Not too long ago, the gorgeous Twistie posed this compelling question: What if you don’t care? As in, what if you don’t care about wedding cake or finding the perfect wedding dress or reception table centerpieces or having real linens? Of course the answer is that your wedding will not be ruined just because you don’t spend ages hunting for a dress or you have paper napkins at the post-ceremony brunch buffet. My advice is always going to be “If you don’t care about it, don’t do it/don’t stress over it/let someone else handle it.” It’s pretty good advice, if I do say so myself!

The only problem? Every so often a bride comes out on the far side of her wedding and discovers that she does care or ought to have cared about certain details. There are definitely things I thought I didn’t care about while planning a wedding that I can now say I wish I had cared about because they are the things that cause those tiny pangs of regret I sometimes feel when looking at my wedding photo album. And I would love to hear, from those of you already married, what you wish you’d cared MORE about while planning a wedding. Maybe you didn’t put much thought into your bouquet and it stands out as an afterthought in your pics. Or your wedding cake was only so-so but you wish it had been fabulous. Could be you are sorry you didn’t devote more of your budget to your wedding photography or your wedding rings.

In the absence of a time machine, there’s not a lot we married ladies can do about it now… other than to suggest that brides-to-be and grooms-to-be take our stories into consideration when planning their weddings. It sounds and feels a bit silly, but it makes a lot of sense to create a list of things you and your intended don’t care about and then to meditate on it for a bit. Try to imagine your future wedding photos – do the things you think you don’t care about make an appearance after all? You may be surprised to discover that a few things on that ‘don’t care list’ suddenly feel more important! Or you may find that you really don’t care and can safely devote yourself to the things that are actually important to you. Either way, you have just upped your chances of having the wedding you really want.

If you listen to the popular mythology of wedding planning, every bride is exacting about every single detail of the wedding, no matter how small, no matter how insignificant to everyone else. Her most pressing problem is that nobody in the world cares so much about what she’s trying to do for them.

But if there’s one thing I know about popular mythology, it’s that it’s not everyone’s reality. In fact, it’s rarely anyone’s complete personal reality. Chances are there’s at least one aspect of planning your wedding that you honestly don’t care that much about.
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(Note from Christa – Whoops, sorry for the technical difficulties, here and on Manolo for the Home. Not sure why all the images disappeared, but they’re all back now! Enjoy!)

For the wedding ceremony, especially if one is saying one’s vows out of doors, having something that frames the main event can be helpful in setting the mood. The easiest option? The basic trellis archway, which can be purchased or rented for about $35. But sometimes those wedding arches can be pretty blah, and it may just be that your wedding theme doesn’t exactly lend itself to saying “I do” under something that would look more appropriate in a backyard garden. For those couples who want an arch or an arbor at the wedding ceremony, I’ve collected some inspirational images that will hopefully inspire the creation of a truly beautiful frame.

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Considering a candlelit wedding ceremony or reception? Don’t set your heart on it until you’ve done a little digging. It turns out that insurance regulations, fire codes, and even cleanup concerns can get in the way of having those tiny tea lights at every table. So it’s not uncommon for brides- and grooms-to-be to book that perfect venue only to find out that their candlelit dreams are being dashed by practicalities. Open flames? No way. And some venues will even balk at the notion of candles under or inside glass.

Who doesn’t allow candles at wedding receptions? Many museums, for one, along with libraries full of those burnable books. Barns, especially working ones, may say no when candles come up in conversation. Historic buildings, particularly those made out of wood, may have candle or flame restrictions. And a wedding venue can simply decide not to allow fire as ceremony or reception decor for any reason at all. Some have had issues with the smoke alarms and sprinklers. Others would prefer not to have to deal with wax. And still others are zoned in such a way as to make having open flames (even tea lights) on site illegal.

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There’s nothing quite like trying to figure out which eight wedding guests to place at which round table. Will this one be offended that he’s not closer to the head table? Will that one balk at having to sit by her sister? Does every table need to include four women and four men? Jeez, no wonder there’s so much seating chart software out there.

And who can blame brides and grooms for waiting until the last minute to complete this less than fun wedding planning to-do? Not me! I cheated and let guests sit where they wanted to – anyone looking for a seating chart would have been disappointed – which funnily enough resulted in pretty much the table assignments we would have created ourselves.

BUT before you brides and grooms go this route, let me caution that my wedding was more casual than most and I have been to at least one wedding where the lack of a seating chart left some guests feeling like the odd men out.

Some brides and grooms approach the creation of the perfect wedding seating chart with vigor. For some, it’s easy (no, really), and for others, it’s a challenge to be faced head on. Others, like yours truly, simply bury their heads in the sand, make the reception a seating free-for-all, and hope for the best. For those who are currently shaking with dread at the thought of putting together a seating chart, I’d like to offer up another option:

Banquet style seating. In other words, long rectangular reception tables.

While not every reception venue space lends itself to two very long or three shorter rectangular tables in a U shape, when it works, banquet style seating can work very, very well. Wedding guests often feel closer to the newlyweds, even if they’re sitting quite far away. And you, the mighty wedding planner, don’t have to worry as much about who is seated near whom, as everyone is seated near lots and lots of different people. Especially when the tables are placed in a U.

Other banquet style seating pros include: the ability to fit more people in your reception venue (in some cases), a more intimate atmosphere, you may need fewer centerpieces or be able to use smaller centerpieces more dramatically (like this), and the ability to use repetition to your advantage in your reception table decor – helllooo buying in bulk.

So my take is that banquet style wedding reception can simplify your reception planning. Yes, you do still have to make a seating chart – unless you’re a wussy bride like me – but there’s a good chance this particular wedding planning to-do will get checked off a lot sooner and with a lot less stress.

What kind of seating scheme are you planning for or did you have at your reception?

Image via Style Me Pretty

Ever notice that there’s a lot of negativity in the wedding world? I feel like once upon a time – maybe before my time – you could have a wedding, and if you said your vows, fed people, had some music, cut the cake, and the newlyweds behaved graciously, people wouldn’t worry too too much about the specifics. But now, oh, now! It’s getting to be that the poor brides posting on message boards are so afraid to offend anyone with their choices that they’re too terrified to actually make any! And that’s on top of brides fearing that someone will judge their weddings not swanky enough, tacky, or whatever.

No matter where you turn, someone is making fun of something that somewhere, a bride-to-be is probably thinking of doing. And since we’re all doing everything on the Internet, there’s a pretty good chance that said bride-to-be will encounter someone putting her ideas down. In an article on Brides.com, April Winchell (of Regretsy fame) outlines a few “‘Money-saving’ Ideas That Will Cost You Your Dignity”, and I have to admit the piece made me rather sad. Here’s a sample of the aforementioned ideas that are apparently dignity drains.

“Toast with white wine instead of Champagne: Champagne can get expensive, and not everyone likes the carbonation.”

I’m sure lots of people will strenuously object to toasting your marriage with Champagne. “How was the wedding?” “It was okay, except for the carbonation. That was a downer.”

You know, some people don’t like dressing up, either. Maybe you should ask everyone to come in sweatpants, and you can all eat pizza over the sink.

“…do away with alcohol altogether and have a coffee bar! Guests can get cappuccinos, espressos, or even decaf.”

Sheet cake and decaf! It’s like Saturday night at the nursing home, only not as fun.

And now that you’ve ruined dinner, how about saving the planet?

Okay, okay, I know the article was more than a little tongue-in-cheek and Winchell even says outright that not everyone approaches saving money in the same way…”My reasonable expense might be your ridiculous extravagance. Your sensible cost-cutter might give me a headache from rolling my eyes.” But really, I have to go with hate on this one. I don’t hate the article, of course. It makes some great points about prioritizing and not trying to overdo the budget wedding substitutions. What I hate is the mean-spirited attitude behind it, which seems to be so pervasive in the world of weddings.

You don’t have a tiered cake? That’s not wedding cake! You’re not serving alcohol? Guess your dry reception will suck. You’re walking down the aisle to what now? Don’t you respect tradition? Your father isn’t giving you away? You’re doomed to divorce! You hear these things everywhere, from brides-to-be, former brides, and people in no way associated with any current weddings, but by gum, they’re going to weigh in.

My guess is that none of you lovely people reading this is going to say you love nasty bridal snarking. But does this get your goat, too? Or am I being too sensitive?

Gorgeous image via The Sweetest Occasion

Omigosh omigosh omigosh, how amazing and inspirational is this travel inspired dessert buffet created bySweets Indeed and featured on the Amy Atlas Events blog? I think it has everything in the whole world that I like, from a casual, almost-but-not-quite rustic design to its incredible whimsy and prettiness. Oh, and sugarsugarsugar*, but that goes without saying.

On the Amy Atlas Events blog, Amy herself shares a few tips and tricks that will help the DIYers out there create an incredible dessert buffet. Speaking as someone who recently discovered that she likes designing the look and feel of events, I’d wager that something like a candy buffet or dessert buffet would be a relatively simple project. Much less stressful than, say, baking a wedding cake or sewing a wedding dress.

*my drug of choice