Manolo for the Brides

Two friends of mine said their “I dos” the same year The Beard and I said ours, some before and some not too long after. As a consequence, we were fairly careful when choosing a wedding date to ensure that not only was ours not on the same day as a friend’s wedding, but also not too close so anyone traveling for both wouldn’t be shelling out too much cash in too short a time. Everyone got to attend the weddings of everyone else, and thus we were all happy in addition to being happily married. Not everyone is so lucky, however.

For those who are of an age in which it seems like a friend or relative announces his or her engagement every other weekend, I strongly advise actually saving those save-the-date cards and actually writing the event in your calendar, lest you end up like the Washington Post’s Sally Quinn:

Our son Quinn Bradlee is marrying Pary Williamson in Washington on April 10. My husband’s granddaughter Greta Bradlee is getting married the same day in California. In the past few days there have been a spate of negative stories, both online and in print, about the “dueling weddings.” It’s been hurtful to all four of these wonderful young people. This “dueling” characterization couldn’t be further from the truth.

The unfortunate result of the dates being the same was an inadvertent mistake on my part. My error had nothing to do with the two couples who will wed that day. Quinn and Pary decided on Oct. 10, 2010, as their wedding date. Over Christmas, Greta’s mother and I came to an understanding that, because of existing tensions, it would be best for all if none of us attended Greta’s wedding. Then, in mid-January, we were thrilled to learn that Pary is pregnant, due Sept. 21, and decided to move up the date as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, our church does not do weddings during Lent or Easter. The only date we could arrive on when both church and minister were available was April 10, and the next wasn’t until after Memorial Day. Frantically, I checked my calendar, my husband’s, Greta’s aunt’s, and her cousins’ — everyone had the date free. Each gave the go-ahead. We were also lucky enough to find that the band we had booked was able to make the date change, as well as the photographer, the planner and the attendants. Pary had found the perfect dress, which we bought. It all seemed serendipitous, so we booked everyone and ordered the invitations.

Anyone who has ever hosted a wedding knows the maddening details involved. Locking things down seemed such a relief. Then came the revelation.

What a pickle! In the end, there was no grand conflict (Internet meanness aside) because they’d never intended to attend the other wedding and there was apparently no overlapping of the two guest lists. Can you guarantee that you would be so lucky in the event that your wedding overlaps with that of a family member? If the answer is no, you may even want to discuss potential wedding dates with sisters or brothers and even beloved cousins who have rings on their fingers but have not yet chosen wedding dates. Or not. The alternate strategy involves “calling” your preferred date by letting slip everywhere that you’re planning on saying your vows on such-and-such a date, then sending out save-the-date cards ridiculously early… and hoping that people actually save them!

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While the economy is looking up these days, the supposedly watertight wedding industry didn’t make it through the downturn unscathed. The average cost of a wedding in 2009 dropped 10.2% over the 2008 totals, according to The Wedding Report, and that means bride and grooms (and their parents) were spending about $6,000 less per affair. Cost of Wedding had this to say:

On average, US couples spend $20,398 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $15,299 and $25,498 while their wedding budget is typically 50% less than the amount spent. This does not include cost for a honeymoon or engagement ring.

So where did those couples cut back? The wedding guest list was one area that got a little trim, with the average number of guests totaling 145 in 2008 versus 128 in 2009. Even as wedding stationery gets more and more beautiful, it wasn’t exempt from the squeeze. Reception menus in particular were downsized, with brides and grooms spending about 36% less on them. Other areas that suffered include gifts for the parents of the happy couple and… anklets. (Quelle horreur!)

And yet, as articles shout that wedding vendors are suffering in this weak economy, there are some area of the wedding budget that have seen definite increases. The Wedding Report found that brides and grooms spent about 23% more on musicians for their ceremonies and receptions, 16% more on their wedding photographers, and 13% on the wedding dress.

You’ll hear no judgments from me in either direction. People will spend what they want to spend on their weddings, and I’ve been to backyard weddings and huge elaborate multi-event weddings that were equally awesome. What I will say, though, is that brides and grooms who are cutting back because they have to shouldn’t feel like they’re the only ones doing so! The stats show that plenty of couples are keeping a tighter reign on those wedding budgets so you’re in good company.

Need a bit of help in that regard? I recommend How to Have an Elegant Wedding for $5000 or Less, Celebrate Simply, How to Plan Your Wedding and Save Thousands, and of course, iDo by yours truly!

(Photo via Art Vision Studio)

Some brides- and grooms-to-be, when confronted by the cost of the average wedding, begin to contemplate getting married at home… or at least in the home of a well-to-do relative with a house or property that makes a nice backdrop for wedding photographs. It’s what The Beard and I did, and we were able to save quite a bit of money by getting married on my grandmother’s water-front property in a very upscale area of Florida’s Atlantic coast. It worked for us, and beautifully so, though I’m quick to caution brides and grooms thinking of getting married at home that it’s not always the least expensive or even the less expensive option.

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Please forgive my terrible pun in this post’s title, but the temptation to make it was irresistible. You see, Andrea Parrish and Peter Geyer of Spokane, WA have decided to pay for their upcoming nuptials using naught but the proceeds collected from the recycling of aluminum cans. According to their web site, they’ve collected 25,781 cans thus far, and have inspired others to donate the proceeds from their recycling excursions to the tune of 56,571 cans. Parrish and Geyer have a ways to go, however, before they can finance their relatively inexpensive July wedding. They’re planning a modest affair costing around $4,000, which will require them to collect a total of 318,648 more cans.

While it is a pretty insane idea — though a wonderfully create one — I must say I do like it a lot better than the “pay for my wedding just because I asked you to” schemes or the “pay for my wedding” registries. Parrish and Geyer are putting some real effort into paying for a wedding in an offbeat way. And is having your living room stuffed with bags and bags of aluminum cans all that much worse than having it stuffed with wedding favor boxes, ribbons, silk flowers, and seating chart mock-ups? All right, maybe it’s a little worse, if only because donated cans might not be entirely clean.

Like the idea? If you’re in Spokane, you can drop off your cans for this quirky couple at the Instant Sign Factory or they’ll gladly pick them up from your place (if you have enough to make it worth it, I imagine). For those not in Spokane, Parrish and Geyer recommend that you recycle your own aluminum cans, buy yourself a coffee or beer, and if you’re so inclined, send the leftover cash to them.

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We tend to think of wedding planning in terms of “Dos” here at Manolo for the Brides, mainly because there are so many fun and practical and fascinating dos. Do buy the wedding dress you love, even if it goes against the body type rules. Do have the wedding ceremony you want, even if it means some of your relatives will look at you a little funny. And so on, and so forth. There are so many great wedding planning dos, especially when you’re open to alternative weddings or just weddings that differ somewhat from the norm. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t wedding planning don’ts that cross the boundaries between the traditional wedding and the wedding where the bride and groom are hanging by skin hooks. Here are some of my favorite wedding don’ts — please add yours in the comments!

Blowing Your Wedding Budget
This is the biggest and possibly the most common of all wedding planning oopses, if only because it’s so easy to commit. Between everything we hear about the soaring costs of the “average” wedding and all the beautiful wedding stuff out there, who wouldn’t start to think that $50,000 sounds like a plenty reasonable sum to spend on a party? But let’s get real, shall we? Some brides and grooms have that kind of money to spend, while others don’t. Be honest with yourself when creating a wedding budget, and put together a fabulous wedding that won’t bankrupt you.

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There’s no way around it other than keeping things unofficial… every state in the U.S. requires that couples obtain a marriage license before their wedding vows will mean anything in the government’s eyes. Frankly, applying for a marriage license is one of the more boring items on the wedding planning to-do list, but since it’s such a vital one I feel we must address it here for the sake of completeness. While I wish it were as engaging as sampling wedding cakes or shopping for a wedding dress, it just isn’t. On the the other hand, a quick trip to the county clerk’s office shouldn’t be stressful or too much of a pain in the butt if you go prepared.

Obviously every state will have its individual rules where applying for a marriage license is concerned, so I’m not going to try to cover every states’ particulars here. For that, you should call the clerk’s office since I’d say about 99% of the sources I’ve found for state-by-state marriage license info have been out of date or just plain incorrect. What follows here is a rough guideline for those who are just starting to think about applying for a marriage license.

Who, What, Where?
You and your spouse-to-be will proceed to the county clerk or clerk of the court office together, hopefully with all of the proper documentation. At the very least, you’ll need some form of ID, usually a driver’s license, birth certificate, military ID, or passport, though states’ requirements can vary. Non-citizens may have to present more than one form of ID. There’s going to be an application fee, and some county clerks still only accept cash and money orders or personal checks. Oh, and you’ll want to know three things: your social security number (which all adults really should have memorized), your wedding date, and where you’re planning to marry.

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I know, I know. The first thing that comes to mind when thinking ‘balloons’ is Junior’s third birthday party, not a chic wedding reception. But while it’s common to think of balloons as juvenile, don’t discount them just yet.
Done wrong, they’re admittedly ghetto unfabulous. Done right, balloons at wedding receptions can be quite pretty… but there are a few tricks to using them in your wedding decor. First, think of balloons as auxiliary reception decor, not the focal point. Balloons work best as wedding reception decor when they fade into the background. Second, wedding balloon bouquets and other novelty balloon creations? Pass. And third, stick to plain latex balloons. Mylar balloons really are for the kiddies.

For those brides and grooms even considering using balloons in their reception decor, here are the dos and the don’ts:

DO treat balloons as a means of camouflaging boring or ugly reception venue ceilings. A mass of subtly colored helium balloons with dangling strings bobbing just below a very high ceiling can look rather ethereal. A somber space can even become rather radiant with the judicious application of lighting and balloons. Rather not use helium? Balloons can be hung upside down from ribbons strung from wall to wall.

DON’T look to your senior prom for inspiration. I’m sure plenty of us remember the sand-filled, cellophane-wrapped centerpieces that serve no purpose other than using up space on a table and keeping a bunch of balloons from floating into space. These are not, I repeat not, elegant. They’re shiny, and there’s a difference.

DO stick to a simple color palette. Pastels work surprisingly well, possibly because the subdued hues let the balloons become an innocuous splash of color that blends into a larger decor scheme. In other words, think of balloons like filler flowers rather than the main blossom. They shouldn’t be standing out.

DON’T go overboard. If you have balloons floating above, don’t also have balloon columns flanking the doorways and a balloon arch over the cake and balloons tied to tables and a balloon tunnel leading into the ballroom. In fact, don’t have large archways or tunnels at all. Use balloons sparingly at in your reception space for the best results, lest your wedding end up looking like a Sweet 16 in the 80s.

DO go for larger balloons when your balloons will be tethered to a table, as seen in the first pic in this white wedding color scheme post. Bigger balloons, oddly enough, look less like balloons and more decorative, like rice paper lanterns or globe lights (especially when backed by some kind of light source).

And finally DON’T do this:

I’m not even sure what *this* is and why it was done, but just don’t.

Choosing a wedding color scheme can be difficult, and not just because there is an infinite rainbow of hues from which to draw inspiration. It’s simply that it can be tough to tell what impact your wedding colors will have on the mood of your ceremony and reception ahead of time. Unless you have your heart set on a palette, consider waiting until you’ve chosen your wedding reception venue to pick your wedding colors… particularly if the venues you’re considering all have colored carpets and other decorative touches that will stand out on their own.

However, even before you pick three or four or even more colors for your wedding, you should be thinking about the color families and levels of contrast that appeal to you in conjunction with the kind of wedding you want to have. Are you a bride who adores uber formal weddings? Or would you be happiest having a more rustic affair? Think carefully before you answer, because the colors you choose for your wedding palette will have a strong impact on the mood of your wedding!

To illustrate this point, I present what are essentially two identical wedding reception tables; the only thing very different about them is the color schemes used. First, a wedding reception table done up in pink and green.

My first impression is that of a daytime wedding, maybe one taking place either out of doors or in a light and airy greenhouse. The colors say springtime to me, though this particular color scheme would perfectly suit a summertime wedding. I’m picturing a bride in a not too elaborate wedding dress, maybe something a little shorter than is typical. The bridesmaids might be in a very light green or in unmatching white frocks. All in all, it strikes me a playful, fun, and not too too fancy wedding.

This red and white wedding reception table, on the other hand, looks more like it comes from an evening wedding to me, and I think it could be a much more formal function than the one pictured above. Why? For one thing, the colors are darker and deeper, and the lack of extreme contrast (red on red vs. pink on green) feels more elegant. I imagine the bride who chose this wedding reception table might also choose a more formal and traditional wedding dress for what would likely be a quite elegant wedding.

Isn’t that fascinating?

Images courtesy of Rebecca Thuss for Martha Stewart Weddings.