Some of you may recall a recent article in which I discussed that new professional in the world of weddings, the proposal planner. Some of you may recall I wasn’t too crazy about the whole concept. The three of you who responded were equally – if not moreso – unimpressed.

Well, it seems we are not alone. Proposal planner Michele Willamson has written an article for Huffpo defending her profession. It seems to Wiliamson that we just don’t understand her calling. If only we understood, we would change our minds and appreciate her services, even if we didn’t use them ourselves.

She answers some questions about her job… but frankly I find that her answers don’t actually make me think her business any more useful than I found it before. After all, she says she plans intimate, personal proposals as well as huge, flashy ones. But if it’s intimate and personal, why does the gentleman (and she does divide the world into ‘men’ and ‘females’ which is a nasty habit more and more people seem to be falling into) require someone to tell him what would be intimate and personal for him and his lady? Or gentleman? And the fact that Williamson says she is present for most of these proposals frankly kind of skeeves me out.

She says that she does a lot of research by talking to the man about his relationship with his female… oops, I mean his significant other. She prompts him to remember things and consider questions that may not have occurred to him. But has this gentleman no friends? No family members he might consult? Has he no skills to discover for himself what his love finds romantic? Is it never possible for a woman to propose???

After all, the best way to make the proposal romantic is to consider carefully the tastes and personality of the person being proposed to, as well as the history and structure of the overall relationship. If, for instance, a man knows that his lady always sighs happily at movies when an engagement ring is discovered in a glass of champagne, he knows she’ll find that romantic. If she laughs her head off and talks about wasting a perfectly good glass of champagne, chances are that’s not the way to propose. If the moment just seems right while lying in bed on a lazy sunday morning… then why not take the chance? Only if you know she wants the down on one knee approach and for you to ask her parents for permission to marry her.

There is no such thing as a universally romantic proposal. And unless you’re trying to arrange the practicalities of a Jumbotron, a marching band, and a host of celebrities showing up to urge your beloved to say yes… chances are you can work it out on your own. And even then? Yeah, guys have been working out the Jumbotron thing at sporting events for decades all by themselves.

Sorry, Michele, but I still don’t see a need for your service. And while I will refrain from personal abuse, I laugh soundly at what you’ve chosen to do with your life and the people who think they need it.

Professionals.

Weddings do usually require some professionals. Many use them for nearly everything short of reciting the vows – and that works for many couples just fine. Others, though, prefer to do most of these jobs themselves, or to have them done by volunteers. Some would prefer to hand it over to pros, but are forced by lack of funds to do it all themselves.

So I’m curious. Of the following list, which two items would you choose to have done professionally if the rest absolutely had to be done by volunteers?

Photography
Catering
Flowers
Set up and clean up of the site
Cake
Making wedding clothes
Music
Decorations other than flowers
Officiant

Remember, there is no right or wrong answer here. There’s only what works for you.

What’s this? Today’s post is written not by me, Christa aka Never teh Bride, but by Bentley Meeker, America’s premier lighting designer. I thought Mr. Meeker might have something to say on the subject of lighting design for weddings, as he has worked for over two decades in the event industry, creating extraordinary environments for the weddings of notable celebrities like Robert DeNiro, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Chelsea Clinton. The images in Mr. Meeker’s post come from his book, Light X Design, which features a kaleidoscope of amazing lighting design for weddings and other events.

Wedding lighting design for ceremonies

Lighting is THE single most important visual element in your wedding. More so than flowers, decor, or even architecture and space. Yet, with all of its critical nature, so many brides, and even wedding planners, don’t consider lighting or budget for it at all. If so, it is often looked at as an addendum to the wedding decor budget.

With lighting setting the mood, it should be considered first and foremost once a space is chosen. Here’s why: One can transform any space with light, but one can only augment with flowers or decor.

On the practical side, there are three things that need to be managed when executing a lighting design for weddings:

• The room needs to look beautiful
• The guests have to feel good
• Lastly, the guests, especially the bride, have to FEEL good

Lighting design for receptions, too

So in support of that, here are five things to look for when lighting a wedding:

1. Symmetry - Light everything evenly so that the room looks symmetrical.

2. Intensity - Dim the lights a little less than you think you should. Your eye adjusts to the lower light and it creates so much more atmosphere than you’d ever imagine. Which brings me to my next point:

3. Levels - Dim absolutely everything. Having the ability to dim the lights when the grandparents go home and set the mood for the kids is a pretty important thing to be able to do.

4. Color - Soft beautiful flattering colors (pinks, ambers, honeys and apricots) should be used wherever people are. While we love blue and green to look at, and we often want to go bolder with color, those colors make our skin tones sallow and pasty.

5. Angles - Be super sensitive to light in peoples’ eyes by angling things as vertically as possible. If your grandmother has a light shining in her eyes all night, chances are she’ll go home before the cake cutting.

There is also a 6th consideration, namely your lighting designer. Since lighting is often mysterious and unknown, and the bride and her family are often unable to see the full picture prior to their walking in, (decor, catering, etc. will not yet have been set up) it is very important that your lighting designer really get you and who you are. That’s personality driven and I think it should be considered right alongside talents and portfolios as a critical criteria.

~Bentley Meeker

Are you a wedding vendor who has some insight to share with brides-to-be and grooms-to-be? Send me an email to talk about the possibility of guest posting right here!

Is everyone in this photo on the guest list?

So, unexpected wedding guests. Word on the street is that there are more of them than people thing. And I’m not talking about professional wedding crashers who are just looking for a good time. I mean friends and relatives who RSVP’ed no but decided to come anyway, invitees who never bothered to send back the stamped reply postcard, and wedding guests who arrived at the reception with one, two, or more people in tow. As far as I know, there was no one at our wedding who wasn’t supposed to be there, but since ours was a backyard family affair, I didn’t pay all that much attention once the day got rolling.

If unexpected wedding guests are more common than I assumed, are people taking them into consideration when giving wedding vendors those precious final headcounts? Is it better to pay for a few more chairs, entrees, and slices of wedding cake than to have one to few of any of these things? It’s a question I have trouble wrapping my brain around because I’d never in a million years attend a wedding to which I had not RSVPed or switch my entree choice at the last moment or *gasp* bring a few cronies with me to the reception so everyone could get boozed up on the cheap. But I know not everyone is as polite as I am, hence the poll. I want to know how you’re handling the possibility of unexpected wedding guests and, I suppose, whether you’re anticipating any!

Image: djprybyl

Choosing wedding vendors can be nerve-racking (or wracking, both are correct) because, after all, you’re putting your entire wedding in the hands of a handful of professionals. Are their picture perfect portfolio shots really representative of their work? Will they be on time? Do they really understand how important this is to you?

"Waddya mean the caterer is in Borneo?"

Maybe yes, maybe no. More than likely, however, yes. Your wedding vendors will show up, give you everything they’ve promised and you’ve paid for, and help make your wedding beautiful. But that doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen very, very occasionally to an itty-bitty handful of brides and grooms. It’s a difficult situation to contemplate, but maybe one that everyone who’s engaged should think about just a bit.

The question, of course, is what do you do if one of your wedding vendors doesn’t show up.

First, let’s talk about what you don’t do. You don’t, as much as you’d probably like to, panic. When you’re just about to leave for the ceremony and you find out that your caterer isn’t coming, panicking is NOT going to help. And if you’ve just arrived at the reception to find out that your cake isn’t coming, freaking out isn’t going to get you a cake.

(more…)

Weddings are expensive, amirite?

Most wedding vendors post package prices on their web sites – and if not, a photographer or caterer or florist will usually have a brochure listing a sort of menu of various packages and options. And it’s easy to balk at those rates when you’re newly-engaged. I’ve been asked a few times by brides-to-be whether it’s okay to haggle with wedding vendors, i.e., say something like “Are you willing to give me Package B for $1500 instead of $2000? How about $1800?” My answer? I don’t think so. As much as I like to talk about the “wedding tax” and how overpriced so many wedding accessories are, I also like to think that most wedding vendors are good, honest people and thus price their services accordingly.

A wedding vendor is not a weekend flea market hobbyist or a homeowner hosting a garage sale, and the payment they receive for the services they provide to brides and grooms are often their sole source of income. Maybe it’s just that I’m a freelancer, but the idea of treating a specialty service like a secondhand stairmaster seems a little weird to me. So no, I would not recommend haggling with wedding vendors.

What you can do is negotiate based on your needs. Let’s say the aforementioned Package B is for wedding flowers and you think $2000 seems a little steep BUT you love the florist’s work. AND you don’t actually need or even really want every last little thing in Package B. There’s nothing at all wrong with approaching the wedding florist you’ve fallen in love with and telling her that Package B makes the most sense for you, but you only need five centerpieces, not eight, and you’re having bridesmen not bridesmaids so you won’t need any bridesmaids’ bouquets. I don’t think I’ve ever personally encountered a wedding vendor who was unwilling to make adjustments to prices when making adjustments to packages.

In other words, negotiating with wedding vendors is usually as easy as asking to order “off the menu” and there’s nothing wrong with simply inquiring as to whether a vendor is willing to lower their package prices when you’re not asking for everything in that particular package. (And you should never feel obligated to take everything in a package when you don’t want it!) That way, you and your wedding vendors can work together to create something that’s exactly what you need at a price that you can both live with.

What do you think of negotiating with wedding vendors? How about haggling – would you do it?

Wedding planning is sometimes no fun. You don’t have as much money as you’d like to have in your wedding budget. Your first-choice wedding venue is booked on your set-in-stone wedding date. Your FFIL is demanding a barbecue-centric menu at the wedding reception. And your intended has thus far not lifted a finger to help. I get it. Sometimes being a bride-to-be can suck.

Sometimes in the midst of all that suckitude, it can really start to feel like wedding planning is a World vs. Bride affair. And when you’re mad at the world, it’s only natural to adopt an adversarial attitude when dealing with people. But when it comes to dealing with your wedding vendors, my advice is *don’t*. As in don’t assume that your wedding vendors are adding a ‘wedding tax‘ to the bill. Don’t just assume that you’re going to have to fight your wedding vendors to get what you want. And don’t change your mind a hundred times, just to mess with your vendors’ heads.

Of course, some brides-to-be, when faced with the suckiness of planning a wedding, veer too far in the opposite direction. They’re afraid to tell their wedding vendors what they want because they don’t want to be seen as pushy or, worse, labeled a bridezilla. Instead of making choices that please themselves, they make the choices that they think will make their wedding vendors happy. In some cases, the bride-to-be might not disclose her wedding budget, leaving her vendors free to make choices outside of her price range.

In both cases – whether we’re talking about the “difficult” bride or the “easy” bride – the bride-to-be becomes her own worst enemy. Her unwillingness to trust her wedding vendors or her unwillingness to be straight with her vendors can cost her the wedding she really wanted. Why? In the first case, the bride-to-be finds it impossible to work closely with someone who she thinks it out to get her. In the second, she never tells her wedding vendors how much she really has to spend or what she actually wants.

Planning a wedding should be a collaborative task undertaken by a couple and their wedding vendors, and that means that brides and grooms have to do their parts when dealing with wedding professional. When a bride or groom is up front with a wedding vendor about money matters and color preferences and all the things they do and do not want, that vendor has a good chance of putting together something – whether it’s a wedding cake or a bouquet or a table setting – that is just what that bride or groom had in mind. And that wedding vendor? He or she should be someone that the bride or groom deems trustworthy, so there’s never any need to be adversarial at all.