedral veil should take her accessory choices to heart when choosing a ceremony venue. The cathedral length veil looks best in an expansive space — like a cathedral — where it can take up space without bunching up or getting caught on things. Big weddings and cathedral veils and trains go together like chocolate and everything.

Many accessories hobble women in the name of beauty and femininity, and cathedral veils (and chapel length veils) are no exception. The longer the veil, the harder it will be to maneuver gracefully around oneself at the wedding ceremony. Forget about wearing a cathedral veil at the wedding reception. Unlike veils that can be flipped behind one’s head and forgotten while one boogies down to We Are Family, the longest bridal veils need to be removed before it’s officially party time so they’re not stepped on or torn by sharp heels.

As far as I’m concerned, wedding photographs are *the* reason to wear a cathedral length veil. The most romantic and dramatic wedding photos all seem to feature brides in long flowing veils. Bonus points go to those brides who just happened to get married on extremely windy days. For perfect veil photos, choose one made of lighter, finer material that will billow and float in the softest breezes. And if there’s no wind, the bride can twirl until her cathedral veil whips around resembling something akin to a waterfall… or waterslide.

Or the bride and groom can use the cathedral veil for a little kissing camouflage!

So how much do the longest bridal veils cost? Brides who want to add to the drama of the wedding day or become the princess at their very own fairy tale weddings should expect to spend at least $100 for a very basic veil, and that’s a fairly low price. A prettier, more elaborate veil or an extremely well-made veil might cost $200 or $500, though my research has shown me that about $175 will buy a very nice (and sometimes custom made) cathedral length veil.

Photos via Project Wedding, Misty Dawn Photography, Raw Photo Design, Scarlett Lillian, and Preloved

Of course it doesn’t hurt that the model wearing the veils photographs well and that the photographs themselves are quite beautiful, but still. All of the veils are available in a variety of colors and can be “customized for length, trim, and embellishments to suit your fancy.” Yum yum yum yum yum! I might just have to become a veil convert from this day forward. What do you think?

Still, in reaction to comments like that, a tiny piece of me wanted to go out and get a buzz cut.

I didn’t, though I’ve had one before and rocked it pretty well, actually. But that gives you an idea of just how much it annoyed me to be informed that only long-haired women were welcome at the altar.

The attitude seems to carry on to this day, too. In a google image search for ‘short-haired bride’ I found three measly pages of images. In one for ‘short hair’ + ‘bride’ I got a lot more pages…and at least 90% of them were of long-haired brides. One image presented for my consideration was of Nicole Kidman’s wedding to Keith Urban, where his hair wasn’t exactly short, either. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against long hair on a man. In fact, Mr. Twistie’s hair has been considerably longer than mine numerous times. It’s just that wasn’t what I was looking for.

What I was looking for was images of brides rocking the short locks and looking fabulous – particularly if they did so while not adding hairpieces or making faux long styles. Well, I found a few. These I pass on as inspiration to brides who wear their hair short and don’t want to grow it out for the wedding.

First off, what could be prettier or more feminine than a sassy birdcage veil and a smile as wide as all outdoors? She’s striking in the best possible way. Simple, sleek hair doesn’t need to change. Just add an accessory that shows it off to its best advantage.

Or, there’s this more traditional veil worn low on the head. I’m surprised at how much I love this look, but I really do.

Of course you don’t have to wear a veil. I didn’t, and I’ve always been completely happy with my choice. Maybe you prefer a jeweled headband and a touch of added volume to your hair.

Or you might prefer to keep your volume at the same level and add the less expected touch of a feathered headband. I don’t know about you, but I’m really taken with this one.

Of course you can do the traditional flower in the hair, even if your hair is far from traditional. That heather spray makes me smile, and so does her gloriously spiky do.

Short hair doesn’t mean you won’t look like a bride. It just means that you’ll look like a bride with short hair. Take good care of it in the weeks before your wedding, make sure you get a really good cut, and accessorize in a way that makes you happy. Then smile and have a wonderful wedding!

Not a veil person? Or a fan of bareheaded brides? You’ll be happy to know that there are in-between options out there that aren’t yet another bridal tiara or pillbox hat. Tosin Trim, designer for the UK’s Hennumi,creates whimsical and beautiful head pieces for brides using materials like recycled and off-cut fabric, fresh water pearls, Swarovski crystals, feathers, and vintage mother of pearl buttons. The prices are a little steep at around £200, but you can bet that no other bride in your social circle will be wearing the same top o’ the head accessories.