When I think of bridal showers, I think of paper plate bow hats, light brunches in which all the women opt for the small salad, and marathon sessions of gift wrap tearing in which guests ooh and ah over outdated negligees. But the much maligned bridal shower actually has its roots in a heartwarming Dutch fable, which I will summarize here.
A young girl in Holland fell in love with a poor miller, who spent his time and his money helping those less fortunate than himself. In short order, they made plans to marry. Her father, outraged at her choice of husband, refused to bless his daughter with the traditional bridal dowry, hoping that she would choose another.
But the girl’s feelings were stronger than her fear of poverty and she married her true love without her father’s consent. Penniless but happy, the she and her miller somehow made do. Their neighbors, a kindhearted bunch, eventually learned of the plight of the couple and, with the help of the miller’s friends, ‘showered’ the couple with gifts. The home of the girl and her husband, once filled only with love, was filled with everything they needed to begin their new life together.
Over time, the concept of the dowry was phased out in most cultures, but the tradition of family and friends coming together to help brides- and grooms-to-be fill and furnish their homes remained. Though plenty of future brides still don ribbon hats and toilet tissue gowns, today’s showers may include men and are often less intimate affairs than the showers of yore. Etiquette typically demands that a friend of the bride (rather than a family member) hosted the shower, but if a women doesn’t have a close female friend to fulfill that role or if her good friends are spread out across the globe, the rules can be relaxed.
So what to do at the shower? I say, nix the public gift openings (this, of course, is a reflection of my opinions, not etiquette rules) and opt instead for a champagne toast. This can prevent hurt feelings or embarrassment on the part of guests whose presents seem meager compared to rich old Aunt Sally’s gift of a full silver service. And don’t forget the games! Keepsake designer Karin Sella Sloan has some great print and play shower games like the ‘I Do IQ’ and ‘Bridal Secrets’ on her web site. Or go pro and order some wedding themed games from Bridal Shower Games A to Z.
Hosting a shower and want to know more? Check out The Ultimate Bridal Shower Idea Book or Wedding Cram’s Bridal Shower FAQ.
