Manolo for the Brides

A friend of mine recently asked how much she should spend on her wedding photographer. The simple answer is that the average cost of mid-range wedding photography in these United States is roughly between $1,000 and $3,000. The more complicated answer is “However much you’re willing to and can feasibly spend based on how important photos are to you, personally.”

Lots of brides- and grooms-to-be devote a significant part of their wedding budget to photography because photos make great keepsakes. However, some couples care not at all for photos and would prefer to focus on the food and drinks, which means they’re wondering how much they ought to spend on catering costs (average: $30 to $70 per person). For others, it’s all about the reception venue (average: $1,244).

Whatever your priorities are, roll with them. Don’t worry about what other brides and grooms are spending their money on, since they’re probably not going to ever see your wedding photos, let alone be at your wedding. Don’t overspend to impress someone else, or underspend because someone has told you that X, Y, or Z is not important.

The best piece of wedding vendor related advice I’ve heard recently came from Stanley Shelton, co-owner of J&S Portrait America, which does not seem to have a web site but is located in Detroit for those who are curious. That advice was:

“You want to find someone who can work within your budget while giving you what you want. If you are confused about the pricing and what is included in the package, then keep looking. A good photographer will give a clear description of the services he is providing. Also, don’t be fooled by a big sales pitch. A good photographer will share good things about himself and show interest in getting to know his client. If he is too busy bragging about using only the best high-tech equipment to listen to you, then move on to the next one.”

Shelton is talking specifically about photogs here, but the advice he offers can apply to any wedding vendors you’re thinking of hiring. You want to find someone who can work within your wedding budget. Someone who will give you what you want. They should be specific when talking about pricing and packages. And let’s not forget enthusiastic! The most talented wedding vendor in the world will be hell to work with if he or she is unwilling to talk straight about costs, pushy about defining your wedding their way, or just plain unpleasant to be around.

Money aside, that last bit is perhaps most vital. You’re probably going to be communicating with your wedding vendors a great deal before the wedding and trusting them to make your wedding day special. If a wedding vendor you like treats you like crap, I don’t care how good they are at what they do. Find someone else. Spend however much you want to or however much you can on vendors, but look for vendors who you could see yourself befriending. Unless you’re a terrible judge of character, those are the vendors who will more than likely give you want you want at a price you can afford.

Photo via my aim is true

Before I hit you with this week’s LOVE/HATE I have to clarify something. I love Stephanie James Couture wedding gowns. Many, if not most, of her designs are a nod to the 1950s and 1960s, without being at all costumey, and almost all look great on a wide range of bridal body types. That said, have a gander at this dress:

Um, no. You’re aces, Stephanie James, but no. So much not to love, from the uneven layers to the multicolor petticoat to the whatever that is just above the model’s derriere. At least the petticoat can be had in any combo of colors, so I might have found the silhouette somewhat palatable in a different color scheme. And I have to admit that it is a creative design. But in general, this dress earns a mild HATE from yours truly.

What say you?

If you simply cannot bear to be away from the face of your spouse for more than a minute at a time, this might just be the wedding band for you.

The Contura wedding band by Thomas Giesen is lathe-carved from platinum, stainless steel, silver, white gold or yellow gold to resemble the silhouette of your spouse’s face. Like it? Acquiring one is as easy as submitting a profile photo along with your ring size (and $580+) to Fitzsu, which then sends your deets along to Germany where it is custom made to look like your sweetie… sort of. When viewed from just the right angle.

Is it just me, though, or would wearing this as a wedding band get uncomfortable after a while, especially if your husband or wife has a large nose or a pointy chin?

I’d like to invite everyone to raise a glass of champagne (or whatever) along with me and The Beard because as of today, we’ve been married for two whole years!

A lot has changed since that fateful and extremely windy — just look at the angle on that palm tree — May day: We bought a house, we had ourselves a baby, and my hair color went from red to blond to more blond to neon pink. That’ll change I’m sure (the hair, not the baby) but nothing will change my love for The Beard. Kudos to us, loverboy, and here’s to many more!

As much as I like the bold, bright bridesmaids dresses I featured in Inspiration for Ashley #5 — and as popular as they are right now — there’s still a huge contingent of brides-to-be out there planning weddings with predominantly pastel color schemes. And good for them, I say. While it’s not my bag, I support a bride-to-be’s choice to outfit her wedding party in any color, from black to neon green to white!

That said, if you favor a wedding color scheme that could be described as soft, pretty, and/or feminine, don’t think you have to go running straight to the bridal salon for your bridesmaids’ dresses. For the same money you’d spend at David’s Bridal or a similar shop for your bridesmaid frocks, you can outfit your best girlfriends in pretty Amsale cocktail dresses from Bluefly. True story. And none of the potential bridesmaids dresses below cost more than $180, while all of them promise to look beautiful on your ‘maids without needing all that much alteration.

How about pairing them with slightly brighter bridesmaids bouquets similar to this one from One Source Weddings:

Suggesting to my bridesmaids that they look outside of the world of weddings to find their dresses (I gave them some color and cut parameters but let them shop on their own) was something I really ought to have done. After all, I write about weddings for a living. Maybe, just maybe, they would have found their bridesmaid attire before the last possible second if they had realized they could have shopped online or at the mall.

(As always, click on any of the dresses for prices and availability)

Apparently the tradition of husband hunting is alive and well, at least in Japan. More than a few of you sent me links to a Reuters story (that also appeared on Jezebel) about a relatively new trend called kon-katsu or kekkon-katsudo,which translates literally as “marriage hunting.”

Kon-katsu is all about pursuing marriage strategically, much in the same way one might pursue a job. And of course, when you’re pursuing anything actively, you’ve got to have the right tools. Triumph International, maker of the solar, postal and chopstick bras, apparently has the one tool unmarried Japanese chicks really need: A crazy-ass countdown clock bra!

This so-called novelty bra “features an electronic nuptial timepiece, putting women seeking spouses literally on the clock. If an engagement ring is inserted into the mechanism, the countdown stops and the bra plays Felix Mendelssohn’s “The Wedding March.” The bra also includes holders for the traditional seal some people use to sign off contracts and a pen for any possible nuptial agreement.”

I do wonder what will happen when the countdown stops and no ring has been inserted into the bra. Does it self-destruct? Is the wearer immediately transported to a convent? Are you forced to marry that nice, but extremely short middle manager who’s the son of one of your mom’s bridge buddies? I think this is the kind of thing bride wannabes need to know before they decide to wear this bra.

Beach weddings are hugely popular. There’s a good reason for this. What could be more festive than sun, sand, blue water, and a big party?

But if a beach wedding is popular, it’s also a bit tricky when it comes to clothes. After all, traditional wedding clothes are all about pomp and circumstance, while beaches are all about relaxing. Yes, you could get married in swimwear. There’s no law against it. You could get married in a strapless, satin, beaded gown with a cathedral train and a big hoop.

There is, however, a path down the middle that makes for a pretty, dignified, fun, festive day and an album full of fabulous pictures. Here are a few tips on choosing just the right look for your big day on the beach.

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The other day, my good friend and compatriot, Fabrisse, brought something hideous to my attention. It’s an upcoming reality show on the CW charmingly entitled ‘Hitched or Ditched.’

Yes, it’s more or less what you would expect: a couple is ‘nominated’ by a fiend…er, friend or relative. Said Nosy Parker has decided that the couple in question is taking too long to march to the altar and needs to be hurried up. The show then badgers the couple, I mean offers them an ultimatum: plan and carry out your dreams for a wedding in one week while subjecting yourself to a series of (most likely extremely humiliating) public personalized tests designed to ‘help’ the couple decide whether they are truly ready to marry. At the end of the week, in the midst of all the pomp and circumstance of their dream wedding, they must decide at the altar whether to marry in that instant, or go their separate ways forever.

Yeah. No pressure there.

Okay, I could barely tolerate this concept in theory if the demand for instant lifelong commitment came from one member of the couple. I would still consider the whole thing manipulative and skeevy in the extreme, but at least I could see some small excuse.

My biggest problem is with the fact that the couple is nominated (read: publicly shamed) into this circus by someone who isn’t one of them. There may be an issue involved that a third party isn’t aware of. After all, pretty much nobody around me and Mr. Twistie had any idea why we waited seven years to get married. There were reasons, and they were good ones, but we didn’t feel like sharing them with the world. I’ve even known couples who adore one another but have realized that sharing a roof and a checking account and a kitchen just isn’t for them.

The fact is, each couple is different. They have to take their relationship at the pace their priorities, circumstances, and needs dictate. It wasn’t anyone else’s decision when it was right for me and Mr. Twistie to marry; it was ours. We made that decision when we were good and ready. You should do the same.

Remember, you and your significant other are the ones having the relationship. You need to tailor it to you. And yes, that includes deciding for yourselves when (or whether) you’re ready to get married.

Finally, we come to the matter of Ashley’s bridesmaids’ dresses. She didn’t have anything to say about that, but I thought I could choose some candidates based on her preferences in the wedding flower and flower girl dress departments. Ashley obviously has a thing for bold, bright colors, and unless she’s planning to opt for bridesmaids in white (hey, it’s been done) it seems likely that she’ll dress her bridesmaids in vivid hues.

It doesn’t get much brighter than these bridesmaids’ dresses from Lynn Lugo. I happen to love the checkerboard frock, though it might look just a touch hokey when worn at a backyard barbecue wedding reception. Then again, maybe not. Plus it would just be a fun dress to have around for future fancy functions.

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