Please Don’t Register For This. I’m Not Kidding.


Every year thousands and thousands of couples head down to their favorite retail stores and take advantage of the bridal registries. Macy’s or Bed, Bath, and Beyond, Target or your favorite olde gifte shoppe, chances are that if you’re getting married soon, you’ll be filling out a form or zapping goods with a little ray gun scanner in hopes that your friends and families will give you items you can actually use and that you will actually enjoy in your married life.

Into the fray leaps Yahoo headlines.
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Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness: The Feather Light Edition

Greetings and Hallucinations, all!

It’s time once again to play Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness.

You know how this works. I post a picture that’s simply sitting up and begging for a ridiculous caption or three. You provide said captions via the comments function. Next week I declare a winner and we all dance around a virtual maypole in jubilation.

This image comes to you from the bizarre bridesmaids accessory file and it looks a bit like this:

Ready… set… snark!

Toast of the Town? Or Just Crumby?

When it comes to celebrity couples, it’s kind of amazing what people will consider collectible.

Take, for instance, the odd collectible from the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. Thirty one years ago, on the day the royal couple took their wedding vows, the prince did not finish his breakfast. One Rosemarie Smith, now eighty-three, was visiting her daughter who worked as a maid at the palace. One of the daughter’s jobs was to clear away the prince’s breakfast tray. Smith snatched up the uneaten toast and has kept it preserved in a Royal Crown Derby teacup ever since.

For a long time, it was just Smith’s little personal keepsake. Recently, however, with the marriage of Prince William and the Queen’s diamond jubilee, she thought Prince Charles’ wedding toast might be worth something.

“I just wandered into the auctioneers out of curiosity and asked them if it was worth anything. I was pleasantly surprised to hear them agree with me that it could be of quite some value to Royal collectors.”

In fact, when it goes on the auction block, the royal toast is expected to fetch somewhere in the vicinity of five hundred pounds sterling. That’s close to eight hundred smackers in American money.

Me? I think I’ll make some fresh toast.

Inspiration: Mint


It’s fresh, it’s retro. It’s cool, it’s the hot color coming up on the wheel. It’s mint, and it’s going to be big for 2013 weddings. But how to use it effectively? Is it right for you? I don’t know about you, but I love this mint and lavender table setting by Archive Vintage Rentals.

Of course table settings are one thing… but far from the only thing you can do in mint. How about a mint wedding gown?

I found this pic at Stella Harper Events, and I love it. Not only is the dress fabulous, the VW microbus in the back looks exactly like the one my father drove for about twenty years until he passed it on to one of my brothers.

But not everyone is ready to wear a mint wedding gown. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a few colorful accessories to pull the color scheme together.
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Safety First!


(via Ballroom Dance San Diego)
Actually, it doesn’t say anything specific about dance disasters, but come on, who could pass up that illustration?

What am I talking about? I’m talking about the CDC’s tongue-in-cheek advice for emergency preparedness for wedding season.

As CDC blogger Caitlin Shockey points out, wedding season does hit right smack dab in the middle of hurricane season. Therefore it behooves one to have an emergency plan in place:

“If a tornado warning rips through the area, would you know what to do? 200 guests are not going to be able to crowd into the one windowless bathroom.”

Other recommendations include sedatives and chocolates in case of an overwrought bride, and bandages in case of accident involving the flower girl.

Sadly lacking, though, any word of what to do if your wedding is interrupted by Zombie attack. Should that be a problem you’re concerned about, fear not. The CDC does have advice for you on that front, too.

Remember, safety first and be prepared!

LOVE/HATE: Bridal Belts


Every year there seems to be another ‘can’t do without’ bridal accessory or a new necessity for all receptions. When I was getting married, there were no such things as save the date cards or speciality cocktails custom created for the bride and groom. Wedding dessert meant cake and cake only… unless you were a wild maverick like I was. I served individual fruit tarts.

One thing that’s been gaining ground the last couple years is the bridal belt. I first saw it on Say Yes to the Dress and have disliked it in general ever since.

Unlike the dessert table or the save the date, both of which make life easier and nicer for guests, or a speciality cocktail which makes the celebration a bit more unique, the bridal belt serves only to further decorate the bride and use up more of her clothing budget.

This belt/sash from With This Bling is one of the budget models at just $94.95. There are far more expensive ones out there easily found in a quick Google search.

On Say Yes to the Dress, these belts get added to designer gowns without a single question as to how much it will add to the bill. Often I think they clutter the look. Sometimes I think they just plain Don’t Go With That Gown.

Most of the time, I HATE bridal belts. There are, however, exceptions. A nice belt can really make a very simple bridal look, if chosen carefully with both style and budget in mind.

So what about you? LOVE? HATE? Something in between? Tell me all about it!

Ladies, Don’t Make This Mistake

When waiting for the strippers at your bachelorette party, please keep in mind they look like this:

Real cops look like this:

I bring this up in light of a story last week from the Australian Broadcasting System about a bachelorette party being held at the Humpty Doo Hotel (I did not make up that name) where the constabulary were called out about a disturbance and the ladies mistook them for the strippers.

Before the police could retreat they very nearly lost their shirts… but not their sense of humor. In fact they posed with party goers and the police car. No charges were filed in the incident.

But remember, not all cops will be that understanding of being sexually assaulted in a case of drunken misidentification. Wait until after the strippers arrive to drink enough to get confused about who is who. You know, if you plan to get that wasted anyway.

If you can’t wait, have a designated stripper identifier. She can also be the designated driver.