I’ve been a bridesmaid three times. Four, if you count the time I was nabbed at literally a minutes’ notice to attend the bride in a spur-of-the-moment vow reaffirmation in the middle of an historical re-enactment.

Back when I was doing this, the job was pretty easy. Basically, it consisted of: showing up on time to wedding-related functions, paying for and wearing the outfit the bride chose without complaint, smiling on the big day, and reassuring the bride after her return from the honeymoon that the wedding had been lovely whether it was or not. If the bride had any little projects that needed doing, she might or might not ask for help with them, but you were free to say you hadn’t the time or really stank at what she’d asked, but would be willing to help out with another aspect. The MOH had the additional requirements of holding any shower or bachelorette bash (usually one or the other, and usually pretty low-key), and witnessing the marriage license.

These days, one keeps hearing more and more about brides who expect more and more of their bridesmaids. So I decided to use my Google Fu and see what’s expected of a bridesmaid these days.

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When you think of your wedding, chances are you can see a pretty good idea of the clothes you want to wear, whom you want to stand at your side, whether the crowd is large or small…but where do you see it happening?

For some of us, it’s easy to know where to go once we’ve said ‘yes’ because we’ve dreamed of it all our lives. Some couples are members of a particular church or religious community that will serve as the backdrop for their big day. Others have some very specific sort of location in mind. For me it was redwoods. I’m not even that outdoorsy a person, but when I was seven I went to my first non-church wedding. It was held in a redwood grove, and from that day forward I knew that was precisely what I wanted when I got married. A few years before Mr. Twistie and I tied the knot, my brother and his lady found a perfect spot for their wedding, which just happened to be a redwood grove with amenities. I knew it was where I would go when the time came. Others may have the luck that our own NtB had to have a piece of family property that meets their needs and desires, and even comes free.

Most brides and grooms, however, don’t have a convenient place all picked out in advance. They may not belong to a church – or even a religion. They haven’t seen the perfect place when a friend or family member chose it. The only property their families own between them are a double-wide and two small ranch houses on cramped lots that won’t hold the guest list.

So how do you pick a wedding venue when you don’t already have one in mind?

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