What’s sadder than all of the unloved, unworn wedding gowns for sale out there? I’d say it’s the rings (diamond and otherwise) that get caught in the middle when a wedding is called off or two people decide that they just didn’t like each other as much as they originally thought.
Many a jilted lover has wondered what to do with a leftover ring, which is why I was entirely unsurprised when I stumbled upon I Do…Now I Don’t, an auction site created to match those “who are looking to sell engagement rings they no longer need or want with buyers who are in the market for a great deal.” It also has breaking-up how tos and breakup survival tips.
Personally I hope that there is an article somewhere on the site that reminds anyone buying a secondhand engagement ring that they might to keep the bauble’s origins quiet. Giving your honey your beloved grandmother’s engagement ring is a beautifully romantic gesture that’s sure to warm most hearts. Giving your honey a diamond solitaire that played a supporting role in the tale of a Lothario and a devastated lady? Not recommended.
In fact, many people believe that it’s bad luck to give or wear an engagement ring that was involved in a failed relationship. The same goes for wedding bands — a secondhand band will be regarded as quite unlucky by some.
Now perhaps you’ve been the jilted one and you have a diamond you’re looking to sell? Perhaps you’re banking on the “fact” that diamonds retain their value over time. Before you skip off to the nearest jeweler with gem in hand, consider this passage from The Diamond Invention:
Retail jewelers generally prefer not to buy back diamonds from customers because the offer they would make most likely would be considered ridiculously low. The “keystone,” or markup, on a diamond and setting may range from 100 to 200 percent, depending on the policy of the store. If they bought diamonds back from customers, they would have to buy them back at the wholesale price. Most jewelers would prefer not make a customer an offer that not only might be deemed insulting but would also undercut the widely-held notion that diamonds hold their value. Moreover, since retailers generally receive their diamonds from wholesalers on consignment and need not pay for them until they are sold, they would not readily risk their own cash to buy diamonds from customers. Rather than offer customers a fraction of what they paid for diamonds, retail jewelers usually recommend their clients to other firms.
Eep.
As for me, I wouldn’t have cared much one way or another whether The Beard had gotten me a new ring, an old ring, or no ring at all, but I understand that I’m in the minority. A quick trip around the Intertubes tells me that there are scads of people out there who would be rabidly appalled to receive a ring that had lived on another finger…unless it was a family heirloom or utterly vintageous.
Or heaven forbid, a ring that was not sufficiently expensive!
Most people don’t know that when jewelers do buy back the ring they just pop out the diamond and put it back in inventory. This happens all the time. You can think your buying a new diamond when it was really worn by someone else. So buying a used ring at a great deal doesn’t bother me.
That’s interesting about the resale value of diamond rings. After all, part of the hype for diamond rings is the ‘investment value’ and here it seems there isn’t that much.
No, I’m not going to tell anyone that wanting or having a diamond ring is bad, but this is a big eye-opener about one of the common beliefs concerning them. Consumers should definitely be aware that a diamond ring is not the investment one might think.
And I must admit that while I’m not a particularly superstitious person I would pause before choosing to wear a wedding or engagement ring if I knew the person who wore it before me was unhappy in the marriage. It’s silly of me, I know, but it’s hard to shake the feeling that it might turn out to be a bit of a jinx.
I did not know that, Mary — that certainly puts a whole new spin on the subject!
My wedding band is secondhand. My husband and I bought our bands at a pawn shop during the heady early days of our relationship, when we both just sort of started to assume that we’d be spending the rest of our lives together. 6 years after that, we got married, and I never once thought of buying a different band. I guess my philosophy is that the person affectst the object, not the other way ’round. So a band from an unhappy marriage can be given a second chance, and can be worn by a happy couple. It’d be the same idea as a happy couple moving into a house where something sad happened, and banishing all of the sad vibes in the house with their happy vibes — turning the house into a place of light and love.
Yeah, I’m a little whacked, aren’t I?
I think “giving the ring a second chance” is a great attitude, La Petite Acadienne! I’m in favor of anything that helps couples get a great deal on their engagement rings. Someone else’s bad luck can be your good luck.
Hey, you got Metafiltered!
I ran across a young couple who wanted to get married, but, due to financial constraints, were forced to choose between getting an engagement ring now and postponing the wedding for at least 12 months, or foregoing the ring and getting married right away.
Because I liked them both very much, I gave them the wedding and engagement rings I had taken off six months prior to my marriage tanking. I told them they could either keep the rings or trade them up on something they liked better, but that the rings had never been worn a day in unhappiness.
I was thrilled when they chose to keep and use my rings. They had been doing nothing more than taking up space in my dresser, and I was glad to see them put to good use.
And that young couple? They’re still married, 10 years down the road.
mkb: Sweet, right?
Anytime, Manolo 😀
What about all those heirloom rings? I mean, either they were from unhappy relationships where the woman took them off or someone DIED in them! People have too many superstitions.
And yeah, the diamond trade is a conspiracy, quite literally. DeBeers buys up enough diamonds every year to keep the supply, and thus the price, stable. Think about it: they don’t rot, they don’t wear out, and they have been considered valuable for thousands of years. Shouldn’t there be a lot more of them around?
I’ve got no problem with an heirloom ring, Raincoaster. In fact, I wear my mother’s wedding band. I’m just glad it was from a happy, successful marriage.
And if others can get past the unhappy relationship bit, more power to them say I. I just get weirdly superstitious about that aspect. It’s entirely silly and laughable, but that’s my hangup.
A good friend of mine wears a nice pear-shaped solitaire, that her husband had originally purchased for another lady. She had no qualms whatsoever about accepting a ring that had been returned after a broken engagement.
“It’s a fine stone,” she shrugged. A practical sort of girl, my friend.
They’ve been married for fifteen years, and are the most contented couple I know.
My own dear husband also survived a broken relationship. He gave the ring to our jeweler, to be melted down and made part of the gold in his own ring- exorcism through fire!- with the pavé diamonds in it exchanged for one nice little stone for him.
I had no problem with it.
What a moving poem. With wedding gowns meant to be worn once, there’s got to be lots of them out there.
My boyfriend and I have been looking at engagement rings, but he doesn’t make a lot of money, and it will take him forever to save for a new ring, so I’ve decided I’m okay with him getting me a “used” ring. I have absolutely no problems with it. As long as the ring isn’t dinged up and is what I actually want and think is pretty, I don’t care if someone else had it before me. If I can’t tell the different visually, then “out of site, out of mind” will surely be true for me. And nobody else is going to know it’s used either! I just want a beautiful ring on my finger to symbolize that I love my man-new or used…just want it to be pretty in my eyes! 🙂
I have a beautiful yellow gold enagement ring, but have since decided I prefer platinum. I recently bought a beautiful cshion cut diamond ring on ebay, and the new valuation has valued it at $10,000…not bad since I paid $1700 for it!
Buying a used ring can give you amazing buying power. By the time you ahve had your ring cleaned, buffed and sized NO-ONE will ever guess!