Archive for the ‘Husbands’ Category

Toast of the Town? Or Just Crumby?

Friday, July 13th, 2012

When it comes to celebrity couples, it’s kind of amazing what people will consider collectible.

Take, for instance, the odd collectible from the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. Thirty one years ago, on the day the royal couple took their wedding vows, the prince did not finish his breakfast. One Rosemarie Smith, now eighty-three, was visiting her daughter who worked as a maid at the palace. One of the daughter’s jobs was to clear away the prince’s breakfast tray. Smith snatched up the uneaten toast and has kept it preserved in a Royal Crown Derby teacup ever since.

For a long time, it was just Smith’s little personal keepsake. Recently, however, with the marriage of Prince William and the Queen’s diamond jubilee, she thought Prince Charles’ wedding toast might be worth something.

“I just wandered into the auctioneers out of curiosity and asked them if it was worth anything. I was pleasantly surprised to hear them agree with me that it could be of quite some value to Royal collectors.”

In fact, when it goes on the auction block, the royal toast is expected to fetch somewhere in the vicinity of five hundred pounds sterling. That’s close to eight hundred smackers in American money.

Me? I think I’ll make some fresh toast.

Love Me, Love My Cat… Times 550

Sunday, May 27th, 2012

When Mr. Twistie and I first started dating, he quickly came to the realization that as long as I was in his life, there would also be cats in his life. Love me, love my cat. Period.

Our good friend the magazine editor knew the instant he got together with his now wife that large poodles would be part of the equation, so he’d better like it if he didn’t want to lose her. Now every time he says or does something that makes her go squiggle-eyed at him, we warn him he’s going to have to stop off at PoodleWorld and get another batch of standard poodles for her. She grins and nods her head eagerly every time we tease him about owing her ‘oodles of poodles.’

Both of these men resigned themselves quickly and even happily to their fates. Mr. Twistie adores Jake the kitty and the magazine editor can’t get enough of the pups.

But the fact is that the magazine editor’s wife and I also keep the pets to a reasonable level. Mr. Twistie and I have never had more than two cats at a time, and usually have only one. The magazine editor and his wife generally have two dogs, one of which is invariably a poodle.

That’s the right way to do animal loving in marriage: keep only what you have both agreed upon and can easily care for responsibly.

Unfortunately, one woman in Israel didn’t get that memo. She adopted five hundred fifty cats to live with her and her husband in their home. Oh, and he doesn’t like cats to begin with.

According to the divorce papers he has now filed, the cats blocked his access to the bathroom, swarmed him when he tried to cook dinner, and refused him access to his bed because they were sleeping on it. When he sat down to eat meals, the cats would steal his food.

The gentleman attempt reconciliation, but the wife chose the cats over him.

What else can you say but, let’s forget it.

A Different Reason to Trash the Dress

Sunday, March 20th, 2011

Kevin Cotter is trashing the dress… his ex-wife’s wedding dress, that is. Over and over and over again.

You see, Cotter and his wife got divorced last year and she left her wedding dress behind. She apparently didn’t feel the need to get it back and Cotter was at a loss at first what to do with it. According to the interview he did last month with The Man Registry, he brought the question up at a family dinner and asked for suggestions.

Luckily, he rejected the first entirely crass suggestion from his brother… but he did get inspired to play with the idea of all the ways he could use the dress in non-traditional ways. Thus the blog My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress was born.

So far the uses have included things like: place mat (hmmm… looks more like a tablecloth), draft stopper, kite, Darth Vader scarecrow, and my personal favorite, Christmas tree skirt. Cotter even wore it as his Halloween costume last year. That’s the picture at the top, incidentally.

What do I think of all this? Well, it would seem Mr. Cotter has found a creative way of exorcising his personal demons. It’s juvenile and a bit ridiculous, but sometimes that’s what it takes to get over a sad end to a hopeful beginning. I think if his ex-wife had wanted to keep the dress safe, she would have done well to take it with her when she left. I think some people are getting a cheap thrill out of the fact that someone else is doing something they wish they could do or had done.

And I think if Mr. Cotter ever remarries, his new lady ought to think carefully before leaving a wedding gown to his tender mercies if things don’t work out.

Oh, and I’m thankful that Mr. Twistie and I remain ridiculously contented with one another.

Two Broken Hearts Mended

Saturday, August 14th, 2010

I don’t know how many of you have noticed, but I have frankly been pretty distracted of late.

The last couple of months have been a frustrating, distressing time at Casa Twistie and a true test of that vow ‘in sickness and in health.’ We’ve faced this kind of challenge before, and met it handily. So no, it didn’t strain the marriage one iota. It did, however, stress us both out horrifically as individuals.

Sleep or Sex or Something Else Entirely?

Monday, August 31st, 2009

It’s that time of year again, by which I mean that very special time of year in which I, Never teh Bride, clears out my e-mail inbox. As you can probably imagine, it can get pretty clogged, what with letters from readers (which I can never, ever get enough of), pitches from PR people, and owners of blogs writing to request link exchanges. Sometimes good stuff can get lost in the fray — if I don’t respond to a letter or get to a pitch right away, it doesn’t mean I don’t love ya — which is why once or twice a year I gather my inspiration at

One interesting PR pitch I received a long while back comes from Caesars Pocono Resorts commissioned the site’s creators to conduct a survey all about, you guessed it, honeymoons. Specifically how brides and grooms approach the honeymoon. Basically, found that more couples are paying for the honeymoon themselves, yet they still want to incorporate tradition into their weddings. Boooooring!


What got my attention, though, was the part of the survey dealing with the wedding night. The poll found that almost 20 percent of newly married couples don’t actually consummate their marriage on their wedding night. Frankly, I’m not surprised. Indeed I am more surprised that 80 percent actually do! I’ll just come right out with the TMI and say that The Beard and I were way too tired to do anything other than fall asleep since my mom hosted an after-the-wedding dinner at a nearby restaurant and we made the mistake of attending. Then I think we went swimming in the hotel pool with a bunch of our friends. When we got upstairs, consummation was just about the last thing on our minds.

And we’re not alone. Of the 20 percent who didn’t do the deed on the wedding night, 32 percent said that they (or their partner) were too tired. Another 14 percent said that they (or their partner) had too much to drink. Apparently women chose this answer more than men, but I’m not sure if they meant they drank too much or their partner drank too much. Roughly 11 percent said that family and friends were still around. More men chose that option. Finally, 10 percent said that it wasn’t important to them.

In the interest of finding out if the people got it right, I thought I’d conduct my own poll right here on Manolo for the Brides. Brides-to-be and former brides (as well as their grooms) are welcome to answer. If you’re married and open to sharing, tell us what you did or didn’t do. And if you’re going to be married soon, tell us what you plan to do or think you’ll do. Feel free to elaborate — though, please, not too much! — in the comments.

Take The Plunge? I Think I’ll Pass.

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

popping the question

I have to ask: Have you seen The Plunge? Yet another wedding planning site for grooms has emerged, and this one is pretty flashy compared to its peers. Unlike most wedding sites geared toward dudes, this one has actual written content that goes beyond a hundred incarnations of “Stand back, and shut up.” Then again, a lot of that content reads like this:

There’s a new piece of furniture in your bedroom: a stack of magazines, books, and articles that could double as a side-table. It’s your fiancée’s “wedding porn.” And unlike actual porn, this isn’t harmless. It’s putting ideas in her head. Poisonous ideas. Thoughts about how you, as a groom, should be “behaving.” This is where it gets dangerous.

A few things irk me about this snippet from one of The Plunge’s intro pages. First, I don’t buy into the idea that the WIC can turn regular chicks into screaming harpies. A true bridezilla was probably already kind of a bitch, and no magazine or book is going to turn a regular chick into a bitch. Second, it stands to reason that there are behavioral (and dress and etiquette) guidelines for weddings, the same way there are behavior guidelines for any party. It’s a formal function, jeez. If it’s mantime to complain about wedding planning, can we at least get some fresh and original complaints?


The Grand Finale: Exiting Gracefully

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009

Beach wedding

When putting together a wedding reception timeline — i.e., a simple schedule that lets the major players in the wedding and the emcee know when the first dance will go down and the cake will be cut — many brides- and grooms-to-be neglect one important detail. Namely, for all the time spent thinking about when they’ll get to the reception, they never consider when they’ll leave the reception. Whoops! Look at enough wedding photos, and you’ll see that the big exit makes for some great snapshots of the newlyweds. That is, of course, if the newlyweds take steps to plan that big exit ahead of time. Here are six tips that will ensure your grand exit lives up to its name:

Don’t tarry
You can always have an after-party if you’re not going directly from the wedding reception to your honeymoon destination. Unless you actually have to stick around to clean up — and some brides and grooms do — don’t feel obligated to wait around until your last wedding guest has said goodnight. People will actually expect you to cut out before the last dance, so you won’t be offending anyone.