Archive for August, 2009

Sleep or Sex or Something Else Entirely?

Monday, August 31st, 2009

It’s that time of year again, by which I mean that very special time of year in which I, Never teh Bride, clears out my e-mail inbox. As you can probably imagine, it can get pretty clogged, what with letters from readers (which I can never, ever get enough of), pitches from PR people, and owners of blogs writing to request link exchanges. Sometimes good stuff can get lost in the fray — if I don’t respond to a letter or get to a pitch right away, it doesn’t mean I don’t love ya — which is why once or twice a year I gather my inspiration at

One interesting PR pitch I received a long while back comes from Caesars Pocono Resorts commissioned the site’s creators to conduct a survey all about, you guessed it, honeymoons. Specifically how brides and grooms approach the honeymoon. Basically, found that more couples are paying for the honeymoon themselves, yet they still want to incorporate tradition into their weddings. Boooooring!


What got my attention, though, was the part of the survey dealing with the wedding night. The poll found that almost 20 percent of newly married couples don’t actually consummate their marriage on their wedding night. Frankly, I’m not surprised. Indeed I am more surprised that 80 percent actually do! I’ll just come right out with the TMI and say that The Beard and I were way too tired to do anything other than fall asleep since my mom hosted an after-the-wedding dinner at a nearby restaurant and we made the mistake of attending. Then I think we went swimming in the hotel pool with a bunch of our friends. When we got upstairs, consummation was just about the last thing on our minds.

And we’re not alone. Of the 20 percent who didn’t do the deed on the wedding night, 32 percent said that they (or their partner) were too tired. Another 14 percent said that they (or their partner) had too much to drink. Apparently women chose this answer more than men, but I’m not sure if they meant they drank too much or their partner drank too much. Roughly 11 percent said that family and friends were still around. More men chose that option. Finally, 10 percent said that it wasn’t important to them.

In the interest of finding out if the people got it right, I thought I’d conduct my own poll right here on Manolo for the Brides. Brides-to-be and former brides (as well as their grooms) are welcome to answer. If you’re married and open to sharing, tell us what you did or didn’t do. And if you’re going to be married soon, tell us what you plan to do or think you’ll do. Feel free to elaborate — though, please, not too much! — in the comments.

Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness: The Pimp Daddy and Mama Edition

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

Hey everybody! It’s time once again to play Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness! You know how the game works. I find a picture that’s in desperate need of a caption. You send in your best captions via the comments section, and next week I declare a winner, whereupon there will be much rejoicing.

This week’s picture comes to you courtesy of the words ‘over’ and ‘done.’



When It’s Necessary Not to Be Too Nice

Saturday, August 29th, 2009

Just a few days ago, my esteemed colleague wrote an excellent article about why brides sometimes do blow their tops. There are plenty of reasons to lose it during the wedding planning process. One of the most important things you need to know is when being a ‘nice girl’ simply isn’t going to cut it.

The first thing to do is free your mind of fear of the Bridezilla label. It gets used for everything from genuinely abusive behavior to simply reminding the florist that you already said you’d prefer not to use lilies. In other words, the term has lost its meaning while retaining its power over brides terrified of making a misstep. Forget Bridezilla. She’s only going to rear her head if you’re naturally a rather horrible person, and we all know such a person would never read this blog for long.

So when is it necessary to not be a nice girl?


Homeward Bound?

Friday, August 28th, 2009

Somewhere a newly-married woman is probably very unhappy. What we know for sure is that there is one unhappy wedding dress in the Lincoln County Highway Department shop in Tomahawk. It sits surrounded by oil and machinery in its gown preservation box, wondering just where its owner is.


Now isn’t that a sorry sight? I gave my wedding gown to the church, but if I’d wanted to keep it to perhaps pass on to a daughter or just gaze upon it lovingly at 80 years of age, I know I’d be devastated at its loss. Especially its loss in the middle of a county highway, where it could have been tire fodder for hungry 18-wheelers.

Stanley Gustafson saw the box Aug. 18 lying in traffic on Highway 51 in the town of Bradley as vehicles swerved to miss it. What Gustafson found inside the box was unlike anything he’s found in his 19 years working for the highway department

“Most of the times it’s garbage I find,” Gustafson said. “I can’t say I found anything good. This is probably the most valuable.” [He added] that the dress likely fell or blew out of a vehicle and was not intentionally thrown.

Of course, perhaps Gustafson is incorrect, and the gown got streeted.

LOVE/HATE: The “Twins Have Escaped” Edition

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

I have been so incredibly lucky in my experiences as a bridesmaid in that I either was too young to have anything down in front that required the use of a bra or I was given complete freedom to choose my own dress. For real, I have never had a bride friend tell me what she wanted me to wear other than “something purple” or “any one of the dresses from this company.” Being that I went from having nothing in my sweaters to filling them out some completely that I can’t help but size up and alter down, this has been a blessing.

I don’t know what I’d do, for example, if a bride friend asked me to be in her wedding party and then told me we were all going to wear bridesmaids dresses like these.


That’s not to say that Karen of Blush Photography has not captured what is essentially a lovely dress. While I’m not a huge fan of the color as it comes off on my monitor — I see a sort of peachy coral — I like the belt effect and the apparent structure of the lower part of the skirt. What I don’t like… and HATE, really, as a busty gal, is the back. How exactly does one put a bra under there? The dip is too low for a standard racerback. The only option, as I see it, is those stick-on cups that really don’t do anything for us double Ds.

Brides, please take note. As the lovely Julie reminded us in this post, do take a moment to think of your bridesmaids’ physiques before finalizing your bridesmaids dress choice. Busty bridesmaids, for the most part, HATE going braless.

Why Brides (Sometimes Deserve to) Go Ballistic

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Sometimes I think that it’s no wonder that brides-to-be get a little nutty from time to time when planning their weddings. I’m not saying brides should act like they’re auditioning for the newest WE channel show. Keeping the f-bombs to a minimum in public forums is just plain polite. But some grumpy, snippy days? A few outbursts aimed at people who probably deserve them? A few quarts of tears? People planning an entire wedding should be able to express their negative feelings without fearing that they’ll be labeled a Bridezilla for life! Why?


Your Time Is No Longer Your Own
Planning a wedding can be a full-time job, which is precisely why there are people out there who have made it their profession. We call them wedding planners and while it would be lovely if we could all afford one if we wanted one, it’s not always financially feasible. So in addition to planning a wedding full time, the bride is also usually working full time at the job that is most likely paying for part of her wedding. And this during business hours, when wedding vendors like caterers and bakers usually work. When reception spaces actually pickup the phone. And so on. Lunch hour wedding planning is now the norm, but it is certainly not ideal.


A Big Faux ‘Paw’

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

These days, Fido and Fluffy are truly part of the family, if things like pet strollers and ice cream for cats is any indication. Heck, if I could get back all the money I’ve spent on my cats over the years, I could probably buy myself a few pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage, but I’d rather have the cats.

And yet, I didn’t invite them to my wedding. I didn’t even consider it. Putting aside for the moment the fact that the cats would not have enjoyed traveling or being on leashes in front of 100 people, there were also the guests to think of. Some people are allergic to cats. Some people might even be afraid of cats. After all, I don’t take my cats to restaurants or the library. In my opinion, cats and fancy functions don’t mix. Dogs in weddings? Also not my cup of tea, even if they can be pretty cute in a coordinating collar.


I’m all for doing almost anything you want at your wedding, whether that means serving a vegan reception meal, wearing a mini dress, or choosing The Call of Cthulhu as your wedding theme. But animals? Really? Besides the potential for causing allergic reactions or fear responses in guests, animals have no shame when it comes to depositing their excrement. They can have an odor, though admittedly not all do. And many, many animals do not appreciate crowds, loud music, or having to sit still for the duration of a wedding ceremony.

Wouldn’t it be kinder to all involved to wait until after you’re married to celebrate with Fido or Fluffy in a manner they might enjoy? Or am I being overly proper here? You tell me.