Manolo for the Brides

Somewhere close to half of all the people getting married at any one time are men. There are women marrying other women (so no dudes in those weddings) but there are also guys marrying other guys, which means it may more or less even out along straight and gay lines.

And yet, weddings are very often uber feminine affairs. There are big bunches of flowers, sometimes oodles and oodles of them. Wedding color palettes are trending toward gender-neutral hues, but there are still plenty of weddings with color schemes dominated by pinks and purples and pastels. Plus, so much of the wedding hype actively focuses on the bride — her experience, her wedding dress, the engagement ring, etc. — that the groom can seem like just another minor detail.

My take on it is that society frames weddings as being for women. Dads tell their sons and future sons-in-law to “stand back and shut up” while the wife-to-be goes on a tulle-fueled buying binge. Advertisers address the bride-to-be’s experience. Have you ever seen a commercial or print ad that featured a groom-to-be waxing poetic about wedding planning? I haven’t. We grow up thinking of the guys as secondary players in the wedding, so maybe it’s easy for some people to forget that the guy standing in the corner holding the Tiffany & Co. box might have some opinions about what his wedding ought to look like. At best, grooms-to-be are given one area to oversee… they handle the music or the menswear, while the bride-to-be has the final say over everything else.

I realize, of course, that there are some men who honestly do not care about their own weddings. They’re more than pleased to be tasked with showing up at the ceremony wearing whatever their sweethearts have picked out. And there have got to be grooms who think a feminine wedding is the only kind of wedding! But I also wonder how many guys are “standing back and shutting up” because that’s what they’ve been taught to do, just as us ladies have been subtly trained to do it all. Maybe the groom-to-be secretly hates the pink wedding invitations or the wedding cake that looks like a castle or the elaborate floral arrangements, but is hesitant to say anything because he thinks he shouldn’t care or that caring will seem unmanly or some such thing.

To brides (or grooms) who are dismayed, offended, or irritated by their groom’s lack of interest in the wedding, I say give him another chance. Before you put down a deposit on a venue or vendor, ask his opinion. Try once more to include him when you’re shopping around. Give him something to do, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed by all your wedding planning to-dos. The flip side is, of course, that once you include him, you have to respect his opinions and choices just like you expect him to respect yours. Compromise will no doubt be necessary. But won’t it be awesome to have a wedding that you created together and that reflects aspects of both of your personalities?

(Images via)

I am loving *LOVING!* this bride photographed by Marie Labbancz of Art of Love Photography. She could have let circumstances get her down, but she didn’t. Sure, having your foot in a cast on your wedding day is going to suck a little, but what’s a little plaster compared with the awesomeness of saying yes to forever with the person you love?

Maybe you spent your girlhood and even your adulthood of being that perfect princess of a bride the bridal magazines slyly suggest you can be, but fate may just have something to say about that. Could be a broken ankle or a black eye, or worse, a round of chemo that makes your hair fall out or a life-saving operation that leaves you with a big ol’ scar. These things happen, but they don’t mean you’re not going to be eye-poppingly beautiful in your wedding dress, dig?

To the brides-to-be worrying about some minor or major physical imperfection, I want to say that no one worth their wedding invitation ever thinks the bride looks anything other than amazing. It’s your wedding day; you’re going to have that glow. How could you not be gorgeous? So quit worrying about how you’ll look and start worrying about the reception menu and the floral arrangements. Kidding! Don’t worry about anything, just enjoy planning your wedding!

Many, if not most, brides- and grooms-to-be choose their wedding colors before they ever choose their wedding flowers. But what if your wedding flowers were your wedding colors? You could pick a blossom, perhaps one that comes in many colors, and then base your wedding colors on the hues you found in its petals and greenery. Not floral enough for you? How about using your wedding flowers to choose your wedding colors, then taking it a step further by making your wedding flowers your wedding theme? Carnations? Lily of the valley? Daisies? Flowers on food? Flowers on the wall? Why stop there?

There are so many ways you can integrate your favorite flower into your wedding theme! Decorate your wedding cake with blossoms… stylized petals can make an appearance on your wedding invitations… your fave can furthermore sit on your reception tables (au natural or in the form of table numbers), decorate your favor boxes, and serve as an organic aisle runner… you can even dress your bridesmaids in flower-print frocks and wear a bloom in your hair. I’ve even found wedding dresses with the flowers built right in, but to that I have to say ‘meh.’ Better to use them elsewhere and leave your gown flower free.

(Images – table; bridesmaids; gown; table number; headband; cake; favor box)

One of the benefits of writing this blog is that I get to highlight awesome, well, everything. And sometimes, that means I get to showcase the weddings or wedding gear of friends or family. In today’s post, I wanted to give you a taste of the super drool-worthy wedding stationery suite put together by an old friend of mine, S.R., and his now wife, M.S.R. I would have bet my left pinky that their invitations and so on were professionally designed, but nope! Everything you see here was the product of DIY amazingness.

Their absolutely gorgeous save-the-date!

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Once upon a time, your fiance or fiancee probably would have practiced your religion, which was also your family’s religion and their family’s religion. That made things pretty simple. Oh, there might be some squabbles over this church or temple versus that church or temple, but if the bride’s parents were hosting, that wouldn’t be an issue for very long. Nowadays chances are good that you and your intended don’t come from the same religious background or practice the same faith, if any.

Off the top of my head I know married couples made up of a Catholic and a Unitarian, a Baptist and a Catholic, a Baptist and an Atheist, and a Jew and an Agnostic. Getting personal, I consider myself a non-denominational Christian, while The Beard might best be described as spiritually ambiguous, but no great fan of religion. As you can probably imagine, things can get pretty complicated in a marriage when a pair of people have different views on little-g god or big-g God or the Divine Spirit or whoever, but the wedding is often the first hurdle a couple has to make it over.

How do the successful interfaith brides and grooms do it? There are a few wedding ceremony options open to those couples who find themselves on different sides of the religion divide.

Who cares more?
When religion is very important to the bride but not so important to the groom (or bride #2 or one of the families or the other way around, you get the point) it may be worth planning a wedding ceremony based on the traditions of that person’s faith. There’s only so much you can do to make sure no one’s family is offended, but it wouldn’t be at all nice for the very religious member of the couple to have to get married without god. I’m not entirely sure, but it feels to me like it would be less painful for an committed Atheist to participate in a religious ceremony than for a committed Christian to have to have a humanist ceremony. I could be wrong, though. Edit: And I was, as was pointed out to me. To many, Atheism is as much of a core belief as faith in a deity.

Ditch the divine (for now)
Then again, if no one immediately involved really cares that much, but it’s family that’s causing the problem because they’re each pushing for a wedding ceremony that reflects their faith, you could go neutral. There are Humanist ministers and non-denominational officiants who are happy to whip you up a non-religious (but still rather spiritual) ceremony that won’t offend anyone… or make one family feel like it was jilted in favor of the other.

Creative combinations
Interfaith weddings are totally cool! I particularly like it when two people of different religions have a wedding ceremony that includes an officiant from each faith. Like the idea but finding it hard to set up? You can create your own ceremony that includes bits and pieces from the wedding ceremonies common to your religious traditions and have a spiritual (but not religious) officiant preside over the whole thing. There are some rad interfaith ministers out there who will custom design a wedding ceremony just for you.

Ceremony A, Ceremony B
In rare cases, your or your intended’s religious tradition won’t recognize you as being really and truly married if you don’t include the rites and rituals of that religion in your wedding ceremony. You could use that as the deciding factor in choosing one religion over the other, or you could have two ceremonies back to back or even two weddings. This tends to work out particular well when there are cultural clashes on top of religious differences, and when your family is in one country while your SO’s family is in another. It is, of course, the most expensive way to deal with the issue, but all parties are placated and you get two weddings!

(Image via)

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE! Would *I* wear it if I were getting married all over again? Maybe not — or maybe yesyesyes — but I think that this real bride is too adorable in her itty-bitty blue and pink ruffled wedding dress. What say you?

(Photos by Mike_fleming)

What’s the best piece of advice I ever received when I was a bride-to-be? That’s easy. I can’t remember who it was that shared it with me, but I can say that theirs was a wedding tip that should be passed around with greater frequency. Briefly, the advice they shared was “Enjoy the wedding.” Simple as that. I think brides-to-be too often hear advice that boils down to “Enjoy your wedding by including X in your ceremony and doing Y at your reception” and “You’ll never enjoy your wedding if you can’t Z!” Humph.

On this rather dreary Monday, I’d like to remind all the brides-to-be out there not to be afraid of doing whatever it takes to enjoy the wedding. Want a bounce house? Rent one. Think pinball machines would entertain your guests? You can probably rent those, too. You want to change into a white wetsuit and have a first heat instead of a first dance? Do it. You say you need inspiration? The six brides below obviously had a great time at their weddings, and their guests probably did, too.

This bride and her groom both took a turn in the horseshoe pit at their outdoor reception. It was a bit muddy, but so what? (via)

Giant Jenga? Awesome. While looking for pictures for this post, I also came across snaps of a bride playing giant chess. Think big! (via)

Football fans have it easy when it comes to enjoying the wedding. Just mix one open space with one football and a matched set of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Sneakers optional, but probably a good idea. (via)

Brides and grooms who play an instrument or two can get up and jam with the band, though I don’t recommend spending the entire time on stage, as tempting as that might be. (via)

Playgrounds make for great post-ceremony photo opportunities, but they’re also a lot of fun to romp around in… especially after a solemn wedding! It’s even more fun with the bridal party, if they’re game. (via)

Shooting isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if it’s yours, why not have a skeet break between the ceremony and reception? It could be a great way to blow off some wedding day steam. (via)

It struck me that brides and grooms thinking of planning a baseball themed wedding like my friend Mike mentioned in last week’s post might be inspired and impressed by seeing some of his plans. These are some of his and his fiancee’s wedding plans, and I am truly astounded by their thoroughness. It’s one thing to weave a theme into your wedding, but quite another to let your theme take center stage!

• I had David Wright help me with the proposal — he’s one of the most popular players on the Mets right now, if you didn’t know.
• The ceremony is going to be held at Citi Field, where the Mets play. How cool is that? All of the Mets games start 10 minutes after the hour, so the ceremony is going to begin at 1:10 p.m. and the reception will start at 7:10 p.m.
• We invited everyone attending our baseball themed wedding to join us on our first week of the honeymoon on a cruise, so we sent out magnetic save-the-dates with the wedding date and cruise dates colored in the way a baseball team does on its schedule of games.
• Our wedding invites are going to look like tickets with the stub being the RSVP.
• The wedding programs will look like baseball programs, with the bridal party listed as the starting lineup, the minister as the umpire, our parents as the managers, etc.
• Trish’s dress has a Mets blue sash, and my tuxedo vest will have the Mets logo on it.
• We even found a place that makes boutonnieres out of baseballs! And Trish’s flowers will be either blue or white or orange and white.
• The tables will be blue and orange and named after Mets players instead of the typical 1-12, and we’ll be at the number 41:Tom Seaver table. (We were going to make each table a baseball stadium that we have gone to.)
• We will be introduced at the reception as a starting lineup, and Trish’s daughter is going to throw out the first pitch to me. (ed. – awwww) I also think the bridal party is going to make arches with baseball bats for us to walk under.
• The last hour of the reception, instead of being a Viennese hour, will be a baseball hour with peanuts, Cracker Jack, ice cream in batting helmets, pretzels, hot dogs, etc. And we are going to change into “Team Wilder” baseball jerseys for that.
• Finally, the thank you cards will look like baseball cards featuring me and Trish.

Now that’s taking a wedding theme all the way!

(Photo by)