There’s this very popular myth that every single girl knows precisely what her wedding will be like from about the day she turns six. If that were true, I think we’d see a lot more sparkly unicorns, 101 Dalmations themes, and couples telling the officiant they won’t kiss at the alter because the opposite sex is ‘icky’ than we currently do.
This is not to say that some little girls don’t come up with ideas that stick for the next two decades. The very first wedding I attended that wasn’t held in a church took place in a redwood grove. I was seven. Twenty-three years later, I was married in a redwood grove, too. My seven-year-old self decided that was the perfect sort of spot, and my thirty-year-old self still agreed.
But if I had stuck with all of the ideas that seemed mighty fine at seven, my wedding would have included a lot of things it didn’t. Things like big blue frosting roses on the cake. As it turned out, we didn’t even have a cake. We served individual fruit tarts. And at seven I didn’t know you were allowed to get married without a veil. At thirty I was damned if I was going to spend all day in a redwood grove fussing with tulle on my head. I’m just not a veil person.
And then there are those little girls who don’t grow up to write for bridal blogs. You know, the ones who don’t build wedding castles in the air before they fully emerge from the womb. The ones who give little thought to gowns and invitation wording and orders of service until they accept a proposal. Sometimes they find an issue that befuddles them.
Besides, even the most wedding-obsessed among us sometimes find an issue we haven’t considered before. Or reality sets in the way it virtually never does on reality shows, and a compromise must absolutely be reached because there is no more money and no celebrity wedding planner is going to ‘save the day’ by swooping in at the last minute to prove how much more tasteful he is than you are.
What do you do then? How do you make a decision you just don’t know how to make?
The first thing you do is remember to breathe. Breathing is good. And no matter how much it may feel like it right now, the world will not explode if you make the wrong decision between the spring rolls and crab rangoon for the appetizers. It’s finger food, not the apocalypse.
Now that you’re breathing steadily, take a little time away from the question. Even if all you do is step out of the room for two minutes, that’s two minutes where the pressure isn’t mounting further for you. If you’ve got some time to make the decision, take it. If you don’t have more time, still take at least a minute to clear your head.
Now that your mind is clearer, think about any decisions you have made so far. How do the options available fit with what you’ve already got? Sure, you love the bouquet with the Gerbera daisies, but your invitation has cala lilies on it. Or maybe you’ve fallen in love with a gown with a cathedral train… but how is it going to feel in the quaint little chapel you’re getting married in? Sometimes just thinking about what is already decided will make things fall into place.
Talk it over with your intended… and with anyone holding the purse strings. Look, you’re not getting married in a vacuum. You’re marrying someone else, and in many cases there’s a parent or other person close to you who is putting up at least some of the money. As much as everyone tries to sell the fantasy of the single day a woman has to express herself, we have other days to look forward to. Your intended may have ideas. The person paying will certainly have some sort of limits in mind, and will probably appreciate being a part of the decision. Sometimes that thing you can’t make you mind up about? Is something you haven’t admitted you don’t really care about. If someone else does care, maybe that’s the way to go.
Open your mind to other options. Sometimes the reason you can’t decide between two options is because neither is right for you. Maybe you can’t choose between those spring rolls and the crab rangoon because what you really want to eat at your reception is sliders and sweet potato fries. Or maybe you’re not loving what you tried on at the bridal salon because the thing that will really make you happy is to wear that awesome vintage evening gown you found at that dusty little antique store you two found together. Maybe the bouquet you truly want to carry is composed of pinwheels and in your heart of hearts you see yourself Time Warping up the aisle. Embrace those possibilities.
Then take a leap of faith. It’ll be okay. Trust me.
Oh noes! I was supposed to match my bouquet to the invitation!?!?! 😉
I don’t remember really stressing over anything. I found something I or we liked, within our budget constraints, and we went with it. Maybe I was just lucky that way. Or, self-centered enough to say “This is MY day, screw you all!”