A reader who asked to be identified as CTR (for good reason) is desperate to know how she should deal with belligerent bridesmaids:

I selected my bridal party nine months ago and the wedding is coming up fast. My best friend will be my MOH and my fiancé’s sister will stand as my only other attendant. At eight months prior to my wedding, I sourced the bridesmaid dresses and told my BF and my future SIL that they could choose any dress made by the company, as long as they ordered something tea length in periwinkle silk. This should have been easy, as all of the dress styles offered can be ordered in that length and fabric. As of a month ago, my BF had not ordered a dress. When I asked why, she told me she didn’t like anything from the company I chose and that she wanted to order from a local seamstress. The rush order deadline from said company is coming up fast, so I told her to do what she had to do. She has since ordered a dress.

My future SIL, however, still has not ordered a dress even though, at this point, there is a good chance a rush order will be impossible. First she said that she wanted to gain some weight. Then she wanted to see what my BF was ordering. I don’t want to kick her out of my already tiny bridal party, but I do want her to dress the part of a bridesmaid. When Mr. CRT tried to stress how important this is to both of us, his sister blew up at him. I can’t understand why she waited this long to order her dress. If she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid, she could have told me that months ago and I would have understood. If she was too busy, I would have understood that, too. Now I’m just plain hurt and very, very angry. Is there anything at all I can do to fix this?

The image of Bridezilla is one that has been burned into the cultural consciousness by TV shows and books about brides-to-be who alienate family, friends, and shopkeepers in the quest for the perfect wedding. We seldom hear about Bridesmaidzillas. They are the sisters, cousins, and girlfriends who just can’t be arsed to get involved…even when all that is asked of them is that they buy a dress and show up.

It happens more than you might think and not only to brides who make outrageous demands, like asking their maids to learn calligraphy so they can address 500 invitations or telling their MOH to organize multiple themed showers. There will, sadly, always be those poor, innocent brides-to-be who try to do their maids a favor and still get burned. To go with CTR’s example, giving your bridesmaids the freedom to pick a dress they like often means dealing with indecisive or overly picky people who take their time.

I’m glad to hear that one of CTR’s attendants ordered a dress and that it will more than likely get there in time for the wedding. But she isn’t out of the woods just yet. The fact that the second attendant is Mr. CRT’s sister makes the situation pretty dang complicated. I don’t know what sort of relationship they have, but it sounds like the sister either doesn’t care much about the wedding in general or just doesn’t want to be a part of it. If CTR is okay with standing at the altar with a shrunken bridal party, she should consider giving the sister an out by letting her know that she can step down if she tells her NOW. She may respond by taking CTR up on her offer…in which case, problem solved.

She may, however, become offended at the suggestion or even offended that CTR feels she’s been slacking. Which, as more than half a year has gone by, she obviously has. But people will react however people want to react to the perfectly valid concerns of others. If the sister does get offended, CTR shouldn’t apologize, as she has done nothing wrong. Heck, seeing that she was so kind as to allow her attendants to choose their own dresses, I’d say she did everything right.

If CTR’s future SIL still does want to be a part of the bridal party, I suggest that she give the slacking sister a very short deadline in which to fulfill her end of the deal, i.e. get a dress. If the sister doesn’t meet the deadline, she’s out. It won’t be pretty, but it will prevent any ugly day-of wedding mishaps.

In conclusion, CTR, don’t let your anger get the best of you, but don’t let anyone walk all over you, either.

Can I get a BIG congratulations for the world’s tallest man and his new wife?

Inner Mongolian herdsman Bao Xishun measures in at seven-foot nine and once saved two dolphins lives by pulling debris out of their tummies. Twenty-eight-year-old Xia Shujian measures in at five-foot-six and works as a sales attendant. Together, they fight crime. No, wait, that’s not right. They probably spend most of their time doing neck stretches.

The Beijing news reports:

Xishum advertised his wishes to get married around the world to possible bride-to-be. “After a long and careful selection, the effort has been finally paid off,” [Xishum said]. Even though advertisements for his marriage propositions were sent round the world, his 28-year-old bride is from his hometown of Chifeng.

Not the way I’d go about gettin’ hitched, but different strokes and all that. I hope they have a long, happy marriage and conceive many long-limbed children.

I’m a big fan of all things self-contained. I like seal-and-send invitations because there aren’t a lot of pesky little cards and things that can get lost in, say, a messy desk. Second on my invitation faves list are self mailers, where the envelope itself makes up a vital part of the invitation design and color scheme.

The four shown above, which can be found at Now & Forever (a detail that matters very little, as most online invitation print shops carry the exact same stationary with minor variations in price, just so ya know), feature built-in pockets for your maps, reception cards, or anything else you might want to include.

As we all know, the kindest brides outfit their maids in something they will be able to wear again in the future. These four dresses most certainly fit the bill:

Traveling clockwise, we have mesh and satin by Alexia Admor, lace by Alexia Admor, chiffon by Shoshanna, and satin by A.B.S. I particularly like the last one, even if it is a bubble dress that would probably make me look silly.

Consider, too, that any one of these frocks could make wonderful rehearsal and rehearsal dinner garb. Me? I’m all prepared on that front. I had my rehearsal outfit (strapless, pleated mini dress, slim jeans, pearls, and pewter pumps) chosen long before I even contemplated what The Beard and I would wear during our ceremony. Maybe even before he proposed. That’s just how I operate.

May I present a foursome of lovely gowns by Canadian-born bridal designer Romona Keveza? I think they are wonderfully feminine without being too princess. But don’t take my word for it!

Bridalocity says:

The Romona Keveza collection burst into the spotlight five years ago when the designer was asked to contribute gowns to be photographed for Legendary Brides (HarperCollins, 2000), authored by Letitia Baldridge, who served as Jacqueline Kennedy’s White House social secretary. In her sensationally illustrated book, Baldridge, a leading expert on etiquette and manners, chronicled the weddings of famous brides of the last century.

The one thing I don’t understand about Ms. Keveza is how she can design the lovely frocks above while also putting together gowns that look as if they are consuming the bride’s brain.

I don’t really read bridal magazines — though I’ll gleefully pore over what amounts to the same content online. I did, however, find a big stack of mags intended for the recycling bin in front of the building next door to my own. I snapped them up and multiple copies of these are what I found:

I think the woman on the leftmost cover has a headache. Anyway, are Hawaiian weddings really popular to warrant whole magazines…or could it be that sneaky publishers know that there are brides without a snowball’s chance in heck of marrying in Hawaii who will still want to look at the pretty pictures. Do you gals subscribe to any of these magazines? Or do/did you do most of your wedding-related browsing online, like me?

Plugged your stats into BrideAudit™ yet? Going Bridal, with the aid of your answers to a few simple questions, will help you “analyze the assets of your guests, decide their appropriate level of giving, and provide you with invoices that you can include in your invitations.” If you think that’s just plain icky, please remember that it’s a joke. And also, for my sanity, remember that guests are not required to cover the cost of their plates. Where that erroneous bit of lore came from is beyond me.

And, finally, here is a shocking expose of tacky wedding behavior courtesy of shuniah, a member of Indie Brides:

I was at a wedding today, and they auctioned off the brides garter! The MC announced the auction before dinner, then announced it again before the speeches. I was thinking, “Hmmm…maybe it’s a “joke” auction or the money is for charity“…but nope. The DJ badgered people, saying because we’d all had such a great (rubber chicken) dinner, we could help the bride and groom out! It was…odd. And I was shocked.

The bride sat in the middle of the room on a chair — the more people bid, the further the groom could slide the garter down her leg. The DJ kept egging the crowd on — most of us just sat there looking kind of embarrassed.

I don’t know whose idea this was, but I didn’t even do a garter toss because I was too shy. I can’t imagine sitting there for 15 minutes with my dress hiked up to my thigh.

Um, wow. And by wow, I of course mean yuck.

So my cat spills an entire glass of water over my computer peripherals as I’m reading the horror story boards over on Indie Bride yesterday. No kidding. Which means that I’m typing this…slowly…on my laptop’s keyboard, and killing my wrists in the process. Anyway, you may already know this, but the Indie Bride horror story boards are addictive. They are also dangerous. I am now convinced that my seamstress will destroy my gown, the food won’t show up, and my oddest family members will spew out cringe-worthy one liners all throughout my reception.

I need some comic relief…so here is a collection of nutty garters for ya’ll to laugh at. I am lucky enough to have a good friend who is handy with a needle, and she was kind enough to make me the world’s most beautiful tussah silk garter. I will take a photo soon. Until then, enjoy!

For the Marine:

For the fisherwoman who is also in the military:

For the farmin’ gal:

And let’s not forget the “ladies” of Hooters:

As an aside, I was talking to The Beard about how all of the themed garters out there are made with men in mind, and he said something like, “I’ve always thought that garters tended to have male-oriented themes because they are symbolic of the husband taking ownership of his wife sexually.” Then I burst out with, “What, the garter is a truck stop on the way to the va-jay-jay?” I am so not ready for Monday.

Kirk says: I have no idea how widespread the tradition, or knowledge of, the high school prom garter dance is. I wrote it up a bit on my site. Looking back on it now, and having been to a few more weddings, it seems retroactively really surreal, especially how it’s done in big rows of gals.

I was totally unfamiliar with this concept, but it sure explains why so many garter listings online read ‘Wedding/Prom Garter.’