When you think of your wedding, chances are you can see a pretty good idea of the clothes you want to wear, whom you want to stand at your side, whether the crowd is large or small…but where do you see it happening?
For some of us, it’s easy to know where to go once we’ve said ‘yes’ because we’ve dreamed of it all our lives. Some couples are members of a particular church or religious community that will serve as the backdrop for their big day. Others have some very specific sort of location in mind. For me it was redwoods. I’m not even that outdoorsy a person, but when I was seven I went to my first non-church wedding. It was held in a redwood grove, and from that day forward I knew that was precisely what I wanted when I got married. A few years before Mr. Twistie and I tied the knot, my brother and his lady found a perfect spot for their wedding, which just happened to be a redwood grove with amenities. I knew it was where I would go when the time came. Others may have the luck that our own NtB had to have a piece of family property that meets their needs and desires, and even comes free.
Most brides and grooms, however, don’t have a convenient place all picked out in advance. They may not belong to a church – or even a religion. They haven’t seen the perfect place when a friend or family member chose it. The only property their families own between them are a double-wide and two small ranch houses on cramped lots that won’t hold the guest list.
So how do you pick a wedding venue when you don’t already have one in mind?
The first place to start is your own vision for the day. Think about things like the time of day, time of year, and the area where you want to get married. If, for instance, you plan to marry in Los Angeles on an April afternoon, that’s going to be very different from marrying in New York on a November night. Outdoor venues are usually not a good idea in winter. Daytime weddings are typically a bit more casual than evening ones. If you see yourself in a gown with a hoopskirt and cathedral train, the beach is simply not the place to wear that. If you intend to wear a knee-length eyelet dress and bare feet, chances are a cathedral wedding is not for you.
Once you know what the weather is most likely to be like, how formal an affair you’re throwing, and the approximate size of the guest list and wedding party, you can start narrowing it down further by asking friends who have married in the last few years what their venues were like to deal with.
You may think that charming winery up the road is the perfect place to have your wedding, but if your cousin found that every time she turned around another fee was tacked onto the price she had originally agreed to, you might want to rethink using it. If another pretty site comes complete with a wedding day coordinator from the bowels of Hell who delights in bullying brides, you’d want to avoid that. If a slightly less than perfect place is praised to the skies by your three best buddies as having treated them wonderfully at a budget price, you might want to at least consider whether it can fit your needs, after all.
If you don’t get glowing (or at least reasonably positive) reviews for anyplace you like, it’s time to hit the pavement…or the Yellow Pages. Do a Google search for wedding venues in your chosen area. Ask on bridal boards whether anyone has suggestions. Don’t be afraid to be creative, too. Some places may not advertise themselves as wedding venues, per se, but will hold functions. If the place is just what you’re looking for, it can’t hurt to ask if a wedding is okay with them.
Once you have a place in mind and know it can accomodate weddings you’re all set, right?
Wrong.
Before you sign on the dotted line, there are questions you need to ask. Make sure you can live with the answers to these questions:
What restrictions are there on decorations? Many outdoor or historic venues don’t allow open flames. If you’ve been dreaming of a candlelight ceremony, this could seriously cramp your style. Other things that may be verboten in many sites include certain methods of hanging decorations, real flower petals that may stain carpets or cause slip and fall accidents…really, there are a lot of things that may not be allowed depending on the insurance liability, cost of replacement, and personal quirks of the site.
Are there any vendors I am required to work with through this site? Some places have their own in-house catering. Others work exclusively with a particular florist or bakery. Make sure you know who this person is and whether or not you like his/her work before you sign the contract for the site. After all, if you and most of your wedding party are vegan, you don’t want to be stuck working with a caterer who specializes in huge slabs o’ meat…and if your entire famiy consists of carnivores, you won’t be able to satisfy them with the best vegetarian chef in the world. If the site is gorgeous, can you live with flowers that are nothing like you’d always dreamed of? If the on site wedding coordinator has a personality that grates on you, is that something you really want to deal with on your wedding day?
What services/amenities are included in the basic price? The price sounds like a basement bargain…but does it include anything beyond the rental of the bare space? If chairs, tablecloths, china and silverware, etc. are all extra, you’d better add that up before you decide whether to sign on the dotted line. If these things aren’t included, are you required to get them from the site? Or can you search for your own bargains elsewhere?
How accessible is the site? If anyone on your guest list is disabled or too frail to deal with a lot of stairs, you need to consider whether they’ll be able to attend a wedding at this venue. If your grandmother can’t navigate her way to the ceremony, you might want to rethink where you hold it.
What sort of ameities are available to the wedding party and guests? Are there enough bathroom facilities on site? Are they well-maintained? Is there a place where the bridal party can prepare for the ceremony? Is there adequate parking?
How much time can we have for set up? Tear down? Wedding decorations don’t just magically appear. They have to be set up. At the end of the day, they have to be removed and cleaned up. You need to know if the time allowed will be adequate to your needs.
In case of any dispute, how do we resolve it? Any reputable site should have a process in place for resolving any possible disputes over missing services on their side, damage to the site on yours, etc. Make sure you know what that process is. Chances are that neither side will need to use it, but it’s good to know what the next step is in case you need it.
How much is the initial deposit? What is the payment schedule? What is the cancellation policy? If you don’t know when the money is due, you can’t plan for payment. Some places will want the full fee up front, others will have scheduled payment plans, still others want a deposit up front and the balance sometime in the week or so before the wedding. Don’t assume before you check. Different places also have different policies about how to handle cancellations. Cancellation is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but there are a dozen reasons having nothing to do with your relationship with your fiance that could result in the wedding being postponed or moved. Be sure you know how much of your deposit you’ll get back if that happens.
The right place is a big part of making a great celebration. Make sure your wedding venue reflects your style and your priorities. But make very sure you’ve got the important questions answered before you say ‘I do’ to the place.