After reading my wonderful colleague’s post about the acquaintance of the poor chick who was branded “too fat to be a bridesmaid” by what I can only say is a very rude bride, I started thinking about choosing bridesmaids. As I suggest in the title of this post, choosing bridesmaids can be more difficult than choosing a wedding color scheme, if only because human beings have emotions. Cornflower doesn’t care if you nix it from your wedding, but your sister may be pretty pissed to find that you’re not planning to ask her to be your MOH.

Me? I chose the oldest of my younger sisters to be my MOH and The Beard’s sister as a bridesmaid, then washed my hands of the whole business of choosing bridesmaids. There were certainly friends that I could have chosen, but we were getting married out-of-state and I wasn’t sure that friends would be able to make the trip. As it was, weather turned into canceled flights, and at least three invitees were prevented by circumstance from attending. In that sense, I chose wisely, but I still wonder if my bridesmaid experience would have been less fraught with stress if I’d asked friends to be bridesmaids.

With that in my mind, I thought it was high time for a poll so readers could see how other readers chose their bridesmaids. I set it up so multiple selections are allowed, because there’s a good chance you didn’t (or won’t) choose bridesmaids based on a single criterion. So give us your answer(s) and, if you’re so inclined, tell us in the comments how your choice worked (or is working) out.

(Photo via)

Speaking of which, I want to remind you all that if you love captions, this is not the only place in the Manolosphere where you can get your captioning groove on. Over at Teeny Manolo, they play this game every friday. And dollars to donuts, if it’s a Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness sunday over here, it’s one at Manolo for the Big Girl, too. Please come out and play at these fine blogs. We can always use more humor in our lives. And more play.

So how does one play? It’s so easy an executive at the ad agency that produces Geiko’s commercials can do it. I put before you all a picture that is simply crying out for a funny caption. You do your best to provide said caption via the comments function. Next week I declare a winner, and we all rejoice and strew flowers and suchlike in a virtual way.

Today’s image is brought to you courtesy of…I’m really not sure what, but in case it’s not work safe, I’ve placed it behind this convenient cut:

Ready…set…snark!

If you decide to have a groom’s cake, there are a lot of different directions you can go. You can celebrate the groom’s hobbies:

His favorite pursuits:

His cultural interests:

his relationship with the bride:

or even just ‘I’m getting married!’

The thing to keep in mind is that a groom’s cake is a chance to have a little fun as well as a little more delicious cake.

A wedding announcement is a bit like a wedding invitation with all of the scheduling info removed, in that it contains some of the same details and is frequently sent on stationery as fancy as the wedding invitations themselves. Note, however, that you don’t have to rock the ecru cardstock with black lettering if something more colorful would suit you better. The bride’s parents may have the “honour of announcing the marriage” of the new Mr. and Mrs. (or Mr. and Mr. or Mrs. and Mrs.) So-and-So, or not. A typical wedding announcement might read something like this:

Sometimes the people sending out the wedding announcement will include an at-home card, which is a very old fashioned thing but quite useful still. The at-home card serves to let the recipient of the wedding announcement know the newlyweds’ address, when they’ll take up residence if one or both of them is moving house, and whether someone (usually the bride, but these are modern times!) has changed their name. An at-home card might read:

Now to address the matter of who gets what. Wedding announcements should only be sent to the people who you can reasonably say will really want to know that you are now hitched. While your parents’ friends may be a stretch, there is a surprisingly good chance that at least some of them will want to know (especially if they have seen you recently or knew you when you were tiny). Indeed, you’d probably be shocked and flattered at who is excited that someone has finally made an honest (wo)man of you!

Send your wedding announcements off only after the wedding has taken place. I won’t say it’s a hedge against cold feet, but brides- and grooms-to-be do occasionally change their mind at the last second. The right time to have wedding announcements sent — ask the MOG or MOB to do this for you — is on the day of the wedding or the day after the wedding. Speaking realistically, the best time to send them is probably sometime in the week after you return from your honeymoon, preferably after you’ve recovered from spending days and days drinking complimentary rum runners under a blazing hot sun.

Last, but certainly not least, wedding announcements should not include any sort of registry information. In fact, including wedding registry information in announcements could be seen as rather crass since the recipient of the announcement wasn’t invited to the wedding. It reads like: “We got married, you weren’t invited, please send a gift!” I’d never suggest you meant that, of course, but registry information in a wedding announcement can easily be interpreted that way.

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE! Would *I* wear it if I were getting married all over again? Maybe not — or maybe yesyesyes — but I think that this real bride is too adorable in her itty-bitty blue and pink ruffled wedding dress. What say you?

(Photos by Mike_fleming)

Boy, was I wrong. With the exception of one or two callers, most were solidly pro registry cards! If you’ll allow me to paraphrase a few callers, I heard sentiments like “Having the registry details right there on the wedding invitation lets me buy the couple something they actually want.” and “I don’t want to have to track down the registry by calling relatives of the bride; I just want to know what she wants so I can get it.” Reeeaaally? It’s never been too much trouble for me to ring up or email the bride or the groom or someone who’d be in the know to find out where the couple is registered, but maybe that’s just me.

That’s not the only wedding etiquette rule I see losing its influence, however. Once upon a time, it was déclassé for the mother of the bride or sister of the bride or anyone else in the bride’s immediate family to host the bridal shower, but nowadays no one seems to care. I can understand the relaxation of this rule, since it’s now uncommon for the MOH or bridesmaids to live nowhere near the bride or her family. And if your bridesmaids are your sisters, what then? Other wedding etiquette rules that apparently no longer hold much sway (if the message boards I read are any indication) include asking specifically for cash in lieu of gifts, wearing white for second weddings as a no-no… and those are just the rules for the bride and groom.

I think part of the reason behind the relaxation of some wedding etiquette rules is that no one is taught them anymore. Another part might be the rejection of following rules for the rules’ sake, and it may even be that people just don’t care that much about good manners anymore. I’ll admit that I’m glad to see some rules go, like all of the ridiculous non-rules about wearing white and the rule that says that the MOB can’t host the shower even though she’s perfectly placed to host it. But asking for cash? And including registry information in an invitation? That just lets me know that you’re more concerned with getting a gift than you are with the answer on my RSVP card. Or am I simply being too old fashioned?

Most recently I came across the wedding horseshoe, which according to different web sites is common in the UK, not at all common in the UK, frequently carried by brides, now almost never carried by brides, made of wood, made of lace, or most definitely a real horseshoe that must have been worn by an actual horse. That’s the Internet for you! Ah, well… it’s still a lovely idea. And I do think that all that good luck that can be found in an upturned horseshoe will probably still be accessible to the bride in the form of a charm or a wedding cake topper or bridal bouquet embellishment. No need to sprain your wrist or run the risk of knocking out your ring bearer!

But for the purists, here’s the skinny on wedding horseshoes.

The Irish Jewelry Company: The Scottish horseshoe is a good luck charm that is to be given to the bride after the ceremony. It is considered bad luck is the bride take the good luck charm into church before she is married. Any child may hand over the horseshoe the bride not just the wedding party children. This Scottish tradition is for a small child or toddler even to hand a horseshoe to the bride as she walks out of the church with her husband.

Bliss Weddings: In Britain, and many other countries, a Bride carries a replica of a horseshoe on her wedding day for good luck. There is a ribbon attached to the shoulders of the horseshoe and it is carried on the wrist. Irish brides used to carry a real horseshoe for good luck. (With the points turned up so the luck won’t run out). Today, most Irish brides carry a horseshoe made out of porcelain or fabric.

Blackberry Wedding Designs: Horseshoes are traditionally given to the bride as she emerges from the church and are said to bring good luck. The bride usually carries it looped over her wrist for the photographs and later it is often placed in front of the wedding cake or displayed on the main table along with the bouquets.

On this rather dreary Monday, I’d like to remind all the brides-to-be out there not to be afraid of doing whatever it takes to enjoy the wedding. Want a bounce house? Rent one. Think pinball machines would entertain your guests? You can probably rent those, too. You want to change into a white wetsuit and have a first heat instead of a first dance? Do it. You say you need inspiration? The six brides below obviously had a great time at their weddings, and their guests probably did, too.

This bride and her groom both took a turn in the horseshoe pit at their outdoor reception. It was a bit muddy, but so what? (via)

Giant Jenga? Awesome. While looking for pictures for this post, I also came across snaps of a bride playing giant chess. Think big! (via)

Football fans have it easy when it comes to enjoying the wedding. Just mix one open space with one football and a matched set of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Sneakers optional, but probably a good idea. (via)

Brides and grooms who play an instrument or two can get up and jam with the band, though I don’t recommend spending the entire time on stage, as tempting as that might be. (via)

Playgrounds make for great post-ceremony photo opportunities, but they’re also a lot of fun to romp around in… especially after a solemn wedding! It’s even more fun with the bridal party, if they’re game. (via)

Shooting isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if it’s yours, why not have a skeet break between the ceremony and reception? It could be a great way to blow off some wedding day steam. (via)

Bridezilla: So I just learned today that my college friend, A, disinvited another college friend, B, to be in her wedding in two months because B is fat (she’s about 5′3″, 200lbs) and would ruin the pictures and how everyone looks at her on her big day. She did tell me that if B lost some weight, she’d let her back in the wedding party. I can’t communicate in polite enough terms how offended and appalled and disgusted I am by A’s behavior. Her rationale is that B promised to lose the weight by the wedding but didn’t, and that whenever there is a big bridesmaid everyone is looking at her and not the bride. I am so angry about her nastyness that I can’t even think straight. Is it kosher for me to drop out in solidarity with B (with whom I am actually not that close)? What is the best way for me to communicate back to A that she is a gigantic -glass bowl-? I am stunned. I don’t know if I even want to be friends anymore. FWIW, B hosted a bridal shower, has come to all the food tasting/clothes fittings/other assorted crap. She’s a good egg – we don’t click personally, but I am really at a loss for how someone does this. I heard from mutual friend C that B spent the morning crying her eyes out. I would too! What can I say to B that will help her?

Take a moment to soak the thought in: after throwing the shower and being involved in every decision making field trip, a bridesmaid was removed from the wedding party for being the shape she’d apparently been when she was asked in the first place. She’s done the work, supported the bride, and given a party, but she doesn’t get to take her place at the bride’s side on the wedding day because apparently one fat bridesmaid means nobody will even notice the woman in the big white dress with all the lines.

Want to know what Carolyn replied? Here it is:

Carolyn Hax: Everything you hope to accomplish, you can accomplish in one move: End your friendship with A (which obviously includes dropping out of the wedding). When A asks, tell her exactly why. B doesn’t even need to hear it from you; it’ll make its way around. I hope C follows your lead.

Kudos, Carolyn.

When choosing a wedding party, there are things far more important to consider than whether your wedding album looks like a pile of stock photos for a wedding magazine. Choose people you love, choose clothes for them that make them look and feel their best, thank them for any help they give, and I guarantee that your pictures will look fabulous because they’re filled with people you love.

Friends and family members came forward to help with food, decorations, the gown, transportation, and more. Nearly every bride I’ve ever known has had similar offers of help from various and sundry people in their life (often including me!).

Sometimes, though, someone offers to help out in a way that isn’t really going to help you out. It may be that someone wants to give you something you really don’t want to have, or it may be that they’re offering to do something they really aren’t capable of handling. Whichever case you’re dealing with, there are a few simple tips that can help you avoid unwanted ‘help’ without ruining relationships.

1: Express gratitude for the generosity offered. Even if the offer is for neon pink plastic bead tiaras for the bridesmaids at your back to nature themed all-organic wedding, the first words out of your mouth should be about how much you love the culprit for wanting to help out. Once you’ve appreciated the giver, it’s easier for him/her to swallow the refusal of the inappropriate item or unnecessary service. If the first thing you say is “Sweet merciful kumquats! How revolting!” chances are that the giver will be entirely too stung to hear thanks afterward. That’s going to lead to relationship woes, particularly if the person you just insulted is a relative of your intended’s.

2: Be clear in your refusal. Now, while you don’t want to hurt feelings, you also do not want to be a doormat. Make sure that the person in question understands that the answer is no. After all, you don’t want Uncle Fred to show up with his gas grill and two hundred t-bone steaks to your vegan reception because he didn’t understand that you honestly had a reason why you hadn’t planned to serve meat.

3: If you say you’re turning something down because you don’t intend to have it, don’t have it at the wedding. If you tell your really sweet coworker that you aren’t accepting her offer to make your garter because you’re not having the garter toss, don’t have a garter toss! If someone offers something you want – but don’t want from them – tell them as kindly as possible that you’ve already made other arrangements. If you haven’t made those arrangements, do so ASAP.

4: Don’t gossip about the awful thing someone tried to give you. I don’t care if your cousin who wanted to sing a solo sounds like a water buffalo with adenoids. Don’t start talking about what a horrible singer she is. Word could get back to her, and you don’t want that.

5: Where possible, offer the helpful soul another way to help you out. These are people who care about you and your upcoming wedding. That’s why they’re offering you help. So you can’t use a granola cake with soy bean glaze at your princess themed reception. You can let the person who offered it know that where you could really use a hand is with addressing invitations, putting together favors, or French braiding the flower girl’s hair.

Oh, and always remember my mother’s words of wisdom: Never choke a volunteer.