Manolo for the Brides

I don’t get it. I never got it. Years ago, I did try tanning before fear of UV rays and their potentially cancerous effect became widely discussed. It didn’t work on me. I come of the Transparent Peoples. We come in two shades: lily white and lobster red. There ain’t nothing in between the two, no way, no how. Our burns do not fade to tans. They just peel a lot. In the words of the late, great Warren Zevon, it ain’t that pretty at all.

I knew that I couldn’t tan, so I stopped trying. I live in sunscreen and dress in colors that bring out the best in my pale skin and dark eyes and hair.

It never once occurred to me to get a fake tan for my wedding, but I know there are a lot of women would no more consider walking the aisle to their beloved pale and interesting, as the Victorians put it, than they would consider doing so in a fright wig and galoshes three sizes too big. Those women, if they don’t tan easily and naturally or if they live in areas not conducive to tanning at the time of year they intend to marry, often get some sort of applied tan.

Maybe it’s the number of horror stories I’d heard of spray tan gone wrong. Maybe it was the shock of my first sight of George Hamilton.
Maybe it’s all those years I did theater and had to make up in bizarre and sometimes torturous ways, but I couldn’t imagine spraying on a tan on my wedding day. I did basic, subtle street make up with a slightly more lavish hand to avoid looking washed out in the photos… and then I expected my photographer to know how not to overexpose the shots or take a lot of photos that made me look like Casper the Friendly Ghost. I chose to wear a shade of white that made the most of my natural skin tone. I looked fabulous, if I do say so myself.

So yeah, I do kind of HATE the idea of fake tans on brides.

What about you?