One interesting PR pitch I received a long while back comes from AreYouRomantic.com. Caesars Pocono Resorts commissioned the site’s creators to conduct a survey all about, you guessed it, honeymoons. Specifically how brides and grooms approach the honeymoon. Basically, AreYouRomantic.com found that more couples are paying for the honeymoon themselves, yet they still want to incorporate tradition into their weddings. Boooooring!

What got my attention, though, was the part of the survey dealing with the wedding night. The poll found that almost 20 percent of newly married couples don’t actually consummate their marriage on their wedding night. Frankly, I’m not surprised. Indeed I am more surprised that 80 percent actually do! I’ll just come right out with the TMI and say that The Beard and I were way too tired to do anything other than fall asleep since my mom hosted an after-the-wedding dinner at a nearby restaurant and we made the mistake of attending. Then I think we went swimming in the hotel pool with a bunch of our friends. When we got upstairs, consummation was just about the last thing on our minds.

And we’re not alone. Of the 20 percent who didn’t do the deed on the wedding night, 32 percent said that they (or their partner) were too tired. Another 14 percent said that they (or their partner) had too much to drink. Apparently women chose this answer more than men, but I’m not sure if they meant they drank too much or their partner drank too much. Roughly 11 percent said that family and friends were still around. More men chose that option. Finally, 10 percent said that it wasn’t important to them.

In the interest of finding out if the AreYouRomantic.com people got it right, I thought I’d conduct my own poll right here on Manolo for the Brides. Brides-to-be and former brides (as well as their grooms) are welcome to answer. If you’re married and open to sharing, tell us what you did or didn’t do. And if you’re going to be married soon, tell us what you plan to do or think you’ll do. Feel free to elaborate — though, please, not too much! — in the comments.

A lot has changed since that fateful and extremely windy — just look at the angle on that palm tree — May day: We bought a house, we had ourselves a baby, and my hair color went from red to blond to more blond to neon pink. That’ll change I’m sure (the hair, not the baby) but nothing will change my love for The Beard. Kudos to us, loverboy, and here’s to many more!

When putting together a wedding reception timeline — i.e., a simple schedule that lets the major players in the wedding and the emcee know when the first dance will go down and the cake will be cut — many brides- and grooms-to-be neglect one important detail. Namely, for all the time spent thinking about when they’ll get to the reception, they never consider when they’ll leave the reception. Whoops! Look at enough wedding photos, and you’ll see that the big exit makes for some great snapshots of the newlyweds. That is, of course, if the newlyweds take steps to plan that big exit ahead of time. Here are six tips that will ensure your grand exit lives up to its name:

Don’t tarry
You can always have an after-party if you’re not going directly from the wedding reception to your honeymoon destination. Unless you actually have to stick around to clean up — and some brides and grooms do — don’t feel obligated to wait around until your last wedding guest has said goodnight. People will actually expect you to cut out before the last dance, so you won’t be offending anyone.

Do be sure your wheels have arrived
Standing on the curb in your wedding day finery waiting for your limo (or whatever) to pull ’round or for the valet to bring your car only gets weirder as the clock ticks. You don’t need to suffer in the cold or get stuck talking to your new spouse’s creepy uncle… the one who’s always popping out for stinky cigars. Before you wave your final farewell, have someone check on the status of your transportation.

Don’t sneak out
I’ll admit that the whole couple-sneaking-away thing is kind of romantic — in fact, it’s how my maternal grandparents first got together! He threw her a birthday bash, and an hour into it, asked her if she wanted to ditch the party. Long story short, they left and fell in love. Cute, right? But if you have wedding guests who have traveled far to see you and your new spouse or guests whose only chance to speak to you is at the reception, be kind and say goodbye at the end of the evening instead of leaving your loved ones hanging.

Do keep it low key
If you want to, that is. Some brides love the idea of being sent off in a photo-worthy shower of cheers, camera flashes, and grains of rice. Other brides cringe at the very idea. Those who fall into the latter camp should know that there’s nothing wrong with saying goodbye to wedding guests quietly and individually before slipping away without fanfare.

Don’t forget anything
But don’t try to handle everything! You’ve had a long day… probably even a long week. A long month? Be sure you grab your clutch, your cash, and your wrap before heading out the door, but when it comes to wedding gifts, the top tier of your cake, your bridal bouquet, and anything else you want to keep, designate a helper (e.g., a bridesmaid, your maid-of-honor, or your mom) to grab that stuff for you. This is especially important if you’re leaving directly for your honeymoon.

Do keep the photog around
Again, this is one of those “if you want to” kind of things. Those brides who want to make their exits truly grand should remember to coordinate a fixed timeline with their wedding photographers. For example, if you know you’ll be leaving at 10 p.m., be sure that your photog knows you want to book her through then so she doesn’t hit the road at nine.

Everything else will depend on your preferences. You want to change into special bridal suit for traveling prior to leaving the reception? Fab! You’d like to fly away with your new spouse in a hot air balloon rented specifically to impress his relatives? Okay, then. You want your wedding guests to pelt you with ribbons as you head out the door. No prob. Just make sure you’re having fun!

Not being overly moneyed myself, the only comparable thing I could have said to The Beard would have been, “We’ll be together forever, of course, BUUUUT just in case we’re not, I’m going to want my William Shatner records and that $4,000 I brought into the marriage back.” Sounds silly, right?

It’s not the silliest idea for a pre-nup out there, however. LegalZoom published a short list of crazy clauses that brides- and grooms-to-be agreed were fair. Pool boys and pets play a larger role in pre-nuptial agreements than you might have imagined. Yes, sometimes it’s not enough to divide assets…domestic help gets shuffled around in the fray. The “no diaper” clause is apparently popular among those looking to avoid children, and some couples even stipulate how (and how often) they’ll have sex.

Not weird enough for you? Check these out:

One wife’s prenuptial agreement limited her weight to 120 lbs. Penalty for being over the fighting weight: she gives up $100,000 of her separate property. Another prenuptial agreement included a $500 fine for each excess pound the wife gained.

One prenuptial agreement contained a requirement for random drug testing. Positive results result in fines.

One client’s prenuptial agreement limited her husband to watching one Sunday football game with friends. No word on if there was a clause about watching the first half of one game and then the second half of another.

Now I’m all for health, getting high on life, and avoiding televised sports, but 120 pounds? Drug tests? Designated sports time? Can I say right now that I hope that these people’s partners laughed them right out of the lawyer’s office because I don’t see how anyone required to shell out $500 per pound gained is going to last in a lifelong marriage.

8/8/08 is great! For more reasons than one…

Hacking the TwoBirds dress

Marriage is more than just the wedding

There’s just five days left to enter to win The DIY Bride

What does a £500 wedding look like?

The five second rule in action

Waddle Me Down the Aisle

I find it fascinating at how little things have changed since the 14th century

A wedding that’s truly out of this world

Nanny’s etiquette guide

Time warp wives?

For Annie Sprinkle and Elizabeth Stephens, it was love at first sight. And that love? Well, let’s just say it was way too potent to keep to themselves. Sprinkle is an internationally known multi-media artist, a former porn star, a Ph.D. sexologist, and “a pivotal player in the 80’s ‘sex positive feminist movement,”’ whatever that means. Stephens is a professor as well as a “an inter-media artist who works in sculpture, video installation, photography, web based media, performance art and home renovation.”

Together, they are two artsy people who have unsurprisingly turned their desire to tie the knot into an nuptial art project spanning years. Love Art Lab — achtung: sound — is where the pair documents the weddings they’ve had since 2005 and presumably where they’ll document the weddings they will have in 2009, 2010, and 2011. Each year’s wedding is based on one of the seven chakras…the latest one was green.

If Sprinkle and Stephens sound like your kind of people, you should know that their weddings appear to take place at art festivals and are open to all. This year’s dress code read:

Wear green and dress in the theme(s) of the wedding. Be formal, not so formal, in costume, sculptural attire, or be as you wish. But whatever you wear, please make it green. For example; green evening gown, forest ranger, Tara, herbalist, Martian, a hemp bikini, praying mantis, Al Gore, leprechaun, Earth Mother, a tree, Jolly Green Giant, a greenback, Robin Hood, green snake handler, Girl Scout, bio-diesel dyke.

Alas, there are no pictures up of their most recent affair, which took place on May 17th, but please enjoy a small selection of snapshots from previous weddings. I’m hotlinking these at my peril because I can’t get WordPress to let me upload photos, and I hope that the following plug will help spare me the wrath of these two lovely ladies…you can book Love Art Lab for theatre productions, lectures, visual art exhibitions, sidewalk sex clinics, erotic art giveaways, cuddle performances, and extreme kissing workshops. Whew!

2005, Red:

2006, Orange:

2007, Yellow:

I’ll leave you to form your own opinions about multi-wedding art pieces and boobcakes — and by all means, share them with us! — but I will say that it looks like Sprinkle and Stephens throw one hell of a party!

I was once a single girl who wondered how life would change when I tied the knot, and I’m glad I never stumbled upon MSN’s list of “Single-Girl Things to Do Before You Marry.” It seems to paint a pretty bleak picture of married life…one in which you can’t eat ice cream for dinner or throw crazy parties or put your coffee machine in the bathroom if you really, really want to.

Here are some of the highlights from MSN’s (and Cosmo’s, too) list of suuuuuper important pre-nuptial things to do:

Slip one of those furry covers on the toilet. Once it’s there, he’ll have to accept it (and psst, they make it impossible for men to leave the seat up).

Take your celeb crush to the max. Plaster a poster of Ryan Gosling in your hallway, and set your computer wallpaper to a topless shot of him.

Plan your fantasy wedding. Now’s the time to let your imagination roam — rip pictures of dresses from magazines, size up ceremony venues, and try on some rocks at the jewelry store. This stuff wigs guys out if they witness it, so get it out of your system now.

Furry toilet seat covers? Um, really? Those things are pretty gross even when you don’t have a drippity dude using your commode. And celebrity posters? I’d like to meet whoever wrote this and ask them whether they actually advocate adults putting pin-ups on walls. As for the fantasy wedding, I can see planning it in the mind’s eye, but ripping pics out of mags is a little extreme.

Then there are the things everyone ought to be doing anyway:

Set up your home in a way that fits your needs.

Learn how to change a tire and work a drill.

Collect at least six country stamps on your passport, including one from a place that until recently you didn’t even know existed.

I checked with The Beard and he said that he wouldn’t mind my traveling alone if I totally wanted to. He also said he’s cool with fuzzy toilet covers, though I nixed the idea. Interestingly, he did say he wouldn’t mind me “taking my celeb crush to the max” as long as my celeb crush was him.

That’s not to say that these lists are totally junk, but most of them are fairly ridiculous. Why is covering my bathroom in shag rugs so important, anyway? The thought of dating someone who’s totally wrong for me because he’s got great abs sets my creepy-meter off. Do guys hate throw pillows as much as the article implies?!

I’m glad that I lived abroad (twice) before tying the knot, but there are very few things (if any) that are important to me that I can no longer do because I’m a Mrs. If you can’t think of marriage without pining for all the stuff you think you’ll miss out on, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your mental image of matrimony.

Now let me ask those who are already committed: What would you put on a “Single-Girl Things to Do Before You Marry” list?